You "always" practice safe sex? Really? "Always?"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2008 7:05 PM GMT
    I don't mean to call anyone in particular out on the carpet, but how is it that almost everyone on here is both HIV- and "always" practicing safe sex? I think there are alot of liars on here. #1 "Always" is an absolute term. #2 If 110,000 of the sexiest gay men on the planet (we, the +110,000 intrepid users of RealJock) are "always" practicing safe sex, then how do you account for the spikes in HIV, syphillis, and other STD infections? Your thoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2008 8:43 PM GMT
    Because men lie.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2008 9:48 PM GMT
    I already said that, but ok. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2008 3:04 AM GMT
    Because jocks are more down to earth, practical and disciplined then emo guys that want to BB.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Feb 20, 2008 3:27 AM GMT
    burninman saidBecause jocks are more down to earth, practical and disciplined then emo guys that want to BB.


    Oh, that's bullshit.

    Okay ... if someone wants to BB, who's going to stop them? Are you going to barge into their bedroom and tell them "How dare you not use a condom!"

    They need to deal w/ the consequences. Not you.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Feb 20, 2008 3:48 AM GMT
    Yes, always. For three years in a monogomous relationship I still *always* used a condom. Someday, when I get married maybe that will change, until then... not likely.
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    Feb 20, 2008 3:53 AM GMT
    I can honestly say I have always used a condom when i have had sex. I used them when I was with women (didnt have that much sex in general). And i used them with men. I am in a monogomous relationship and i still use them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2008 3:55 AM GMT
    In my two monogamous LTRs, each time we waited six months and got tested twice before we went BB. And then we threw the condoms away.
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    Feb 20, 2008 4:04 AM GMT
    Always. We've been together over 8 years, and still - and always will - use protection.
    J.
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    Feb 20, 2008 4:58 AM GMT
    BB has a psychological and physical advantage over wearing a glove. Exposing your mate to your seed is more erotic than shooting into a rubber tube.

    The opponent here is invisible. To fight HIV requires condom use.

    Your task to practice sexual self-defense is to look at a totally hot guy, be eye-spinningly, short-of-breath excited and then to have your imagination super-impose a giant skull and cross-bones over the person. With a ragging boner and half the blood missing from your brain, you still need to manage this important 'check' on your desire. If you can manage it, you get safety. If you can't you're at risk and a perfect victim waiting to happen.

    I had a buddy that I stopped seeing because we were bbing and I changed my mind about it and got more sensible - after reading some of the RJ posts on the subject. He didn't want to play that way, so I stopped calling.

    I think my approach toward BB will be much like jprichva, no go for 6 months and then bb. But you have to open the door for honesty so that your mate understands that safety means more to you than fidelity. You cheat, please let me know. I won't blow up and get all drama on you. I just need to protect myself when I'm with you after that.


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    Feb 20, 2008 5:03 AM GMT
    SoDakGuy

    They need to deal w/ the consequences. Not you.


    seriously? i think i/we DO have to deal with the consequences. if some guy is goign around bare backing, and then says ok to condoms with me or anyone who swears by them, i'm still at a higher risk. aside from not thinking about themselves, they are not thinking about the well being of others.

    don't be a fool, wrap your tool.
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    Feb 20, 2008 5:05 AM GMT
    well with me its true iv only been with one guy
    nether of us have hiv and wer going to get married
    so plan to keep it that way oh but about the emo thing
    thats just rude im not nessesarily a jock becuz my profesion i in martial arts not sports and i have emo freinds and there cool guys ya they can get weird
    when there depressed but thats it and iv never herd of any bare backing between them:twistedicon_evil.gif
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    Feb 20, 2008 6:01 AM GMT
    i didn't ask for individual respondents to tell me whether or not they use condoms, and i would point out that i didn't post this in order to be lectured. i understand very clearly everything you're all saying. my question was: how is it possible that nearly every user profile i click on is set to "always?" i flat out don't believe it.

    as for the "jocks are more responsible" comment: you're kidding me, right? icon_eek.gif

    meizer79: what exactly in my profile would lead you to the conclusion that i wouldn't wonder about this (please don't tread over the worn-out clich├ęs connected to being an exotic dancer)? and thank you for the kudos.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Feb 20, 2008 6:55 AM GMT
    ...self reported data is always skewed...

    ...I once asked a group of professionals to raise their hands if they always acted with integrity [95% of hands were raised]...then I asked how many of them believe that the folks they work with or are helped throughout the day seem to operate with integrity...10% of the hands went up...

    ...odd...

    ...being HIV positive...obviously...I didn't use protection 100% of the time...and it took me a few years to tell my seroconversion story without editing it...because I knew [and still know] there are a bunch of guys that cast judgement on HOW you got the virus...

    ...no one really wants the lecture when you already realize you've made choices to put yourself in harms way...

    - David
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    Feb 20, 2008 7:00 AM GMT
    Not with my B/F and he oor i never screw around ever!


    He got tested and l did also....


    Only when i do Cam Sex l use a Johnny!

    He He He Maybe you can catch someyhing downline ha ha!

    There's a lorra lorra Virus's out Der?
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    Feb 20, 2008 7:14 AM GMT
    dancerjacki understand very clearly everything you're all saying. my question was: how is it possible that nearly every user profile i click on is set to "always?" i flat out don't believe it.


    Your statement that you don't believe it requires by default that anyone posting a response needs to state whether they do or don't. How else can one respond to "I don't believe it."?

    That said... yes, I do practice safer sex, always, and have since we found out about HIV back in the 80's. I'm in a monogamous relationship now, both of us are definitely negative as we are well beyond the window period, and we still always use protection.

    Now, for the "how is it possible" part of your question... My guess would be that there are more conscientious people on RJ than not. Yes, some guys lie, but that aside, I think the vast majority of RJ users understand the risks of not using protection... possibly because being so involved with one's fitness requires paying closer attention to overall health and health risks. At least, one would assume so. Considering, however, the number of people I've seen posting on other threads saying they BB, I highly doubt that everyone on here is playing safer...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2008 12:07 PM GMT
    YES!

    Coz I've never had sex period. LMAO!
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    Feb 20, 2008 12:44 PM GMT
    I think it's great that you are being honest about what it is you do IF indeed wearing a condom at all times is NOT a priority for you. I don't think it's smart at all because of the risk you expose yourself to, but that's your choice in life.

    If you have not used condoms in the past as a result of poor judgment which we as humans are prone to, I don't think that is a reason to put yourself in the sometimes category. I think you should answer that question indicating how you intend to practice sex going forward.

    To me this is not about judging what you've done in the past, this should be a statement of how you want to live your life going forward. This should be alerting guys that you may meet on line for more than just friendship to what your expectations are. We've all made mistakes in our past that do not need to be carried forward into the present or futures. In point of fact, when I was dating men I met on sites like this, I always made the assumption that ALL men have at some point been unsafe (no matter what their profiles say) so that I would always be safe with them.

    Again, I do applaud your honesty if you do not intend on protecting yourself in all cases but I hope you would reconsider that as a way of life.
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    Feb 20, 2008 12:49 PM GMT
    I guess the guys that dont use protection but claim that they "Always" do it in order to attract more guys/better looking guys in the hopes of convincing them to go bareback or something....its happened to me before where i got this whole speech about how wonderful bareback is and how we should from a guy who clamed to always play safe...needless to say, that person went home alone that night but still..i'm sure ther r guys out there who say "one time won't hurt" wihtout realizing that the "one time" might actually be "THE time" (did that make sense??)
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    Feb 20, 2008 1:20 PM GMT
    jms84 said[quote][cite]SoDakGuy[/cite]

    They need to deal w/ the consequences. Not you.


    seriously? i think i/we DO have to deal with the consequences. if some guy is goign around bare backing, and then says ok to condoms with me or anyone who swears by them, i'm still at a higher risk. aside from not thinking about themselves, they are not thinking about the well being of others.

    don't be a fool, wrap your tool.[/quote]

    Not only does it increase risk but it also has several other repercusions on the family and frends, not even mentioning the economical factors concerned. To give a practical example. It has been calculated by various economical and social specialists that the true effects of the raging HIV and AIDS pandemic in Africa will become visible in 2010. Guess we will have to wait and see who deals with the concequences...

    If he's hot put it in a sock... Ha ha that sounds funny... Ever masterbated with a sock anyone? (sorry, that was sooo out of context)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2008 1:36 PM GMT
    Technically...unless we're all using rubbers every time we give or get a blow job...likely few of us are practicing safe sex Always.

    If the question is do you practice safe ANAL INTERCOURSE always, the levels of Always might be higher and more accurate.

    So while my profile does state Always, I'd have to quality that with 'for anal intercourse.'

    On a related note - I worry about all the younger guys I notice or encounter who disregard all warnings or caution about barebacking. I watched as 2 members of my family died of AIDS back in the late 80s - early 90s and would rather not experience that myself. I tried bare intercourse once and just couldn't do it. I kept worrying about getting poo on my peter, which is just... icon_eek.gif
    But try as I might to convince others of the necessity of condoms, the best arguments fall on unconcerned ears. I don't get it. I don't think you can blame the proliferation of bareback porn or the improvements in HIV medications. I think it's the complete and total lack of intelligent, honest sex ed in this country. But anyway...


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    Feb 20, 2008 2:03 PM GMT
    Always? How easily people use infinitives... but I can say to one degree or another I've practiced some form of making even a bareback one night stand "safer". When I did go through my fluzy phase, and was fucking every Tommy, Dick and John that tickled my fancy in the bar, I always had the bartender to aid me in my decision making process. He knew from the guy who this guy saw a few days, to a week before that this guy was either a virgin, clean, or just new to the gay clubs altogether. I have to say that I did use condoms during most of these encounters, but only ditched them when I had more reason to believe that the guy I was seeing that was clean. On top of that, I only had my first sexual encounter at 20 years old, by choice. So I knew that I was clean, and that made the senior bartender feel that he had to take a paternal role in our friendship.

    But it wasn't long before I heard about this guy from another gay bar in town, who had gotten infected with HIV, and had passed it to a guy in circles that I never mingled with because I wasn't attracted other cocky guys. Then all the alarms in my head went off, almost like a delayed reaction of common sense and sudden fear mixed together. Now everytime, if any, that I had sex; I had a rubber, knew their background as much as I could get from people I knew, and I trusted my intuition...

    Yeah, I've said "always" without thinking about, but not to intentionally make myself sound like a saint, or pass off a perfect reputation. I've said always before, because I've just gotten used to living a safe sex lifestyle - minus the monogamous relationships, and the STD testings that I did with all my long term partners after that.

    It helps my cause that I haven't gone out and had sex since my last break up in November. I'm mostly looking for a long term exclusive relationship; which would pretty much mean safe sex would be the only sex I'd have. Unless the son of a bitch cheats on me with some tramp.

    But as a last thought. You can't condemn the many for the actions of the few. Just because a few guys have either had their gaurd down drunk, have posted "always have safe sex" and lied, or because some others got infected by some other alternate method; doesn't mean that all guys who post that they have safe sex are lier. No excuse for either. Sure men are liers, when they feel it neccessary. Just like redheadguy felt it neccessary to through the "always safe" guys to the wolves. Theirs a need to fit in.

    Now I practice safe because I want to fit into a group of guys who aren't prone to thinking their perfect, and immune to the imperfections of the world. Those same guys that accept that they too are weak to some point during the night, that they have to carry rubbers and lube with them, just in case. I don't want to think there is a guy out there whose completely perfect and not likely to make any mistakes. The last guy I knew like that got infected, and turned me into a safe sex lunatic in turn.

    I don't know about you, but I'd rather make the mistake of putting "always" in place of "usually", in front of safe sex, than to put myself on a pedestal now, only to find out later that I'm not perfect and I too can make mistakes and get infected....
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Feb 20, 2008 3:15 PM GMT
    No, no. I'm right. It is their responsibility and it is their issue they need to deal with. You can cram a shitload of messages down their throats saying "barebacking is bad!" or "wrap it up!" over and over and over and for some guys ... the message will fall on deaf ears. Not on everyone, but for a few.

    Hey, I'm no angel. I've barebacked NUMEROUS times. Am I ashamed? No.

    Should I be shamed for it? Hell no!

    Am I going to say I'll never bareback again? No.

    I'm probably one of a rare few that's being completely and totally honest on here. Maybe it's because I've gone through a TON of crap the past few years and learned not to look down my nose on other people. It's pointless and waste of time & energy.

    That's just me. If you feel the need to lambast me, send me an email. If you have time to post on here, you have time to send me a message.
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    Feb 20, 2008 3:23 PM GMT
    Isn't "unprotected" oral considered "risky"?

    I mean... that takes me outta the ALWAYS category right there.
  • sportz36

    Posts: 6

    Feb 20, 2008 3:44 PM GMT
    having been in a relatiosnhip with HIV poz partner (i'm neg) anyone doing bare backing and thinking little of it is delusional at best...end of.