Anyone else have more than a hard time getting over their first guy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2010 6:58 AM GMT
    Some advice would be nice
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 19, 2010 10:54 AM GMT
    when the dog dies get a new puppy.

    You will be okicon_smile.gif
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    Aug 19, 2010 11:37 AM GMT
    Just be glad you had what you had, knowing there are unlucky chumps who have a hard time getting a first guy....
  • turbid2wenty

    Posts: 74

    Aug 19, 2010 11:45 AM GMT
    For whatever reason, and I've heard others say this, your first will always be pretty memorable, and arguably the most memorable. Even after many years, I'll still get emails from my first, wondering how I'm doing, if I'm single, happy, interested in meeting...it's definitely a tug at the heart strings. There's no reason that you can't continue to have a 'relationship' with the guy, but only in a re-purposed form. Give yourself time to adjust and evaluate whether you want him to continue to be part of your life.
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    Aug 19, 2010 11:55 AM GMT
    It's hard getting over your first, but it's part of the process of looking back and saying that everything that has happened to you has made you what you are today....a strong, compassionate man. And yes, that first guy hurt when he left, but he gave you strength in knowing you can and should love once again...and again.
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    Aug 19, 2010 12:08 PM GMT
    Your first is your training relationship. There is a learning curve and your later ones will be stronger because of it.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 19, 2010 12:20 PM GMT
    I would agree with your premise. I would have a difficult time getting over my first partner..... of course we are still partnered so I'm not worried about getting over him...LOL.

    Sorry, trying to be a little funny. I honestly can understand where you are coming from. I would focus on your future and the great things that make you uniquely you. Enjoy friends, quality time.. and enjoy life. I am confident you will be enjoying the company of someone else in the not too distant future.
  • nhnelson

    Posts: 113

    Aug 19, 2010 12:27 PM GMT
    Dude, it sucks, right? I had something like a year-and-a-half-long battle with depression, I saw a therapist for most of that time, and at a point they even put me on medication. Then one day I realized that there's way more to life than sulking about bullshit like that, and I just snapped out of it. Keep in mind that all during this time I was hooking up with many other guys, even "dating" some of them (quotes because they saw it as dating, I saw it as fucking.)

    Anyway, all I'm trying to say is, be sad for a little while, but don't lose yourself over it. There are a lot more things to do in life than sulk. Even though you might think that you'll never have someone as awesome as he was, you most certainly will.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 19, 2010 12:39 PM GMT
    get extremely busy with something so that your mind is elsewhere.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2010 3:07 PM GMT
    Mourn a bit then move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2010 3:14 PM GMT
    My first guy lasted from the time I was 24-29. So, I was at a loss in so many ways when it ended. You'll need to give your heart and head time to get back into sync with each other. I'd suggest keeping yourself busy with clubs/groups/volunteering - things that are about friendships, fun and helping others rather than about anything romantic. Then, you'll wake up one day and realize you're ready to get back into the game...
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 19, 2010 3:22 PM GMT
    calibro saidget extremely busy with something so that your mind is elsewhere.


    smart advice! the Good Guy i have now makes me realize that my first wasn't worth feeling that badly over. icon_cool.gif
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    Aug 19, 2010 4:22 PM GMT
    calibro saidget extremely busy with somethingsomeone so that your mind is elsewhere.


    Take it from someone who has listened to a lot of blues music, even becoming a pointalist painter wont occupy your mind enough to get over someone. But another person should do it.

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    Aug 19, 2010 5:29 PM GMT
    I found that an ex Navy Seal with an incredible body (and other parts) was what took my mind off of my first boyfriend for a couple of years. The first is always the hardest, but you get over him eventually.
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    Aug 19, 2010 5:34 PM GMT
    The only hard part has been forgiving myself for my part in contributing to our demise as a couple. As for him, he's since done and said things (nothing against me personally, though) since we broke up that have made me realize that I am fortunate that we are not part of each other's lives anymore.
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    Aug 19, 2010 7:57 PM GMT
    Find someone who is hotter!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2010 8:22 PM GMT
    thesurrealist saidSome advice would be nice


    Yes. Immerse yourself in new guys. When thrown, you gotta get right back into the saddle.
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    Aug 19, 2010 8:31 PM GMT
    mplsmike saidI found that an ex Navy Seal with an incredible body (and other parts) was what took my mind off of my first boyfriend for a couple of years. The first is always the hardest, but you get over him eventually.


    My first tells me to this day he still feels the same for me as he did twenty years ago. He forced me to dump him (story for another day) then soon realized his mistake. Evidently you may not get over him. I guess it depends on who does the dumping.
  • JJ_Atoli

    Posts: 295

    Aug 19, 2010 11:48 PM GMT
    Cut him out of your life completely? Works for me.
  • Asmodeus

    Posts: 178

    Aug 20, 2010 12:04 AM GMT
    lol thankfully those days are way behind.....icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 20, 2010 12:26 AM GMT
    Breaking up is never easy. But, the first is probably the hardest. The emotions it invokes are very foreign, and its difficult dealing with them.

    With my first, I believed the relationship would last forever. When it ended, I was in complete shock. Took me two years before I was truely able to move on. Spent alot of time grieving.

    What helped me move on was leaving for college and starting over. It helped because I had a new focus in life and didn't think about my ex 24-7.

    My advice when breaking up is to allow yourself time to grieve. Its painful (sometimes unbearable) and seems like it will never end. But it will. And you will eventually move on and chalk up your first relationship to experience.

    Hang in there!
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    Aug 20, 2010 12:45 AM GMT
    Every time I start to miss my ex.. I stop and think about all the bad stuff that I had to go through, and how fucked up I was over it for so long. It only takes a few minutes for me to get mad as a hornet.

    Then.. instead of not being able to sleep because I miss him. I can't sleep because I want to punch a wall. -__-

    I'm not sure if that's healthy in the long run.. but short term it seems to work pretty well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 20, 2010 3:44 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice, it's so hard to meet new guys though when you're not into the scene, and have like no gay friends. As for hotter, that will be hard too find to, was so physically attracted to him. I'm sure something will come along though.
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    Aug 21, 2010 6:06 PM GMT
    My first bf and I were together exactly one year when we broke up. At the time it was 3 days b4 Christmas making it even harder, Plus we lived together making it harder. He also started dating right away, like 4 days after the break up. We tried to get alone and have a platonic friendship. Big mistake. I ended up moving out 2 months after the break up and out of town. I didn't start to get over him until he was completely removed from my life. I stayed home and didn't date for about 1 year. I realized some people could move on and be best of friends with an ex. I found out I'm not one of those people.
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    Aug 21, 2010 6:21 PM GMT
    I had never had a boyfriend. icon_redface.gif