find a relationship is sooo hard!!

  • aussiewill

    Posts: 1

    Sep 05, 2010 1:48 PM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2010 1:59 PM GMT
    you don't find a relationship, you find a person to have one with.
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    Sep 05, 2010 2:52 PM GMT
    Australian gay culture may not be at all like the US, but a few thoughts about starting relationships --

    First you have to meet lots of guys, to give you better odds of finding a keeper, of your choice; the more the better. I'm not talking about being a slut, but a social animal. The guys won't come knocking on your door just because you're inside and lonely. If that describes you, then fix that first.

    Join gay sports clubs, gay social groups, gay church groups and others if you have them. If not, then just join the straight ones, and at least you'll keep yourself occupied, and might still run into other gays there.

    Gay bars & clubs are problematic in the US, and I don't know about where you are. Some are strictly for quick pick-ups, and don't offer good relationship material. I've always found I could make of a gay bar what I wanted, rejecting the trash parts and focusing only on the worthwhile (assuming a place offers any).

    Because you should have 2 goals -- making friends first, which is an objective in itself, and second, from these friendships may develop relationships. I think that's what jim_e's post implies. And at the worst you'll still have made gay friends, which is not a waste of time, in my view.
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    Sep 05, 2010 3:29 PM GMT
    Have you tried just dropping the search? i did when someone on RJ mentioned his son was sick... I feel it just isnt important compared to the problems some people are having right now
  • mybud

    Posts: 11835

    Sep 05, 2010 3:33 PM GMT
    aussiewill saidicon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gif


    Brah....this is how it happens.....when the last thing on your mind is getting into a relationship..Bam....it hits ya.....in the mean while enjoy and have fun your 22 for God sakes....BUD
  • mybud

    Posts: 11835

    Sep 05, 2010 3:33 PM GMT
    amar_m saidHave you tried just dropping the search? i did when someone on RJ mentioned his son was sick... I feel it just isnt important compared to the problems some people are having right now


    ^^^^^^ This is why I love this dude........BUD
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    Sep 05, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    mybud said
    amar_m saidHave you tried just dropping the search? i did when someone on RJ mentioned his son was sick... I feel it just isnt important compared to the problems some people are having right now


    ^^^^^^ This is why I love this dude........BUD


    lol BACK AT YA MY BUD!!! icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 05, 2010 4:06 PM GMT
    cold said
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidNot that I share this sentiment at all but I have heard that gay Caucasian Australian men are very racist and ostracize themselves from Asian gay men. I would like to see what LilTanker has to say about this since he lives there. But I am wondering if Aussiewill is having a hard time because of this possible dynamic. After all, he really did not say as to "why" it is hard for him.

    But relationships are not easy to maintain and a good one is hard to come by no matter who you are.

    Hope you find a great one.



    We have large Asian communities in Australia and I think sometimes it's more comfortable or convenient for Asians to stay in groups together; particularly foreign Asians, who often have incredibly cliquey friendship groups. Part of this is cultural difference in the sense that they share languages and customs, but studies have shown that East Asians tend to have a greater emphasis on intermediaries/mutual friends (rather than social circumstance) to form relationships, greater emphasis on long term relations and sharp in group/out group distinctions. This would make it hard to meet new people.

    I haven't seen much white to Asian racism in the gay community, then again - I can count the amount of gay men I know on one hand.


    I agree, its similar to LAtin culture, which is much more collectivistic and in-group oriented (everything revolves around the family basically, and not the mother-father, but the whole extended family for several generations)
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    Sep 05, 2010 5:55 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidNot that I share this sentiment at all but I have heard that gay Caucasian Australian men are very racist and ostracize themselves from Asian gay men.


    No more so than Caucasian American men.
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    Sep 05, 2010 6:06 PM GMT
    Its not racism as much as that Western Culture idea of beauty is based on a Nordic statuesque model. It is changing but not enough to keep up with the times.
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    Sep 06, 2010 7:18 AM GMT
    How the fuck did you guys jumped onto so many conclusions with just a simple comment?