talking things out..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2010 5:35 AM GMT
    ppl get sad about this and that, then talk to someone about it and feel better from just talking about it. they say it helps, etc, talking to a friend.

    but i talk to my close friends about it and i get nothing from it. they care and everything, its not like i'm annoying them, and they try to make me feel better but in the end i have to fake a smile and pretend that they did cuz i feel guilty.

    me "she just made me feel weird..i mean, its fine if you dont want to do the things that i like, but you dont have to make me feel bad about them..."
    me "god knows she likes really really weird stuff and even though im not that crazy about them i do every single thing."
    f (friend)"No. Don't do this. Other peoples' opinions are their own, alone."
    (blah blah blah personal stuff)
    f "This has all really disturbed you, hasn't it? o.O"
    f "you seem flat, hurt."
    f "It makes me feel sad, too."
    me "i'm sorry i brought it up.. these are my problems"
    f "but I feel like I have failed you somehow."
    me "you didn't fail me at all.. you helped me icon_smile.gif"
    f "I love you, buddy. n.n"

    is there something wrong with me? most of the time i keep it inside but sometimes (this time) i had to get it out of me.. it's just that, the same issues are there after we've talked about it, only instead of forgetting about them i've spent my time revisiting them with my friend and it makes me feel like shit. but keeping them to myself sometimes makes me feel like shit too.

    i tend to brush off their compassion as pity and not listen to it. everyone else seems to feel better or helped from one of these exchanges tho...and i just dont understand how.
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    Aug 25, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    Reread your post again because you basically found the answer to your issue.
    If it takes a lot to get something out from you to talk about it, and when somebody gives you advice but you just dismiss it, then no wonder youre feeling the reaction you think youre getting. Get it?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Aug 25, 2010 8:37 PM GMT
    Dude.....Just from reading this...my thoughts....it sounds like you don't feel that you deserve compassion.....Sometimes when we're a child ...when we get sad or hurt our parents will say suck it up...don't cry...don't be weak.....Dude it's ok to feel sad.....and to reach out to people that love and care about you....Don't be afraid of compassion....open your heart and mind to the thought that their our people in your life that love you for being just you......BUD
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    Aug 26, 2010 8:45 AM GMT
    i dont think i can explain this situation without lots of reading... it was just a stupid post to make, i was really low because of what had happened and i wish i hadn't posted anything...

    GigoloAssassinand when somebody gives you advice but you just dismiss it, then no wonder youre feeling the reaction you think youre getting. Get it?

    its not advice that i dismiss, its when they start giving me compliments/compassion to make me feel better. it actually makes me instantly think "youre lying. oh no, that means that thing you complimented me on is actually something that sucks!"

    ie, if i made a shit drawing for animation class and my prof tore me up about it. my friend sees this happen and looks at the drawing and goes, "oh well thats cute! i like it. especially the posing." thats clearly a lie, but now my posing sucks as well.

    anyways, i'm sorry i posted this at all. i've since reconciled with the girl so it all doesnt matter anymore.
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    Aug 26, 2010 8:47 AM GMT
    mkubwa saidi dont think i can explain this situation without lots of reading... it was just a stupid post to make, i was really low because of what had happened and i wish i hadn't posted anything...

    GigoloAssassinand when somebody gives you advice but you just dismiss it, then no wonder youre feeling the reaction you think youre getting. Get it?

    its not advice that i dismiss, its when they start giving me compliments/compassion to make me feel better. it actually makes me instantly think "youre lying. oh no, that means that thing you complimented me on is actually something that sucks!"

    ie, if i made a shit drawing for animation class and my prof tore me up about it. my friend sees this happen and looks at the drawing and goes, "oh well thats cute! i like it. especially the posing." thats clearly a lie, but now my posing sucks as well.

    anyways, i'm sorry i posted this at all. i've since reconciled with the girl so it all doesnt matter anymore.


    Lol, I hear that, when I feel bad, and people start complimenting me or saying things to make me feel better or help me they're making it worse
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    Aug 26, 2010 8:58 AM GMT
    Grasshooper:

    If no one to confide in you have, in yourself learn to confide and talk.

    Your mind and body, relax. In and out deeply breathe. Clear your mind you must of all that bothers you. Learn the art of "self-talk" and positive thinking you must.

    [Corny I am.] icon_redface.gif
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    Aug 26, 2010 9:00 AM GMT
    conscienti1984 saidGrasshooper:

    If no one to confide in you have, in yourself learn to confide and talk.

    Your mind and body, relax. In and out deeply breathe. Clear your mind you must of all that bothers you. Learn the art of "self-talk" and positive thinking you must.

    [Corny I am.] icon_redface.gif


    That was very enjoyable t read Conscienti, thank you for posting

    Corny you are not, Wise you are!

  • Aug 26, 2010 5:44 PM GMT
    Your friends are doing the best they can. If you see their compassion as pity, they can't do anything about it.

    Communication is key, you can't give up and just let it go unresolved =/

    I use to be the same way, but it was never my friends, it was always me. There was always something I was struggling with. I finally learned I just needed to be honest, truthful, and just say everything that was on my mind, not holding back. Because you never win holding back.

    I hope whatever the problems are, they get resolve =D Good luck =D