Str8 friend

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2010 1:46 PM GMT
    Hey -

    This is my first post here; but I have come here looking for some advice/help/tips.

    I met a guy a few months ago through work and he is really hot. We started going out drinking as part of a work group.

    He's a part-timer so I dont see him more than once a week in the office; but anyway; one night when we were drinking with other work colleagues it came up that I am gay. He was suprised, and said he thought I was straight, as he is and he had been talking about girls to me from time to time in bars etc...

    The next day he started to send me text messages a lot and became very friendly on social networking sites and started to encourage me to go to the gym with him and to hang out a lot - which of course I did.

    In person he has camp tendencies; great dress sense, great personality and super body. Online - he started getting quite flirty; tellin me his underwear is xxs and on a few occasions he sent me pics of half naked guys telling me I would like these. I said of course and he said yeh but they have much better bodies than me. I replied saying you cant get a great personality like yours in the gym and he told me to stop; that he was blushing.

    Everything was going along nicely and I was hoping he would come out of the closet or at least try something. Then he started to see a girl who works with us and he kept it quiet from everyone and only told me and non of his other friends. They broke up quite quickly; but are now back together.

    We still chat the whole time online; but we don't hang out near as much anymore. I suggested a weekend away to him in a foreign city and he was delighted to come along and we are going away and sharing a room next month.

    No sooner had I booked it; he then told me he was taking his girlfriend away this weekend just past for 2 nights. I kinda felt in one way it was nearly as if he as doing that to "prove" he's straight in case i'd get the wrong idea or something.

    I was talking with him today and he seems pretty much besotted with her and said he was depressed the weekend was over.

    Now he wants me to go out drinking with him next weekend; he hasn't mentioned her; but I am sure she will be there. No offence to her as she does seem nice; but she has only a few part-time hours a week; didn't go to college and doesen't seem motivated to get a full time job. On top of that I have met one or two of her friends and they are a little bit mouthy and rough.

    Where as he is refined; cultured; educated; wealthy; great looking and we get on super well.

    I just don't know what to do.

    I think about him all the time; like all the time. We chat for over 8 hours a day normally online and before he got the girlfriend we hung out about 3-4 nights each week.

    I feel really really sad that's all stopped and wonder whether I am to blame for not making a move; but then again I respect him too much to do that as he says he is straight.

    One night he brought his girlfriend out for one or two drinks and all my friends were with us as well. They all told me how affectionate and interested in me he was and he barely spoke to her; and anytime he did speak to her he kicked me to go out and talk to him.

    He's coming up to mine in a week or so for a few drinks and drinking games and a few comedy movies; just him and me.

    Any ideas?

    At the moment im not interested in anyone else; but feel that maybe he's settled with his girl now and im just a friend that he doesen't care all that much about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2010 2:17 PM GMT
    You have a straight friend that wants you to know he's cool with all things gay, likes you as a person and values your friendship very much.

    I would think you'd want a gay BF that will love you and cherish you without cloak and daggering you into turmoil.

    Imagine your sister with a straight guy, and he has a best friend who is a girl as well.
    That best-friend-girl of of his comes to you and tells you that she's head over heels for the guy, and that he likes to spend time with her, but gosh he talks romantically about your sister and says he's going out with her.

    Then the guy's best-friend-girl asks you if she should pursue your sister's BF.

    -Doug
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Aug 23, 2010 4:15 PM GMT
    Thanks Doug, you saved me several keystrokes.
  • Akula

    Posts: 130

    Aug 23, 2010 5:24 PM GMT
    Gawd not another one! Why do sooo many gay guys fall for str8s, I have a friend who does the same thing and laments that he can't find a bf. Easy STOP going after str8 guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Riahtherockst...

    Posts: 107

    Aug 23, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    @ Akula I tend to fall for people regardless of their sexuality... its not like I'm "Oh, that's a straight guy, I'm gonna hit on him"... are you attracted his sexuality or his personality? Straight people can have awesome personalities too you know?
  • Tiller66

    Posts: 380

    Aug 23, 2010 5:37 PM GMT
    I would just put him out of your mind,if he says he's into this girl and then does the wonderful thing of being with you what do you have to look forward to.Alot of str8 guys do this when they find out a friend is gay and usually when/if they deside to play it's just play time for them.So if you do anything with him it would be wise to think of as just a hook up that does'nt really mean anything but sex otherwise your just setting yourself up for alot of hurt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2010 5:43 PM GMT
    Riahtherockstar said@ Akula I tend to fall for people regardless of their sexuality... its not like I'm "Oh, that's a straight guy, I'm gonna hit on him"... are you attracted his sexuality or his personality? Straight people can have awesome personalities too you know?


    Attracted sexually and his personality is just amazing. Really really amazing. He's told me that I brighten up his day; am the epicentre of his circle of trust; that he thinks the world of me and meeting me was one of the best things thats happened to him this year.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2010 5:43 PM GMT
    Tiller66 saidI would just put him out of your mind,if he says he's into this girl and then does the wonderful thing of being with you what do you have to look forward to.Alot of str8 guys do this when they find out a friend is gay and usually when/if they deside to play it's just play time for them.So if you do anything with him it would be wise to think of as just a hook up that does'nt really mean anything but sex otherwise your just setting yourself up for alot of hurt.


    I wuldnt mind a bit of fun like that to be honest; if hes game for it and wants to keep it quiet then I'd have no probs!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2010 5:59 PM GMT
    How about being honest with him? Something along the lines of the following:

    "NAME, I enjoy spending time with you. I enjoy the friendship: common interests, humor, etc. Last time we got together, it was a blast

    I know you've been dating HER NAME, and hope it goes well.

    Look, to be honest, as time goes by, I actually find myself attracted to you on various levels, which may not be very welcome from your point of view. You're a good guy, fun to be with, easy on the eyes, smart, friendly... etc.

    In any case, I wanted to be honest with you, as you've been with me. I hope this doesn't change our friendship, which means a lot to me. I promise not to jump your bones, unless you jump mine first! JK.

    See you soon -- "
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2010 6:02 PM GMT
    Been there done that, NO NO NO!
    He just wants to have his cake and eat it too.
    Run away. End of story.
  • lozano86

    Posts: 293

    Aug 23, 2010 6:16 PM GMT
    Stay away. Forget it about him. He just likes the attention. I learned my lesson. THIS YEAR. Yah im still young but trust me. It wont end well. Especially if you are crushing on him the way you are. Just keep your distance. Actually communicate everything you just said to him and then start doing your own thing. He's just one guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2010 6:22 PM GMT
    lozano86 saidStay away. Forget it about him. He just likes the attention. I learned my lesson. THIS YEAR. Yah im still young but trust me. It wont end well. Especially if you are crushing on him the way you are. Just keep your distance. Actually communicate everything you just said to him and then start doing your own thing. He's just one guy.


    EXACTLY!


    p.s.
    Lozano, youre hot. icon_wink.gif
  • Akula

    Posts: 130

    Aug 23, 2010 6:24 PM GMT
    Hello reality calling, Its one thing to say "Oh shit I'm falling for this str8 guy" then cut it off before you get hurt, its another thing to pull the "Well maybe he'll change". Its no different then the str8 chick hoping the married guy will leave his wife for her. Nip it in the bud, unless like someone said if he's a potenial FB then treat him as such, not as a potential BF. But then again I doubt you could treat him as just a FB.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 23, 2010 6:57 PM GMT
    Whether he's straight, bi, or gay, he's toying with you. He may not even be doing it consciously, but the results are the same. Is this the kind of person you want to pursue? He's been consistent in his inconsistency. You aren't going to change him. To pursue him further is going to lead to heartbreak. You've had a nice little obsession going, but it's time to move on to someone who is emotionally available to you.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 25, 2010 10:15 AM GMT
    Any ideas?

    Yeah ... stop drooling over lost causes
    Is this guy a closet case? Maybe
    But to put in the time and effort to cultivate that tendency ... you might be old and gray before you get any action
  • lozano86

    Posts: 293

    Aug 31, 2010 2:59 AM GMT
    GigoloAssassin saidBeen there done that, NO NO NO!
    He just wants to have his cake and eat it too.
    Run away. End of story.


    Thanks man. So are you icon_smile.gif