Ever had a 'type' epiphany?

  • JJ_Atoli

    Posts: 295

    Aug 28, 2010 8:31 PM GMT
    So almost everyone has a type right? A general idea of characteristics, traits and appearances they are most attracted to and an opposing idea of things they aren't so much attracted to.
    From what I've always thought to be true, while some do end up making some exceptions to what they might consider to be their ideal mate in the long run due to desperation or simply realizing the reality of the world, for the most part a person's type is fixed. Or so I thought...

    My type radically shifted today after watching a uh...'film' to include a breed of male that I've never before been attracted to.

    Just wondering if this has ever happened to anyone else and if so who was the guy that ultimately changed things.

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    Aug 28, 2010 10:06 PM GMT
    What was your type before and now?
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    Aug 28, 2010 10:16 PM GMT
    Most definitely. I have always, always, always been attracted to strong latin and black men. Then an observation from a straight friend of mine - usually way out in left field - made perfect sense to me.

    'There are so few gay people as it is, and then you narrow it down to ethnic groups that make up such a small percentage of the population, then you have to factor in the history and homophobia in those communities today. You really, honestly think you're going to meet someone who is 1) gay, 2) interested in you too, 3) dealt with their gay stuff and ready for dating and 3) potentially interested in living where you are or vice versa? And we haven't even started talking about common interests, habits, the basics. Do the math. That's literally one in a million. We have so many more hoops to jump through JUST to find someone, then when we do, we have stricter criteria than straight people who make up more than 90% of the population. What the hell?!

    I'm not saying give up your type. Not at all. I'm saying grow the hell up. One thing I've learned from being around straight men is that, yes, between about 7th grade and college they have this fantasy girl that will bring them endless pleasure and delight. But then life and adulthood begins. A lot (not all!) of these guys have different criteria - is this someone I want to have children with. Is this someone I can trust with my finances, with my family, with her family? Is she at a similar place in life? Would I want to marry her and raise children together? These are a few examples why straight relationships (again, not always, but sometimes) last a long time. There's a lot more riding on them and responsibilities are huge. With us, we NEVER give up the fantasy and keep thinking it's out there, just wait a little longer, move to this city, go hang out here, and then are furious to discover that, after attending a few gay functions, there are no guys like this to be found. It's because you never develop any adult social skills or interests that would interest you in another gay guy who might not be your fantasy come to life, but he's always gonna be there for you. He is someone who you can trust. He's going to be there when something happens to your parents someday. I am constantly amazed at how many of us don't even consider these things - whether we are 20 or 55. And that's the difference. We are in this perpetual stage of a 15 year old girl who has the posters of the shirtless guys in her room, thinking that 'maybe someday' I'll find this guy.

    Again, keep your fantasies alive - they're great. But I wish we could stop with our porn star/straight college rugby player fantasies and really see who is out there in the gay world and be a little more realistic. If that's not good enough for you, don't get into a relationship.
  • JJ_Atoli

    Posts: 295

    Aug 28, 2010 10:19 PM GMT
    Before today my type was already extremely broad. I can honestly say that my type was just "cute" which for me comes in a lot of different shapes and sizes...and appearances.
    The thing is that before now I've never been seriously attracted to any man of Asian descent. That changed because of this guy:

    Kong.jpg

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    Japanese porn star Kong. It's odd. I don't know what it is I find attractive about him...but it's there.
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    Aug 28, 2010 10:23 PM GMT
    Men are wonderful.
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    Aug 28, 2010 10:25 PM GMT
    I just like men. I stopped thinking about types years ago. you will never end up with your "type", that's just fantasy. Like the tall, dark type. It's just fantasy.
  • JJ_Atoli

    Posts: 295

    Aug 28, 2010 10:32 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidI just like men. I stopped thinking about types years ago. you will never end up with your "type", that's just fantasy. Like the tall, dark type. It's just fantasy.

    Good thing I'm attracted to a lot of different types of people. Lol
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    Aug 28, 2010 11:33 PM GMT
    I can relate. I always used to go for the nice, cute, smart, boy next store types. But I realized after dating a few of them that they always end the same way; they get very insecure, clingy. I finally realized that I need someone that is as strong and sexy as they are cute & smart.
    It might have something to do with the idea I use to have in my head that I always needed to be the "man" in the relationship, ie, being the stronger personality, the care taker. Etc. I think I finally realized that I need a "man" that is more of a equal. Funny the things you realize as you get a little older icon_surprised.gif
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    Aug 29, 2010 12:31 AM GMT
    DuluthMNI'm not saying give up your type. Not at all. I'm saying grow the hell up. One thing I've learned from being around straight men is that, yes, between about 7th grade and college they have this fantasy girl that will bring them endless pleasure and delight. But then life and adulthood begins. A lot (not all!) of these guys have different criteria - is this someone I want to have children with. Is this someone I can trust with my finances, with my family, with her family? Is she at a similar place in life? Would I want to marry her and raise children together? These are a few examples why straight relationships (again, not always, but sometimes) last a long time. There's a lot more riding on them and responsibilities are huge. With us, we NEVER give up the fantasy and keep thinking it's out there, just wait a little longer, move to this city, go hang out here, and then are furious to discover that, after attending a few gay functions, there are no guys like this to be found. It's because you never develop any adult social skills or interests


    Well, I wish there were a button I could press and change my type to something more convenient. Skinny guys (the type of guy I attract the most) come to mind. Where is this button?

    But then I think... women are more convenient than any type of guy. More available, less picky. If I should change my type in function of convenience, then I should try to become straight.

    But I don't want to become straight!

    If I bother being gay, going through all the shit we all have to go through just to exert our sexualities, then the guy I'll be with must be worth it. If I'm supposed to be with someone I don't find attractive at all, I would just be with a woman and enjoy the benefits of a heteronormative society. The higher the pressure, the higher the prize a man must offer to compensate for the risk of the relationship. Just a food for thought, considering your theory puts all the blame on us.
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    Aug 29, 2010 1:38 AM GMT
    bachian said
    DuluthMNI'm not saying give up your type. Not at all. I'm saying grow the hell up. One thing I've learned from being around straight men is that, yes, between about 7th grade and college they have this fantasy girl that will bring them endless pleasure and delight. But then life and adulthood begins. A lot (not all!) of these guys have different criteria - is this someone I want to have children with. Is this someone I can trust with my finances, with my family, with her family? Is she at a similar place in life? Would I want to marry her and raise children together? These are a few examples why straight relationships (again, not always, but sometimes) last a long time. There's a lot more riding on them and responsibilities are huge. With us, we NEVER give up the fantasy and keep thinking it's out there, just wait a little longer, move to this city, go hang out here, and then are furious to discover that, after attending a few gay functions, there are no guys like this to be found. It's because you never develop any adult social skills or interests


    Well, I wish there were a button I could press and change my type to something more convenient. Skinny guys (the type of guy I attract the most) come to mind. Where is this button?

    But then I think... women are more convenient than any type of guy. More available, less picky. If I should change my type in function of convenience, then I should try to become straight.

    But I don't want to become straight!

    If I bother being gay, going through all the shit we all have to go through just to exert our sexualities, then the guy I'll be with must be worth it. If I'm supposed to be with someone I don't find attractive at all, I would just be with a woman and enjoy the benefits of a heteronormative society. The higher the pressure, the higher the prize a man must offer to compensate for the risk of the relationship. Just a food for thought, considering your theory puts all the blame on us.


    easy, there. Nobody is asking you to settle for Quasimodo. All he recommends is that you not limit your chances unnecessarily. Or are you absolutely certain that a skinny guy can't be the love of your life, you have mind-blowing sex with, happy to share your life with? Keep your fantasies for the porn you jerk off to, but give guys that are not automatically your type a chance too.
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    Aug 29, 2010 2:33 AM GMT
    an open mind is the secret. nothing wrong with travelling down the main road, just don't ignore the side routes, because one just may have been the turnoff you SHOULD have taken. Open mind, all the time..... Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Aug 29, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    My "type" has not changed. "Hot" is my type. Hot is hot.
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    Aug 29, 2010 5:03 AM GMT
    bernd saideasy, there. Nobody is asking you to settle for Quasimodo. All he recommends is that you not limit your chances unnecessarily. Or are you absolutely certain that a skinny guy can't be the love of your life, you have mind-blowing sex with, happy to share your life with? Keep your fantasies for the porn you jerk off to, but give guys that are not automatically your type a chance too.


    easy, there. Nobody is asking you to settle for Quasimodo. All he recommends is that you not limit your chances unnecessarily. Or are you absolutely certain that a woman can't be the love of your life, you have mind-blowing sex with, happy to share your life with? Keep your fantasies for the porn you jerk off to, but give girls that are not automatically your type a chance too.

    Convenience again...