Foreign Gaydar

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    Aug 29, 2010 7:55 AM GMT
    Gaydar is the recognizing of subtle signs that point to homosexuality. (At least, that's what I think it is.) Mannerisms, style, a laugh, a smile that makes you think "My, a fellow homosexual!"

    But does gaydar work across cultural lines? Say you know, oh I don't know, a Syrian man. And he was cute, and smelled nice, and you talked for a while. And then you weren't sure what to do, and he had to leave, and you're going to go back to the same place next Saturday and see if he shows up again. How would you know if he's gay, 'cause he's all Syrian and mysterious.

    Hypothetically.
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    Aug 29, 2010 11:18 AM GMT
    Gaydar sucks!
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    Aug 29, 2010 11:20 AM GMT
    Gaydar works differently for people of different cultural and ethnic backgrounds.
    If you're new to people of different cultures, it would be the equivalent of finding the closeted guy in a biker bar.
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    Aug 29, 2010 11:22 AM GMT
    sexyactionnick saidGaydar is the recognizing of subtle signs that point to homosexuality. (At least, that's what I think it is.) Mannerisms, style, a laugh, a smile that makes you think "My, a fellow homosexual!"

    But does gaydar work across cultural lines? Say you know, oh I don't know, a Syrian man. And he was cute, and smelled nice, and you talked for a while. And then you weren't sure what to do, and he had to leave, and you're going to go back to the same place next Saturday and see if he shows up again. How would you know if he's gay, 'cause he's all Syrian and mysterious.

    Hypothetically.


    My experience is that unless you share cultural references to use as code with each other, that it's very difficult.

    And even slight changes in culture can throw it off. My gaydar is worthless on the US west coast because the guys all read as "soft" to me and that is apparently one of my cues.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Aug 29, 2010 11:28 AM GMT
    my gaydar is useless, unless you have a sign on your forehead saying im a militant homo i will not notice you!
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    Aug 29, 2010 11:33 AM GMT
    I find my gaydar is all off in other cultures - it seems our notions of gay mannerisms etc is all culturally bound and when i try to translate across cultures it just breaks down.

    but - hypothetically - i would go back to the same place next saturday and just see if anyone Syrian and mysterious shows up and see if he talks to you again and move the conversation along a little more and suss him out - just hypothetically of course icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 29, 2010 12:21 PM GMT
    I agree, notions of gay behaviour are culturally fixed... to the gay people I met, they said they thought all indians, or pacific islanders, or french, or spanish, or italian, or arab people were gay
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    Aug 29, 2010 2:33 PM GMT
    Ooo good luck with that!
    Yeah unless youre very familiar with the culture, its hard (so to speak, lol).
    Guys from other countries, especially europe, are more friendlier and more relaxed with their sexuality, so for a lot of uptight americans they probably would read as gay.
    Tread carefully.
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    Aug 29, 2010 2:40 PM GMT
    I agree that gaydar must be cultural. It took me years to develop some gaydar in Germany, which completely went nuts after moving to the US. All American men seemed gay, probably because Americans look me in the eyes longer than Germans would.

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    Aug 29, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    amar_m saidI agree, notions of gay behaviour are culturally fixed... to the gay people I met, they said they thought all indians, or pacific islanders, or french, or spanish, or italian, or arab people were gay


    Sounds like you met a typical american. LOL
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    Aug 30, 2010 1:33 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidGaydar works differently for people of different cultural and ethnic backgrounds.
    If you're new to people of different cultures, it would be the equivalent of finding the closeted guy in a biker bar.

    How did you know I've been the closeted guy in the biker bar? icon_eek.gif

    I agree, cultural elements play a part in gaydar. And when there are cultural differences, the message can get garbled.
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    Aug 30, 2010 2:26 AM GMT
    capetownobs saidGaydar sucks!


    That's because you're using PC-based gaydar. Try MAC gaydar. icon_cool.gif
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    Aug 30, 2010 2:36 AM GMT
    Straight euros seem like flamboyantly gay americans to me.
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    Aug 30, 2010 2:50 AM GMT
    sdgman saidStraight euros seem like flamboyantly gay americans to me.


    Oh that's funny, I always think exactly the same when I'm in LA, every single straight guy there is gayer than the gayest European
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    Aug 30, 2010 3:55 AM GMT
    Call me crazy but I really think your gaydar may need a localization if you relocated to anywhere outside the US if your American.

    From what I understand what is consider "macho" or "masculine" in the USA isn't hyped up as much as it is as in let's say France, Italy, Russia, etc.

    You want to see or know the signs and signals for a gay Euro, Canadian(Bad example but bear with me) you need to befriend someone who can clue you in.

    Gay stereotypes aren't exactly the best cues to follow either as they may have you second guessing yourself should you see the guy your interested in kiss his long term girlfriend.
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    Aug 30, 2010 4:06 AM GMT
    So in this completely made up hypothetical situation, I need to befriend a straight Syrian so he can help me clue into the dubiously gay Syrian?

    Okay...where to find a gaggle of Syrians...
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    Aug 30, 2010 4:09 AM GMT
    sexyactionnick saidSo in this completely made up hypothetical situation, I need to befriend a straight Syrian so he can help me clue into the dubiously gay Syrian?

    Okay...where to find a gaggle of Syrians...


    Wouldn't hurt would it?
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    Aug 30, 2010 4:23 AM GMT
    Ricovelas said
    amar_m saidI agree, notions of gay behaviour are culturally fixed... to the gay people I met, they said they thought all indians, or pacific islanders, or french, or spanish, or italian, or arab people were gay


    Sounds like you met a typical american. LOL


    lol he was indeed, an Aian American, but American ;)
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    Aug 30, 2010 4:24 AM GMT
    sdgman saidStraight euros seem like flamboyantly gay americans to me.


    I think its the physical touchiness (european straight guys are very physical and close together) and the flashy clothes (its classical good taste, thats called gay in the US icon_razz.gif )
  • Leo123

    Posts: 126

    Aug 30, 2010 4:31 AM GMT
    There are so many elements to discuss..

    It's very hard to have local gaydar, let alone a foreign one.

    What I found to be very effective is to just be out. No games. Be straight forward and ask gently.
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    Aug 30, 2010 4:46 AM GMT
    gaydar is sooo cultural...in the US I was LOST at first because even the guys that are clearly gay were just "well-kept" to me...then in Spain (and really most western European countries) if you judge by American standards, veeeery straight men could be interpreted as gay.

    no matter where you are, you can tell by the eyes...lock eyes for a few seconds and it allllllll becomes clear icon_twisted.gif
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    Aug 30, 2010 4:56 AM GMT
    jetsetseth saidgaydar is sooo cultural...in the US I was LOST at first because even the guys that are clearly gay were just "well-kept" to me...then in Spain (and really most western European countries) if you judge by American standards, veeeery straight men could be interpreted as gay.

    no matter where you are, you can tell by the eyes...lock eyes for a few seconds and it allllllll becomes clear icon_twisted.gif


    Hmmm, I should try that.. it hasnt worked so far but maybe I just dont pay enough attention
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    Aug 30, 2010 4:57 AM GMT
    This summer I spent a litle over two weeks in Viet Nam and then a week in Thailand, and I never had any idea who was what.

    To be honest, most of the time it wasn't something I was even thinking about, since everything was so new and interesting I was kept plenty busy just studying the daily life and culture of everyone around me. Transportation, macroeconomics, religion, local commerce, public interactions, food practices, construction standards (or the lack thereof), neighborhood stratification, use of natural resources, education, treatment of children, labor, and so on... Sexuality gets moved pretty far down on the observational list simply because it's much harder to observe than all those other categories of human behavior, and it's certainly not something you're going to ask a casual stranger about. (Although if you're in certain parts of the big cities, casual strangers will come up and ask YOU about whether you want to explore "boom boom" with the girls in the picture they're holding).
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    Aug 30, 2010 5:01 AM GMT
    JB82 said
    capetownobs saidGaydar sucks!


    That's because you're using PC-based gaydar. Try MAC gaydar. icon_cool.gif


    Basically if they are using a mac there's a 75% higher chance that they are gay.
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    Aug 30, 2010 5:09 AM GMT
    SportingChance saidThis summer I spent a litle over two weeks in Viet Nam and then a week in Thailand, and I never had any idea who was what.

    To be honest, most of the time it wasn't something I was even thinking about, since everything was so new and interesting I was kept plenty busy just studying the daily life and culture of everyone around me. Transportation, macroeconomics, religion, local commerce, public interactions, food practices, construction standards (or the lack thereof), neighborhood stratification, use of natural resources, education, treatment of children, labor, and so on... Sexuality gets moved pretty far down on the observational list simply because it's much harder to observe than all those other categories of human behavior, and it's certainly not something you're going to ask a casual stranger about. (Although if you're in certain parts of the big cities, in which case casual strangers will come up and ask YOU about whether you want to explore "boom boom" with the girls in the picture they're holding).


    Wow, that reminds me, I was walking in Kathmandu and DID actually see a couple of Nepalis checking me out (they made it pretty obvious they looked rather hungry ahem)

    Then when I was in Nha Trang (Vietnam) I actually had my bicep felt up in a temple cave by someone, whom I think was minding the doors or something... He just grabbed it and groping it and started smiling, so I figured he must have had something on his mind..

    But I never would have known if he hadnt done that