losing yourself

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2010 1:12 PM GMT
    I grew up a certain way, with certain beliefs about myself and the world. In the past few years, some things have completely shaken up life for me... Leaving my small Christian high school, admitting/accepting my sexuality, having a crisis of religion/faith/belief and drastic change in worldview and view of self and life and people in general... I guess I feel like I have completely lost feeling like myself. I feel like I'm living a completely different, foreign life. I have "flashback" feelings sometimes that make me go....oh yeah... I remember feeling like myself... like a song I used to identify with, or a positive memory from being a kid... but it never lasts long, and I find myself back in the life I'm in day to day, on the verge of burnout and being disillusioned. Can anyone relate?
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    Aug 30, 2010 3:32 PM GMT
    Ever see a chick when it hatches? Or a puppy beginning to focus on what's around it? I see a similarity to that in your post.

    Perhaps you're just experiencing multiple periods of adjustment. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Sep 01, 2010 6:36 AM GMT
    Perhaps so! I think I tend to imprint on the wrong people and things. Who's my real daddy?? lol
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Sep 01, 2010 6:42 AM GMT
    there is more than one "self" and the one you've lost is the one who was pigeon-holed into acting and thinking a very specific way given your upbringing. this is not something to mourn, this is something to celebrate. there WILL be an adjustment period, but you will move beyond this transitional time and soon enough be glad that you have done so.

    you think that you remember that old self fondly, but its really just something you are/were comfortable with. once you become comfortable with who you are once the external and self-imposed constraints are lifted, you will likely not bother looking back
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    Sep 01, 2010 7:14 AM GMT
    making those changes are drastic life-changers. you'll experience those periods off and on, since you left behind a lot of what you were "supposed" to be/do/whatever.

    it gets better, i promise icon_smile.gif and you'll soon discover all these wonderful qualities you have as a result, it won't happen overnight, but the discovery and the retrospection that comes along is quite eye-opening....and makes for some proud moments too.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Sep 01, 2010 7:27 AM GMT
    Sure. When I came out I felt on the top of the world. I felt I'd found my true family. People who knew how I felt and accepted me. But, I learned the gay community has its own share of issues. (Like it's not just one big happy community.). I felt I had embraced some values that just weren't authentic to me. And I still feel like I yo-yo between different extremes. But I try to exist in the middle, in moderation.

    But I can never go back to where I was, nor would I want to. The closet of my past was a big black hole that kept me down, invisible. Life is never perfect, but it's better than it was living in that pit.

    You can have faith and spirituality without religion. If you can't find a church that reflects your beliefs, then just be true to what you believe. If some of your old values still make sense today, then live by them. If some of your new values make more sense, then embrace them and integrate them into your life.
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    Sep 01, 2010 7:34 AM GMT
    I actually feel the opposite. I never look back, ever! The past is dead to me. What happened in the past and who I used to be are gone, and I don't ever want to relive the past. I have a very positive outlook in the future and want to make it much better that the experiences of the past.
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    Sep 01, 2010 7:38 AM GMT
    CHIdude saidI actually feel the opposite. I never look back, ever! The past is dead to me. What happened in the past and who I used to be are gone, and I don't ever want to relive the past. I have a very positive outlook in the future and want to make it much better that the experiences of the past.


    Sometimes I feel like that, but more often than not I still find myself trying to put the pieces together and make sense of it all. I suppose if my life were more together and things worked better, I could be glad that the past is behind me and never look back. But I'm still working on everything, and trying to find a positive outlook for the future for myself.

    To all the other responses, thank you guys. I'm glad that others have felt similar things, that it's a part of the process, and that you can find yourself in a better spot later on in life.
  • awayfromtheci...

    Posts: 154

    Sep 01, 2010 8:03 AM GMT
    hang in there, you have only just begun! You will have so much to teach and to give when it is your time....for now..let it all in and be ok with what comes your way. Imagine this.....what if everything you are doing made god happy? Keep doing hat you are doing....because s/he is happy!
  • awayfromtheci...

    Posts: 154

    Sep 01, 2010 8:04 AM GMT
    sfinthecity saidhang in there, you have only just begun! You will have so much to teach and to give when it is your time....for now..let it all in and be ok with what comes your way. Imagine this.....what if everything you are doing made god happy? Keep doing hat you are doing....because s/he is happy!



    Did I say that? Let me write that down!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2010 8:19 AM GMT
    I don't feel like your loosing yourself. It's more like your reinventing yourself. The reason I say this is because of the fact that you accepting your sexuality, having crisis with your faith, change view of the world, life and people are all conflicting with each other that it's creating an emotional whirlpool that's leaving you confuse and makes feel like your loosing yourself.

    I think the best thing to do is sort through your beliefs, feelings and organize your inner self. Once you have sort everything out, you'll emerge as a new person. Talking to people who will understand and getting it out of your system will hopefully get you back on track and find yourself again.
  • awayfromtheci...

    Posts: 154

    Sep 01, 2010 8:22 AM GMT
    axl88 saidI don't feel like your loosing yourself. It's more like your reinventing yourself. The reason I say this is because of the fact that you accepting your sexuality, having crisis with your faith, change view of the world, life and people are all conflicting with each other that it's creating an emotional whirlpool that's leaving you confuse and makes feel like your loosing yourself.

    I think the best thing to do is sort through your beliefs, feelings and organize your inner self. Once you have sort everything out, you'll emerge as a new person. Talking to people who will understand and getting it out of your system will hopefully get you back on track and find yourself again.


    AMEN BROTHER!