knowing top/bottom in preference of partner before getting involved in a relationship

  • mellowmuscle

    Posts: 150

    Sep 02, 2010 2:09 PM GMT
    The thought just occured to me (especially as I am about to go on a date with a guy) about whether it is good to find out right away or fairly soon when dating of each other's sexual role (top/bottom/vers) preference. I'm sure if I really really like a guy as a person and the attraction is there, then maybe it shouldn't matter if say we were both bottoms or both tops, but that may be also wishful thinking. I enjoy sex and think it's a part of a healthy relationship. I don't think it's a first date kind of question, after all I don't want to come across like I'm only into the person so we could hook up right away. I just wonder when is the right time to bring it up, and supposing we were both tops or both bottoms, if that is a relationship deal-breaker for anyone. I actually am versatile, so I guess that helps avoid this potential situation, but I also have a strong preference for one role.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    I think it's good to find out sooner than later, especially if it's going to be an issue, and it sometimes is.

    However, it's not the easiest thing to bring up I guess!

    I suppose if you've met through a dating website you'd probably know as most of them let you select your preference as one of the details on your profile. It would be incredibly awkward if you had two total tops or two total bottoms who are getting hot and heavy after a nice date and both expecting the other to bend over or rubber up!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 02, 2010 3:48 PM GMT
    viveutvivas saidIn my opinion, you are not in a relationship until you have had a number of dates and slept together at least a few times. So the question doesn't make too much sense to me.


    agree!!

    in the earlier stages of our relationship, my long term bf and I both considered ourselves "tops". our "between the sheets' activites consitisted of a lot of kissing, rubbing, blow jobs and hand jobs.

    after time, confidence and trust developed between us, our "comfort level" reached the point to where we both tried anal sex and bottoming for the other. icon_cool.gif

    although he will occassionally bttm for me, he is a much better top than a bottom. icon_cry.gif

    we both found, much to our surprise, delight and astonishment, that i am better at bttming than topping. icon_eek.gif

    so...ya jes' nev-vaaaaa know until you try! icon_lol.gif
  • mellowmuscle

    Posts: 150

    Sep 02, 2010 4:04 PM GMT
    In response to the feedback so far, in my case, the website I used to intially meet this person, does not have a selection for knowing someone's sexual role preference, so I am going in clueless.

    And yes, I never said I was in a relationship at this point, I haven't even had the first date! The questions was more like, how much longer do you continue, if at all, dating someone once you find out that you both prefer the same role sexually in bed? Maybe it's better not to find out until you get into bed because someone might be willing to compromise or find that we are comfortable playing around with a different role. And that might never have happened if we were both self-described tops or bottoms, and therefore never got to know each other because we applied those labels to ourselves.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 02, 2010 4:22 PM GMT
    mellowmuscle saidIn response to the feedback so far, in my case, the website I used to intially meet this person, does not have a selection for knowing someone's sexual role preference, so I am going in clueless.

    And yes, I never said I was in a relationship at this point, I haven't even had the first date! The questions was more like, how much longer do you continue, if at all, dating someone once you find out that you both prefer the same role sexually in bed? Maybe it's better not to find out until you get into bed because someone might be willing to compromise or find that we are comfortable playing around with a different role. And that might never have happened if we were both self-described tops or bottoms, and therefore never got to know each other because we applied those labels to ourselves.


    if all you are after is a one night stand or "friends with benefits" AKA "Fuck Buddy", then yes, perhaps both guys being "tops" or "bottoms" would be somewhat limiting.

    if you are looking for something deeper, then you may learn to compromise.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2010 6:33 PM GMT
    i want to know right away. i would never want to be with someone who is all top. gotta be some give and take. i don't think it is inappropriate at any time. we are all adults here and know what we prefer.