An acquaintance thinks I was in the wrong, is she right?

  • JimJim

    Posts: 58

    Aug 13, 2010 3:40 PM GMT
    †Ok so this is something that happened years ago so it doesn't affect me at all but an acquaintance/kind of friend and I were talking about past relationships and break ups so I told her one story of a break up that occurred in high school. She thought I had acted jerkishly but I don't think so, so here's the story. What do you think?

    So in high school me and this other gay kid started to date but I was really closeted and I told him when we started that if we were to start dating that I didn't want to be open about it, it had to be a secret. He agreed and said he understood, even though he was a lot more out at the time than I was.

    So after a while I started having classmates come up to me asking if I was dating ___. Apparently he had gone around telling people that we were together. I freaked out and went to talk to him about it. He said I was being a coward and some other mean things to me, etc etc.

    So to sort of save myself from being outed, when people would ask if I was dating ____ I would tell them that he had asked me out but that I had turned him down and that he didn't take it well and pretended like we were together because he didn't want to feel rejected.

    The surprising thing is that most if not all people believed me over him and I basically ruined his reputation by making him look really desperate and kind of crazy.

    My acquaintance thinks I did the wrong thing, but I think I had to do to save myself from being outed before I was ready.

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    Aug 13, 2010 3:52 PM GMT
    You were a teenager, so forgive your younger self for things you did in a teenaged attempt to survive grade school and the cruelty of other kids that goes along with it. Your school chum agreed to keep it confidential, then went behind your back. You acted rather predictably.

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    Aug 13, 2010 4:09 PM GMT
    JimJim saidAn acquaintance thinks I was in the wrong, is she right?
    Yes and no.
    The guy you were dating broke his vow of privacy.
    You lied to cover it up, and ruined his reputation as a result.
    You were both wrong.
    Live and learn.

    PS. As long as you stay in the closet, you will continue to be jaded like that, and will continue to lie. I cannot tell you to come out of the closet, but I do highly suggest you come out soon to avoid a life of repression, guilt, and shame (which you are already facing). The initial coming out phase is difficult, but the end result is a much happier life.
  • JimJim

    Posts: 58

    Aug 13, 2010 5:09 PM GMT
    Oh I'm out of the closet now, so no worries.

    And don't think I beat myself up over this. I'm sort of glad actually I handled it the way I did. I think that he got what he deserved.

    But for those of you who think I did the wrong thing, what should I have done? At the time I wasn't ready to come out and even if I was I wouldn't want my coming out to have happened that way. So IMO the only thing I think I could have done was lie and make him look like a liar which is what I did. I honestly don't know what other course of action would have been better.

    This is all out of curiosity after a conversation with someone I know. Please don't read anything more into what I am asking than what is written.