Is my boyfriend taking me for granted?

  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Sep 03, 2010 12:13 PM GMT
    Haven't seen him since tuesday (well wed morning but all i did was drop him off to work).

    It's friday night and i texted him asking when I can see him next.
    He responded with "I don't know icon_sad.gif ...I have a 21st tonight...soon icon_smile.gif".

    Should i be pissed he can't even give me a day?

    He hangs out with his fag hag best friend EVERY friday and saturday and usually only comes to see me on sunday evenings.

    What annoys me is he never alternates weekends.
    And his best friend was overseas for a couple of weeks and in both of those weekends he asked me if i wanted to hang out which i said of course.
    Now she's back it's gone back to being the same.

    We've been dating for 7 months and only became official boyfriends last month.

    Thoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2010 12:20 PM GMT
    Speak to him about it, you obviously don't feel like you see him enough, so lay it on the line.

    If he's not willing to spend more time with you, I think that's grounds for dismissal personally!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2010 6:21 PM GMT
    We are not your boyfriend. Have this conversation with him.
  • life_kiss

    Posts: 26

    Sep 03, 2010 8:34 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidWe are not your boyfriend. Have this conversation with him.



    hahahahahahaaaa looooooool
    c'mon man give him a chance u sposted to help him not yal at him
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    Sep 03, 2010 8:50 PM GMT
    love_seeker said
    MunchingZombie saidWe are not your boyfriend. Have this conversation with him.



    hahahahahahaaaa looooooool
    c'mon man give him a chance u sposted to help him not yal at him


    I was. icon_biggrin.gif

    The OP has articulated what is wrong with the relationship and how it makes him feel. The way to fix that is to have this conversation with him.
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    Sep 04, 2010 12:01 AM GMT
    I would sit the guy down and just tell him that you feel as though you come second, third, or forth, to everything else in his life. Take it from there.
    If he can't or won't make you a priority in his life now, truthfully it probably won't change in the future. icon_neutral.gif. Good luck dude
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    Sep 04, 2010 12:01 AM GMT
    Talk to him... He can't choose his best friend over you.....I love being around with my friends than my damn family
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    Sep 04, 2010 12:23 AM GMT
    This may be the optimist in me talking, but there is a possibility that he sets limits on the frequency of you meeting because he is so excited to be finally in an exclusive relationship with you that he is taking cares to pace himself.

    And don't compare your relationship to what he has with his fag hag, either. A hag is part of his regular life; but a real boyfriend is a bit of a godsend. He may need some time to process the relationship. Doesn't mean he loves you any less than you would want him to.
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    Sep 04, 2010 12:27 AM GMT
    My first impression is that he is taking you for granted. Do talk to him and be genuine, sincere, but not accusing in your tone. His actions after that will clearly signal whether or not he cares about you as much as you do about him.
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    Sep 04, 2010 12:29 AM GMT
    I think you already know the answer and where you are in the relationship. Why do you need our input? icon_eek.gif
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    Sep 04, 2010 12:59 AM GMT
    sfinboston saidI think you already know the answer and where you are in the relationship. Why do you need our input? icon_eek.gif


    Some people just don't want to admit it to themselves.

    I'm the little devil on your shoulder "he's not your boyfriend, you are still just dating, start seeing other people and have fun with someone who wants to hang out with you"
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    Sep 04, 2010 1:13 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidWe are not your boyfriend. Have this conversation with him.


    How can he? He's a silhouette. He's his BF's fantasyicon_lol.gif
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    Sep 04, 2010 1:16 AM GMT
    Loco11 saidHaven't seen him since tuesday (well wed morning but all i did was drop him off to work).

    It's friday night and i texted him asking when I can see him next.
    He responded with "I don't know icon_sad.gif ...I have a 21st tonight...soon icon_smile.gif".

    Should i be pissed he can't even give me a day?

    He hangs out with his fag hag best friend EVERY friday and saturday and usually only comes to see me on sunday evenings.

    What annoys me is he never alternates weekends.
    And his best friend was overseas for a couple of weeks and in both of those weekends he asked me if i wanted to hang out which i said of course.
    Now she's back it's gone back to being the same.

    We've been dating for 7 months and only became official boyfriends last month.

    Thoughts?


    My thoughts? The obvious: he's really not that into you.
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Sep 04, 2010 1:33 AM GMT
    I actually just broke up with my boyfriend recently, for the same concerns. My philosophy is, you ALWAYS make time for things you want to do.
    I'm looking for someone who is as into me as I am to them. I'm not going to sit around waiting & hoping he will want to spend time with me.
    Hope this helps.
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    Sep 04, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    gsh1964 saidI actually just broke up with my boyfriend recently, for the same concerns. My philosophy is, you ALWAYS make time for things you want to do.
    I'm looking for someone who is as into me as I am to them. I'm not going to sit around waiting & hoping he will want to spend time with me.
    Hope this helps.


    Fully agree. Use of time is based on personal priorities. If you were his priority, he'd make time no matter how difficult.

    Sometimes, I wish I took my own advice. Sigh.
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Sep 04, 2010 3:05 AM GMT
    I third.

    I had an ex just like the way you described. He seem to always have time for his friends but whenever I suggested we hang out together it feels like I have had to make an apppointment in his busy schedule and more often than not, he backs out at some stage.

    That was after we dated for 6 months and supposedly to be in a serious relationship. And Despite everytime I brought up the subject he said he wanted the relationship to continue.

    Good riddance and never again will I have patience for people like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2010 3:12 AM GMT
    Its ONLY 7 months... he isn't taking you seriously. Find yourself some hotter than he is and be happy.

    Get a bottle of belvedere and enjoy your Sunday alone!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    To the left, to the left icon_twisted.gif

    Communication involving your (and his) honest feelings is highly recommended.
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    Sep 04, 2010 3:17 AM GMT
    Why don't you ask if you can hang out on a Fri or Sat with him and his friend? I usually only date guys that I feel would fit in with me and my friends, because those are the types of people I choose to hang out with. If I'm seeing a guy that doesn't want to hang with my friends, then it's probably not going to work out. If I'm seeing a guy whose friends I hate being around, again, it's probably not going to work out.

    That being said, if I had to choose to hang out with my best friend(s) or the guy I'm dating, sorry bud, but my friends were there long before him, and they'll be there long after he's gone. Granted, weekends away or something are exceptions, or quiet nights at home from time to time, but I would generally pick my friends over the person I'm dating if I had to choose one or the other.

    Then again, maybe that's why I'm single, hahaha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2010 3:20 AM GMT
    Could it be that he's just honestly busy? What's he do for work? School?

    My boyfriend's a senior music major who play gigs around town for his income. He's taking 20 credit hours this semester. I see him nearly every day, but I also understand that some times you really just need a night or two alone to take care of your own stuff.

    Still, talk to him. If it's bothering you this much, and he's your boyfriend, he should be willing to find a way to correct the situation. Is there any solid reason why he couldn't have brought you along on his friends 21st? (my BF just hit 21 in April... I've already been to two of his friends birthday parties in 4 months).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2010 12:22 PM GMT
    I like sailing.. its a lot of fun, being out on the water with nothing but you, the boat and a whole lot of water..

    Unless a storm hits, then it gets kinda rough, but you usually know its coming which is good.. However when a storm is coming you do one of two things, you replace the main sail or you reef it, NOW, on most sails you have two reefing points (on some you have more others you only have one or some none, but anyway, for the most part you have two) NOW, you reef a sail in more difficult weather to decrease the size of the sail..

    When learning to sail I was instructed to use this little delicious tid bit to decide when you reef.

    If you see a storm approaching and your wondering if you reef the sail, you reef the sail, if you wonder if you need to put two reefs in, you put two in.. cause by the time the storm hits if you finally make the decision to reef, ya fucked.

    I like that philosophy...
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    Sep 04, 2010 1:38 PM GMT
    GwgTrunks saidCould it be that he's just honestly busy? What's he do for work? School?

    If he's THAT busy, he shouldn't have entered into a relationship in the first place. And I agree that he's either not that interested in you or your relationship if he makes such a little effort to spend time with you, and chooses his friends over you. Don't let yourself be used like that. If he's already spending so little time THIS early in your relationship, imagine what it could be like down the line. You should for sure talk to him about it, but if he gets defensive or doesn't change his ways, move on.
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    Sep 04, 2010 1:42 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidWe are not your boyfriend. Have this conversation with him.


    Well said!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2010 1:43 PM GMT
    never accuse, but always express your feelings
  • Kage

    Posts: 707

    Sep 04, 2010 1:48 PM GMT
    amar_m saidnever accuse, but always express your feelings


    If all else fails: accuse accuse accuse.

    You can now stop stalking me in these threads...or at least fill in my Stalker Application Form. I currently have an opening, the last one died from exposure.
    *tsk tsk*
    Good stalkers are so hard to find.icon_wink.gif