Are Sites like these a complete waste of time?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2010 5:29 PM GMT
    I've been single for about 3 years. In the beginning I thought sites like this could be a good resource to find friends and perhaps a boyfriend.

    A friend of mine recently told me all guys on line care about is age and dick size. I think this is more true than we would like to believe. So my question to the community is this

    Has anyone made real friends or found a relationship on line. And if so can you share any secrets to your success.

    I've just about written this off as a complete waste of time.

    If you feel the need to write some nasty response trashing me, just remember it really says more about your lack of compassion than anything else.

    Peace.
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    Aug 29, 2010 5:53 PM GMT
    I met my first bf on line at gay .com it lasted about a year. however I wouldn't recommend that place because allot of the guys on there are addicted to that shit & can't give it up after they get serious. I haven't been to that site in years. I agree with southbeach150 If you want friends go out into the real world and find them. I had one friend that met his bf on line that relationship lasted just over 8 years. If I was to decide I wanted to try dating again id do some type of volunteer work or something & hopefully meet a guy that way.
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    Aug 29, 2010 5:56 PM GMT
    RichmondTrainer said

    If you feel the need to write some nasty response trashing me, just remember it really says more about your lack of compassion than anything else.



    It's never a good sign when you're already getting defensive about responses even before anyone responds anything.

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    Aug 29, 2010 6:06 PM GMT
    I just read your profile. Yikes.

    You spend an awful lot of space in all caps talking about who you don't want even contacting you. You write "Honestly, I really don't expect anything of value to arise from on-line activity, I may put a little effort into this but it's primarily a waste of time (thus far) ". In fact, the first entire half of your profile is all about why sites like these suck, why most of the people on them suck, and why the reader is most likely going to be a disappointment. That is a turn off.

    Make the profile about you. What you like. What you are looking for. What you like to do. Use a profile more as bait for the people you want and less as repellent for the people you don't. People are attracted to people. People are not attracted to what a person is not attracted to.

    That said, that is just your profile. I don't know if there is something else in the way you communicate or your expectations. But, I hope with a little editing your luck turns around. icon_biggrin.gif

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    Aug 29, 2010 6:32 PM GMT
    RichmondTrainer saidHas anyone made real friends or found a relationship on line. And if so can you share any secrets to your success.

    I've just about written this off as a complete waste of time.

    Although I've met a few RJers in person, relationships aren't my interest here, and definitely not a BF, being monogamous. Plus I don't think that's RJ's primary purpose, and many other gay sites. But here's what this one can do for you:

    1. Help you to maintain good health & fitness, both through practical advice and by providing motivation. That goal is both directly beneficial to you, but also helps you stay physically attractive in the gay community, wherever you are looking for guys, whether elsewhere online or in person in your community.

    2. Online can help augment your gay social skills, by keeping you abreast of gay subjects & interests, and what other gays are thinking. To know the gay mind is sometimes the way to get to know the gay man. And this is true of other gay sites, too. I also note you haven't posted much for the time you've been with RJ. I find that posting itself helps to meet guys by engaging with them, helps us to get to know each better.

    Of course, online can also atrophy some of your general social skills if you spend too much time here. I can afford to, being in a relationship, and being beyond hope now anyway.

    3. It's a resource in case you later have difficulties with a relationship.

    4. It's also a resource about a thousand gay topics, from travel to entertainment to fashion, you name it. You wanna buy a new bicycle? RJ is the place to ask, not manhunt. You have a health question? I'd trust the guys here to steer me in the best direction before I would a gay hook-up and dating site.

    So join other gay sites for the needs you mention, but keep your account here and elsewhere, and return to them as needed. No one says you have to come here every day. Remember, this is just a REsource, not your sole source. You gotta do other stuff on your own, too. At least that's how I view it. And I like having as many resources as I can. Peace back to you. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 29, 2010 6:44 PM GMT
    To the OP,
    Like MunchingZombi above, I too have checked your profile, and wonder why you registered on this site in the first place! Your presentation is certainly not attractive, if anything, you convey anger and frustration, maybe, I assume, in not being successful in finding a mate or partner online.
    However, you are more successful than I am in making online buddies. Perhaps this may be to your physique, for a guy in his fifties, your body shape is superb. My lack of online buddies may be caused by first, having a physique that matches my age (I'm 57) so I can't be classed as hot! Secondly, my lack of online friends could be due to my affiliation to the Christian faith, and being a member of this site I finally learned, after a very long time, that many Gay men had religion shoved down their throats as children, and generally have resentments towards anything of that nature. As a result, I have declined in posting material of a religious flavor.
    As for this website, it is an excellent site for gay men to interact online and it has one of the best forum systems in place. It is not a dating site. And I have joined to interact online and not to look for a date.
    My advice, if it's of any help, is to completely delete the "About Me" section of your profile and start again.
    Good luck.
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    Aug 29, 2010 6:48 PM GMT
    If you yourself describe your profile as a "rant" then others are goign to pick that up....

    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2010 6:49 PM GMT
    2010 and some people still don't realize how real the internet is sigh.
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    Aug 29, 2010 6:58 PM GMT
    Uhm well, Ive heard alot of people do find relationships online.. I can tell you Ive made several friends on here whom I adore.. maybe not relationships, but who cares bout them anyway, they are just a headache right??? icon_razz.gif

    j/k, no a relationship is nice if it works out, but Ive seen my fair share of relationships go bust including my own, so Im not counting on one, but yeah as for love, I dont mind just loving all my friends, my family, my pets, even the plants in my yard or whoever is in need of it.... and being online for me is no deterrent, loving people need not be physical icon_smile.gif

    OK that was my goody-two-shoes rant, now Im gonna go back to being evil and planning a few more armageddons, bye yall!!!
    icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2010 11:05 PM GMT

    For motivation--go to

    www.bigmuscle.com

    there at least the guys have to have pictures and they have to have muscles---


    a picture of a phone, a scooter a bicycle and a license plate won't make it there---
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    Aug 29, 2010 11:09 PM GMT
    RichmondTrainer saidAre Sites like these a complete waste of time?
    If you're as stuck up and rude as your profile comes across, yes...and real life is obviously a waste of time for you too, otherwise you wouldn't be complaining about being on this site for three years without finding anyone.
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    Aug 29, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
    charlitos said2010 and some people still don't realize how real the internet is sigh.

    When I was a pup, intertubes were something used to float down a river.
    Without a paddle.


    I met my first boyfriend and came out "on-line" back in 1987.
    We lasted 2.5 years and are still friends.

    Met my current boyfriend at the funeral of an "on-line" friend back in 1995.

    So since the advent of the public internet I haven't been on the market.
    But i have made some good friends and acquaintaces and found players for my gay football team.
    (Yep, I'm always recruiting!)

    Your mileage may vary, and it may have to do more with how you come across (negative nancy) than how you look or how big your dick is. I'm sure there are some shallow guys who only care about that (though there are also guys, just as shallow, who prefer dicks that aren't supersized).

    As MZ said, it's all about marketing.
    Here's another example, I think, of how not to market yourself:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1110083
    Do you agree... or am I wrong and you'll pursue that OP because you have this in common?
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    Aug 30, 2010 12:55 AM GMT
    Dag_ saidFor motivation--go to

    www.bigmuscle.com

    there at least the guys have to have pictures and they have to have muscles---

    a picture of a phone, a scooter a bicycle and a license plate won't make it there---

    That's an interesting remark from someone who has NO photos here, and virtually no profile. You list my 4 public photos. I have 40 private photos, as well. Don't expect to see them anytime soon to find out what they look like. Are you getting a commission for directing guys to that other site?
  • DCEric

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    Aug 30, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    southbeach1500 saidGo out into the real world to find real friendships.

    This site (just like any website) is purely for entertainment and passing away idle time.


    I agree to an extent. I've been able to make friends, not close friends, but there are a circle of 6 or so people I have made friends with. I have met a few of them in person. Secret? Well to be honest, I've never been approached for sex on here, although I don't make friends on here, with the idea of meeting them in person. Many of them almost act as a sounding board. Someone not involved in my life (in the sense that I can blow steam off without the risk of it backfiring) whom I can talk to. They do the same for me.

    If you want a relationship, and must do it online, use a dating site. Otherwise, get out of the house and get involved in activities you like. An instant circle of friends, and with time an intimate relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2010 1:19 AM GMT
    Holy bat shit you're ur own worst enemy. Looking over your profile you have 18 guys on your buddy list so I'm a tad confused about your post. Try starting w/ them and the legitimacy of having them listed as buddies?
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    Aug 30, 2010 1:23 AM GMT
    Dag_ said
    For motivation--go to

    www.bigmuscle.com

    there at least the guys have to have pictures and they have to have muscles---


    a picture of a phone, a scooter a bicycle and a license plate won't make it there---


    It's to bad silhouettes make it here. As usual they tend to be the biggest BITCHES!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    Hey RichmondTrainer, you have 18 buddies on your buddy-list. They count, I think. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Aug 30, 2010 1:37 AM GMT
    i met someone online that i would ask out in a second, and he likes me too, but i will never go meet someone that i met online. it was because of him coming out to me, scared and nervous that i'd hate him, that i came to accept being gay, and as well it was because of him that i came out to my friends in the real world.

    i would consider him a real friend. he knows more about me than the ppl i've hung out with since highschool and he's changed my life for the better.

    i wasnt looking for him. i wasnt even on a gay site. we met because it was fun talking to him, i just said his screen name was cool and then he made me laugh and we've been talking ever since.

    i find ppl even in real life that are out to find ppl are hard to mesh with... they're either after me too fast or they talk a bit to me then reject me before i even realize i was being tested. the ppl i've been the MOST attracted to are usually the ppl i would reject initially. as i get to know the person i might find through jokes and hints that i really like how he's coming onto me, his confidence, this little quirk, and i dunno how to describe the rest but if he's right i just fall. and then those things i didnt think i was after in a guy become things that make me hot and then i've got it bad for him.

    i think online or offline you need to be more open and inviting. I say this because you have only 18 posts and already you are calling this a waste of time.

    "Relationships follow a protocol" you say, and that just instantly makes me think you're controlling and too severe. the rest of your profile is all about how i dont qualify or how i'm a damaged person because i've got a profile here. loosen up, roll with the punches and relax! i want to talk to someone that will help me unwind, not give me anxiety.

    "We all WANT THE PERFECT MAN, AND HE DOESN'T EXIST. IF HE DID WHY WOULD HE WANT LOSERS LIKE US" you say, but i don't. I'm an artist and what i fall in love with are the imperfections. they are, after all, the only thing that makes you an individual.

    sorry if its too long to read XP
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2010 1:58 AM GMT

    Richmond,
    your own profile (and SB's comment about this site) about online friendships make little sense. It's equivalent to saying telephone conversations are not real as well as the people at either end of the phone.
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    Aug 30, 2010 2:14 AM GMT
    It takes a lot of nerve to scrutinize an RJ member whose wants and dislikes on his profile are no different from 99.9 % of the guys on this website. I respect and even admire the OP for being straightforward and in sharing as to what his expectations are from this website. It is a known fact that a lot of us here aren't just here for the entertainment but also in search of someone for a date, hook-up, friends, or even a boyfriend!?


    Leandro ♥
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    Aug 30, 2010 2:17 AM GMT
    I met my partner of 10 years online. In a chat room. He was being as asshole, I thought, and I eventually told him to fuck off. Two days later I was introduced to this amazing man by a mutual friend and after ~10 min of talking I realized it was him. But we laughed over it. So you never know.

    I think these sites are all about what you put into them. My first 'net (DARPA,ARPA,INTER) account was in 1983. Over the years I've made some incredible friends locally and distant, hosted people from all over the world and met some others where they lived.

    If you're looking for a BF as though it was a supermarket, then I think not.

    And even if it was, your profile is awful. All anyone knows of you is that your seem to be an intensely negative person.
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    Aug 30, 2010 2:18 AM GMT
    RichmondTrainer saidIf you feel the need to write some nasty response trashing me, just remember it really says more about your lack of compassion than anything else.


    But I'm still allowed to write something nasty right?
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    Aug 30, 2010 2:23 AM GMT
    JB82 said
    RichmondTrainer saidIf you feel the need to write some nasty response trashing me, just remember it really says more about your lack of compassion than anything else.


    But I'm still allowed to write something nasty right?


    You are too nice to be nasty JB!!


    Leandro ♥
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    Aug 30, 2010 2:25 AM GMT
    ALEZANDAR said
    JB82 said
    RichmondTrainer saidIf you feel the need to write some nasty response trashing me, just remember it really says more about your lack of compassion than anything else.


    But I'm still allowed to write something nasty right?


    You are too nice to be nasty JB!!


    Leandro ♥


    But it's tempting to be nasty to someone who trashes the board by saying it's a waste of time and then pre-empting flame wars by calling potential posters names before they attack hahahaha. It's like saying, "hey guys I need some advice on my nails and DON'T flame me because if you do the you're an idiot." That's just asking for it in my opinion.
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    Aug 30, 2010 2:28 AM GMT
    Red Vespa, Wilton, Art_Deco said
    That's an interesting remark from someone who has NO photos here, and virtually no profile. You list my 4 public photos. I have 40 private photos, as well. Don't expect to see them anytime soon to find out what they look like. Are you getting a commission for directing guys to that other site?


    Fuck off bitch---I had photos here and they were photos of me---not of a phone, a scooter, a bicycle and a "handicapped" scooter license plate---

    Which does bring up the question which you never answer---Why are you 'handicapped' and I am not?