The Trouble with Older Guys is...

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    Feb 24, 2008 9:51 AM GMT
    discuss. icon_biggrin.gif


    *edit*

    I love older men. They are the dirty uncle I never had. This thread was started as a joke in response to another thread with a similar topic. SquareJaw's thread was much better at injecting some levity than this was,

    I love you all as long as you are over 18 depending on the state in which you reside.
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    Feb 24, 2008 11:46 AM GMT
    Zombie- You gotta define "older". icon_question.gif
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    Feb 24, 2008 1:10 PM GMT
    Hey MunchingZombie you hijacked my forum! Now I gotta go back and find out what I wrote!

    Maybe I will throw out some new ones.

    - they think their experiences when they were young gays were better, funner, and more interesting then the experiences gays have today.

    - They think young gays are not appreciative of how difficult it was to be gay in the 1960's and 1970's.

    - Need to go to the drugstore to get a new prescription of a viagra before they can have sex.

    - Nobody takes HIV and AIDS seriously anymore and guys under 25 are irresponsible with their health.

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    Feb 24, 2008 1:20 PM GMT
    the good:
    ...the foreplay is much longer.
    ...interludes are cerebral.
    ...more musky-smelling.

    the bad:
    ...they just wanna stay-in on weekends
    ...tends to engage in boring "sports" like golf, take up "self-actualization" stuff like gardening, painting, etc.

    the ugly:
    ...he won't introduce you to his friends either he's embarassed or embarassed.
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    Feb 24, 2008 1:25 PM GMT
    LOL, touche. I've cut and paste (and slightly edited) what I wrote in the other thread. . . also, my comments aren't so much about relationships, and probably more about workplace issues. . .

    ---------------------------------------------------

    If I have any trouble with any age group, it's mine (which most everyone here would consider the older group). Here's why. . .

    So many of them seem so set in their ways;

    Many appear to be stunted by a generalized anger and hostility toward life and people;

    Some don't seem to think clearly and I sometimes wonder, seriously, if their brains have begun to calcify;

    I get so tired of dealing with people who aren't able to remember ANYTHING;

    They're out of shape, don't take care of themselves and seem to have no energy (doesn't apply to the guys on this board LOL);

    They rely on experience to make judgments, which is fine -- except when they fail to learn the details of a specific problem before offering an opinion. That's not relying on experience, that's just someone who's too lazy to think in the present;

    They drink too much. Too many are alcoholics;

    Re: their inherent dislike of younger people. . . most wouldn't take even a moment of their time to mentor a younger person. In fact, in the workplace, they go out of their way to screw them over and seem disdainful of anyone younger than them. Not nice. I still remember -- vividly -- all the crap I had to take in my 20s from my "superiors," then in their 40s and 50s, who were clearly inferior (see all of the above points).

    I emphasize this doesn't apply to everyone in the older age group, but it sure seems to cover a lot of them. Nor am I thinking specifically of gay men. . . just older guys, whether gay or straight.



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    Feb 24, 2008 1:34 PM GMT
    Re: their inherent dislike of younger people. . . most wouldn't take even a moment of their time to mentor a younger person. In fact, in the workplace, they go out of their way to screw them over and seem disdainful of anyone younger than them. Not nice. I still remember -- vividly -- all the crap I had to take in my 20s from my "superiors," then in their 40s and 50s, who were clearly inferior (see all of the above points).

    That is sad what you say, I am a manager and I have younger staff whom I love to mentor. I also have young gay guys whom I mentor on the internet. They are especially interested in safer sex instructions. Some young gays though if you send them an hello or compliment them in any way think you are a perv.

    I commented on one 18-year old's blog thinking it was really good. His girlfriend said "don't respond he may be a pedophile". He fortunately talked to me anyways and we had great discussions about being gay, safer sex and life in general. I didn't have the heart to tell him that a pedophile is someone who is sexually interested in kids, a pedarest is someone who is interested in young teens!
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    Feb 24, 2008 1:55 PM GMT
    they try too hard to be down with the kids. Yay, man. Like kewl.
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    Feb 24, 2008 1:58 PM GMT
    JBEdwards: Wish I had someone like you as a boss when I was in my early twenties!! I work in media. . . generally regarded as a sophisticated industry. . . and FOUR of my first five direct supervisors / bosses were horrible, wretched alcoholics, every one of whom hated younger people. The alcoholism was only one of their many issues. . . all of them were amazingly nasty, abusive and bitter. I would've given ANYTHING back then to get even five minutes worth of mentoring, useful advice, or just some basic kindness from an older, experienced person; I'll always remember my twenties as an extraordinarily difficult time.
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    Feb 24, 2008 2:30 PM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles, it sounds like your bosses had serious psychological issues! To me mentoring is probably the only part of being a manager that is really satisfying, having staff coming to you asking for advice when you are in your 40's is very rewarding.

    I also find working in Toronto interesting because my staff are from different cultures. Right now I manage people from Guyana, China and Vietnam. In the past I have had people from Pakistan, South Korea and the Phillipines. I have managed Moslems, Hindus, Buddhists, Presbyterians and Catholics. It educates me about other cultures and how other people think. It has also made me more tolerant.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Feb 24, 2008 3:20 PM GMT
    "Older Guys" What age group is that?

    Am I an older guy?

    Mike
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    Feb 24, 2008 3:30 PM GMT
    The trouble with "older" guys (assuming you mean guys 40+):

    We're old enough to know better...
    We're still young enough to do it...
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    Feb 24, 2008 3:38 PM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidLOL, touche. I've cut and paste (and slightly edited) what I wrote in the other thread. . .


    ROFL

    Speak for yourselves! icon_lol.gif

    I think its laughable that everyone so far seems to assume that ~ 35-55 yo's (based on the recorded ages of the respondents) is "older". If the average lifespan of a male is now into the late 70's / early 80's. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Sometimes it seems like the 'boi culture' forgets that anyone over 60 even exists. icon_razz.gif

    I am 45 and barely into middle age. icon_cool.gif

    Seems to me if there were anything seriously wrong with 'older' guys then I wouldn't have so much 20 something - and even younger - eye candy making constant and blatant passes.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 24, 2008 3:44 PM GMT
    Older guys can be challenging in many cases. Some always use their histories to predict future results
    or always fall back on jaded experiences.

    But some are outstanding, grounded folks that I'm glad to know and appreciate their age and experience.

    Thanks guys!
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    Feb 24, 2008 3:47 PM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles said The alcoholism was only one of their many issues. . . all of them were amazingly nasty, abusive and bitter.


    alcohol turns people into nasty, abusive and bitter creatures - that's what the drug does unfortunately. sorry to hear you had that experience.

    now that i'm approaching 'older' myself at 39 i do find a remarkable number of my peers have lost their spontaneity, even friends from college who used to understand F-U-N and who know better. they tend to frown on people who have impromptu snowball fights or get the giggles at dinner in a restaurant, because they have become.... responsible. BORING!

    fortunately, i have made friends, both straight and gay over the years, in their 60s and even 70s who still know how to have snowball fights and a good laugh over dinner. they also know about those rare things called 'conversation' and 'manners' and are a true treasure troves of information about museums, travel, the arts, furnishings, fashions, and how to throw an actual dinner party complete with games; from a time when people actually cultivated such things. they know everything, and i mean EVERYTHING sweetheart ;-), about local and regional business networks and political players. my life has become immeasurably richer from these friendships.

    unfortunately, i find a lot of guys even my age, not to mention those who younger, are uncomfortable with and shun anyone who is 'too old for the scene', even if it's just THEIR scene. this shunning turns off a lot of older guys and gals who would LOVE to mentor and role model for younger generations.

    i find that a lot of guys my age and younger tend to view being gay as just a way of getting laid or partying at a type of disco and are disturbingly ignorant of the very rich and diverse history, culture and political clout they inherit: from the Greeks to Michelangelo to Oscar Wilde, through the Bauhaus and 20th Century New York City and San Francisco to the present.

    as the experience of the Bauhaus under the nazis teach us, or the flourishing, nearly MAINSTREAM 1920s new york city gay scene under the depression (to pick just two of too many examples) complacency is dangerous, gay political rights and social freedoms require constant work and diligence.

    So if, years and years from now, some old coot unexpectly bofs you in the back of the head with a snowball, it just might be me. I hope you throw one back. just be warned, i reload fast and have got really good aim. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 24, 2008 3:53 PM GMT
    Well said Transition01
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    Feb 24, 2008 3:56 PM GMT
    I tend to date guys that are in 37 to 43 and here's my input:

    I find that the trouble with older guys is that they have seen it all and are not interested 1 guy. Would rather have open relationships, that way they can feel like they aren't old because they have a rotation of mid to late 20's and early 30's guys in and out of their bedrooms.


    Note: It is not in the mindset of every guy in their 20's to go out every weekend and party it up.
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    Feb 24, 2008 4:23 PM GMT
    So I've read both forum posts, one hating on "younger" guys, and this one hating on "older" guys. Am I the only one that's like, why is everyone so damn mean and casting such huge generalizations. I know tons of older guys who fit into the younger-guy generalizations and tons of younger guys who fit into the older guy generalizations.
    zimatarthe good:
    ...the foreplay is much longer.
    ...interludes are cerebral.
    ...more musky-smelling.

    the bad:
    ...they just wanna stay-in on weekends
    ...tends to engage in boring "sports" like golf, take up "self-actualization" stuff like gardening, painting, etc.

    the ugly:
    ...he won't introduce you to his friends either he's embarassed or embarassed.


    I've always liked really long foreplay. I've always been intelligent (that doesn't change terribly much with age). I've always enjoyed sleeping in and just watching a movie on weekends. As far as not introducing you to his friends, there are plenty of 21-year olds who wouldn't do that either.

    Everyone is so individual. Why do we have posts like this? It encourages people to make these incorrect generalizations. Am I the only one left who gives people a chance before he meets them? geez.
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    Feb 24, 2008 4:25 PM GMT
    You have this many issues with being around older men...don't hang around us or them!



    You to will be a part of the older generation!

    When I was you age in my twenties I had nothing but respect for the older gay men!

    It was not the all about me, and the self-absorbed kids today who has this sense of entitlement!
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    Feb 24, 2008 4:28 PM GMT
    Ducky44 saidYou to will be a part of the older generation!


    Only if they're lucky.
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    Feb 24, 2008 4:50 PM GMT
    The only trouble with older guys is that they don't remember The Bangles with the same childlike wonder I do.

    I just started this thread as a joke, to tease everyone in the other thread.

    Love,

    -Munching Zombie
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    Feb 24, 2008 4:51 PM GMT
    Well everybody is older than me so I have no say ...

    Cheers!
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    Feb 24, 2008 4:58 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidThe only trouble with older guys is that they don't remember The Bangles with the same childlike wonder I do.

    I just started this thread as a joke, to tease everyone in the other thread.

    Love,

    -Munching Zombie


    Speak for yourself, I loved the Bangles, mind you I was 25 when, (now what the frig was the name of that song, I need to get my 'Billboard Hot 100 Charts of the Eighties' out, oh yeah "Manic Monday"), hit number 2.

    Thank you for starting this thread as a joke, mind you so was the other one and look how that turned out!

    People take themselves far too seriously these days, what happened to people's sense of the absurd and ridiculous? Bring back "Monty Python" skits and "Bugs Bunny" cartoons please!
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    Feb 24, 2008 5:26 PM GMT
    So young guys are in their 20's?
    Old guys are in their 40's and above?
    So, I take it I have already reached middle age at 30? ARGH....

    This conversation always bores/intrigues me.

    On one hand, the ageism and old v. young talk is so tired, because people are pretty much different despite age (especially in the gay community).

    On the other hand, gays seem to be more integrated and exposed to each other despite age. Not necessarily by choice, but by the community and how we gather. I think this allows us to meet, befriend, date more people of different ages, thus the debate.

    Personally, I like to be intrigued and welcome the old, young, and middle aged.

    We really should be more positive...

    The great thing about young/old guys is.....
    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 24, 2008 5:47 PM GMT
    "i find that a lot of guys my age and younger tend to view being gay as just a way of getting laid or partying at a type of disco and are disturbingly ignorant of the very rich and diverse history, culture and political clout they inherit: from the Greeks to Michelangelo to Oscar Wilde, through the Bauhaus and 20th Century New York City and San Francisco to the present."


    i worked with a 20 yo gay for a short time. he was new to the LA. he called me a librarian and thought i was super boring because i didn't do drugs. when i said i didn't, he was like "you are gay right?" he also couldn't understand what was wrong with me because i was in palm springs the weekend of the white party and didn't go to "the" party of the year.

    it's sad that he thinks this is the only way gay life can be.
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    Feb 24, 2008 5:50 PM GMT
    Lol, turned the tables and made a topic about them eh? Well, as I said before in the other one.. I'm not gonna type-cast all the "older" guys.. everyone has a good side, and everyone has their bad side.. we're all just human.