Advice on military dating

  • southarboy23

    Posts: 3

    Aug 09, 2010 1:14 PM GMT
    hi guys. i'm college student in a ltr with a great guy whos fixing to go into the air force, and we both know that until DADT is repealed its gonna be a hard challenge. we love each other very much and both plan to overcome whatever difficulties we have to face until something is done.

    that bein said, i was hoping that maybe there might be some guys with experience that can give us some advice, be it guys who were/are in service or guys that have dated servicemen. and i dont mean naysayers sayin it wont work n shit, i mean real advice, what is doable and what aint worth doin. tips, ideas, whatever. any ways to help make this work, for him n me, cuz he's worth it.

    thanks for takin the time to read this =)

    Southern Boy
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    Aug 09, 2010 1:50 PM GMT
    It's not easy for the person who is not in the service. You deal with a lot of waiting, long silences, and are generally invisible on important days like Graduation Day from basic training. You'll probably have to adapt your letters and possibly your persona in order to disguise that you are a guy. I'm already in the process and I can vouch that it's quite difficult.
  • southarboy23

    Posts: 3

    Aug 09, 2010 11:55 PM GMT
    Yea I've told him there will have to be code talking, and that after basic and stuff he should probably have me in his phone under a girl's name, jus in case someone ever reads his texts or anything. the thing he's worried about the most is how, after basic and when hes here in the states, we can safely spend time together. hes really scared ppl will like, be constantly out to get him.
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    Aug 10, 2010 10:31 PM GMT
    The reality is that that feeling will never go away for as long as he's in the armed forces. Funny thing is that you will be as affected by this as he is--you'll not only question him, but yourself as well. In a way, the code seems simple to disguise, but at a certain point, it does start to bother you.
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    Aug 10, 2010 10:39 PM GMT
    Its definitely hard having someone who is overseas. The best thing you can do is be strong for the guy, and let him know you're all about him and no one else because if you two really are close, no doubt will he worry at times about you keeping faithful to him.

    If and when you guys get to talk to each other, try not to get emotional, because that will make him feel pretty bad that he's not there with you, so just keep the conversation light and fun, and just let him know how much you're proud of him.

    God willing if he returns home, your relationship could be stronger. He may have some difficulties returning home, and its important that you stand with him, and help him as much as you can.

    Good Luck bro icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 10, 2010 10:51 PM GMT
    southarboy23 saidhi guys. i'm college student in a ltr with a great guy whos fixing to go into the air force, and we both know that until DADT is repealed its gonna be a hard challenge. we love each other very much and both plan to overcome whatever difficulties we have to face until something is done.

    that bein said, i was hoping that maybe there might be some guys with experience that can give us some advice, be it guys who were/are in service or guys that have dated servicemen. and i dont mean naysayers sayin it wont work n shit, i mean real advice, what is doable and what aint worth doin. tips, ideas, whatever. any ways to help make this work, for him n me, cuz he's worth it.

    thanks for takin the time to read this =)

    Southern Boy


    Let's not put the cart before the horse. You say he's "fixing to go into" the Air Force, but he's not yet in the Air Force. Is this correct? And is he planning on going in as enlisted, or OTS?

    If he does end up in the military, you are the one who is going to need to lay low while he goes through his training (basic and/or OTS is only the beginning). You need to think long and hard about this, because it's entirely possible that you won't see or speak to him for months at a time, especially during his first year.

    You'll need to watch what you say to him on the phone, and in letters. I don't know if they still practice this today, but back when I was in the military, it wasn't unusual for your CO to open your mail.

    Granted, Air Force tends to be much easier than the other branches, but it's still rough.
  • southarboy23

    Posts: 3

    Aug 13, 2010 5:20 PM GMT
    well, thanks for all the advice guys. it was really helpful n gave me lots of ideas but he broke up with me. wants to play the field while he's active duty. so oh well.