How do I make anal sex more bearable?


  • Aug 29, 2010 7:39 PM GMT
    I want to let my BF top me, but it just feels like my stomach is about to explode when he is inside me.

    I don't mind the first part anymore (entry), but it's when he's inside that it feels so uncomfortable. He is average sized, so it isn't because of that, but is there anything I can do? Take pain killers before hand? I don't need that anal numbing spray because the entry part is fine, it's just afterwards it feels so uncomfortable.

    Any advice to make it more bearable until I get used to it more?
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Aug 29, 2010 8:55 PM GMT
    lots of lube and foreplay and relax and try to enjoy it!! i went from being a total top to being a versatile in a few months
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Aug 30, 2010 8:42 AM GMT
    Is it when he gets in at a certain depth that it starts to hurt? Is it a couple of inches in or all the way in?

    At the top of the rectum, there is another ring of muscle. that is usually not hit unless a guy is about 7 inches or over, and it can be painful at first. It could be that you have a short rectum? Which does happen and can be painful.

    Some people love having the second ring penetrated, which is one reason guys become size queens. They say it is the most amazing feeling. To me it has only hurt though.

    But it's true that practice makes perfect. The more you get fucked, the more your rectum should adjust to the size and motions of your boyfriends cock. So even if you have a short rectum, it can be worked out with experience.

    Be sure to get lot's of lube up there, so you are lubed inside as well as outside. They have lube shooters to inject lube in your ass. They use these on porn shoots, so a bottom can be lubed and ready inside.

    And be sure you are squeaky clean inside with an enema or two. If you are not clean all that stuff can add friction and fucking can become painful for the bottom quickly.

    Hope some of this helps.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 30, 2010 4:28 PM GMT
    Try having the guy lay on his back. use lots of lube and lower yourself onto him, that way you are on top and you can control how much you take in until you feel more comfortable then try having him thrust upward. once you can take him comfortable in that position then try other positions..
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 30, 2010 5:18 PM GMT
    LOTS of rimming/foreplay, LOTS of silicon (NOT water based) lube...and a good snort of some fresh poppers should relax you. icon_cool.gif

  • Aug 30, 2010 9:09 PM GMT
    thanks all, sounds like great advice
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 05, 2010 2:07 PM GMT
    But all the advice is the same. If something hurts, you shouldn't accept advice like "just do it some more". It's like posing the question, "Whenever I touch fire, my hand hurts. It doesn't hurt when I'm looking at it, just when I touch it. What should I do?" Any advice to this question other than you shouldn't be playing with fire would be asinine. So why is that not the case in this case? Why do you feel like anal is required for you to become intimate with your mate? icon_confused.gif
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Sep 05, 2010 2:15 PM GMT
    Dragoonxi saidBut all the advice is the same. If something hurts, you shouldn't accept advice like "just do it some more". It's like posing the question, "Whenever I touch fire, my hand hurts. It doesn't hurt when I'm looking at it, just when I touch it. What should I do?" Any advice to this question other than you shouldn't be playing with fire would be asinine. So why is that not the case in this case? Why do you feel like anal is required for you to become intimate with your mate? icon_confused.gif


    you just compared anal sex to touching fire?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 05, 2010 2:41 PM GMT
    Daelin said
    Dragoonxi saidBut all the advice is the same. If something hurts, you shouldn't accept advice like "just do it some more". It's like posing the question, "Whenever I touch fire, my hand hurts. It doesn't hurt when I'm looking at it, just when I touch it. What should I do?" Any advice to this question other than you shouldn't be playing with fire would be asinine. So why is that not the case in this case? Why do you feel like anal is required for you to become intimate with your mate? icon_confused.gif


    you just compared anal sex to touching fire?


    No, I just compared the advice given in response to the pain someone else experience to fire. When something hurts (ie: chewing glass, staring into the sun, running barefoot on a really hot day, etc) the advice is usually to discontinue the behavior, not continue despite the pain. In other words, it's an analogy, not a literal comparison.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 05, 2010 4:01 PM GMT
    Wan2GetBigR said

    There's a lot of homophobia in this world and sadly a lot of it comes from homosexuals themselves.


    And thanks for adding to it. Everything you wrote it based on having unsafe sex with someone who has an STD. None of it applies to someone who is having safer sex in or out of a committed relationship.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 05, 2010 4:37 PM GMT
    worriedfirsttime saidI want to let my BF top me, but it just feels like my stomach is about to explode when he is inside me.

    I don't mind the first part anymore (entry), but it's when he's inside that it feels so uncomfortable. He is average sized, so it isn't because of that, but is there anything I can do? Take pain killers before hand? I don't need that anal numbing spray because the entry part is fine, it's just afterwards it feels so uncomfortable.

    Any advice to make it more bearable until I get used to it more?


    As other people have said, more foreplay can help, and it helps if he's patient and just doesn't start pounding away. Slowing entering and leaving it there so you get adjusted cane be a big help.

    Also, keep in mind that everyone can be built a bit different. Try different positions, they way your hips are position and they way you curve inside can make a big difference in how it feels for you. It also matters how his dick is shaped. If it has an upward curve, doggy style will probably hurt some. But if he's straight out or slightly down, it may feel better that way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 05, 2010 5:14 PM GMT
    Christian73 said
    Wan2GetBigR said

    There's a lot of homophobia in this world and sadly a lot of it comes from homosexuals themselves.


    And thanks for adding to it. Everything you wrote it based on having unsafe sex with someone who has an STD. None of it applies to someone who is having safer sex in or out of a committed relationship.


    It's not called safe sex for a reason. It's safe-er to emphasize the fact that there is risk for infection even with condom use. As for being in a committed relationship, it is not uncommon to catch and STD or HIV from your partner as that partner doesn't always know that he has it himself. Monogamy isn't an indicator of being disease free unless it was preceded by abstinence.

    On another note, how is his post "homophobic"? If it's because his post indites anal as a sexual act then you must be talking about a different type of phobia, as anal sex(or any other behavior, for that matter) have nothing to do with the innate state of being attracted to the same sex.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Sep 05, 2010 5:17 PM GMT
    Practice, Practice, Practice! icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 06, 2010 3:43 PM GMT
    Wan, the OP specifically asked how to make it more bearable, not if it was a bad idea or wrong.

    Obviously he wants and enjoys the concept and the act, but is experiencing discomfort.

    To the OP, I'd advise going very slow, lots of foreplay and teasing in that area, and to slow down even more or stop if you experience pain. Do it as often as you like in the safest-sex manner.

    After awhile you will relax and here's some med info for you; if they wish to, in a hospital they can freeze your muscles down there and stretch you harmlessly wide enough to pass a child.


    -Doug

    PS why don't you locate a gay doctor and make an appointment? Go over this with him or her.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 06, 2010 5:18 PM GMT
    meninlove said Wan, the OP specifically asked how to make it more bearable, not if it was a bad idea or wrong.

    Obviously he wants and enjoys the concept and the act, but is experiencing discomfort.

    To the OP, I'd advise going very slow, lots of foreplay and teasing in that area, and to slow down even more or stop if you experience pain. Do it as often as you like in the safest-sex manner.

    After awhile you will relax and here's some med info for you; if they wish to, in a hospital they can freeze your muscles down there and stretch you harmlessly wide enough to pass a child.


    -Doug

    PS why don't you locate a gay doctor and make an appointment? Go over this with him or her.


    Men, what part of this statement from the OP indicates "enjoyment"?

    "I want to let my BF top me, but it just feels like my stomach is about to explode when he is inside me.

    I don't mind the first part anymore (entry), but it's when he's inside that it feels so uncomfortable.
    "

    The OP didn't say he wants to bottom, he just wants to satisfy his bf by letting him top him. About anal, from what he's saying, he's just not minding it enough to be able to tolerate being topped, not because he enjoys it intrinsically.

    So basically, he's doing it because he wants to please his top rather than because it feels so good for himself he wants to be able to continue. If he doesn't even like the act for himself there's no reason to pressure him into continuing for the sake of the other person's enjoyment.

    Also, that ass stretching thing, while fucked up on a level I never imagined possible, doesn't really help the OP. His explosive discomfort is when the penis is already past his sphincter.

    EDIT: Plus the wording of the OP itself, "How do I make anal sex more bearable?". If it was something that just felt good for him to do, like jacking off, then it wouldn't be a question of bearing it like it is here. Making it more bearable is just another way of saying he doesn't like it but he wants to be able to put up with it(bear it) for his top because he likes it.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Sep 06, 2010 8:26 PM GMT
    So by your reasoning you shouldn't work out or body build. Because that causes pain. I know when I do a good bench press I experience pain and when I run, the first mile or so can be hell. But I know it's going to feel good later, and the results are clear.

    It's the same kind of thing for anal sex in my opinion. If you want to get long term benefits ( some incredible pleasure, psychological satisfaction, a connection with your partner etc.) you might need to train and get advice from the experienced. If you experience a lot of pain from a bench press, you might need to get a trainer to show you how to do it right icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 06, 2010 9:06 PM GMT
    tuckers_kahuna saidSo by your reasoning you shouldn't work out or body build. Because that causes pain. I know when I do a good bench press I experience pain and when I run, the first mile or so can be hell. But I know it's going to feel good later, and the results are clear.

    It's the same kind of thing for anal sex in my opinion. If you want to get long term benefits ( some incredible pleasure, psychological satisfaction, a connection with your partner etc.) you might need to train and get advice from the experienced. If you experience a lot of pain from a bench press, you might need to get a trainer to show you how to do it right icon_smile.gif


    Only the supposed long term benefit of anal, pleasure, is purely psychological as the inside of your rectum possesses no nerve endings with which to experience pleasure. Besides the imaginary pleasure, this guy isn't even doing this for himself, he's doing it for his partner. When someone builds muscle, they're doing it to build up their own body and the benefits of such are physically quantifiable. There are no such thing as clear results from persisting in anal besides an increased tolerance for the pain and discomfort associated with the act. A connection with your partner is only dependent on anal if you make that mandatory to have a connection. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 06, 2010 10:02 PM GMT
    Dragoonxi saidBesides the imaginary pleasure

    You are aware that some guys can achieve orgasm through anal sex, right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2010 2:12 AM GMT
    DragonXi, there's nothing fucked up about what is done in hospitals for rectal surgeries etc.

    As well, there was a time I felt the same as the OP and used almost the same words to a couple of friends thinking I was doing something wrong. I was, which was why it hurt.

    Now run along and do have a nice day. This is an adult conversation.

    -Doug

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2010 2:59 AM GMT
    meninlove said DragonXi, there's nothing fucked up about what is done in hospitals for rectal surgeries etc.

    As well, there was a time I felt the same as the OP and used almost the same words to a couple of friends thinking I was doing something wrong. I was, which was why it hurt.

    Now run along and do have a nice day. This is an adult conversation.

    -Doug



    "DragonXi, there's nothing fucked up about what is done in hospitals for rectal surgeries etc."

    Yeah, maybe, except in this case the surgery would only be needed BECAUSE of anal, not because of some accident. Just because you were too much of a sheep to listen to body and desist in doing something you found uncomfortable doesn't mean you have the right to pigeon hole other guys into the same hole. icon_neutral.gif

    As for the insult, I don't think I'll be stooping to your level, thanks.





  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2010 3:03 AM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    Dragoonxi saidBesides the imaginary pleasure

    You are aware that some guys can achieve orgasm through anal sex, right?


    Key word being some. As in, that is far from being the universal experience of bottoming. Besides that, there really isn't a way to measure whether these some cases aren't due to the position and inexplicable grinding on the bottom's penis due to the position.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    just wash out do an enema is not only hes dick going in he is also pushing up what should come out he is backing up your sheet
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2010 3:49 PM GMT
    DragoonXi said, "Yeah, maybe, except in this case the surgery would only be needed BECAUSE of anal, not because of some accident."

    You mean because of some unnatural anal activity?

    What?!? icon_lol.gif

    Nope. Everything from fissures, hemorrhoids, tumours, polyps, rectal cancer, prostate cancer and the list goes on that occurs with or without anal intercourse.

    As for insults, stating that what I said was fucked up is an insult , silly rabbit. What I said is a direct quote from a proctologist, who I'd trust more than you. A great deal more.

    The same specialist educated me on nerves in the prostate and how they affect the penis, and why anal intercourse has been enjoyed as long as people have existed.

    As for unnatural, tell me how natural it is to put a penis into a mouth full of teeth. Or how natural it is to frot, which completely circumvents procreation.

    We don't recommend anal intercourse under most circumstances as it is to us (opinion) one of the riskiest activities for HIV transmission. However it is just as risky as hetero penis into vagina sex, which makes our opinion a little lame because the hetero population is not going to stop doing that anytime soon.

    -Doug

  • mondo_trasho

    Posts: 89

    Sep 07, 2010 4:34 PM GMT
    Dragoonxi said
    tuckers_kahuna saidSo by your reasoning you shouldn't work out or body build. Because that causes pain. I know when I do a good bench press I experience pain and when I run, the first mile or so can be hell. But I know it's going to feel good later, and the results are clear.

    It's the same kind of thing for anal sex in my opinion. If you want to get long term benefits ( some incredible pleasure, psychological satisfaction, a connection with your partner etc.) you might need to train and get advice from the experienced. If you experience a lot of pain from a bench press, you might need to get a trainer to show you how to do it right


    Only the supposed long term benefit of anal, pleasure, is purely psychological as the inside of your rectum possesses no nerve endings with which to experience pleasure. Besides the imaginary pleasure, this guy isn't even doing this for himself, he's doing it for his partner. When someone builds muscle, they're doing it to build up their own body and the benefits of such are physically quantifiable. There are no such thing as clear results from persisting in anal besides an increased tolerance for the pain and discomfort associated with the act. A connection with your partner is only dependent on anal if you make that mandatory to have a connection.


    You are aware that there's something called a prostate, which makes anal sex feel great, right? Sounds like you don't take it up the butt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 07, 2010 4:50 PM GMT
    ...and here's what heterosexual couples like to do in regards to the prostate...

    "Prostate massage as sexual practice

    Prostate massage is also used for sexual stimulation, either to reach orgasm, or to promote excretion of seminal fluid without orgasm as part of BDSM orgasm denial activities. The term prostate milking is sometimes used in this latter context.

    The prostate is sometimes referred to as the "male G-spot". Some men are able to achieve orgasm solely through stimulation of the prostate gland, such as prostate massage or receptive anal intercourse. Men who report the sensation of prostate stimulation often give descriptions similar to females' accounts of G-spot stimulation.[14]

    Prostate massage has become a common sexual practice in couples' sexual lives as men seem to experience high levels of pleasure from it. Also, the advent of equipment and products for prostate massage encourages people to try it. Many couples though do not purchase such devices but use the finger for anal penetration and prostate stimulation to enhance the man's orgasm. The finger or the prostate massager is introduced into the rectum through the anus and the prostate gland is gently massaged. The main problem in using the finger is that it may be too short to reach the prostate gland. [15]

    Prostate massage can be performed individually or with the help of a partner. Some men prefer being anally stimulated by their partner during foreplay or after intercourse. Men can excite their own prostates while masturbating using anal penetration devices.

    There are a few safety matters concerning prostate stimulation and anal penetration. It is strongly recommended that plenty of lubricant is used with prostate massagers to prevent rectal lining damage. A smaller instrument or finger may be introduced gradually to minimize the discomfort that some may feel. Massagers may be used with or without a condom."

    courtesy of Wiki.