...and with White Picket Fences

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2007 6:18 AM GMT
    a stereotypical dream in the US is a house with a big family, a dog, and with white picket fences. However, in the gay world I have heard that guys do want a somewhat life like that, a nice house, partner, and children. On the other hand, some other gay guys feel that this is just a brainwashed dream set to make gay men as straight acting as possible. Now I'm not asking which one is right, what I am asking is, what do you guys think? Can a gay man have the kids and a home, or should they just leave it for the "Straights"?...your turn...
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Jun 06, 2007 9:45 AM GMT
    Hi Frank

    This is where a lot of society's problems come from. The way that a large group of society seem to think that everyone should have the same goals, ideals and lifestyles.

    As Gay people we should really stop expecting ourselves to be all aiming for the same things (happy relationship, kids, house, dogs etc) and let eveyone live the way they want.

    Some guys like the single life, partying, etc, some want to settle down in a couple. Why has it got to be either? You should be able to decide how you live your life. As long as you're not hurting anyone else.

    It's 2007, Everyone, not just the Gay community, should be able to live happily as they please.

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    Jun 06, 2007 12:12 PM GMT
    good answer Loz, good answer...LOL, anybody else wanna give it the old college try?
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    Jun 06, 2007 4:56 PM GMT
    Its a very personal choice. For me I can't imagine not owning a house at some point, and hopefully I have a man living with me in that house. I am not much of a child person, I won't say I would never want kids but I don't see it being for me. And just because I have a house doesn't mean I can't party. I enjoy entertaining and cooking so I am sure I would have some parties at my house, and everyone knows there ain't no party like a gay house party. LOL.

    Really as Loz said its very much to each his own.
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    Jun 06, 2007 6:36 PM GMT

    As long as you are living a happy, healthy life and not hurting anyone else. You are not aspiring to be straight acting. You are living the Gay American Dream.

    Allowing others expectatons or lack there of to affect what your goals are for yourself can sometimes be confusing or even detrimental. Follow your own heart, dreams and ambitions.

    I have worked hard to build a quality life,
    beautiful house/home, great dogs and an incredible partner. No white picket fence though. We travel together and with friends, go to pool parties, gay/straight sporting events, camping and on and on. So straight doesn't have exclusivity on anything. We do have great straight freiends also.

    If you want children, it isn't reserved for the "straights", they sometimes don't conceive the natural way. When/if ever you feel you are ready to be a great Dad, and have your priorities in order, go for it!

    I really feel blessed to be gay. When I was "straight", we didn't have halarious drag queens at parties, the music wasn't as good, the men were hot but mostly off limits and the hot ones are on our team now anyway:)

    Celebrate Life!
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    Jun 06, 2007 7:22 PM GMT
    well of course Ima live my life, and do what I want to do, no doubt about it, but I just wanted to see if someone really feels it's an illusion or not. I have no doubt in my mind that I can raise a family and such if I wanted, if you want, go get it. However, I always feel that in many parts of our community, you have many men saying that this is some sort of act that the" straights" want us to portray, so it take a certain gay identity. but, on the oppisite end, you other gay men saying that these men who oppose this lifestyle are either jealous cause they don't have or can't get what they have(gay w/ fam)or that they have not matured, and are still living that Peterpan Lifestyle, you know, stay young forever and all that shit. I feel like you guys do, to each thier own man. If you want to party like nobody's buisness, then you should. But, if you want live an Main St. with your family in the burbs, you should do that, too. I just wanted to know if any of you jocks feel one way or the other, that's all.
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    Jun 06, 2007 7:42 PM GMT
    You know, I think it's cool if people want to "settle down" or be "club tramps" in the long run. It's their life, you know. That said, I do have to wonder if all of this heteronormative emulation on the part of gays is really healthy. No doubt many do want the house, dog, etc., but there was a time when gays were actively criticizing all of that "normalcy." Now, we seem to be endorsing it with open arms.

    Personally, all of that normalcy makes me feel stifled.
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    Jun 06, 2007 7:56 PM GMT
    Life is what you want from it. Actions speak louder than words. Everyone wants a LITTLE BIT OF THE SAME THING - and there is NOTHING wrong w/ that.
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    Jun 06, 2007 7:57 PM GMT
    Its not brainwashing to make gay guys as straight as possible. Saying that is kind of its own form of brainwashing making gay guys assume that they have to be different from straight guys.

    The simple fact is not a lot of straight guys want a house and a spouse and children so its really not a straight dream.

    What it really is is a dream of stability. Any one can have it despite sexual orientation.

    Those who want to settle down with someone are more likely to have this dream than others but its not some conspiracy forced onto people.

    Yes a lot of gay guys have this dream, but there are also many who don't.

    I do personally for the fact that I want a family. Partying and sleeping around just doesn't do it for me. I want something to show for my life when I die and it'll be nice to leave behind a house and kids if you ask me. Just my preference.
  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Jun 06, 2007 8:22 PM GMT
    I think all of the options are open to us; maybe more so than the breeders. The one thing that connects us, barely connects us, to each other is our sexual orientation, so there is room for all of our dreams.
    For me, I don't want children (being an gay uncle is enough); I might own a house someday, but it would more likely be a condo; I want a spouse, but not necessarily monogamy. That's my 2 cents.
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    Jun 06, 2007 10:36 PM GMT
    I have the white picket fence dream....and hope to make it come true. I also happen to live in the part of city where a lot of diversity exists amongst families and kids wont feel out of place. Latter would be the most important factor in building a family with a kid or two.
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    Jun 06, 2007 10:41 PM GMT
    Buddy we want it all and why not. Could not care about the white picket fence though, my property is too large and I don't feel a need for it.

    Joking a side, I think that gay men tend to have a better life style than straight married men in general. We tend to do a lot more travelling, have nicer homes and our better half usually encourages us to hit the gym. What more can you ask for!
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    Jun 06, 2007 11:06 PM GMT
    very well said rksportwear!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 06, 2007 11:32 PM GMT
    Being gay we can skirt the traditional lifestyles of our fathers and str8 friends...
    and now because we've over the last few years entered the mainstream somewhat we have the choice of doing the picket fence and the having kids thing...
    that wasn't possible really ten-fifteen years ago
    I see it as a positive and something that isn't good or bad for us
    great that we can choose what kind of life we'll lead as we get older...
    as long as it's not that only one we can make
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    Jun 07, 2007 2:25 PM GMT
    I have three house. One in the suburban, an apartment in the city and a small hut (kinda a cabin in the US) in the village. The suburban one is my principle house where I go to work, the city apartment where I spend my weekend enjoying the city ,going dancing,art/theatre, pick up guys and the hut is where I go for solitude and getting close to nature. I have all the logistic ready unfortunately haven't find somebody to share it with me. I would love to have a family to share all this thing with me. No, I have no desire to be alone with my three empty house forever.