Army Guy Doesn't Write Letters

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2010 2:13 PM GMT
    What does it mean when your loved one in Army Basic Training does not write you a single letter other than the one he sent you two days after he left? Six weeks have passed and I have written him daily. But I have not heard a single thing from him. I know he does not like to write. However, I have stated several times that a one-line letter was ok. (I do know that others in his platoon are writing to those back home 2-4 times a week!)

    Is it laziness? lack of interest? stress?

    I would welcome your thoughts...
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    Sep 02, 2010 2:30 PM GMT
    Umm I dont know much about the subject.. Couldn't the whole "Don't Ask Don't tell" rulings make him not write back?

    It is my understanding that if they find any (for a lack of a better term) "gay" material can't they throw him out of the Army?

    Could he just remaining quite to keep his position in the platoon?
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    Sep 02, 2010 3:27 PM GMT
    I would go with “stress”.
    I don’t think I wrote one time during boot-camp…thinking no one wants to hear how much it sucks or let family friends know what a shity time I was having; add to that I didn’t like writing; unable to put my true feeling in a letter properly.
    I will also add that he is changing: new life, different priorities, and new friends. He may not be the same person he was before; give him time to adjust and try to stay his friend. Once his life has become routine and he can put it all into perspective; hopefully, he’ll come around.
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    Sep 02, 2010 6:30 PM GMT
    Basic training is designed to put you under time pressure (ie to give you more tasks than there is reasonable time in which to complete them). If other guys are writing home, it is probably at the expense of doing something else to the required standard. I would not stress too much about it. He is currently totally absorbed in his Army training, except when he is sleeping. Just let him get on with it and be there for him. Unfortunately, you are going to come second to his current priority, which is passing basic training. If his lack of contact continues after basic training, you will need to review the situation. Joining the armed forces is not just a new job, it is a new way of life and can change your outlook quite radically.
  • jock_1

    Posts: 1491

    Sep 02, 2010 6:36 PM GMT
    next letter you write tell him you cant wait to read how things are going for him. that will hopefully make him write back
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    Sep 02, 2010 6:43 PM GMT
    He might be having a really tough time. Don't take the silence as anything against you. Just continue to write and keep his spirits up. Even if he can't bring himself to write back, your words may very well be the the one good thing he can look forward to.
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    Sep 02, 2010 7:01 PM GMT
    illie777 saidUsually trainees are really busy during the first eight weeks of basic combat training, that being said, there's always time to write a letter and they are also allowed to make phone calls, however, there's very little privacy , so he probably just doesn't want to get caught writing letters to another dude... Just a thought.

    I was in Basic Training in the 1960s, when I believe it was a lot more "basic" than it is today. The branch PX always had stationery meant for writing letters home. It cost very little. And stamps were always readily available. (In combat zones you have no postage going out, by law)

    We also had access to pay phones. In today's cellular world I'm not sure what they do. But a Basic Trainee who wants to contact his loved ones can do so. The alternative is not acceptable nor American -- our troops are not prisoners. If he has not contacted you, I fear it may be by choice. icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 02, 2010 7:26 PM GMT
    He is being a dick. I would give him an opportunity to explain himself next phone call or email you get but six weeks is a lot of time to get your shit together. He may need an ultimatum.
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    Sep 02, 2010 7:51 PM GMT
    From reading this none of you guys have been through army basic. The first few weeks are a living hell. Most likely he hasn't been given the down time to write and if he has had the time he's too tired and is sleeping. The other thing is, while the army doesn't order him not to contact friends and family they discourage it.
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    Sep 02, 2010 7:54 PM GMT
    I have been with the same person for 17 months and he has never written me. In my opinion I would say your man has found someone else to and doesnt have the balls to tell you.
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    Sep 02, 2010 7:58 PM GMT
    having been thru it 8 years ago...heres what its like.
    o dark 30 you wake up and go to formation, half dead to the world.
    you do pt for about an hour and a half
    then you come back just have about 3-5 min to shower in a platoon of about 60 guys.
    3 s's (shit shower shave)
    chow
    training
    chow
    training
    chow
    about an hour of personal time, mind you...you do the 3 s's then too
    shine boots
    wash clothes (weekends only)
    hydration formation before bed
    then lights out

    you probably get about a call a week if that. and youre trying to compete with everyone in your platoon to get a call thats about 5-10 min long if that.

    i didnt write home when in basic, but i let my folks know that before hand. just to give them a heads up. so they understood. with the whole dont ask dont tell still lingering, he probably doesnt wanna get caught writing to another guy in an intimate setting. you have to sign paper work stating that you wouldnt conduct yourself in such a manner when you enlist. just wait till he gets to AIT and then you should be more free to speak to him.
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    Sep 02, 2010 8:00 PM GMT
    You have written EVERY day and he is in the military? Seriously?

    Sounds like you don't care about his career and the consequences if he is outed.

    You do not say how long you have been together. Unless it was a great amount of time, and/or the two of you agreed to you writing daily, you may be coming across as a stalker.

    I would recommend you back off until he writes TO you. It would be too late for me if I were in his circumstances.

    Best of luck...
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    Sep 02, 2010 8:02 PM GMT
    Just keep the fires burning, still write to him and ask him how hes doing. keep up his spirits and in doing so it might keep yours up as well. my mama wrote to me almost weekly and even though i didnt write back i called her maybe once every 2 weeks to let her know i was ok. the letters helped me get thru basic. so keep up the letters dude.
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    Sep 02, 2010 8:30 PM GMT
    kscott6671 saidFrom reading this none of you guys have been through army basic. The first few weeks are a living hell. Most likely he hasn't been given the down time to write and if he has had the time he's too tired and is sleeping. The other thing is, while the army doesn't order him not to contact friends and family they discourage it.

    Absolutely right. He is probably under much stress, and probably doesn't get enough sleep either. Be supportive and don't add to his stress by complaining to him that he doesn't write.
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    Sep 02, 2010 8:37 PM GMT
    You writing every day is for you.
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    Sep 02, 2010 8:51 PM GMT
    Just remember, his DI's could also be reading his letters, aloud to his platoon even.
  • metta

    Posts: 39099

    Sep 02, 2010 9:55 PM GMT

    I really have no idea. I have a friend who's son is in bootcamp for the marines. I'm sure that the army is totally different than the marines. He writes his mom all of the time...I think that it is required to write to their mom's or wives...whatever the case may be. So far it has been really good for him and his relationship with his mother has never been better.
  • bchbum

    Posts: 161

    Sep 02, 2010 11:48 PM GMT
    Stress, man.
    Especially if he doens't like to write. I think I only wrote 4 letter when I was at Basic, and it was so rushed my sloppy handwriting was even sloppier.
    Take it with a grain of salt dude.

    This is what his schedule is like.

    0400 rise n shine for accountability, shave and then do PT.
    0530 shit/shower, and clean the bay/bathroom
    0600 chow
    0615 training
    1130 eat
    1145 training
    1630 eat
    1645 formation
    1700 more training
    1900 DS time
    2000 lights out if he's lucky. Every once in awhile he'll have to be up for two more hours for Fire Guard Watch, and/or CQ. Meanwhile, he's beat to hell, and tired from doing something his body isn't used to.

    As for the calls home. I went through Basic on the East Coast. My family and friends were on the West Coast. So basically, I never got to call home because you only got to make phone calls between whenever the Drill released you and lights out, and it was still early afternoon out West meaning everyone was still at work.

    So give your guy some slack.
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    Sep 02, 2010 11:59 PM GMT
    blackhawksfan saidYou have written EVERY day and he is in the military? Seriously?


    ^^^ What he said

    Give the guy some breathing space! I'd be annoyed if I got txted every single day, let alone getting letters every day.

    As others have said, he may be that busy, or he may be afraid to be out. Chill out and let him get back to you. If he doesn't, then let go. You can't force him to write back!
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    Sep 03, 2010 5:37 PM GMT
    Wow... what a variety of responses--some of you want me to continue to write and some of you want me to stop writing.

    I'd like to offer some context:

    1. The Army is now social media savvy.
    2. I know for a fact that privates have been punished for not writing if their DS's were to find out.
    4. I'd like to emphasize that others in his platoon are now writing 3 to 4 letters a week to different loved ones.
    5. Prior to his departure, we agreed on writing one another. I knew he would not write regularly, but he didn't mind me writing regularly.
    6. We agreed to create a female pseudonym.
    7. I proofread each letter carefully to ensure that there is nothing that would trigger DADT concerns.
    8. His platoon leaders are requesting that their soldiers receive as much mail as possible.
    9. I request that he write me in each letter.
    10. He did write one letter 2 days after departure (during reception) and asked me to write him.
    11. Several people send daily or twice-daily correspondence to their loved ones in BT.


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    Sep 03, 2010 5:50 PM GMT
    I've not been in basic training, but my thoughts are to keep an open mind while he is in basic training. Don't assume the worst. When he is done with basic training, have a heart to heart with him and let him know it concerned you he didn't write to you but once. His response should give you insight into where he is coming from.