Saying "I love you"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2010 6:50 PM GMT
    How often do you think it's normal to say "I love you" to your boyfriend/partner?

    I just came off the phone to mine - he's on his way home from work and asked if I want him to grab anything for supper on his way. And I noticed (as you randomly do, sometimes) that we end nearly every single phone conversation with "love you, bye".

    We say it so often (when leaving the house in the morning, sometimes just when heading out to the gym) that it's quite meaningless and could be replaced by "laters, bye".

    But my reasoning is (and please excuse the dark tone to this) you really never know when will be the last time you see someone. OK so I've used that one to get him to back down/come around following a tiff/argument (we call that manipulation, folks), but part of me means it.

    How often do you say it?
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    Aug 11, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    Every single time I see or talk to someone important to me; I dont hang up or leave without saying it.

    I've even been known to call back if they hang up or I hang up too fast before having a chance to say it.

    Edit: Having lost an ex, a best friend and the love of my life within the last 18 months, Ive learned that life is short and tomorrow isnt promised; say how you feel now since they might not be here tomorrow or next week.
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    Aug 11, 2010 7:05 PM GMT
    viveutvivas said

    It is co-dependent and needy, and it loses all meaning.



    No offence to you personally, but I do hate those two words. The only people I know who actually use them are single and yearn not to be. Present company excluded.

    It's pop psychology at its worst.

    And it's been argued by many that the concept of "codependency" actually mirrors that of a healthy, loving relationship.

    Again, nothing against you. Given the way your ex ended your relationship, I can quite understand why you'd regard such platitudes as meaningless.
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    Aug 11, 2010 7:39 PM GMT
    Brit_Bloke saidHow often do you say it?

    All the time, so there's a danger that I might dilute its value. But it comes to me so naturally it just happens.

    Curiously, I never did that when I was in a straight marriage. But with my late partner, my first gay LTR, I suddenly found myself calling out "I'm home, my love!" when I came in the front door.

    I'd never done that before in my previous married life, but I was so happy it would just pop out of me. And I continue to do it to this day with my current partner. And in many other spoken ways as well. icon_biggrin.gif
  • scorpiodncr

    Posts: 185

    Aug 11, 2010 9:06 PM GMT
    The person I most recently faced this dilemma with was my BF in London. He got squeamish whenever things got a bit emotional and 'mushy', and yet he proved to me in so many ways that he really did love me (still does, I'm convinced), in actions, not words. I said 'I love you' to him a lot, but he'll also confirm that I 'walked my talk' where he's concerned (still do). And I learned not to expect reciprocation from him; which made it all the more special on the occasions when he did say 'I love you'. So...it varies with each person.



    (Sorry, it just had to be done.)
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    Aug 11, 2010 9:24 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I got to know each other fast -- but we took our time before we discussed the "L" word. We both agree that to use it too much is to dilute its value, and we both come from families where it was used rarely.

    Yet, we are very emotionally connected to each other. We can each tend to get teary in emotional situations, and that, together with a touch, hug, kiss, or cuddle, is very powerful, indeed, revealing the deep truth of the matter.

    I think it's great to say it; but not as a substitute for "see you later." It has to be reserved and honored -- and placed in the sacred space it deserves.
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    Aug 11, 2010 9:32 PM GMT
    Virtually every time we talk, and I mean it every time.
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    Aug 11, 2010 9:36 PM GMT

    1) If you say it and don't mean it, that's a shame.

    2) If you think of saying it and then decide not to because you don't want to seem codependent or dilute the meaning of it, or some other reason like that, also a shame.

    3) If you feel it but don't think of saying it, it doesn't mean your feelings aren't true.

    Interesting topic though, Brit_Bloke. I'd imagine people feel very different about this.

  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Aug 11, 2010 9:46 PM GMT
    I don't think there is an amount that's 'normal' to anyone but the two people involved (or more than two, I suppose, is possible, too). If the words 'love you' are the same as the word 'laters' when they come out of your mouth, you might want to consider re-owning the phrase and using it when you want to express what they originally meant.

    I don't think I'd feel much comfort in knowing that the last time my loved one heard me say, 'love you', I didn't say it like I meant it.

    That said, I say love you to my husband about once a day. It just sort of comes up spontaneously, sometimes on the walk to the grocery store, sometimes sitting across the breakfast table, sometimes while he's on the sofa watching the news, and sometimes at the end of a phone conversation.
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    Aug 11, 2010 10:17 PM GMT
    My bf and I hardly say "I love you" to each other...maybe on our bdays or on our anniversaries. We both express it by actions based on what we like individually. I love cakes (who doesnt) , he usually makes one of my favourites out of the bloom, sometimes thats what i wake up to. He enjoys good movies so i got us avatar imax 3d (the latest time) on 31st of December. We walked home after the movie since all the drama going on in downtown. I still remember how random and silly the people and we were. Words are nice once in awhile however actions are worth more that. Cliche but true
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    Aug 11, 2010 10:18 PM GMT
    Mine throws it into every convo at least 6 times icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 11, 2010 10:37 PM GMT
    Indeed I dont understand the Western hang-ups on co-dependency... a relationship is a partnership.. in my view, your supposed to support one anotherm which makes two people necessarily dependent on one another...

    The old-fashioned view of the woman cooking the food that the man pays for comes to mind....
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    Aug 11, 2010 10:39 PM GMT
    viveutvivas saidThe people who love me most in the world never say it. They don't need to, because I know.
    You stole my words. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 11, 2010 10:39 PM GMT
    BTW, I say it alot, not as much as I hear alot of Northerners say it, but more than most people I know, and it is just a regular thing to say to me... it doenst mean any less, why shoudl it mean any more.. so what if I love you, is that a problem? lol
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Aug 11, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    Personally....I think the word love should be used liberally and often....I miss a sincere voice telling me they love me.....for bein just me.......BUD
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    Aug 11, 2010 10:54 PM GMT
    amar_m saidIndeed I dont understand the Western hang-ups on co-dependency... a relationship is a partnership.. in my view, your supposed to support one anotherm which makes two people necessarily dependent on one another...

    The old-fashioned view of the woman cooking the food that the man pays for comes to mind....

    I'm not sure what your meaning is. But let you give you mine, and we will compare notes --

    My partner & I are a team. We make a whole, a complete package.

    He does things I cannot, and I do things he cannot. Together we are better and stronger, and better able to face the world, than we can separately.

    I may come across here as arrogant and superior. And indeed it is one of my major character flaws. But I also recognize my shortcomings. And so I look for a guy who fills my gaps, who does the things I can't, who has the talents & strengths I lack. And I hope he finds similar things in me for himself.

    I used to think I was so independent, so unreliant on others, so complete unto myself. How stupid I was. I now know that human beings are social creatures. Some of us becoming straight couples, some gay. But most of us couples. At least that was the path I found at last for myself, after much failure trying to be a maverick.
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    Aug 11, 2010 11:01 PM GMT
    Interesting thread here Brit_Bloke.....saying those three simple words mean a lot to someone you truly care for....if only we used it more often.
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    Aug 11, 2010 11:03 PM GMT
    We say it all the time. I also say it all the time to family and occasionally to close friends. I've had people question me about it thinking it was odd/excessive. My response is, I say how I feel. If someone doesn't say it to their loved ones, I don't care, but I'm going to. For me it's not codependent it's just how I roll!
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    Aug 11, 2010 11:09 PM GMT
    Brit_Bloke saidHow often do you think it's normal to say "I love you" to your boyfriend/partner?

    I just came off the phone to mine - he's on his way home from work and asked if I want him to grab anything for supper on his way. And I noticed (as you randomly do, sometimes) that we end nearly every single phone conversation with "love you, bye".

    We say it so often (when leaving the house in the morning, sometimes just when heading out to the gym) that it's quite meaningless and could be replaced by "laters, bye".

    But my reasoning is (and please excuse the dark tone to this) you really never know when will be the last time you see someone. OK so I've used that one to get him to back down/come around following a tiff/argument (we call that manipulation, folks), but part of me means it.

    How often do you say it?


    Well i'm not in a relationship right now. However, when i was.. like you i felt it easier to say it and i had hte same reasoning. You never really know when the last time it is that you're going to see someone you care about.

    My sister taught me that when her husband passed so. I couldn't care less what people think of it or say about it. If *YOU* feel you want to say it.. you should say it. It's a word that means you care. If it makes someone uncomfortable and needs to have a sit down explination as to why you over use it.. that's my reason for using it.

    Honestly, if it's in publiic i can understand it "being needy" however if it's between two people only.. you should be able to handle and receive a little love. Just my two cents.
  • tituspullo197...

    Posts: 203

    Aug 11, 2010 11:24 PM GMT
    if you mean it, say it. people need to hear it.
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    Aug 11, 2010 11:36 PM GMT
    viveutvivas saidI get annoyed when people say it all the time.

    It is co-dependent and needy, and it loses all meaning.

    Just because you don't say it today doesn't mean you don;t love them




    There is a big difference between saying I love you and expressing that sentiment and being needy. Some people are much better at expressing emotion and are not vocally challenged to do so. The ability does not make one needy.
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    Aug 11, 2010 11:45 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    viveutvivas saidThe people who love me most in the world never say it. They don't need to, because I know.
    You stole my words. icon_wink.gif



    Is it about saying it because you need to, or saying it because you want to, and wanting to hear it?

    We say it everyday to each other. The newness is always there, as well as a comfortable familiarity with those words and what they mean to each of us.

    This is quickly becoming a yes-you-should or no-you-shouldn't argument.

    Bleh! To each their own. We respect your choice; respect ours.
    *waves paddle ominously* icon_lol.gif

    -Doug
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Aug 11, 2010 11:46 PM GMT
    we would say it any time we part. I waited till after 9 months of dating to say i love you.
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    Aug 11, 2010 11:58 PM GMT
    Love is so much better when you prove that what you feel is much more deep than any words could describe.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Aug 12, 2010 12:52 AM GMT
    I speak what I feel.

    I strive to never use words carelessly, and love for friends, family, and THE man in my life is not something I care to edit for fear it's overused. Oldscorp is spot on - you never know. Truly.

    Many people find it loses meaning unless held in reserve and spoken only when it can be felt and meant profoundly. Surely a single drop of rain in a desert must feel cruel, and make one bitter or at least long for more when there is none to be had. It doesn't make that single drop more profound than a down-pour, nor the ground more grateful to have it, only starved.