Cock-Blocking Queens or Frustrated Friends?

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    Aug 12, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    My group of friends can be a little bit.........well there’s no real way to sugar coat it. They’re a bunch of queens, and sometimes can be over the top (so over the top that i constantly find myself putting them in check like a parent would their child) And i feel that if an outsider were to take a quick inventory of us they would just consider us all to be a bit of a hot mess.

    To make a long story short i think my friends are hindering not only my ability to meet prospective future ex boyfriends, but making it nearly impossible to meet other people just in general. Does anyone else kind of see where im coming from? Or in a similar situation?


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  • KepaArg

    Posts: 1721

    Aug 12, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    I would personally raise an eyebrow and lose interest in a hot mess. I do think the actions of friends can reflect on you- guilty by association.

    If you guys are at a club...are you able to go around on your own to meet guys without the screaming entourage?
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    Aug 12, 2010 3:41 AM GMT
    Well, if you understand this, then why the question? Dump the bitches... end of issue. You apparently know what to do, and don't need advice from us.

    You live right down here, you have lots of options, so use them. Great men and great friends are everywhere around you in abundance. If you lived in Wisconsin or some such dreadful place I might advise otherwise, but this is Fort Lauderdale, hun. You got it made. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 12, 2010 4:04 AM GMT
    Wilton saidWell, if you understand this, then why the question? Dump the bitches... end of issue. You apparently know what to do, and don't need advice from us.

    You live right down here, you have lots of options, so use them. Great men and great friends are everywhere around you in abundance. If you lived in Wisconsin or some such dreadful place I might advise otherwise, but this is Fort Lauderdale, hun. You got it made. icon_biggrin.gif



    You make a good point, about the whole living down here, and i can say that i havent really put forth an effort to branch out, but Dumping the bitches is easier said than done....i've kinda spent the last year and a half with these people. BUt a more mature social circle wouldnt hurt at all. I guess the search begins eh
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    Aug 12, 2010 4:20 AM GMT
    "Tell me who your friends are, and i'll tell you who you are."

    You dont like the way you think youre percieved, change your friends.
  • Leo123

    Posts: 126

    Aug 12, 2010 4:37 AM GMT
    No no, I don't agree with any of the answers to this thread so far.

    If the whiny queens are your true friends, you have no reason to leave them behind. If you've been hanging out for over a year, it means you have things in common, you bond and you trust each other. That is really rare nowadays, even in Ft. Lauderdale or wherever it is you're from.

    You can have your private life AND keep your precious trusting crowd you refer to as cock-blocking queens. Don't blame your friends you're not getting dick. You're being an ass to them a little bit by bringing this up.
  • KepaArg

    Posts: 1721

    Aug 12, 2010 4:40 AM GMT
    Leo123 saidNo no, I don't agree with any of the answers to this thread so far.

    If the whiny queens are your true friends, you have no reason to leave them behind. If you've been hanging out for over a year, it means you have things in common, you bond and you trust each other. That is really rare nowadays, even in Ft. Lauderdale or wherever it is you're from.

    You can have your private life AND keep your precious trusting crowd you refer to as cock-blocking queens. Don't blame your friends you're not getting dick. You're being an ass to them a little bit by bringing this up.


    Well, I didn't say he should ditch his friends, but he should be able to walk around and meet guys without them.
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    Aug 12, 2010 5:22 AM GMT
    This is why it's good to have more than one circle/group of friends. Maybe it's not normal for other people, but I've always kept different groups of friends. Each group with different interests/backgrounds/etc.
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    Aug 12, 2010 5:34 AM GMT
    Cut those queens out of your love life if you feel they are hindering you from meeting a potential pal.

    It's one thing to have friends who just seem a bit eccentric but to have friends with catty attitudes to the point that it's obnoxious who live up to a stereotype and would prevent people from wanting to get to know you because of who you associate with is another thing.

    Limit their activity in your personal life and, yes, by means please check them when they step out of line because that's the only way they will get the hint that they are suffocating you. You don't have to get new friends but I would suggest you have more then one group of friends so that you don't get caught up in a wave of one type of friend circle and drown. Your friends don't make you but they do make a part of you and can break you if you let them.

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    Aug 12, 2010 5:45 AM GMT
    xrichx saidThis is why it's good to have more than one circle/group of friends. Maybe it's not normal for other people, but I've always kept different groups of friends. Each group with different interests/backgrounds/etc.


    BINGO!
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    Aug 12, 2010 5:48 AM GMT
    xrichx saidThis is why it's good to have more than one circle/group of friends. Maybe it's not normal for other people, but I've always kept different groups of friends. Each group with different interests/backgrounds/etc.


    This is the best advice. I have always had groups of friends, too. I don't intermingle them for the same reasons.

    You don't have to dump your friends. But you should branch out. It is a growing experience, and it will make your cockblocking queen friendships stronger.
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    Aug 12, 2010 6:07 AM GMT
    TheAnt saidMy group of friends can be a little bit.........well there’s no real way to sugar coat it. They’re a bunch of queens, and sometimes can be over the top (so over the top that i constantly find myself putting them in check like a parent would their child) And i feel that if an outsider were to take a quick inventory of us they would just consider us all to be a bit of a hot mess.

    To make a long story short i think my friends are hindering not only my ability to meet prospective future ex boyfriends, but making it nearly impossible to meet other people just in general. Does anyone else kind of see where im coming from? Or in a similar situation?


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    Tell'm to go fuck themselves, and come over to my place.
    I'll be home Monday afternoon. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 12, 2010 6:13 AM GMT
    xrichx saidThis is why it's good to have more than one circle/group of friends. Maybe it's not normal for other people, but I've always kept different groups of friends. Each group with different interests/backgrounds/etc.


    Ditto!
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    Aug 12, 2010 6:16 AM GMT
    Here's my Oprah speech for you:

    They say "birds of a feather flock together," right? Well more often than not, the people we tend to spend most of our leisure time with are the people who are most like us. I think this is because friends inspire each other. Sometimes, however, it is simply the case that our friends are like the people we once were. Perhaps they have not changed whereas you have, and perhaps they have not been inspired by your change. Even more rare is a situation where your friends were never a good fit for you! In any case, if you think your friends are less mature than you, you have to ask yourself a few questions:

    1) Am I actually more mature, or am I just ranting?
    2) Did I outgrow them? Am I noticeably the most mature person in the group?
    3) Are our differences truly a detriment to my personal growth? to my relative happiness?

    Guidance:

    1) Take a GOOD look at yourself. If you aren't really more mature than your friends, but are merely ranting, then shame on you for suggesting there's something wrong with them. If you actually are, my advice is don't burn bridges...but don't hold on to chains!

    2) If you're not noticeably the most mature person in your group, return to Question 1. If you are, perhaps you need to be more astute to your standards and morals. Think about what annoys you and why. Let reason and ethics guide you, so that you can be fully equipped to help your friends (or anyone else) understand why the way they behave is inconsistent with your standards and morals.

    3) If your differences with these friends don't truly make a negative impact on your life, again return to Question 1. If they do (or even if you are not sure), try what some of the other RJers have suggested and spend some time with other friends you think are more mature. See if you fit in. Do they share most of your standards and morals? Are you more comfortable?

    The bottom line, in my opinion, is if your friends are simply slow to mature it is your duty as a good friend to help them understand where you stand. If they cannot accord with your new direction in life... stay in touch, be cool, don't lose a friend, but don't get tangled in their mess!
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    Aug 12, 2010 6:31 AM GMT
    Leo123 saidNo no, I don't agree with any of the answers to this thread so far.

    If the whiny queens are your true friends, you have no reason to leave them behind. If you've been hanging out for over a year, it means you have things in common, you bond and you trust each other. That is really rare nowadays, even in Ft. Lauderdale or wherever it is you're from.

    You can have your private life AND keep your precious trusting crowd you refer to as cock-blocking queens. Don't blame your friends you're not getting dick. You're being an ass to them a little bit by bringing this up.
    You don't understand Ft. Lauderdale.
    I'm not afraid to tell my friends to go fuck themselves sometimes, and they're not afraid to do the same to me if they need to.
    You shouldn't have to kiss up to "true" friends to make them like you.

    As I said earlier, he should tell them to go fuck themselves. They'll get over it later and still be friends. icon_wink.gif
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    Aug 12, 2010 7:24 AM GMT
    TheAnt saidMy group of friends can be a little bit.........well there’s no real way to sugar coat it. They’re a bunch of queens, and sometimes can be over the top (so over the top that i constantly find myself putting them in check like a parent would their child) And i feel that if an outsider were to take a quick inventory of us they would just consider us all to be a bit of a hot mess.

    To make a long story short i think my friends are hindering not only my ability to meet prospective future ex boyfriends, but making it nearly impossible to meet other people just in general. Does anyone else kind of see where im coming from? Or in a similar situation?


    icon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gif


    Queens = faghags and faghags = queens.
    They will do everything in their power to shape and make your life into something they deem fit.

    I have fired all my faghags when they tried to set me up for the 100th time with someone they think better suits me even though I was happily involved.

    Queens on the other hand are just as devious and if they can not have you for themselves they will make sure that no one will have you.
    They will cockblock you as much as possible to ensure you stay sad and lonely as they are.
    Avoid at all costs.

  • Leo123

    Posts: 126

    Aug 13, 2010 12:06 AM GMT
    Again - No no no. Having different groups of friends so you can draw the best out of each group is a selfish act and very fucking shallow I must add. When you grow old and end up alone, you'll wonder what the hell went wrong.

    A relationship with friends is like any other kind of relationship. Sometimes you will agree, sometimes you won't. It's demanding. It takes a lot of coping with.

    Jumping from one group to another only means you're shallow, imature and uncapabable of keeping human bonds.

    Shit, if you can't keep a group of friends together, I wonder how the fuck you get into romantic relationships. Trusting and bonding people, start there.
  • solak

    Posts: 493

    Aug 13, 2010 12:34 AM GMT
    depends on them - i have campy, bitchy friends.. but they're smart enough to respect other people's spaces (ie at a funeral)..

    your friend reminds me of my ex, can't hate on him as he was going thru a coming out phase..

    i think many young guys mistake "pride" for overt entitlement .. ie the world owes you something for growing up in a society that mocked you, without realizing many have it much worse..

    some people grow out of the phase and hold onto their pride and inner confidence without being a hot mess... some people remain stuck in this phase and continuously seek external confirmation (which should really come from within)

    i dont wanna say dump them as some people change, but if theyre interfering with you meeting people try somewhere else
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    Aug 13, 2010 1:11 AM GMT


    I'm more curious about why a 20 something youngman wants to spend his time babysitting?
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    Aug 13, 2010 7:43 PM GMT
    Hillie said

    I'm more curious about why a 20 something youngman wants to spend his time babysitting?


    I dont, and its not a role that i willingly accepted, but it just sorta happened. And im not planning on dropping them either. Limiting time and places we go....maybe, but i cant just cut them out completly.

    And Nik, your Oprah speech was very insightful and i appreciate the advice a lot.

    And Leo.......i do feel kinda bad about bringing the issue up, but i talked about it with some other people and they just didnt have any good advice for me, so i branched to the world wide web.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2010 8:11 PM GMT
    TheAnt said
    Hillie said

    I'm more curious about why a 20 something youngman wants to spend his time babysitting?


    I dont, and its not a role that i willingly accepted, but it just sorta happened. And im not planning on dropping them either. Limiting time and places we go....maybe, but i cant just cut them out completly.

    And Nik, your Oprah speech was very insightful and i appreciate the advice a lot.

    And Leo.......i do feel kinda bad about bringing the issue up, but i talked about it with some other people and they just didnt have any good advice for me, so i branched to the world wide web.


    No problem at all. Hope you get things worked out just fine!
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    Aug 13, 2010 8:33 PM GMT
    Where must you keep them in check? Everywhere? Or is at a bar or club when they are drunk?

    If you usually hang out with them at a bar or club, try going alone (but at a place they don't frequent, so you don't have the awkward accidental meeting with them). Going to a bar alone is beneficial because it forces you to talk to other people. I met a wide spectrum of interesting people by doing just that. Try it out.