What do I want?

  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Aug 14, 2010 7:18 PM GMT
    So I've always been looking to date and then I found a guy that was equally looking to date. We started dating and then I realized, maybe I'm just happy single and I didn't really know it until I knew something different. Then there's the idea of well maybe it's just that this isn't the right guy for me, that I still have the same goals but the situation isn't working.

    What have you done to bring clarity to life, to confirm just what exactly you want? I'm kind of at a loss in this realm while almost every other realm is pretty clear. Ideas?
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    Aug 14, 2010 11:33 PM GMT
    I'm in your exact situation. I want to date and find someone and settle down, but when I do go on a date, it reminds me why at this point in my life I am actually enjoying being single.
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    Aug 15, 2010 12:28 AM GMT
    count me in too. same deal with me.
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    Aug 15, 2010 1:53 AM GMT
    If you start creating spreadsheets of guys who hit you, looking for patterns of attraction, people will start calling you cartesian and shallow. If you know exactly what you want, and you can specify it, people will call you cartesian and shallow.

    This is what awaits you if you end up in a state where you know exactly what you want. No more of that romantic aura of inclusion: people will know exactly what you're into, and the ones who know they have no chance will not approach you anymore. Some others may be too vain to accept they are not attractive to everyone, and may call you shallow for the simple fact you don't find them attractive.

    Not knowing what you want is unfortunately a glorified ignorance. If you ever know what you want, be ready to defend yourself.
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    Aug 15, 2010 2:00 AM GMT
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Aug 15, 2010 3:50 AM GMT
    I am kind of going through this right now with an ex. I am trying to get back to me. Focus on what I need and want to do. I didn't get it at first but a co-worker of mind said to do things alone. At first I thought she meant to ditch the guy, but I used it a lot to think things over. In that silence I figured a lot out. Not everyone is the same though. I like to take a lot of personal time in my life and I reflect a lot and think a lot. I can't do it in a group or when I can't take time to rest.
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    Aug 15, 2010 9:41 AM GMT
    Life is a constant evolution. You may want to be single right now, and next year you may find that you want to be in a relationship. I've really only been in two relationships, and quite frankly, I have never been happier than when I was. Unfortunately they ended, but that's life.

    The thing was, I wasn't looking for a relationship, they just happened.
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    Aug 16, 2010 3:53 AM GMT
    I will never know what I want until I know who I am!
    if you go by this rule you will soon find the answer!


    Leandro ♥
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    Aug 16, 2010 4:01 AM GMT
    The really important thing is to be happy, no matter the situation. You can't make anyone else happy unless you are, and you can't depend on someone else to fix you.
  • yankeesblazer...

    Posts: 243

    Aug 16, 2010 5:13 AM GMT
    dannyboy1101 saidSo I've always been looking to date and then I found a guy that was equally looking to date. We started dating and then I realized, maybe I'm just happy single and I didn't really know it until I knew something different. Then there's the idea of well maybe it's just that this isn't the right guy for me, that I still have the same goals but the situation isn't working.

    What have you done to bring clarity to life, to confirm just what exactly you want? I'm kind of at a loss in this realm while almost every other realm is pretty clear. Ideas?


    Having been both single (as I currently am) and in love with some great guys, I have to say I definitely prefer the latter. There is no substitute for having that one person to just talk with and share the dumb, seemingly insignificant parts of your life with that ultimately makes you so close to them. Being in love lets you know that no matter how tough things get, you will always have somebody who will be there for you. Some people find that closeness in a best friend type, but I have found there are just some things you can't say to friends or don't want to say. When you find somebody that you truly love, don't let that person go. Don't look back to the past, but focus on who you are with when you are with them. That will allow you to avoid the big mistake I made.

    While I think it is extremely important to be strong and independent, there is just no substitute for falling in love.
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    Aug 16, 2010 5:16 AM GMT
    The question you should be asking is what does Charles Ryder really want?
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    Aug 16, 2010 5:19 AM GMT
    I want a pop tart.
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    Aug 16, 2010 11:43 AM GMT
    My advice is this...

    If you go on dates and realize that you want to be single after the date then clearly you haven't found the one.

    When you go on that date and realize that you DONT want to be single any more, thats when you know you found the right one. Or at least someone to move in a different direction with.

    When you are ready, you'll just know it. Until then have fun being single.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Aug 16, 2010 11:58 AM GMT
    dannyboy1101 saidWhat have you done to bring clarity to life, to confirm just what exactly you want? I'm kind of at a loss in this realm while almost every other realm is pretty clear. Ideas?


    Truly...I've grown older. Only time, with myself, has brought clarity. I can neither prevent nor force myself to want to be with someone. And I can neither force nor prevent someone from wanting to be with me. Dating is a shot in the dark to me. The thrill (and heartache) of love - true love - is like a lychanthrope being caught in the light of a full moon. It transforms you, almost against your will. The most glorious suffering imaginable. I don't fear it...I ache for it. Unlike some, it's not the rise of the moon I fear, it's the setting that's more painful. So, in some absurd way I have grown to long for it, and to accept that it's out of my control. Someday that moon will rise and stay out forever. Untill then...it ruses and sets and I go on, hoping to get caught in the light, and muddling through an occasional coffee with a stranger.
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    Aug 16, 2010 1:52 PM GMT
    dannyboy1101 saidWhat have you done to bring clarity to life, to confirm just what exactly you want?
    I grew older.
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    Aug 16, 2010 2:09 PM GMT
    yankeesblazerscowboys said
    dannyboy1101 saidSo I've always been looking to date and then I found a guy that was equally looking to date. We started dating and then I realized, maybe I'm just happy single and I didn't really know it until I knew something different. Then there's the idea of well maybe it's just that this isn't the right guy for me, that I still have the same goals but the situation isn't working.

    What have you done to bring clarity to life, to confirm just what exactly you want? I'm kind of at a loss in this realm while almost every other realm is pretty clear. Ideas?


    Having been both single (as I currently am) and in love with some great guys, I have to say I definitely prefer the latter. There is no substitute for having that one person to just talk with and share the dumb, seemingly insignificant parts of your life with that ultimately makes you so close to them. Being in love lets you know that no matter how tough things get, you will always have somebody who will be there for you. Some people find that closeness in a best friend type, but I have found there are just some things you can't say to friends or don't want to say. When you find somebody that you truly love, don't let that person go. Don't look back to the past, but focus on who you are with when you are with them. That will allow you to avoid the big mistake I made.

    While I think it is extremely important to be strong and independent, there is just no substitute for falling in love.


    Beautiful words! I have been in love many a times, and every time what have stayed with me were the beautiful moments I reacted to, and the actions I made to make those memories everlasting!! and even if I am no longer with that person, to me there is no better substitute for falling in love even if loneliness is sometimes needed, if anything to just recharged for the next time someone new comes into my life!


    Leandro ♥
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    Aug 16, 2010 2:12 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack said
    dannyboy1101 saidWhat have you done to bring clarity to life, to confirm just what exactly you want? I'm kind of at a loss in this realm while almost every other realm is pretty clear. Ideas?


    Truly...I've grown older. Only time, with myself, has brought clarity. I can neither prevent nor force myself to want to be with someone. And I can neither force nor prevent someone from wanting to be with me. Dating is a shot in the dark to me. The thrill (and heartache) of love - true love - is like a lychanthrope being caught in the light of a full moon. It transforms you, almost against your will. The most glorious suffering imaginable. I don't fear it...I ache for it. Unlike some, it's not the rise of the moon I fear, it's the setting that's more painful. So, in some absurd way I have grown to long for it, and to accept that it's out of my control. Someday that moon will rise and stay out forever. Untill then...it ruses and sets and I go on, hoping to get caught in the light, and muddling through an occasional coffee with a stranger.



    Wow bud your those words are certainly very powerful and full of passion! good for you.


    Leandro ♥
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    Aug 16, 2010 2:16 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    dannyboy1101 saidWhat have you done to bring clarity to life, to confirm just what exactly you want?
    I grew older.



    Right Paul, and that is exactly what most don't seem to understand, that it is through time when our relationships with people in general become clearer and more defined! as such that is the beauty of getting older; you suddenly realize what you really want out of life and who to share it with!


    Leandro ♥