A summary: TEN REASONS PEOPLE CHOOSE TO NOT PRACTICE SAFER SEX (AND THEN POTENTIALLY LIE ABOUT IT)

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    Feb 22, 2008 5:31 AM GMT
    Below is the summation of a long, and sometimes unpleasant chat thread concerning the issue of people claiming to always practice safer sex and yet be lying about it. If you want to see the whole tortuous process, you can look for the topic called "Safe sex? Really? 'Always?'" However, it's probably not worth the effort and exposure to unbridled venom.

    TEN REASONS PEOPLE CHOOSE TO NOT PRACTICE SAFER SEX (AND THEN POTENTIALLY LIE ABOUT IT):

    1) HIV Fatigue (overinundated w/safe sex messages)
    2) Medical advancements (treatments are better)
    3) Disconnection (no firsthand experience w/the disease)
    4) Glamorized imagery (med companies use sexy models)
    5) Damaged Self esteem
    6) Underdeveloped self-discipline
    7) Aversion to condoms
    8 ) Fear of rejection
    9) Intoxication
    10) Apathy

    And there you have it: the ten i could glean from the conversation. Hope this is useful in some way to people other than myself.

    Be well.
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    Feb 22, 2008 2:26 PM GMT
    incidentally, if you'd like to add items to the list, feel free; however, i don't think i care to do much more of the forum stuff on here. it gets too mean too fast. but please add, if you'd care to.
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    Feb 22, 2008 2:33 PM GMT
    I assume when you say not practicing safer sex that it means not using a condom for anal, right? I have a few to add.

    - Drug use;

    - Belief that HIV does not cause AIDS;

    - Both partners have gone for an HIV test and have come back negative.

    - Both partners are positive and are willing to take the risk of re-infecting each other with a drug-resistant strain of the virus.
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    Feb 22, 2008 2:52 PM GMT
    Idiot-itist.
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    Feb 22, 2008 2:56 PM GMT
    People are just not responsable.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Feb 22, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    I will add this as unsafe sex

    1. Using oil based lube for anal penetration.
    2. Assuming oral sex condomless is 100% safe
    3. Using expire condom
    4. Swallowing cum
    5. Using cheaper condom rather then more famous brand like Durex

  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Feb 22, 2008 5:00 PM GMT
    I would recategorize #6 (underdeveloped self-discipline) as "sociopathic levels of selfishness (clinical narcissism)"...
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    Feb 22, 2008 6:05 PM GMT
    11) Disbelief (in the present scientific knowledge or the zeitgeist surrounding the epidemic’s original cause or its spread)

    Now, before anyone jumps all over me, I am only adding this to the list as a possibility for a few other people, not myself.
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    Feb 22, 2008 7:06 PM GMT


    At the risk of sounding like a butthead
    , I think this post is idiotic. Why, because I have been drunk offa my ass and still refused unprotected anal sex from a guy who was all but forcing it into himself.

    I don't like the way condoms feel...and I still use them.

    I know better than to swallow cum, if you've ever been to the free clinic EVEN once they drill that into you.

    Expired condom...this ain't a valid excuse...just grab some new ones, have made many a stop at the mini-mart on the way to a hard's house.

    Damaged self esteem, can be repaired. I had one, my mother made Joan Crawford look like a nice lady.I used to bow my head in submission whenever she entered the room. NOW, she lowers her head when she sees me because my self esteem is just TOO GREAT.

    Treatments are better, so are the treatments for a broken leg, your point.

    SOMEBODY LYING TO ME THAT THEY ARE CLEAN AND NOT: doesn't scare me...because I always practice safe sex.

    Ok, bored now...I could shoot down the rest of your so called reasons (excuses), but i'm getting bored.

    If this post was called TEN REASONS (I) CHOOSE TO PRACTICE SAFE SEX AND NOT HAVE TO LIE, I might respect it more.

    I think in some cases it is inappropriate like regarding weightloss (so many variables) but in regards to something as simple as strapping on a condom and exercising discretion, I think a NO NONSENSE approach is necessary and should be adopted by the gay community as a whole regarding this issue, thankyou.

    venom











  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2008 7:20 PM GMT
    it's still not totally clear to me what is the differnce betwen safe sex and safer sex.from what I've read here safer sex includes the condom in oral sex
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    Feb 23, 2008 1:06 AM GMT
    hey gio - in the other thread it was pointed out that whenever you have sex there's always a risk of some kind (rubbers can break, etc.), so there's no TRUE safe sex - you can have only "safer" sex. safer sex includes using barriers during oral.
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    Feb 23, 2008 2:07 AM GMT
    I don't get it...if rubbers can break and you choose to use one for both anal and oral, how dumb would you look if the anal one broke? Because...anal sex is ten times more dangerous!

    Honestly, some of you should either relax or abstain, which is the only TRUE safe sex there is.

    I think better advice is: know who you are putting your pecker in. What kinds of guys do they fancy, what do they get into sexually, How promiscuous are they???

    I know what you'll say, so I'll answer you before you say it: how can I be 100% sure they are telling the truth?

    You can't, but you can be reasonably sure. I had a major question about one guy recently and I had to ask myself some questions:

    Have I talked to him about safe sex and his feelings on it? (YES)

    Have I inquired about his sexual history and agenda? (YES)

    Is he some guy i just picked up in the parking lot at The Manhole and we fucked without telling eachother our names? (NO)

    Did he say he test regularly? (YES)

    Does he care about me? (YES)

    Would he knowingly risk my health? (NO)

    Have we shared meaningful conversation apart from sexual grunts and groans? (YES)

    Is he my friend? (YES)

    Did we have safe sex? (YES)

    No, i'm not saying that just because a man befriends you that he can't betray you and put you at risk, but I am talking about stacking the odds in your favor that he won't. I firmly believe that most people catch AIDS and HIV from people that they either do not know are have several reasons not to trust. My unwavering conviction is that if you communicate with a person and practice SAFE sex....that you'll be fine. otherwise, do the wahmbulance a favor and abstain.

    Oh yeah, me and the guy I mentioned are both neg. Although he did dump me for suspecting him, bastard.
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    Feb 23, 2008 5:48 AM GMT
    dear guiltygear,

    thank you for your comments and observations. alot of what you're saying was already brought up in some way in the original thread - this one was really only meant to be a summary. i had to do alot of digesting of the feedback to come to the "final" list. your arguments for the wisdom behind safe sex are valid, but they aren't explanations for WHY someone would NOT practice safer sex (and then potentially lie about it).

    i had to request someone be deleted because of his horrifyingly hateful rhetoric on the other thread (he actually wished me death in front of everyone: he said he hoped i got aids and died, but not until after i scooped my brain up and put it in a jar after cracking my skull open after a fall)...

    i only mentioned that because i'm not in the mood to respond to anymore discussion about the list posted in this thread. if you'd like to see the original conversation, now that the most offensive posts have been deleted by realjock, please see "safe sex? really? 'always?'"

    thanks for your interest. icon_smile.gif