Women in gay bars?


  • Feb 24, 2008 4:46 PM GMT
    The last few times my partner and I have been at a popular gay bar in Chicago, we noticed that there were more women then I have ever seen in a gay bar (outside of mixed gay/lesbian bars). My partner noted that it almost seems "trendy" these days for guys to bring a "girlfriend" with them when they are going to the bars icon_smile.gifThere are now so many women at some of the bars that the enviornment is starting to noticeably change.

    We don't go to the bars that much but was curious if other guys have noticed this? Is this trend happening in other cities?

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    Feb 24, 2008 4:55 PM GMT
    having just come out, i don't have too many friends (guys or gays) who are willing to go to a gay bar. not that i'm even into the club scene all that much. but a bunch of my guy friends' girlfriends are really excited cuz now they have someone to take them there. so maybe guys who hang out with a majoritarily straight crowd want to bring a friend or 10 to the bar with them, and their straight guy friends don't wanna go clubbing.
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    Feb 24, 2008 7:15 PM GMT
    I don't know, but I prefer gay-straight mixed bars. I have been in gay bars where some guys make some rude comment about women being there. That kinda pisses me off. I don't have many straight buddies (guys or girls) since I moved to San Diego, I miss that.
  • shoelessj

    Posts: 511

    Feb 24, 2008 7:33 PM GMT
    i think this has been an ongoing thing for years now. i blame will and grace [half-kidding, there.]

    i don't much hang out in bars anymore but i have seen this and i for one was annoyed sometimes because the straight girls who'd hang out at gay bars inevitably would be giggling and cackling and even pointing at guys who were hot or who were kissing, and generally acting as if they were at a bachelorette party [which happens a lot, too.] or at a zoo.

    It's one thing for a gay guy with a best friend or roomie who's a girl to bring her along to the bar, but another when groups of straight gals go to the gay bars as if its a field trip or something. i think if they want to share a dancefloor with us,l they should also pick up a clipboard and gather signatures to put equal marriage on their state's ballot, or otherwise do their part to help the gays as opposed to just hanging out at the gay bars because it's so much fun or because they don't want to be bothered that night by straight boys.

    straight girls have a choice - they can go anywhere. Not necessarily so for gay guys. If you think you like straight bars better than gay ones, then dance with or kiss your guy in a 'mixed' bar/club and see what happens. That's why gay bars exist - it's not because the music or air is any better than at non-gay bars, but because the gay bars and clubs are one place gay guys can spend a few hours at a week where they don't always have to be looking over their shoulder to see if anyone is watching them or pointing at them or laughing at them or about to jump on them...where they can let their defenses down, where the weight can be lifted from their shoulders, if only for one night a week, and to have to deal with people who treat you as a mascot or a shopping pal or who hoot and holler when they see two guys dancing close or kissing, well, that almost takes away the value of that place.

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    Feb 24, 2008 9:43 PM GMT
    yes, i've noticed more women in gay bars, and yes i've noted a discernable change in the environment. on the one had they're fun when you're dancing to have fun, but they suck when you're dancing to make money. not only do they not tip, they run off all the men who will.
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    Feb 24, 2008 11:28 PM GMT
    This has been an issue in San Francisco aswell. The younger gay guys seem to bring girls to the gay clubs to lure other gay guys. Sometimes gay guys are less intimated by talking to a girl because she know's it's not a sexual agenda involved.

    Basically gay guys use the girl as bait to meet guys it seems.

    I would do this but only at a straight club.I can do well on my own at a gay club.

    Now more than ever the girls are comming in packs and they totally not ready for the gay sexuality in the clubs.The are even bring their boyfriends there with their homophobic attitude. It's really fucked up.

    If you ask me the doormen should restrict some of the girl groups. The last thing you need is a big old pussy party,When your looking for cock!


    If they have strippers at the club, They totally hog the show some of them. I have also see girls go after gay guys they like. It's really fuckin sad.Girls or getting drunk and horny see all these guys makeout. A horny girl is ruthless. The girls are even at the underwear parties! What's next girls at bathhouses?
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    Feb 25, 2008 10:14 AM GMT
    In my experience, I think the ladies just want to let themselves go all-out (excuse the pun) minus the worries of getting hassled / harassed by (straight) guys and in return get compliments, even!

    Yeah, it's strange and funny when the ladies ask me out to go to a "gay-friendly" bar ('cos we don't have gay bars "per se" here in Dubai).

    We are simply non-threatening to the female species. I'm afraid straight guys will begin to frequent gay bars more, given this knowledgeicon_mad.gif
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    Feb 25, 2008 10:27 AM GMT
    I don't get out to the bars often, but sometimes I'll take my (straight) sister with me. Its about the only time she can go out, dance, have a drink, look at beautiful men, maybe shoot some pool, and not get hit on by anyone. We've been doing this for years now...

    I've also taken a few other straight women to the bar in the past... mostly co-workers that were curious... and the one thing I always hear on the way home is that it was the most fun they'd had and the most relaxed they'd been in a bar in ages.
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    Feb 25, 2008 10:44 AM GMT
    I've noticed it but I don't think it's a problem. Alot of women enjoy going to gay bars because they know they won't be hit on. It's a place where they don't have to worry too much about too many things. Truth be told, women enjoy the company of gay men. They enjoy being free and having a good time just like anyone else. Hangin' out in a club with friends is something we all do no matter where it is. I don't think it should matter if they are gay, str8, bi, male or female as long as they are having fun, not causing any trouble, and are respectful of their surroundings. Same rule that applies to anyone who goes out really.

    To those who find it concerning that the opposite sex is taking away business or making things difficult/uncomfortable to meet people for whatever reason...that's just not true. Women in gay bars aren't there to pick up guys (unless the guys are bi). I've seen many guys use "women" as a crutch to why things never went their way and I always wondered how that was possible. Not to be a smart-ass but if a woman manages to cock block a gay guy in his element (the gay bar) then either she's really good, the guy you wanted wasn't really worth it (obviously), or maybe your game just wasn't on point. In either case there's always another day and more fish in the sea.
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    Feb 27, 2008 4:24 AM GMT
    Women go to gay bars to just have fun and dance and not worry about getting hit on.
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    Feb 27, 2008 4:42 AM GMT
    I used to hate them. The one place I could be surrounded by men, and the comes straight woman trying to change a man to hetero.

    I've never been the kind of guy to have a faghag, never have, never will. I have an endless line of female friends... but I can't understand a woman, telling me who I should date, what I should wear, who said what, or keeping me single because she's single. The relationship never made sense to me.

    In fact, one time, when I was still new to gay bars, I got in a conversation with a drunk faghag someone had ditched for a lay. I talked to her and like her company, but she started on me like I was her new tolken-homo-friend. So, out of spite and instinct, I began to tell her all about my stance on gays and faghag co-dependencies. I didn't drop the ball, and I layed it on the line so hard. She was speechless. The look on her face priceless. She left immediately about to cry. I felt a little bad, until I got my Budweiser.

    Needless to say, she never returned. After that, the 'straight acting' were attracted towards me, and people delited in my fresh perspective on homo-female relationships.

    Unless they come with a Friend(s), I don't want anything to do with them. It's like liked in straight bars, think they can just waltz in and be the most liked in gay bars. Like Meg pretending to be a lesbian on Family Guy. It's pathetic.
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    Feb 27, 2008 5:21 AM GMT
    as i said before - i like them fine when i'm not working. when they come rolling up in the club on a night when i'm in my thong i know it's gonna be a long, moneyless night. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 27, 2008 5:29 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidyes, i've noticed more women in gay bars, and yes i've noted a discernable change in the environment. on the one had they're fun when you're dancing to have fun, but they suck when you're dancing to make money. not only do they not tip, they run off all the men who will.


    Ain't that the truth.
  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    Feb 27, 2008 5:50 AM GMT
    At risk of sounding like even more of an extremist than I actually am, I lay the blame for the 'ecological collapse' of the "gay bar" in my town on straight women, and have no doubt the same thing has happened elsewhere. My town's only ever had one "gay bar" at any given time, and each of them in turn has started out decidedly 'gay,' essentially opened by gay guys for gay guys (and to a lesser extent, lesbians). Then guys start bringing their fag hags, then the fag hags start encouraging their straight girlfriends to come out, too, because it's "so much fun, and the music is better, and the dancing is better because there aren't guys groping at you constantly."

    So the straight women show up and do their own thing for all of 5 mins or so, but then they realise that they kinda miss grinding with the guys so they start trying to grind with gay guys (many of whome-- for some reason that's inexplicable to me-- go along with it like they've suddenly gone softcore bi). Then straight guys (and often the most obnoxious ones, who can't pick up at the numerous straight bars because they're such pigs) hear that there are 'hot single girls with their guard down at the fag bar' and they start showing up.

    Before you know it, the straight people outnumber the gay ones, none of the gay people know who they can flirt with anymore without getting some remark that has no place in the place, but the management-- eager for the money that all those straight people have, since there are so many more of them than there are of us-- soften the gay images, trade the huge pride flag for something a little more 'subtle' so as to be "more inclusive and welcoming to *everybody.*" More and more of the gay clientelle get turned off and start to stay home. Then the management's argument becomes "well the gay demographic was fickle and stopped coming and supporting the bar, so of course we toned down the whole 'gay thing.'" It's been the life cycle of every gay bar here, eventually they're just 'alternative,' then they're mainstream. Am I bitter? No doubt.

    Does it warrant a ban on guy-on-girl stuff as part of the club's "style code," or some-such? Well I don't know that that would even be legal, but what I wish is that someone who really cared about creating an honest-to-goodness gay bar would open one and then make it SO proactively gay-- so utterly styled to a homo atmosphere-- that the straight people would feel as uncomfortable there as I felt the time my friends somehow talked me into going to the "Rockin' Rodeo" western-themed bar with the rhinestone saddle disco ball :-P And if the straight people complain, tell them there are straight bars they could go to if they don't like where they are. And if the gay people get fickle and revenue dips, try to ride it out for a bit. I'm just so turned off by the selling-out. Such is the pesky norm, though, when the management is more concerned with the business than with staying true to the idea.
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    Feb 27, 2008 5:54 AM GMT
    biowunderkindI've never been the kind of guy to have a faghag, never have, never will. I have an endless line of female friends... but I can't understand a woman, telling me who I should date, what I should wear, who said what, or keeping me single because she's single. The relationship never made sense to me.

    Ok... I gotta say this... If this has been your experience with fag-hags, I'm so sorry. Honestly, I've known quite a few fag-hags and none of them were as you've described. Anyone that tries to tell you who to date, what to wear, etc... should get one response from you... "Butt out"... unless you've asked for their opinion, of course. Further, anyone that's weak enough to allow themselves to be ruled by the opinions of someone else just needs to grow an opinion of their own, the voice to express it, and the balls to use that voice. Control freaks come in all shapes, sizes and genders... and that's what you've described here.

    But as I understood the original post, this isn't about fag-hags... its about straight women going to gay bars. There is a difference. When you're talking about taking a friend, your sister, your cousin, etc to the gay bar with you, that hardly qualifies them as a fag-hag.
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    Feb 27, 2008 5:55 AM GMT
    bravo. i concur
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    Feb 27, 2008 6:32 AM GMT
    Ain't that the truth. Preach it, Nativedude.

    I always thought a faghag was someone who surrounded themselves exclusively around fags on a near 24 hour basis because they were unable to have any female friends and secretly lusts after gay men. Maybe it's just me.

    As to the orginal post it seems alot of gay men here are little insecure about women in gay bars. I find that to be somewhat hilarious.
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    Feb 27, 2008 6:59 AM GMT
    imperator saidAnd if the straight people complain, tell them there are straight bars they could go to if they don't like where they are.


    the gay bars that play gay porn videos don't have many straight people at all.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Feb 27, 2008 7:00 AM GMT
    I bring my girlfriend to the bars also, but it is definitely NOT to lure guys over...granted Erin is cute as hell, but she likes the safety of gay bars...the chance to hang out and have fun without getting mauled by straight guys...

    I enjoy her company...and as I said...she's cute as hell...

    ...I have also noticed that it seems the days of the "gay neighborhoods" are diminishing...I think they've lost their purpose as we become more and more mainstream...so neighborhoods need to be accepting of the social climate change...

    ...and believe me...there are PLENTY of boys in the Castro without having to worry about a few women joining us...

    - David