Just moved into our new place with my BF

  • Import

    Posts: 7188

    Aug 07, 2010 9:37 PM GMT
    I don't know if anyone remembers, but a few months back, I started a thread about buying a place with the BF in ft lauderdale.

    Turns out the 3 places we put an offer on were all out bidded (damn and they still saying the housing market is shitty?)

    anyway, so We decided to rent a 1 bedroom apartment together (month to month- no contract) while we decide our next move.

    So, as some of u already know....living with a bf is always a delicate balance of compromise, dedication and patience, which leads me to my next statement:

    My bf has caught the travel bug- he wants to travel somewhere long term. I think I may have gotten him started on that whole idea, because that is a dream of mine as well.
    So, after not getting the 3 places we had wanted, I brought up the dream of long term travel. I was merely suggesting the idea of long term travel and how that would be really cool- kind of like a dream or a goal I'd eventually like to achieve.
    Now, he's taken that idea and wants to implement it in the next 4 months.

    At first I was excited he wanted to do all this travelling stuff with me. I suggested we really start knuckling down and start saving money together for the purpose of travel. I suggested we teach english abroad as well as to earn some money while traveling.
    So, I wanted to save as much as we could and then I wanted to try and arrange a teaching english abroad job in asia somewhere. First we need to get "TEFL certified" then we can teach abroad.

    So now my bf wants to travel with me, but when he gets excited about something he really gets excited. He told me he has $5000 in credit he could take out on a credit card. He also wants to apply for more credit cards and cash advance on all those too.
    Also, my bf literally just financed himself a lexus, which costs $700/month. Now, he's thinking about stopping his payments and letting his car get repossessed and saving that money. He basically wants to run up all this credit and take cash advances and get his car re-poed becase he thinks to himself "who cares, im leaving the country anyway"

    I mean, am I wrong for thinking this is a retarded idea? like seriously?
    It annoys me how he's all about "instant gratification" and can't just knuckle down and save money over time. He literally wants to try and get a personal loan from a bank, defaulting on that. He wants to max his credit cards out with cash advances and default on them, he wants to get his car repossessed now, all in a bid to get money to leave the country. icon_rolleyes.gif

    when I tell him thats a crazy idea he says im "raining on his parade"
    like wtf? im not raining on it, i wanna travel too. I just wanna do it in a more responsible way. I wanna save money for it. I also would like to be able to maybe have a job while I travel, so I can support myself.
    I dont wanna destroy my credit and do all this stupid shit.

    ugh, anyway the whole idea that he has seems utterly stupid and I seriously begin to question things about us. Like I look at him like a dream-filled dumbass not grounded in reality..

    anyone have any thoughts on this?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2010 10:00 PM GMT
    You've created a MONSTER!
  • CMScarBro

    Posts: 60

    Aug 07, 2010 10:43 PM GMT
    I can relate to your boyfriend. I tend to be spontaneous like that to a fault, without thinking things through.

    If he's anything like me, he'll come around before it gets out of control.



    But you're right, that is pretty crazy.
  • Import

    Posts: 7188

    Aug 07, 2010 11:05 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidYou've created a MONSTER!


    I know, right?!

    Is part of this my fault?!
    Fuck...
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 07, 2010 11:07 PM GMT
    i Strongly Suggest you do NOT sign for anything jointly with this poor credit risk. icon_eek.gif
  • Import

    Posts: 7188

    Aug 07, 2010 11:07 PM GMT
    Charles_Scar saidI can relate to your boyfriend. I tend to be spontaneous like that to a fault, without thinking things through.

    If he's anything like me, he'll come around before it gets out of control.



    But you're right, that is pretty crazy.


    Like he legit wants to do this..

    I can't help but think the whole idea is ridiculous.
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    Aug 07, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    Maybe you should do a background check on him...might be details you don't know about him. He could be involved with fraud or other crimes.

    Honestly he sounds really fishy and is going about this irresponsibly. Does he want to end up in court, or locked up in jail, or with a bad credit report that will never allow him to purchase a house, if he changes his mind in the future about long-term traveling.

    He seems to be headed on that path...and I don't think it's your fault at all! He's an adult, he's responsible for his own actions. I think you need to really let him know that his ideas are retarded, and don't have sex with him for at least a week so he knows your serious! If he values what you have to say than he'll listen to your sound advice and realize he's being a dumbass.
  • Import

    Posts: 7188

    Aug 08, 2010 12:06 AM GMT
    fakeassbitch saidMaybe you should do a background check on him...might be details you don't know about him. He could be involved with fraud or other crimes.

    Honestly he sounds really fishy and is going about this irresponsibly. Does he want to end up in court, or locked up in jail, or with a bad credit report that will never allow him to purchase a house, if he changes his mind in the future about long-term traveling.

    He seems to be headed on that path...and I don't think it's your fault at all! He's an adult, he's responsible for his own actions. I think you need to really let him know that his ideas are retarded, and don't have sex with him for at least a week so he knows your serious! If he values what you have to say than he'll listen to your sound advice and realize he's being a dumbass.

    I've been with the guy for almost 2 years. I kind of trust him. I like ur idea of not having sex with him to let him know I'm serious lmao!!!
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    Aug 08, 2010 12:10 AM GMT
    He's caught up in a fantasy that definitely wouldn't have a happy ending. I think most of us would love to be completely irresponsible once in a while and just do something totally impulsive and crazy, but we all need someone to bring us back down to Earth. That's your job here, I guess...lucky guy icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 08, 2010 12:13 AM GMT
    Import said[...] I've been with the guy for almost 2 years. I kind of trust him. [...]


    Awed.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 08, 2010 12:14 AM GMT
    Import said

    So now my bf wants to travel with me, but when he gets excited about something he really gets excited. He told me he has $5000 in credit he could take out on a credit card. He also wants to apply for more credit cards and cash advance on all those too.
    Also, my bf literally just financed himself a lexus, which costs $700/month. Now, he's thinking about stopping his payments and letting his car get repossessed and saving that money. He basically wants to run up all this credit and take cash advances and get his car re-poed becase he thinks to himself "who cares, im leaving the country anyway"






    That's fucking crazy. Don't you (or he) want a future?
    Get real.
  • Import

    Posts: 7188

    Aug 08, 2010 12:24 AM GMT
    scftnsguy saidHe's caught up in a fantasy that definitely wouldn't have a happy ending. I think most of us would love to be completely irresponsible once in a while and just do something totally impulsive and crazy, but we all need someone to bring us back down to Earth. That's your job here, I guess...lucky guy icon_wink.gif


    Yea that's what I feel like...

    I hate to sound like I'm talking shit about my bf, but he has a sister who's like 35 y/o and she's encouraging him to do it




    Like WTF kind of sisterly advice is that? icon_confused.gif

    My bf is 23 so I feel like he has this stupid sister supporting his own stupid decision

    She will say anything is a good idea tho. I swear if he said he wanted to try assassinate the president. His sister would be like "yea, if that's what u wanna do, go do it. You're young, you'll get out of prison eventually" icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2010 12:26 AM GMT
    It must be in the water in Ft Lauderdale. I've been here a long time and seen guys come here for a weekend and decide to move here. No money no job..and they HONESTLY think that by hanging at Georgies Alibi they will find a guy to go into real estate with and make a fortune and live on the water...a lot of them go back home to live with their mothers or sisters. I think since the days of the underwater home lot sales this place has been a home for scammers and nutjobs.

    Someday your b/f and you will want to come home and the Lexus repo will still be on his record, as his credit rating. Another thing, credit is now worldwide, so getting a credit card overseas might not be easy for him...and if you have been to Europe or Asia recently, you need a credit card to buy subway tickets, trains, etc.

    Anyway, my two cents.

    BTW, there are great people in Ft Lauderdale..just have to weed through the crazies
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2010 12:58 AM GMT
    I am all for grand adventure, in the past even at times where it seems random & frivolous, but not at the risk of serious financial damage to myself or a guy I love.
    He didn't happen to go off meds recently, did he? Maybe he figures the two of you "pulled up roots" by living in a temporary apartment so why not take advantage and go for broke by embracing the freedom?
  • DallasCali6Da...

    Posts: 147

    Aug 08, 2010 1:00 AM GMT
    Why doesn't he work for the airlines. That way if you want to have the more substantial job it creates a win/win. You're his partner so you'll receive full flying benefits. Depending on the airline you guys will be able to start traveling 30 days after getting hired. And most airlines you'll be able to travel domestic for free and simply pay taxes internationally. There are part time positions so that his hunger for travel would be fulfilled and you can join him when you please.

    Though a wake up call to him is that most jobs these days you are vetted. Especially in the airlines, it's a 10 year background, FBI clearance, credit and job check. So he for sure should keep his nose clean.

    You can dream, at the same time as you shared put together a realistic plan to obtain that dream ;-)..

    Good luck. Sounds like you really love him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2010 1:02 AM GMT
    How about finding a new bf?

    Habits like that do not disappear. As Iron Maiden would say:

  • KepaArg

    Posts: 1721

    Aug 08, 2010 1:33 AM GMT
    i second the join an airlines. ThatĀ“ s what i do. I work for a middle eastern carrier, so i donĀ“ t know about the said rules mentioned from the poster above as they seem to be for us carriers, and for those it could be awhile before he works international routes
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 08, 2010 5:08 AM GMT
    The BF sounds like he has issues. He's totally irresponsible when it comes to money. I've seen this before. Once he screws up his credit, and he will, he'll pressure you to act the same with your credit.

    I don't know if he's just immature or if there's some sort of compulsion/bipolar thing going on, but he sounds far from healthy. I've be very concerned if I was you.
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    Aug 08, 2010 5:25 AM GMT
    Is it time to have our Suze Orman?!

    "You're deniiiied!!"

    But seriously, it sounds a bit ridiculous. You might want to talk to him real well about this. Money and boyfriend don't mix! icon_evil.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 08, 2010 6:00 AM GMT
    Ever heard of, "The long arm of the law ?"
    In one of my law classes, we learned that leaving the U.S. doesn't mean that you can escape your legal obligations (in this case, your boyfriend's debts). His creditors will go after him, even if they have to contact the government of the country where he's hiding out, and have him extradited to the U.S. to "face the music."

    You would be wise to take a long hard look at your boyfriend situation. If you let him, he will drag you down with him, and you'll be penniless. Also, depending on whether or not you're married or domestic partners, and depending on the laws of the state in which you live, YOU could be responsible for his debts. I'm serious.
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Aug 08, 2010 11:35 AM GMT
    Awww fuck it. Just pack up and go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2010 11:40 AM GMT
    bitch needs slapping back into reality. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2010 11:58 AM GMT
    Tell him it might be easier to just rob a bank, then flee the country. Because it seems like that's what he is trying to do anyway.

    Seriously, if you both want to do something like this. Maybe you could sit down and come up with a realistic plan. (Like: we want to end up teaching here, we want to see this and that, it will cost us $X to get there and get settled) Then have him sell the Lexus, if he is really serious, and save that $700 a month to put towards the cost of the trip.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 08, 2010 12:03 PM GMT
    dsato17 saidIs it time to have our Suze Orman?!

    "You're deniiiied!!"

    But seriously, it sounds a bit ridiculous. You might want to talk to him real well about this. Money and boyfriend don't mix! icon_evil.gif



    RJ already has a male "Suzy Orman"......
    icon_biggrin.gif