How To Spot A Masturbator

  • metta

    Posts: 39153

    Aug 18, 2010 6:09 PM GMT
    How To Spot A Masturbator

    http://christwire.org/2010/05/how-to-spot-a-masturbator/


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    Oct 11, 2011 3:56 AM GMT
    Almost as bad as Christian side hugs icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 12, 2011 5:04 AM GMT
    is this fer real?!
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    Oct 12, 2011 5:07 AM GMT
    I love ChristWire. Such delicious satire.
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    Oct 12, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    So we spot him, then what?
    Help him out, join him, blow him?
    (If hes hot, of course) icon_wink.gif
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Oct 12, 2011 5:18 AM GMT
    christwire saidOne trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.” If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Oct 12, 2011 5:19 AM GMT
    Ye gods and little fishes! This is downright scary.

    The article would not load past the first paragraph on my computer. Tender mercies thrive!

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    Oct 12, 2011 5:20 AM GMT
    This thread smells like semen.
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    Oct 12, 2011 5:27 AM GMT
    Omg are they serious!!! xD
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    Oct 12, 2011 5:29 AM GMT
    Guilty... And as a former Mormon.. here is some interesting literature from the brethren...

    STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

    Mark E. Petersen
    Council of the 12 Apostles
    Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.
    This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.
    But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you.
    After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:
    A Guide to Self-Control:
    1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.
    2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.
    3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.
    4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.
    5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.
    6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.
    7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act."
    The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.
    8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the Brethern [sic, Cistern too?]. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.
    9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER -- NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT _OUT_ of your mind! The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.
    As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of these suggestions. Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.
    Suggestions:
    1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.
    2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.
    3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
    4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to never again you will always be open to temptation.
    5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.
    6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.
    7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
    8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.
    9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.
    10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.
    11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.
    12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.
    13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.
    14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.
    15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.
    16. Wear pajamas that a
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    Oct 12, 2011 5:30 AM GMT
    Funny I just got done jackin off.
  • He_Man

    Posts: 906

    Oct 12, 2011 5:50 AM GMT
    I am so over life-hating and life-denying religious bullshit! icon_twisted.gif Everywhere I turn, I hear fundi's screaming what you can do, whom you can do it with and what you can't do. Enough!

    Why can't the religiously credulous just keep it to themselves?

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