Where should I move?

  • MagillaNectar

    Posts: 72

    Sep 01, 2010 6:07 AM GMT
    Hey,

    I'm new to this forum. There seems to be a whole lot going on here which is great.

    A little background on myself: I'm 22. I haven't told anyone I'm gay but my dad. He's perfectly ok with it. My family can be good at times and at very intense moments can be really bad. I just finished college and I'm looking to move to a new city. I'm from right outside of NYC. I have friends who live in NYC. My family can be very bad for my mental health and my eventual process of fully coming out. They more or less have told me all gay people like design, lady gaga, fashion, yoga, and whatever. I generally don't like this stuff and I don't want to have to spend time fixing their mental state with this when I'm trying to adjust my own. This information is all more or less necessary in determining the ultimate question.

    So what city?
    and questions to keep in mind: Will it be easy to meet a guy who will want a relationship at least until I'm mature enough with my sexuality to take it on my own? And will I meet kind people?

    Some Top listings for me right now are:
    - NYC: grew up around it and think it's amazing but proximity to a problem family
    - SanFran: seems like an overpriced suburb but really kind people
    - Denver
    - Austin

    NYC is the at the top of this list right now but I hear people aren't really in the mood to deal with someone in my situation.

    In the end, I might be thinking about this too much because all cities more or less have good and bad people and all the ying/yang there is out there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 6:33 AM GMT
    So, you're limiting yourself to the United States?
  • Erock11

    Posts: 12

    Sep 01, 2010 8:09 AM GMT
    dude go for Miami, it always wins like the hottest people in a city contest. Portland, Oregon is really chill and is awesome for people who love the outdoors, food, and culture. Minneapolis I think is your best bet because I've been there many times. its beautiful, and people here have that sort of 'no nonsense' midwestern thing goin on so the guys here are pretty manly and not stereotypically gay. NYC is pretty dope as well, but I wouldn't live there because I love the outdoors and have overcrowded places. Oh and Palm Springs is chill as well. PeAcE.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 9:01 AM GMT
    Every place has a different culture. If you like NYC, if you like the people here and the way they're friendly yet honest and straightforward you're going to have a difficult time finding it anywhere else.

    What do you like/dislike about NYC? That would be a good place to start.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 10:13 AM GMT
    MagillaNectar saidHey,

    I'm new to this forum. There seems to be a whole lot going on here which is great.

    A little background on myself: I'm 22. I haven't told anyone I'm gay but my dad. He's perfectly ok with it. My family can be good at times and at very intense moments can be really bad. I just finished college and I'm looking to move to a new city. I'm from right outside of NYC. I have friends who live in NYC. My family can be very bad for my mental health and my eventual process of fully coming out. They more or less have told me all gay people like design, lady gaga, fashion, yoga, and whatever.


    Yoga? This is a new one to me. Gay people like yoga. Hmmm . . .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 11:52 AM GMT
    Move to DC icon_smile.gif Its got the east coast culture, its accessible, beautiful and the people are pretty cool. Lots of educated, worldly people....
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Sep 01, 2010 12:04 PM GMT
    Boston is my favorite city.

    If you want distance, I would second Portland, Oregon. It was originally settled by midwesterners and has a down to earth yet open feel to it.

    Consider climate. Right now it is so damned hot in Virginia I want to move to Vermont.

    Consider the kind of people you like to be around and what feeds them.

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 12:36 PM GMT
    The thing about Austin is that the younger you are the better it is for you. At 22 you shouldn't have a problem. Once you get 35+ you may find, like me, that it is just a small college town. Some might disagree with me but those tend to still be in the 20something range or in a relationship.

    Another thing to remember. There are only two seasons here. Hot and volcanic. I usually tell people that only sinners live around here because it is hot enough to burn your soul.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 12:53 PM GMT
    ZbmwM5 saidMove to DC icon_smile.gif Its got the east coast culture, its accessible, beautiful and the people are pretty cool. Lots of educated, worldly people....


    I second this - I know some really amazing people who live there and they love it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 12:57 PM GMT
    LJay saidBoston is my favorite city.

    If you want distance, I would second Portland, Oregon. It was originally settled by midwesterners and has a down to earth yet open feel to it.


    Boston can be a tough place to move to if you don't know anyone there. People can be standoffish if they don't know you. That said, my partner is from there and we know some good people there.

    Portland is a good suggestion too. Thinking about it, the people I know who moved there and loved it were pretty snarky and then totally mellowed out. They stopped enjoying being mean, even to assholes. If you like outdoors stuff, hiking, etc, it's wonderful. For the OP, considering where he is in his life, I'd suggest Portland over SF - SF for gay men is (in my experience) the most sexualized place in the states. Unless he's a big slut, or wants to be (and for some guys it;'s the right thing to do) it might be overwhelming. And then there's the fucking panhandlers everywhere.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 1:01 PM GMT
    Erock11 saiddude go for Miami, it always wins like the hottest people in a city contest. Portland, Oregon is really chill and is awesome for people who love the outdoors, food, and culture. Minneapolis I think is your best bet because I've been there many times. its beautiful, and people here have that sort of 'no nonsense' midwestern thing goin on so the guys here are pretty manly and not stereotypically gay. NYC is pretty dope as well, but I wouldn't live there because I love the outdoors and have overcrowded places. Oh and Palm Springs is chill as well. PeAcE.


    Palm Springs is like being put in a coffin before you're dead but with gorgeous views, cocktails every day, and as much cheap crystal meth as you can snort/smoke/slam.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 1:08 PM GMT
    bigtallman said
    LJay saidSF for gay men is (in my experience) the most sexualized place in the states. Unless he's a big slut, or wants to be (and for some guys it;'s the right thing to do) it might be overwhelming. And then there's the fucking panhandlers everywhere.



    Gosh, that wasn't on the brochure....

    Seriously, If I were gonna move out of the Gem State, I'd move to Seattle or Portland...close to the mountains, close to the beach and there is and energy and vitality in both places that many find attractive.

    'nough of that...better go find me a quesadilla...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    Austinicon_twisted.gif
  • rioriz

    Posts: 1056

    Sep 01, 2010 2:49 PM GMT
    I always hear good things about Austin and if you want a similar city but with cooler weather try Nashville! I moved from the north here 6 years ago and fell in love with the city and its people!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 3:01 PM GMT
    I agree, NYC is an amazing city; grew up there, went to college there and yes there is no place like it. But you grew up there too from the sounds of it, plus there is the problem family. I say brance out! What better time?

    Personally, I would go with New Orleans; lots of fresh younger people, interesting culture & people, great weather. Do it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 6:52 PM GMT
    You are being a tad dramatic. Your parents don't have a very nuanced view of being gay. That isn't the same thing as being homophobic. Do the world a favor and educate them by being yourself and being in their lives. Your issues with coming out are entirely your own, from what you have told us.

    I am going to imagine that since you just graduated college you don't have a job and you don't have any money. How would you relocate? Since you are just outside NYC look for work there while you live with your folks. When you have a job and some savings you can afford to move. Right now you are just one of millions of college grads with no experience looking for work. Enjoy the freedom to look for work that living with your parents provides. It is not ideal, for sure, but it is better than being homeless, which is your other option.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 6:53 PM GMT
    After living in the suburb of Seattle for 5 years, I really can't stand the heat in NYC where I currently live, though I love NYC for its cultural diversity/restaurants/arts/career prospects etc. Consider what you look for in wherever you want to move aside from dating cuz people aren't that different in my opinion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    rioriz saidI always hear good things about Austin and if you want a similar city but with cooler weather try Nashville! I moved from the north here 6 years ago and fell in love with the city and its people!




    Just visited for a month.....and I COMPLETELY AGREE!!! Love this place. Hope I match at Vandy in March!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 7:19 PM GMT
    Gay-friendly cities include Seattle, Portland, and surpisingly Minneapolis. Though another Republican worse than Pawlenty is likely to get elected Minnesota governor, who will try to make gay life intolerable there. We'll know after November.

    Disregard the suggestion about Miami. It is heavily Cuban and become quite gay-hostile in recent years. The gay-friendly place is Miami Beach, across Biscayne Bay. But its former gay community has largely migrated from there in recent years, being priced out of the market, ironically due to the local Renaissance that gays themselves helped to create.

    In South Florida the present gay meccas are Fort Lauderdale & Wilton Manors. Also ironic, because the rest of Florida is anti-gay, a Republican red state of the worst kind, one of the few that prohibits adoptions by gays, for instance.

    Boston is another good bet, though the drivers there among the worst in the country, and the cost of living high. I wouldn't send my worst enemy to any place in New Jersey, and my family has been living there for over 350 years.

    Houston has a large gay community, but somewhat incestuous and twinky, mostly bitches from what I observed. And like Florida, in one of the worst red states in the country. Wander outside of Houston and you're dead meat. The same goes for Austin, like living on an island (and I lived in San Antonio not far to the south for years, as well as in Houston).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 7:25 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidDisregard the suggestion about Miami. It is heavily Cuban



    What's wrong with Cubans? Some of us enjoy them quite a lot.
  • MagillaNectar

    Posts: 72

    Sep 01, 2010 9:29 PM GMT
    Wow, thanks for all the suggestions.

    The thing about NY is I have friends there and this is good because it will allow me to meet people more easily. In other cities I would take me longer and I would have put more of an effort in that direction.

    Some of my interests are:
    - Parks/Public Places to relax.
    - Good Food/Alcohol/...
    - Good Music Scene (Ny has an especially good one)
    - Biking Friendly
    - Good Public Transport (this is something i would use a lot of)
    - I don't mind weather too much as long it's not always really hot or freezing cold
    - Everyone likes things to be cheap but it doesn't have to be

    Also, in the end I do need a place were i can get a good job. I know the question that gets raised is what field did i study or what industry would i like to work (this is something i'm also trying to figure out right now but i know i don't want to work in the industry related to my major, biology).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 9:36 PM GMT
    MagillaNectar saidSome of my interests are:
    - Parks/Public Places to relax.
    - Good Food/Alcohol/...
    - Good Music Scene (Ny has an especially good one)
    - Biking Friendly
    - Good Public Transport (this is something i would use a lot of)
    - I don't mind weather too much as long it's not always really hot or freezing cold
    - Everyone likes things to be cheap but it doesn't have to be


    I am from an hour outside of NYC, possibly from where you are. I just move to Portland, OR and it is all these things and so much more. But, again, getting some savings and job experience will make life much easier on you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 10:06 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidGay-friendly cities include Seattle, Portland, and surpisingly Minneapolis. Though another Republican worse than Pawlenty is likely to get elected Minnesota governor, who will try to make gay life intolerable there. We'll know after November.

    Disregard the suggestion about Miami. It is heavily Cuban and become quite gay-hostile in recent years. The gay-friendly place is Miami Beach, across Biscayne Bay. But its former gay community has largely migrated from there in recent years, being priced out of the market, ironically due to the local Renaissance that gays themselves helped to create.

    In South Florida the present gay meccas are Fort Lauderdale & Wilton Manors. Also ironic, because the rest of Florida is anti-gay, a Republican red state of the worst kind, one of the few that prohibits adoptions by gays, for instance.

    Boston is another good bet, though the drivers there among the worst in the country, and the cost of living high. I wouldn't send my worst enemy to any place in New Jersey, and my family has been living there for over 350 years.

    Houston has a large gay community, but somewhat incestuous and twinky, mostly bitches from what I observed. And like Florida, in one of the worst red states in the country. Wander outside of Houston and you're dead meat. The same goes for Austin, like living on an island (and I lived in San Antonio not far to the south for years, as well as in Houston).


    Don't forget Madison and Milwaukee WI which are extremely gay friendly. You can literally hold hands walking around town and people won't care (although I wouldn't suggest doing that in the ghetto neighborhoods of mke).

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 01, 2010 10:09 PM GMT
    Toronto aka the shangri la of gays lol.... It's a big city, great public transit, great music scene, cool people, close to NYC but not so close that your fam would bug you, It's in Canada though icon_razz.gif