Stomach pats, etc

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    Feb 17, 2008 5:23 PM GMT
    A colleague at work whom I don't know well has patted my stomach a couple of times as he walked by. On other occasions he has also held on to my upper arm (and commented on its size). The other night we were leaving a club and in order to get my attention he tugged a couple of time at the side of my jeans. I'm not sure if he's gay or not. He's a bit of a jock - and not an American - so could just be being friendly, but it seems a bit too tactile to me (not that that makes me uncomfortable. :winkicon_smile.gif. Is he gay or just friendly? What do you fellas think?
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    Feb 17, 2008 5:26 PM GMT
    I should also add that it's not as if he falls over himself to hang out, but when we do he is very friendly and always complimenting me.
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    Feb 17, 2008 6:54 PM GMT
    methinks someones got an admirer!!!!
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    Feb 17, 2008 9:29 PM GMT
    If he is not American, I would put it down as just jock behavior unless something further happens.

    Not everyone in the world is a obsessed with propriety in defense of homophobia as Americans are.
  • Timbales

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    Feb 17, 2008 9:40 PM GMT
    It's a tough one. Many other cultures are much more comfortable with personal contact than we are.
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    Feb 17, 2008 9:45 PM GMT
    It sounds suspicious, but I would not read too much into it. When I worked on the campus landscaping crew in college, I had a co-worker who was a couple of years older who would tweak one of nipples sometimes. He was totally straight, but very physical and playful and he had a lot of brothers he was used to roughhousing with.

    On the other hand, if your friend starts asking you flirtatious or personal questions, like--"Have you ever had a crush on another guy?"--then I think you have the right to think he is flirting with you.
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    Feb 18, 2008 2:35 AM GMT

    You work with him so don't worry about it. Believe me, you don't want to go there. To answer your question, he's gay and he wants you. I don't think a gay man would cross the threshold that starts under your chest just to show admiration in you. Grab arms, pat back maybe, but tuggin on your jeans and patting your stomach are definite top gay moves.The fact that nothings been said hints at confliction and if that's the case, you REALLY don't wanna pay this guy any attention.
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    Feb 18, 2008 2:56 AM GMT

    and if he can't act like a man, he can't go to HollyWood!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Feb 18, 2008 11:59 AM GMT
    I've known a few of those touchy-feely jocks in my life

    And this might shed some light on your "friend"
    I have a cousin who was a real football jock in HS and when ever he'd see you he'd slap you on the back and hang his arm around you

    I hadn't seen him in years
    and I was talkin to my Mom once and she brought him up
    ....and said
    Oh, he's working as a male nurse and is the President of his city's Barry Manilow fan club icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 18, 2008 4:14 PM GMT
    He may be conflicted. Hard to say (if he was an American, I would be sure). He makes occasional references to women, but the comments are unconvincing. After clubbing last week he said he really enjoyed the 2 of us going out and wanted to do it again. He's a great guy - a bit quirky, but who isn't?
  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Feb 18, 2008 4:26 PM GMT
    I don't know... most guys don't touch other guys on the stomach... that always sends up a rainbow flag with me. LOL, maybe he's just extra friendly though. One of my friends would kiss me on the cheek. I could never figure it out because I KNOW he's straight and he has no idea (at least that I know of) that I'm gay. I guess to some guys behaviour like that is normal?
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    Feb 18, 2008 4:37 PM GMT
    Jocks can be hard to read - some of my buddies who are absolutely straight do stuff like you're describing. I was at a fraternity party of all guys once where I got pantsed and thrown into the pool. I was laughing too hard to do anything to resist! (But then, you guys know I didn't really WANT to resist, don't you?).
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    Feb 18, 2008 4:51 PM GMT
    I hate to be the fag and post a musical theater reference, but from the Legally Blonde, The Musical - a humorous reference.

    The topic made me laugh and think of it.

    Anyhow Elle, the blonde, is trying to out the pool boy bc he's claiming he had an affair w/ his client, but the defense team says he's European.

    Watch and laugh.

    Gay or European...so many shades of grey.

  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Feb 18, 2008 4:57 PM GMT
    It is most likely nothing. The rest of the world is not as terrified of physical intimacy as we are. This openness does make reading the signals a little more difficult though...
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    Feb 18, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    I would study his interactions with other people and if there is a difference between his actions with you and them.
    I have alot of friends from other parts of the world and my american friends do flinch when I give a straight Euro guy a kiss and they show me physical affection. I also love trying these out with my straight american friends just to see them squirmicon_twisted.gif
    Since your guy is a coworker I would let it be. Even if he is gay you really dont want to go there with a coworker. Its best to take it as it is and enjoy the affection. If one of you leaves your job, exchange numbers and then be free to explore your options more.
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    Feb 18, 2008 8:18 PM GMT
    regardless of where you are from touching and holding the arm (particularly the inside of the arm and the stomach are two taboo areas. The soft vilnerable areas are our areas we protect the most.

    Now breaking that comfort zone in itself is an obvious sign but to then comment on the size of the muscle is basicaly saying Im paying attention and using my imagination. He could be just a wind up merchant that has your number and is waiting for you to jump out of the closer but I doubt it

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    Feb 19, 2008 8:46 AM GMT
    OK, The dude obviously has homosexual tendencies

    End of discussion LOL
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    Feb 19, 2008 10:33 AM GMT
    I was taught that if someone was inattentive to place a hand on their shoulder.

    Guys in teams sports do a lot of male bonding via the pokes, slaps, pinches, and pats. The saying goes: it doesn't violate the penis.

    Some folks, especially if they are of low esteem / low confidence, feel threatened / are intimidated when folks get in their space.

    When a big college football jock puts his hand on my shoulder, as happened last week, and smiles, it's his way of telling me that he's in his comfort zone with me. This guy played in the NCAA and is huge, gorgeous, and as far as I know, straight. He's just telling me, in his body language, smile, and mannerisms, that he considers me his friend. Most "real jocks" know this behavior well.

    Not every little thing revolves around sexuality. I think it's a mistake to be so self-centered and always looking for an opening. Always just easier to be honest and tell folks your preference and if they're interested, they'll let you know in no uncertain terms, because they'll be attracted to both your integrity and your confidence.

    The under confident make this way to complicated. It's not.
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    Feb 19, 2008 10:39 AM GMT
    I think if he put his hand on your bicep gave it a squuze and said "oooohhhh havent you nice big muscles" it would be a different story, not to mention you would have probably twatted him one Chucky!!!!

    Personal space is more often down to ethnicity than esteem issue. If you are near a metro try this:

    stand behind someone and see how they react.

    In Europe theres been some interesting studies on this:

    English is about 3 foot
    Germans about 18 inches
    French about 6 inches in other words the average penis size! dirty buggers ha ha ha ha

    Also if you are from a big city you are less likely to have concerns about personal space than you are if from a rural area
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    Feb 19, 2008 10:52 AM GMT
    lol. The French would all be speaking German had it not been for the Yanks.

    Anywho...

    If he said that about my biceps....I would have gone for it..."Wann'a feel my chest, too, big guy?" Hee hee.
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    Feb 19, 2008 11:14 AM GMT
    Well ask yourself this question. Do you find yourself physically attracted to this guy? Would you be willing to entertain the fact that he might be gay? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume he knows you are gay. He isn't a person you know too well yet he somehow manages to invade your personal space by practically dry humping you. That's beyond friendly no matter what country he comes from. He's literally and physically sizing you up. LOL.

    If it doesn't bother you then it's a "no harm, no foul" situation and all is fair game. Personally, I'd call him on it and tell him he's touching the wrong muscle. Hahaha. At the very least you should comnfirm his sexuality before letting things get out of hand and miscommunication forms.
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    Feb 19, 2008 11:20 AM GMT
    chuckystud saidlol. The French would all be speaking German had it not been for the Yanks.

    Anywho...

    If he said that about my biceps....I would have gone for it..."Wann'a feel my chest, too, big guy?" Hee hee.


    dont start that gross distortion of history up again you wind up merchant ha ha ha ha ha
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    Feb 19, 2008 5:18 PM GMT
    getfitbruno saidA colleague at work whom I don't know well has patted my stomach a couple of times as he walked by. On other occasions he has also held on to my upper arm (and commented on its size). The other night we were leaving a club and in order to get my attention he tugged a couple of time at the side of my jeans. I'm not sure if he's gay or not. He's a bit of a jock - and not an American - so could just be being friendly, but it seems a bit too tactile to me (not that that makes me uncomfortable. :winkicon_smile.gif. Is he gay or just friendly? What do you fellas think?


    What nationality is he? The answer to this question alone will help clear the 'issue' at hand up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2008 5:38 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidI was taught that if someone was inattentive to place a hand on their shoulder.

    Guys in teams sports do a lot of male bonding via the pokes, slaps, pinches, and pats. The saying goes: it doesn't violate the penis.

    Some folks, especially if they are of low esteem / low confidence, feel threatened / are intimidated when folks get in their space.

    When a big college football jock puts his hand on my shoulder, as happened last week, and smiles, it's his way of telling me that he's in his comfort zone with me. This guy played in the NCAA and is huge, gorgeous, and as far as I know, straight. He's just telling me, in his body language, smile, and mannerisms, that he considers me his friend. Most "real jocks" know this behavior well.

    Not every little thing revolves around sexuality. I think it's a mistake to be so self-centered and always looking for an opening. Always just easier to be honest and tell folks your preference and if they're interested, they'll let you know in no uncertain terms, because they'll be attracted to both your integrity and your confidence.

    The under confident make this way to complicated. It's not.



    I will agree and support chuckystud on his statement. Playing contact sports growing up and here and there now, the guys usually do that kind of touching when they're just sharing with you that they're comfortable with you.
    And just to add, I personally do not assume anyone is gay until they're down on their knees in front of me having a good time with my.....

    Just saying....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2008 5:42 PM GMT

    In my work there is a guy that keeps grabing my ass, another one that keeps tickling me and a guy that is never tired of saying "I love you" ...
    and the hell with that.. they are all STRAIGHT !!!!!!11111111111 icon_eek.gif