Aug 07, 2010 7:49 AM GMT
I have lost everything in my life and when I say everything I mean everything! I have lost things from my house to things I don't even want to mention. IT'S NOT FAIR! Why me?! I have been a self-mutilator since I was 15. And have done things from cutting, hitting, biting, etc. Why am I so stupid?! I don't do it as much anymore. I have also attempted suicide in the past. But I really feel ugly and unattractive and that's why I don't have a photo. I was also in a very homophobic church for years but finally left. I tried to please them and fit in because I'm stupid! They used to make fun of homosexuals a lot and I would try to confront them about it but they never wanted to accept their fault. But there was my fault for being there and letting this also add to my stuff. I feel like everything is all my fault!!! I feel like I'm the worst and most evil person I have ever met! I have even done devil-worshipping in the past!! I hate myself!! That's how f**king bad I am!! Of course I don't do it now but still. I am so f**king tired of being nice to people, trying to please them, and yet still being treated like dirt! I don't even feel like I fit in with the gay community anymore and that makes me really sad!! I feel like I will never find a guy!! I feel like no guy will look at me!! I just can't believe I'm writing all this and especially this much! I didn't want to do it but I felt I needed to vent. I feel different than everyone and like nobody is like me! I also bet I'm going to get a bunch of ugly responses too! I don't even want to know the responses unless they're good and helpful. I don't think anyone is going to care anyway. I don't think I was good enough for this site either. I also don't even work out anymore because of certain physical problems I have. Haven't for years and I don't like not doing it. That's how stupid I am again! I feel my life is over and there is nothing else to look forward to! Sorry I know my paragraph sounds sorta choppy and mixed up. Sorry to dump my drama on yall. Once again I can't believe I wrote all this. Sorry I just needed to vent.