How to meet a guy...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 17, 2010 7:29 PM GMT
    I want to know how to meet guys even though I am not out. I want to meet someone who is like me in terms of being masculine and athletic, but they are so hard to find. I don't live in a place with a large gay community so I don't really go out. But I want to meet someone who can hang with the boys when necessary and can still be with me.....HELP?
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    Aug 17, 2010 9:04 PM GMT
    GQ1222 saidI want to know how to meet guys even though I am not out.
    Come out.
    I betcha there are lots of guys just like you, enteracting with you on a daily basis, who are also closeted and feel the same way. icon_wink.gif
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Aug 17, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    GQ1222 saidI want to know how to meet guys even though I am not out. I want to meet someone who is like me in terms of being masculine and athletic, but they are so hard to find. I don't live in a place with a large gay community so I don't really go out. But I want to meet someone who can hang with the boys when necessary and can still be with me.....HELP?


    I'll be ur boo icon_redface.gif
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    Aug 17, 2010 9:23 PM GMT
    @paul i don't think i am ready yet..but thank you icon_smile.gif

    @import: aww thanks!! too bad you live so far away icon_wink.gif
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Aug 17, 2010 9:24 PM GMT
    GQ1222 said@paul i don't think i am ready yet..but thank you icon_smile.gif

    @import: aww thanks!! too bad you live so far away icon_wink.gif


    I have fam in pittsburgh, my lil bro goes to duquesne uni.

    I'll come braid ur hair icon_wink.gif
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Aug 17, 2010 9:25 PM GMT
    GQ1222 said@paul i don't think i am ready yet..but thank you icon_smile.gif

    @import: aww thanks!! too bad you live so far away icon_wink.gif


    If you want to find a guy you are ready.. sack up fellas
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    Aug 17, 2010 9:26 PM GMT
    oh really? hmm..well i go to school a little bit outside of pittsburgh, but i have a ton of friends there!! hahaha and i would def let u braid my hair icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 17, 2010 9:27 PM GMT
    @DrobUA i guess that makes sense...ha we'll see
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 17, 2010 11:12 PM GMT
    In my opinion, trying to develop a relationship with a guy before you've come out is akin to buying furniture for a house you don't yet own or even live in. Although coming out is challenging, once you take ownership of who you are it is the most empowering thing imaginable. Then you'll be better ready to give a potential relationship what it needs.
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    Aug 17, 2010 11:28 PM GMT
    RudeMech saidIn my opinion, trying to develop a relationship with a guy before you've come out is akin to buying furniture for a house you don't yet own or even live in. Although coming out is challenging, once you take ownership of who you are it is the most empowering thing imaginable. Then you'll be better ready to give a potential relationship what it needs.


    good post makes sense
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    Aug 18, 2010 12:25 AM GMT
    @RudeMech: thank you. that does make a lot of sense...
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 18, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    i disagree that you have to be out to meet quality guys. i am not out and have met quite a few guys however, we are usually in different places both in terms living and relationships. by the way, its sucks trying to meet a masculine guy whether you are out or closeted. i know because i know alot of single out guys too. real masculine guys who have some really to offer are not easy to find. i think you just have to be a little more patient
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    Aug 18, 2010 12:47 AM GMT
    @tuffguy: being patient sucks haha...but thank you. the last guy i was with was pretty masculine. but we were at different places in terms of what we wanted to i know what that's like. i just want a guy to care for me as much as i care for him but also has the qualities that i look for...looks like i will be waiting a while sill icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 18, 2010 1:01 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said... by the way, its sucks trying to meet a masculine guy whether you are out or closeted. ...
    That is true, but for a good reason:
    As long as being gay carries the feminine stereotype, masculine guys will continue to be reluctant to come out of the closet. Although I harbor no prejudice against the ones who are more feminine, I do actively promote masculinity in the gay scene in an attempt to break the stereotype. Until that stereotype is broken, we will never be considered "equal" by the straight/bi/masculine community, because the worst insult coaches and military drill sergeants have used for years on their teams is "ladies." No masculine man wants to be called that (unless of course he's thick skinned and could care less).

    I can't tell you when to come out...that's a decision that has to be timed correctly and done when you're ready. But I do strongly encourage all closeted guys to consider it before it's too late (with an exception for those who live in violently oppressive situations, such as Iran, Kentucky, etc).
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    Aug 18, 2010 1:02 AM GMT
    just go to walmart____________________________
  • CMScarBro

    Posts: 60

    Aug 18, 2010 1:04 AM GMT
    My last relationship was with a guy who wasn't out. With me being completely out with everybody (do not read feminine from that...), it was horrible to have to closet myself around his friends. And I was also banned strictly from calling his house phone because he was afraid his family would piece two and two together... Never again.
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    Aug 18, 2010 1:05 AM GMT
    @paulflexes: i agree 100% and its a sad reality

    @BELLO: hahahahaha does that work??
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    Aug 18, 2010 1:07 AM GMT
    @Charles: well i am out to most of the people i hang out with. mainly my very close friends. so that part isn't a problem. but i dont have a house phone so i wouldn't have that problem either. however, i am sorry you had to go through that...
  • KepaArg

    Posts: 1721

    Aug 18, 2010 1:10 AM GMT
    BELLO saidjust go to walmart____________________________

    189.jpg
  • CMScarBro

    Posts: 60

    Aug 18, 2010 1:10 AM GMT
    GQ1222 said@Charles: well i am out to most of the people i hang out with. mainly my very close friends. so that part isn't a problem. but i dont have a house phone so i wouldn't have that problem either. however, i am sorry you had to go through that...




    It's no big deal. But if you're trying to meet guys and you're not out, you might try hookup sites like a4a and BGC. It's not the best place to meet boyfriends, but if you're not out, it's a lot easier than meeting people in public. Actually, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 9 months, and we met on a4a. It's all just a matter of what you're comfortable with.
  • CMScarBro

    Posts: 60

    Aug 18, 2010 1:12 AM GMT
    Dude, you're effing hot... There's no way you'll have any trouble finding a man. icon_wink.gificon_razz.gif
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Aug 18, 2010 1:15 AM GMT
    Good Question,
    I'v met lots of guys in your situation while participating in school team sports, i was out but played it real low key.. I had dudes walking me home from practice and putting in their bids to be my roommate on those away games....
    Just get involved in a sport, Dont sign up for one of those home depot classes because every single desparate female will be there...
    Maybe a sports bar would be good for you.... Good Luck........
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 18, 2010 1:18 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    tuffguyndc said... by the way, its sucks trying to meet a masculine guy whether you are out or closeted. ...
    That is true, but for a good reason:
    As long as being gay carries the feminine stereotype, masculine guys will continue to be reluctant to come out of the closet. Although I harbor no prejudice against the ones who are more feminine, I do actively promote masculinity in the gay scene in an attempt to break the stereotype. Until that stereotype is broken, we will never be considered "equal" by the straight/bi/masculine community, because the worst insult coaches and military drill sergeants have used for years on their teams is "ladies." No masculine man wants to be called that (unless of course he's thick skinned and could care less).

    I can't tell you when to come out...that's a decision that has to be timed correctly and done when you're ready. But I do strongly encourage all closeted guys to consider it before it's too late (with an exception for those who live in violently oppressive situations, such as Iran, Kentucky, etc).
    paul, i will agree and disagree with your statement. i do agree that you can not tell anyone when to come out that is something people have to come to terms with on there own. however, i don't believe in the concept of being out that is another topic for another day time. however, i do disagree with you on that most guys will not come out because of feminine guys. i think most guys don't come out because they are just not mentally ready for the what think is going to happen to them when they do come out. i mean are afraid they will lose friends, be disowned by family, and maybe lose there jobs.
    gq1222, you are already out buddy so you know how hard it is fine that guy. if you happened to play sports than join one of the gay leagues there are a few masculine guys there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2010 1:32 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said... i do disagree with you on that most guys will not come out because of feminine guys. i think most guys don't come out because they are just not mentally ready for the what think is going to happen to them when they do come out. i mean are afraid they will lose friends, be disowned by family, and maybe lose there jobs.
    I can see your point, and it is correct.

    I was just speaking from my own experiences with other closeted guys I've known over time, and my own experiences from when I was closeted. Being raised on a farm in a rural area, "masculine" was the only accepted way of life by guys, and anything else was shunned. They always associated gay with feminine, and never did (still to this day they don't) accept the fact that some gay men can be masculine. They think it's just an act, and that we automatically turn feminine upon coming out. Yeah they're stupid as fuck for thinking that, but that was part of the reason I didn't want to come out...till I grew the balls to say "go fuck yourself" and disowned them as friends. Even kicked a couple asses in the process. icon_biggrin.gif

    There's really no way to point at finger at one cause for staying closeted and say "that's the reason." The variables are too diverse to be summed up without a novel.
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    Aug 18, 2010 1:33 AM GMT
    @Kepa: hahaha umm thanks...but that isn't my cup a tea icon_wink.gif

    @Charles: i am not really looking for a hook up though...but thank you icon_smile.gif

    @jgymnast: i do play a sport. i play on the basketball at my school and i plan to go overseas to play professionally after i graduate. but i don't have guys doing that for me lol. but thank you. and i may have to find a sports bar if i can find one

    @tuffguy: i may be on here, but i am definitely not out. i guess i will just have to make a decision. either keep doing what i am doing, or really come out. haha just don't know which its going to be...but thank you for the advice icon_smile.gif