IS GAY DATING JUST TOO COMPLICATED?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2010 7:29 PM GMT
    I don't regret being gay at all but I sometimes seriously think about this so-called gay life and list things we have to deal with just amongst each other when it comes to dating like:

    1. Fem/Masc incompatibility
    2. Hard to meet quality dudes we are into
    3. Out vs Closeted
    4. Sex position incompatibilities
    5. Long process of Enemas/Cleaning/Fasting just to have sex
    6. Age differences
    7. Pressure to have a tight body
    8. Cheating non-committed dudes
    9. Clingy relationship hungry dudes
    10. Over-sexed culture
    11. Limited dating choices in certain cities

    The list goes on...

    Don't get me wrong, I don't wanna be straight but am I the only one that sometimes thinks being gay is too complicated sometimes?
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    Sep 05, 2010 7:49 PM GMT
    You are making a habit of starting new threads on topics covered a dozen times.

    But, no. Gay dating is not any more complicated than hetero dating. Almost all of those issues are issues oposit-sexed couples face. Yeah, it is a bit tougher in smaller communities because we are only about 5% of the population. But issues of compatibility are not any different than they are for anyone else.
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    Sep 05, 2010 8:03 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou are making a habit of starting new threads on topics covered a dozen times.

    But, no. Gay dating is not any more complicated than hetero dating. Almost all of those issues are issues oposit-sexed couples face. Yeah, it is a bit tougher in smaller communities because we are only about 5% of the population. But issues of compatibility are not any different than they are for anyone else.



    Don't single me out...EVERY topic has been covered many times on this site bro...LOL...I'd rather re-post discussion topics like this than start one of those redundant "THE GUY ABOVE YOU" threads...
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    Sep 05, 2010 9:38 PM GMT
    Gay message board posting is getting stupidly difficult as of late
  • stevendust

    Posts: 398

    Sep 05, 2010 9:40 PM GMT
    OMG, why didn't anybody tell me about this before I met my bf? Oh it's because it's not something that had to be forced. Relax and enjoy life, if somebody compatible comes along, appreciate it but don't bitch about things out of your control.
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    Sep 05, 2010 9:41 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo saidGay message board posting is getting stupidly difficult as of late


    I agree...we're running out of things to talk about...

    Que the obligatory "MY EX IS SENDING ME MIXED SIGNALS" thread in: 5, 4, 3, 2...

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    Sep 05, 2010 9:45 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou are making a habit of starting new threads on topics covered a dozen times.

    But, no. Gay dating is not any more complicated than hetero dating. Almost all of those issues are issues oposit-sexed couples face. Yeah, it is a bit tougher in smaller communities because we are only about 5% of the population. But issues of compatibility are not any different than they are for anyone else.


    see above
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    Sep 05, 2010 10:01 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou are making a habit of starting new threads on topics covered a dozen times.

    But, no. Gay dating is not any more complicated than hetero dating. Almost all of those issues are issues oposit-sexed couples face. Yeah, it is a bit tougher in smaller communities because we are only about 5% of the population. But issues of compatibility are not any different than they are for anyone else.


    I agree there Zombie... the only thing I find more complicated is telling the straights form the gays, its harder than telling men from women
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    Sep 05, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
    amar_m said
    MunchingZombie saidYou are making a habit of starting new threads on topics covered a dozen times.

    But, no. Gay dating is not any more complicated than hetero dating. Almost all of those issues are issues oposit-sexed couples face. Yeah, it is a bit tougher in smaller communities because we are only about 5% of the population. But issues of compatibility are not any different than they are for anyone else.


    I agree there Zombie... the only thing I find more complicated is telling the straights form the gays, its harder than telling men from women



    Exactly Amar,

    Also another thing that complicates us is the whole "is this a date" vs "we just hanging out" stuff

    When a man meets a woman in public and they go out for drinks or dinner...there is no mistake that its a date...The man KNOWS his position if they make it to sex, there is no confusion on whether the girl is a Top or Bottom...

    With dudes, if you meet a dude in pubilc, you might not even know if he's is gay or not...even if he is, he may not be open enough to holla at you in public (closeted)...if you go out, there's the whole debate on is this a date or are we just hanging out? If you ask him, he might get scared off cause he think you moving too fast...Etc, etc, etc...

    But its just a part of our lives, just gotta deal with it icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 05, 2010 11:48 PM GMT
    stevendust saidOMG, why didn't anybody tell me about this before I met my bf? Oh it's because it's not something that had to be forced. Relax and enjoy life, if somebody compatible comes along, appreciate it but don't bitch about things out of your control.


    ^^this

    when you meet a person and there is a mutual, relationship calibre attraction...you will know it whether they or you are closeted or not...you wont think SOLELY about who is top and bottom (or if you are going to swap fuck icon_biggrin.gif) because that is only one part of a healthy relationship, there will be no pressure, there may be hang-ups but you will work through them...and most importantly you will meet this person when you least expect it...

    thats how it happened to me...I just don't stay in one country long enough to date seriously...my bad

    so i say that if you are counting the odds against you, stop...and just let life happen...and trust me, life will happen for you
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    Sep 05, 2010 11:52 PM GMT
    Indy404 saidI don't regret being gay at all but I sometimes seriously think about this so-called gay life and list things we have to deal with just amongst each other when it comes to dating like...

    No, sorry, I think you DO regret being gay. You slam gay pride in other threads, you bitch about gay life at every turn, this post just another example.

    So let's reverse this -- what DO who like about being gay, and the gay lifestyle? Please tell us what you think is GOOD about being gay, between these lectures about all that is bad. You SAY you like being gay, but provide little actual evidence of it.

    So what is it you do like about being a gay man? You don't like dating, you don't like gay life, you don't like pride. What's left?
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    Sep 06, 2010 1:54 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Indy404 saidI don't regret being gay at all but I sometimes seriously think about this so-called gay life and list things we have to deal with just amongst each other when it comes to dating like...

    No, sorry, I think you DO regret being gay. You slam gay pride in other threads, you bitch about gay life at every turn, this post just another example.

    So let's reverse this -- what DO who like about being gay, and the gay lifestyle? Please tell us what you think is GOOD about being gay, between these lectures about all that is bad. You SAY you like being gay, but provide little actual evidence of it.

    So what is it you do like about being a gay man? You don't like dating, you don't like gay life, you don't like pride. What's left?


    DO HETERO PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY WHY THEY LIKE BEING HETERO???
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    Sep 06, 2010 2:15 AM GMT
    Indy404 said
    amar_m said
    MunchingZombie saidYou are making a habit of starting new threads on topics covered a dozen times.

    But, no. Gay dating is not any more complicated than hetero dating. Almost all of those issues are issues oposit-sexed couples face. Yeah, it is a bit tougher in smaller communities because we are only about 5% of the population. But issues of compatibility are not any different than they are for anyone else.


    I agree there Zombie... the only thing I find more complicated is telling the straights form the gays, its harder than telling men from women



    Exactly Amar,

    Also another thing that complicates us is the whole "is this a date" vs "we just hanging out" stuff

    When a man meets a woman in public and they go out for drinks or dinner...there is no mistake that its a date...The man KNOWS his position if they make it to sex, there is no confusion on whether the girl is a Top or Bottom...

    With dudes, if you meet a dude in pubilc, you might not even know if he's is gay or not...even if he is, he may not be open enough to holla at you in public (closeted)...if you go out, there's the whole debate on is this a date or are we just hanging out? If you ask him, he might get scared off cause he think you moving too fast...Etc, etc, etc...

    But its just a part of our lives, just gotta deal with it icon_smile.gif



    Indy don't worry so much about the false expectations in the gay social scene, and concentrate more on you and the person you are "getting to know" whether it is a date or just hanging out that is the only thing you and him should be doing, that way both of you will get an equal chance to get to know each other, and that is all that should really matter.

    Since my last break up back in January of this year I am currently enjoying dating again without any expectations or pressures from me or the guys I am dating; so I am finding that having this attitude makes the search so much easier without keeping in mind any of those prerequisites you mentioned on your list.

    One more thing! don't ever forget to put your own person first and the gay man in you second! if you want someone to have interest in you just remember to show off your true self first, and once there is a sense of acceptance and connection from both sides that is when showing one's true sexual gay self comes into play!


    Leandro
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    Sep 06, 2010 2:20 AM GMT
    None of that has to be complicated. Look inside yourself my child. Like life, complicated is what you make of it.
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    Sep 06, 2010 2:22 AM GMT
    jtan1983 saidDO HETERO PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY WHY THEY LIKE BEING HETERO???

    Only if they were to complain incessantly about being hetero.
  • natsimjac1988

    Posts: 109

    Sep 06, 2010 2:27 AM GMT
    well for numbers 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10, those are things that straight people put up with as well. and i really dont understand what number 5 is.... but i do understand what you mean, generally speaking. it does seem like there is a lot more to take into consideration when dating as a gay man. but there really isnt anything to do about it, just figure out what it is u like first. i mean, most people havnt even gotten that far. if u at least know what kind of guy you are looking for, then i think you are off to a good start :-)
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    Sep 06, 2010 2:51 AM GMT
    lol, the list is just like straight life except for number 5 ....why would you do number 5 anyway? Well, I guess if you're tricking with strangers and having anal protected sex you would.

    It's easier to just forgo the anal sex til you know them, perhaps?

    -Doug
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    Sep 06, 2010 2:54 AM GMT
    jetsetseth said
    when you meet a person and there is a mutual, relationship calibre attraction...you will know it whether they or you are closeted or not...you wont think SOLELY about who is top and bottom (or if you are going to swap fuck icon_biggrin.gif) because that is only one part of a healthy relationship, there will be no pressure, there may be hang-ups but you will work through them...and most importantly you will meet this person when you least expect it...

    thats how it happened to me...I just don't stay in one country long enough to date seriously...my bad

    so i say that if you are counting the odds against you, stop...and just let life happen...and trust me, life will happen for you


    Well said...thanks!
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    Sep 06, 2010 3:05 AM GMT
    Indy404 said
    MunchingZombie saidYou are making a habit of starting new threads on topics covered a dozen times.

    But, no. Gay dating is not any more complicated than hetero dating. Almost all of those issues are issues oposit-sexed couples face. Yeah, it is a bit tougher in smaller communities because we are only about 5% of the population. But issues of compatibility are not any different than they are for anyone else.



    Don't single me out...EVERY topic has been covered many times on this site bro...LOL...I'd rather re-post discussion topics like this than start one of those redundant "THE GUY ABOVE YOU" threads...



    New game! Tell the guy above you what you think of his comment.

    guy above me.... it sucked! lol jk
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    Sep 06, 2010 3:35 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    No, sorry, I think you DO regret being gay. You slam gay pride in other threads, you bitch about gay life at every turn, this post just another example.

    So let's reverse this -- what DO who like about being gay, and the gay lifestyle? Please tell us what you think is GOOD about being gay, between these lectures about all that is bad. You SAY you like being gay, but provide little actual evidence of it.

    So what is it you do like about being a gay man? You don't like dating, you don't like gay life, you don't like pride. What's left?


    Alright I gotta respond to this because I wanna clear the air a bit before things get too crazy.

    Well, first off, I feel there's nothing wrong with discussing different issues from different points of views just as long as it doesn't resort to insults and flame wars. I don't lecture, I debate...And I welcome opinions and take them all in. No one is forced to read and/or post in the threads I start. Even in others' threads, I try to articulately voice a point of view that is distinctive to me, even if it is controversial, while not intentionally offending or insulting anyone. Besides the fact that I like hearing guys points of view on different things, I post threads that may speak to people with a similar perspective. And I NEVER lower myself to insults or name-calling...

    With that said, I posted my thoughts on the concept of gay prides in another thread, especially since many of them are used as an excuse for some out-of-towners to hookup for sex (Atlanta Black Gay Pride). I just asked the question if you can blame them when pride weekend is a celebration of a SEXUAL attraction for the same sex. How does that equate to me regretting being gay?

    Just because I do not want to live the "gay lifestyle" that you live, that means that I do not like being Gay? The question was asked, What do I LIKE about being gay? By definition, being gay means you are attracted to the same sex...I love that, I have no problems with that. True, I complain about the dating process, a problem I have admitted is self imposed due to my specific tastes. But the times that I have met a guy that I liked and we dated, it was GREAT. And I get frustrated because when I'm NOT dating anyone interesting, I'd like to get back to the point I was before. I don't think I complain any more than any other single guy in the forums that wants a relationship, I could be wrong.

    You have never seen me post threads wishing I was attracted to women so that I could marry them. Or wishing for an anti-gay pill...or saying gay people should stay in the closet...Granted, I have posted that I'm not attracted to feminine men sexually but you have never seen me bashing them in a thread. Live and let live is my opinion. We all like what we like.

    I'm sorry I have offended you so, I have agreed with and enjoyed your comments posted in the past. But if I am that much of a self loathing Gay hating troll to you, I guess you could always choose to click "Ignore His Posts". Be good man! icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 06, 2010 3:39 AM GMT
    meninlove said lol, the list is just like straight life except for number 5 ....why would you do number 5 anyway? Well, I guess if you're tricking with strangers and having anal protected sex you would.

    It's easier to just forgo the anal sex til you know them, perhaps?

    -Doug


    Well I got into a discussion on another message board from a "bottom" (I hate the labels) who said many men like him don't take the proper time to clean correctly. He told a story about how he was supposed to meet with his guy but he needed time to "prep". By the time he finished his friend had fallen asleep. he was pissed. I've read threads on this site where guys discuss all that they have to do, it seems complicated.
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    Sep 06, 2010 3:42 AM GMT
    ALEZANDAR said
    Indy don't worry so much about the false expectations in the gay social scene, and concentrate more on you and the person you are "getting to know" whether it is a date or just hanging out that is the only thing you and him should be doing, that way both of you will get an equal chance to get to know each other, and that is all that should really matter.

    Since my last break up back in January of this year I am currently enjoying dating again without any expectations or pressures from me or the guys I am dating; so I am finding that having this attitude makes the search so much easier without keeping in mind any of those prerequisites you mentioned on your list.

    One more thing! don't ever forget to put your own person first and the gay man in you second! if you want someone to have interest in you just remember to show off your true self first, and once there is a sense of acceptance and connection from both sides that is when showing one's true sexual gay self comes into play!


    Leandro


    Great advice man! But I'm sure you know this can be hard to follow when you've been dating a series of duds and you FINALLY meet one that catches your attention, its hard to not build up the expectations, etc...LOL
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    Sep 06, 2010 3:47 AM GMT

    For me 1,3,7,9,10,11 are what I constantly run into especially since I've been transferred to the base here in the deep south. I dunno what it is with gays in the "bible belt" they are a different breed in general. When I was in San Antonio I didn't have too many issues, then again every guy I met was sex starved. Here guys are that among other disparaging things.

    I think sometime I'm being too picky but if I want a relationship I may have to take some flaws... one thing I really don't want to take a flaw in is body, but if he scores high in personality then maybe I could do it.
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    Sep 06, 2010 4:04 AM GMT
    Ricovelas said
    For me 1,3,7,9,10,11 are what I constantly run into especially since I've been transferred to the base here in the deep south. I dunno what it is with gays in the "bible belt" they are a different breed in general. When I was in San Antonio I didn't have too many issues, then again every guy I met was sex starved. Here guys are that among other disparaging things.

    I think sometime I'm being too picky but if I want a relationship I may have to take some flaws... one thing I really don't want to take a flaw in is body, but if he scores high in personality then maybe I could do it.


    I agree 100% about some gays in the south...I'm from Michigan but pretty much have only dated in Georgia and its so tricky...One guy from here can be comfortably Out while another guy is paralyzingly in the closet! SMH
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Sep 06, 2010 4:26 AM GMT
    Dating in general is very difficult for many, but not for all. Gay dating is made more complicated by expectations, outness issues,etc. Fewer gay men partner than heterosexuals. Some don't care to partner, however, i know that many don't partner despite desire. What can you do? Take the best care of yourself you can. Try and find nice guys to date whom u like.