He changes his facebook to "In a relationship".

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    Aug 18, 2010 2:31 AM GMT
    Im currently seeing a guy. Don't know if id call it dating or not but we have fun together, go to movies and for dinner and drinks and stuff. I've known him for a little over a month, after breaking up with my now ex-boyfriend. We both agreed that because we were trying to find our way through our feelings about our past relationships that we would take things very slowly. I'm heading north for school in two months and i'll be up there until Xmas. We agreed that whatever mght happen between us would be taken slowly. Fast forward to two days ago, when i went to his house to watch a movie. We wound up cuddling on his couch watching the show, and one thing led to another, and we had sex together. He let me top him, which was the first time I topped. It was great! I left that night and went home and crashed before work the next morning. I got home from work that day and checked facebook. He had changed his relationship status to "In a relationship". Now, I know that he places an emotional attatchment on sex. he likes to get comfortable wth a person before he has sex with them. In a way im the same way, but I sometimes just wanna screw a guy i find hot, lol. Anyways, Im concerned that I'm not far enough out of my past relationship to want anything serious yet, and I want to take things slow. Yes I know we fucked but that cant automatically make us BF's can it? I wanna braoch this carefully cuz i really like the guy, he's great. Im just not sure, especially after everything with my ex, and now discovering topping, that I am ready to settle down into a relationship. I dontt wanna lead the guy on and hurt him, cuz he doesnt deserve that, and i refuse to cheat, but if i enter into a relationship right now, i kinda feel like id be trapped. HELP!
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    Aug 18, 2010 2:35 AM GMT
    Jonno11 saidIm currently seeing a guy.
    ...
    Now, I know that he places an emotional attatchment on sex
    ...
    Yes I know we fucked but that cant automatically make us BF's can it?
    Yes, it can, in his mind. Sounds like you're stuck with a new BF. icon_lol.gif
    I used to have sex with those kinds of people just to satisfy my sexual hunger, but I stopped doing it because it never ends well. Now when someone tells me they place an emotional attachment on sex, it's over before it began.
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    Aug 18, 2010 6:04 AM GMT
    This is why facebook is so wrong for relationships. Just don't be friends with him. It's as easy as that.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 18, 2010 6:32 AM GMT
    You're 22 and just topped?? I guess for some it's like potato chips you can't just do one. It's sounds like you had the talk with him prior. Talk with him again maybe he feels this has changed things-be nice.

    I hope you used a condom!!!!!icon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gif
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Aug 18, 2010 8:09 AM GMT
    Like you've said, different actions can mean different things for different people; like how sex can mean one thing for you and another for him. Being on different levels is very common from my experience, espcially when there's lacking communication between both parts since either part can start assuming things which in turn can become facts for them. I think you need to clear the air how you feel and think.



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    Aug 18, 2010 6:26 PM GMT
    Talk to him. After reading your post, everything you are feeling is completely normal and reasonable. Be honest with him and tell him the same things that you told us in your post.
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    Aug 19, 2010 1:08 AM GMT
    yes i just topped for the first time, i always bottomed before but i gotta say im def verse now, lol. i know what all the top guys are on about, haha. and of course i played safe! i do need to have a talk with him, i just hope he doesnt take it the wrong way cuz i like him, but im just not yet ready for a committed relationship yet.
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    Aug 19, 2010 5:17 AM GMT
    Avoiding the conversation is the best way to wreck whatever is there (or not).

    Your choice. Always.
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    Aug 19, 2010 5:23 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidAvoiding the conversation is the best way to wreck whatever is there (or not).

    Your choice. Always.


    For realz.

    Have this conversation with him. We have no idea what is going on in his head so it is up to you to find out.

    FYI, you should have a State of the Union conversation with him from time to time to make sure you are both on the same page (relationships are more complex than books, as they don't have footnotes. You should shoot for the same chapter rather than the same page.)