How do you get over or at least cope with being raped?


  • Aug 17, 2010 11:57 PM GMT
    I posted another topic months back. Thanks to those who responed. I've only told one person that i was raped. Boy has that made me feels special! Unfortunately, the French boyfriend is not here because I'm back in Amerika and I don't feel comfortable talking about it with anyone else. So, I've been having trouble with it lately and I'm sure that at thé minimin one person will be able to offer advice. So let me give you a topic... Being raped. Ok. Talk amongst yourselves.
  • 2PecanDeBeurr...

    Posts: 302

    Aug 18, 2010 1:12 AM GMT
    i commend you for expressing your feelings.
    at 8 yrs old i was molested by a neighborhood older boy and later raped by a 14 yr old within the same year.
    i am 56 yrs old, twice married and twice divorced.
    i kept the rape incident to myself from 8 to 14, then i told both sets of parents together. no response except from my father who said i would be a fag the rest of my life.
    i focused on excelling in school, college and air force, yet had many sexual affairs.

    i have had counseling due to denial, it was made aware to me that i have victim guilt.an explanation that showed these people violated me.

    i am stronger and more assertive in where i place myself to avoid being harmed.

    learning how to confront these types of predators, has built confidence that i am worthy of enjoying this life's adventure.

    there are more sides than yours, they/he have a part also. look at them and their motives. there were visible sights at the beginning which we choosed to ignore.

    you will become stronger, love yourself more and have fun/laughter.
    j.c.
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    Aug 18, 2010 1:40 AM GMT
    A lot of it is situational, in my mind. I've never been raped to my knowledge. But I imagine it would destroy my sense of security pretty completely. It's like a bad breakup, in my eyes. It takes time, and 'testing the waters' to rebuild your comfort with social situations, and new people.

    I imagine feelings change quite a bit depending on -who- rapes you. Is it a random person? A family member? Someone close to you? Either way, it's a really complicated emotional state, with a lot of facets to it. One of those.. you can't understand it until you live it.. sort of things.

  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Aug 18, 2010 6:20 AM GMT
    im gonna go out on a limb here and say there are probably better channels to pose this question than right here on RJ... how bout see a therapist, hmm?
  • jaded57

    Posts: 85

    Aug 18, 2010 7:00 AM GMT
    I feel for the most part that only time can really heal that kinda pain. Therapy might get you used to the idea that you were violated but I feel thats about it.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Aug 18, 2010 10:24 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Hunter9 saidim gonna go out on a limb here and say there are probably better channels to pose this question than right here on RJ... how bout see a therapist, hmm?


    How is a therapist going to provide the OP with other people's input on the matter? A therapist cannot share his clients' private privileged information on the subject matter and technically should not share his/her personal experiences during a client's paid session time.


    Therapists do talk about their other clients' experiences, just without revealing the patients' names. Therapists can also use the experience gained from talking to dozens, if not hundreds, of other rape survivors to give the best advice possible to someone who needs help getting over the trauma of sexual assault.

    Don't bash the therapists, or counselors, please. Many cities have organizations with free counseling for survivors of sexual assault, too.
  • rioriz

    Posts: 1056

    Aug 21, 2010 2:22 PM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Hunter9 saidim gonna go out on a limb here and say there are probably better channels to pose this question than right here on RJ... how bout see a therapist, hmm?


    How is a therapist going to provide the OP with other people's input on the matter? A therapist cannot share his clients' private privileged information on the subject matter and technically should not share his/her personal experiences during a client's paid session time.


    Therapists do talk about their other clients' experiences, just without revealing the patients' names. Therapists can also use the experience gained from talking to dozens, if not hundreds, of other rape survivors to give the best advice possible to someone who needs help getting over the trauma of sexual assault.

    Don't bash the therapists, or counselors, please. Many cities have organizations with free counseling for survivors of sexual assault, too.


    Thanks! As I am a therapist I agree with Bunjamon. It's not that the therapist shares private info about other client's but can give the present OP a sense of normality that what he is going through can be typical for someone in his traumatic situation. As far as posting to a forum like this, it is much easier sometimes for people to share their inner feelings with strangers than those whom they are closest with.

    Anyways, I agree, seeking a therapist or a sexual assault support group may work best for you to work through this tough time. Good luck
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    Aug 24, 2010 5:13 AM GMT
    Im very happy to see a thread about the subject... I know people who have been raped, was molested myself, and the pain of dealing with rape is so bad most people prefer death over it... talking about it freely is excellent for coming to terms with what happens to us... KUDOS!!
  • JJ_Atoli

    Posts: 295

    Aug 26, 2010 10:23 PM GMT
    I've been having some issues lately with the same thing.
    Most days it feels like the wounds will never heal and no one can be trusted for me (I don't know about you).
    I've seen therapists and most of them don't have any real answers.
    From what I've been told by others and experienced myself you'll probably never be able to 100 percent escape what has happened to you. The only thing you can do is learn coping skills - take it day by day and hope that you'll be able to open up and heal some in the future?
    That's what I'm hoping for.
  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    Aug 26, 2010 10:54 PM GMT
    Train, soory to hear about your rape and hope you get over it some day...Just like women it is hard to get over and each deals with it in their own way...In my case I got lucky that the guy who did this to me was stabbed to death when he came home early from work but before this ever happened I did tell him how I felt....He was my Voice and piano teacher and it happens when I was 16...I still love to sing and play piano but someitmes get paranoid around guys that look like him and sometimes break out in a cold sweat and h ave to leave where I am....Will it ever go away..Honestly I doubt it but have learned to cope with it and hope it never happens again ...good luck to you and if you need to talk then email me..will be happy to talk to you.....