Friendship after a breakup

  • Stin7

    Posts: 33

    Sep 02, 2010 1:51 PM GMT
    Well I've been dating a guy for aproximately 6 years. I'm still friends with him, but he is not the type of guy who likes to go out to clubs and he doesnt have gay friends at all. I have some straight friends and of course their conversations are usually different and I can not relate to them it's too hard to be "real friends" with straight people.

    I feel like I don't have friends to go out, hang out, etc I don't have gay friends... You know one thing is dating, you can definitely meet people over the internet but even though they say they want a friendship, most them are actually looking for a bf or getting laid...

    How do you make gay friends? Do you have a group of gay friends?

    thanks in advance!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2010 2:16 PM GMT
    I know how you feel I have no gay friends either I spend most of my weekends at home rarely going out. I tried the on line thing responding to profiles of guys looking for friends. They didn't want friends. They wanted a hookup or a bf and basically moved on after I made it clear I wasn't interested
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2010 3:55 PM GMT
    Hmmm, I usually jsut say so form the start (online) and then its no problem.. in real life, I usually jsut have friends anyway
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    Sep 02, 2010 6:03 PM GMT
    If it was a respectful breakup, meaning no lies, cheating etc...then I try to maintain atleast a friendship with the person....there is no need to burn bridges if its not necessary.
  • Stin7

    Posts: 33

    Sep 02, 2010 10:54 PM GMT
    so i've searched other topics about not having gay friends... and it surprises me the fact a lot of people have the same issue.

    I personally see the whole thing the same as the friendship between a man and a woman and I'm a firm believer it's not possible to maintain a real friendship since one or another will always have feelings. I'm not saying it's a rule, but chances are sooner or later either the man or the woman you will get confused.

    I personally don't like to be friends with women. Call me a misogynist but women are bitchy and they always treat you like you are their puppet when they find out you are gay. They always go like "oh I would definitely date you if you were straight" you can't be real friends with a woman...
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    Sep 02, 2010 11:20 PM GMT
    IDK, I have all kinds of friends. I've got straight guy and girl friends, gay and lesbian friends, and imaginary friends. I'm pretty social and am involved in lots of different activities. I maintain contact with at least twenty or so folks on a regular basis, and tons more less frequently. Even though I get anxious before social situations, I always throw myself in anyway.

    My advice, join groups, go to events and just meet people. Some you'll click with some you won't, but try not to put limits on types of people you can and can't be grinds with (ie girls, straight people, gay guys, etc) otherwise you limit some potentially amazing friendships.
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    Sep 02, 2010 11:26 PM GMT
    In the 90's I had a boyfriend for seven years and we have remained good friends ever since the break up. I should mention our break up did not involve fights, heated arguments, and hateful words. We had both just agreed we had grown apart and it was time to break up.

    I have good friendships with women and men both gay and straight. You seem to have a problem with every one of these groups and that is a problem. There is no one else left and that is going to make for a lonely life. You are putting up too many roadblocks to friendship. Probably all of my good friends have done or said something I do not agree with at some time or other. But I just put up with it and accept it. No two of us in the world are exactly alike and that is the beauty of friendship.
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    Sep 02, 2010 11:34 PM GMT
    I'm going through the same thing with my ex of 11 years. We still hang out but only with mutual friends or to go out together, not to clubs or meet other guys. I find it hard to meet other gay guys as friends because we typically only have being gay in common.

    Try to find other guys with similar interests, gay or straight, that's my advice.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Sep 02, 2010 11:49 PM GMT
    Yes.