Coming out & Church involvement

  • somedaytoo

    Posts: 704

    Sep 04, 2010 9:45 PM GMT
    Just wondering if anyone has held been significantly involved in church or even held a position when they came out. How has the knowledge of being gay affected things??

    * Please no church bashing guys. There's enough threads already around for that.
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    Sep 05, 2010 3:08 AM GMT
    Yes.. and they hated me and cast me out... I was better for being away from that hateful and discriminatory environment
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    Sep 05, 2010 3:10 AM GMT
    sdgman saidYes.. and they hated me and cast me out... I was better for being away from that hateful and discriminatory environment


    wut church wuz it?
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    Sep 05, 2010 3:11 AM GMT
    The "insert name here" church
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    Sep 05, 2010 3:15 AM GMT
    sdgman saidThe "insert name here" church


    maybe they kicked yo out cuz u didnt know what church u wuz in...lolz
    facepalm2.jpg
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    Sep 05, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    No longer going to respond to an anonymous poster...
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Sep 05, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    I attend a Presbyterian church, part of PCUSA, here in Florida. I'm actually confirmed as an Anglican Episcopalian, although I've never transfered my membership simply because I'm not really Christian, per se, so much as I'm a believer/follower of Christ. (I'm ashamed of what "Christian" has come to represent and believe it's been hideously co-opted by some very hateful and un-evolved people) so I choose not to "join" any congregation or church at this stage in my spiritual life.

    I've always been out to my church families, and never had any real issues. I sit on the Worship Ministry Committee, which oversees the three weekly services, and I work very closely with the clergy (one of whom has a lesbian daughter and is looking forward to becoming a Grandfather now that the daughter's partner is pregnant).

    I'm also a LayReader, I've hosted small groups in my home, and been asked to serve on Stewardship and been nominated as an Elder, although because of not wanting to join the church officially have declined the latter two posts.

    The congregation is not without its issues on the subject of gays serving in pastoral leadership roles, same-gender marriages, etc., but I've never felt marginalized or treated as "other" or "less" and I feel respected and loved by most of the members I worship and work alongside.

    Ultimately, my being out was always between me and God, not me and the congregation, and I essentially feel like I'm lying and disrespecting my maker if I deny or hide or feel shame over anything as elemental and essential to my being as my being gay. I've always thought of it as one of the greatest gifts God gave me.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Sep 05, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    A close friend was given the choice of the Mormon church or living as a gay man.
    Stupid Mormons...
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    Sep 05, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    Well said. My parents are not atheists... but were never active in the church, therefore I did not have a religious upbringing.

    That said, I did occasionally attend church and have always held that I believe in god.

    In my experience, the church (almost all of them, but primarily the Catholics) began campaigning against homosexuals in the last 15 years or so, and it sort of coincides with the revelation of the child abuse issue.

    Most (not all) churches have been instrumental in the proliferation of anti-gay propaganda and the association of homosexuality to pedophelia. It has been very effective in distracting their followers from the fact that they have been covering up and complacent in crimes against humanity.

    I have no use for organized religion in my life. I am a moral person, I have never been arrested and I treat people well. I do charity work, donate to charity and have been injured in the line of duty in defense of my country.

    Fuck the pope and everyone else who uses the bible to justify their bigotry, hatred and intolerance.

    Just my two cents.
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    Sep 05, 2010 3:40 AM GMT
    sdgman saidNo longer going to respond to an anonymous poster...


    lolz

    Tmgfg.jpg
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Sep 05, 2010 3:40 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidA close friend was given the choice of the Mormon church or living as a gay man.
    Stupid Mormons...


    Harper Pitt: I'm a Mormon.
    Prior Walter: I'm a homosexual.
    Harper Pitt: Oh. In my church, we don't believe in homosexuals.
    Prior Walter: In my church, we don't believe in Mormons.
    -- -- Angels In America
  • metta

    Posts: 39090

    Sep 05, 2010 3:50 AM GMT
    I'm not religious but I will say that it is going to of course depend on the church. There are glbt friendly churches out there. If it was me, those are the only ones that i would be interested in even considering supporting, unless you are willing to do the fight to push for change within the church and the church seems willing to consider it.

    I really think that, over time, these churches that are unwilling to not teach bigotry will eventually die out as future generations support us more and more.

    As families, such as the Hathaway's have done:



  • metta

    Posts: 39090

    Sep 05, 2010 3:57 AM GMT

    Why Religion Matters in the Quest for Gay Civil Rights: Rev. Gene Robinson, Part 1






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    Sep 05, 2010 4:05 AM GMT
    metta8 said
    Why Religion Matters in the Quest for Gay Civil Rights: Rev. Gene Robinson, Part 1








    I do not object to Gene Robinson... but his nomination to Cardinal resulted in death threats and the division of an entire church... Important? yes... justified? NO
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    Sep 05, 2010 6:23 AM GMT
    no anti-religionists?? Shit, Im out... icon_confused.gif
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    Sep 05, 2010 6:28 AM GMT
    somedaytoo saidJust wondering if anyone has held been significantly involved in church or even held a position when they came out. How has the knowledge of being gay affected things??

    * Please no church bashing guys. There's enough threads already around for that.
    My first bf and I used to play piano and organ for a community church. We were already out, but no one ever asked us about it. Eventually rumor got around and the church held a private meeting on our behalf, and told us that we can still attend, but cannot participate in church functions anymore.

    They also whispered a few defamatory remarks that we overheard, saying we're "faggots" and "wannabe women" and all that.

    Well, they fucked with the wrong person. My truck was already old and beatup, so it was no loss to slam it into a few people's vehicles and the church building itself before driving home. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 05, 2010 6:39 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    somedaytoo saidJust wondering if anyone has held been significantly involved in church or even held a position when they came out. How has the knowledge of being gay affected things??

    * Please no church bashing guys. There's enough threads already around for that.
    My first bf and I used to play piano and organ for a community church. We were already out, but no one ever asked us about it. Eventually rumor got around and the church held a private meeting on our behalf, and told us that we can still attend, but cannot participate in church functions anymore.

    They also whispered a few defamatory remarks that we overheard, saying we're "faggots" and "wannabe women" and all that.

    Well, they fucked with the wrong person. My truck was already old and beatup, so it was no loss to slam it into a few people's vehicles and the church building itself before driving home. icon_biggrin.gif


    Lol cheers that made me feel better, icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 05, 2010 6:56 AM GMT
    metta8 saidI'm not religious but I will say that it is going to of course depend on the church. There are glbt friendly churches out there. If it was me, those are the only ones that i would be interested in even considering supporting, unless you are willing to do the fight to push for change within the church and the church seems willing to consider it.

    I really think that, over time, these churches that are unwilling to not teach bigotry will eventually die out as future generations support us more and more.

    As families, such as the Hathaway's have done:





    I love her.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Sep 05, 2010 8:01 AM GMT
    my priest told me God loves you no matter what and who are we to judge?
    in any case, dont feel you have to publish you're gay in the local newspaper or in the parish bulletin, it is none of anyones business, if you dont want to come out in the church because of fear of rejection or whatever, then its perfectly fine not to disclose it. its your life and you have no need to give details of it unless you want to. in regards to holding positions of responsibility dont see how being gay would prevent you from holding office unless you're talking of being the pastor/reverend/priest and your church doesnt allow it!
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    Sep 05, 2010 2:05 PM GMT
    somedaytoo saidJust wondering if anyone has held been significantly involved in church or even held a position when they came out. How has the knowledge of being gay affected things??

    * Please no church bashing guys. There's enough threads already around for that.

    I've never personally been in the position you describe. Some of my gay friends have, and lost minor lay positions they held in their churches, and a couple of them got kicked out of the choir.

    My grown partner was attending Catholic Mass one time with his mother, who knew he was gay. The priest started preaching from the pulpit against gays, saying how sinful they were and condemned to Hell. My partner got up from the pew and walked out, never to return.

    There was a comment above about not having to publish our orientation in the parrish bulletin. Indeed we don't. But what happens what we're being condemned and preached against? Sit there and accept that?

    I'm not a believer or a regular church goer. But I like the atmosphere and the spirit at a gay-friendly church, and I'll attend for that experience alone. The first MCC I ever attended brought me to tears, so that I had to flee to the back of the church, when I saw gay & lesbian couples going down the aisle openly arm-in-arm to receive communion. It remains ones of my strongest & most emotional memories.

    In addition to the gay MCC, many churches are gay-friendly, like the Unitarian in most communities, and there are others, including among the more main-line denominations. We even have some renegade Catholic priests here who run their own gay ministry, though you may question their legitimacy if you are Catholic. We also have a gay Jewish synagogue that I've attended, and those services are beautiful, too.

    I see no reason why you can't attend church and not have to hide being gay. On the contrary, attending services AS an openly gay man, than in spite of being gay, and be a wonderfully liberating experience. Without leaving your present church yet, I would first experiment with attending a gay or gay-friendly church. Maybe you will find your answer there.