I told my parents I’m gay tonight….yikes !

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    Sep 07, 2010 5:49 AM GMT
    I rarely go into the forums anymore, however I always enjoy reading people's coming out stories...here is mine.

    A little bio on my family...I was born and raised in a Catholic home, went to a Catholic school. My dad is hateful of gays and mom is by no means a gay rights supporter. My brother is kinda liberal.

    Anyway, my older brother was with friends and it was my parents and I at dinner. After we were done eating, my mom asked if everything was okay. She said it looked like I had a million things racing through my mind. I jumped on that opportunity and told them that I was gay. They were completely shocked. I had initially thought my mom suspected, but I was wrong.

    Long story made short, my dad asked how I knew which I answered. He then left the dinning room and went outside. My mom and I chatted for a bit and she stated she was confused and shocked, but was still was my mom, still loved me, etc.

    I found my dad outside and talked to him, he said nothing to me. I packed up my stuff and told my mom bye; she cried a bit and told me she loved me. I again chatted with my dad. He said that he had nothing nice to say so he was going to keep his mouth shut. I hugged him and told him I loved him...he told me he loved me and I left their house.

    I then met up with my brother and told him I was gay, he stated that the idea of me being gay had crossed him mind. He was still shocked, but cool with it.

    Anyway, I'm relieved that they finally know. However, I got a weird feeling...hard to explain. One minute my dad is great with me and then a minute later he won't talk to me. I recognize my family needs some space to deal with this, so I left their place and came back to mine.

    I'm sure my family will come around in due time.

    -Jason


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    Sep 07, 2010 5:59 AM GMT
    Hey Jason,

    Congrats on having the courage to just blurt it out, so to speak.

    Keep in mind that it takes US a long time to ourselves accept being gay.
    No reason to expect that your parents will adjust, in real time, in a matter of minutes.

    You are right. They do love you... and they will come around.
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    Sep 07, 2010 6:06 AM GMT
    DAMN not the first one but anyway, Dude I’m so proud of you cant wait to call my mom and talk to her about it! And I’m sure your dad will come around buddy nothing is stronger than family love and stuff, also like I said you can barrow my family anytime buddy they love having you aroundicon_biggrin.gif But I’m sure yours will be just fine with you as you are especially since you super awesomeicon_razz.gif
  • misternick

    Posts: 234

    Sep 07, 2010 1:48 PM GMT
    Congratulations, man! Sounds like you handled it in the best way possible.
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    Sep 07, 2010 2:19 PM GMT
    Congrats, and Dad will come around. icon_wink.gif

    After all, both he and Mom told you they loved you after you told them. They fear for your happiness in a world where gays are the Great Equalizers. Equally persecuted in every culture.

    -Doug
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    Sep 07, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    jmals23 saidI rarely go into the forums anymore, however I always enjoy reading people's coming out stories...here is mine.

    A little bio on my family...I was born and raised in a Catholic home, went to a Catholic school. My dad is hateful of gays and mom is by no means a gay rights supporter. My brother is kinda liberal.

    Anyway, my older brother was with friends and it was my parents and I at dinner. After we were done eating, my mom asked if everything was okay. She said it looked like I had a million things racing through my mind. I jumped on that opportunity and told them that I was gay. They were completely shocked. I had initially thought my mom suspected, but I was wrong.

    Long story made short, my dad asked how I knew which I answered. He then left the dinning room and went outside. My mom and I chatted for a bit and she stated she was confused and shocked, but was still was my mom, still loved me, etc.

    I found my dad outside and talked to him, he said nothing to me. I packed up my stuff and told my mom bye; she cried a bit and told me she loved me. I again chatted with my dad. He said that he had nothing nice to say so he was going to keep his mouth shut. I hugged him and told him I loved him...he told me he loved me and I left their house.



    I then met up with my brother and told him I was gay, he stated that the idea of me being gay had crossed him mind. He was still shocked, but cool with it.

    Anyway, I'm relieved that they finally know. However, I got a weird feeling...hard to explain. One minute my dad is great with me and then a minute later he won't talk to me. I recognize my family needs some space to deal with this, so I left their place and came back to mine.

    I'm sure my family will come around in due time.

    -Jason




    Blah blah blah.... Jason is Sexy! ;P
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2010 2:27 PM GMT
    Congratulations!

    It is never easy coming out to your family, but you handled it well. As you said, they need time to process what you have told them.

    Don't be discouraged if it gets worse before it gets better. Your family will need you to be as supportive of them as you would like them to be of you.

    Good-luck!
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    Sep 07, 2010 2:27 PM GMT
    Sounds like you handled that perfectly. Congratulations. Best wishes.
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    Sep 07, 2010 2:40 PM GMT
    jmals23 saidI'm sure my family will come around in due time.

    -Jason

    You know them better than us. My admiration for your doing a very brave thing, and handling it quite maturely. Leaving their house quietly and without shouting drama will probably help to make this family rift heal more quickly.

    Is your older brother straight to your knowledge, and married or likely to get married? Often a father expects someone to have his grandsons and carry on the family name. And mothers would like to become grandmothers. If your older brother can do this "duty" then a lot of the pressure & resentment is off you.

    And if you continue to remain on good terms with your brother he may also be able to act as your "informant" so you're kept aware of developments with your parents. I'm not sure he should act as your ombudsman at this point, however. It's likely your parents will be contacting him shortly themselves. I'd initially do nothing and just take a wait-and-see attitude.
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    Sep 07, 2010 2:54 PM GMT
    Give your parents time. Hopefully they will eventually come around. Regardless, you are their son. You haven't changed. You simply let them into a little more of your world.
    Know you have the support of RJ to help you!
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    Sep 07, 2010 2:54 PM GMT
    That's awesome man, congrats! icon_biggrin.gif

    You father may never come around (mine never did), but at least you won't have to worry about him finding out anymore.
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    Sep 07, 2010 3:12 PM GMT
    One hell of a big step man but you did it! Congrats! Yeah things will feel a bit weird with the family (especially dads) for awhile. It just takes time. You can take a nice deep breath now and be more relaxed. Your dad will come around.
    Take care!
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    Sep 07, 2010 3:23 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    jmals23 saidI'm sure my family will come around in due time.

    -Jason

    You know them better than us. My admiration for your doing a very brave thing, and handling it quite maturely. Leaving their house quietly and without shouting drama will probably help to make this family rift heal more quickly.

    Is your older brother straight to your knowledge, and married or likely to get married? Often a father expects someone to have his grandsons and carry on the family name. And mothers would like to become grandmothers. If your older brother can do this "duty" then a lot of the pressure & resentment is off you.

    And if you continue to remain on good terms with your brother he may also be able to act as your "informant" so you're kept aware of developments with your parents. I'm not sure he should act as your ombudsman at this point, however. It's likely your parents will be contacting him shortly themselves. I'd initially do nothing and just take a wait-and-see attitude.



    My brother is single and to my knowledge he's never had a GF. But he's quite shy and a little socially awkward. I'm positive he's not gay. I don't want kids and neither does my brother...however my folks already knew this before yesterday.

    And yes, I texted my brother this morning asking how things were at home.

    Thanks for the feedback guysicon_smile.gif
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    Sep 07, 2010 4:13 PM GMT
    Congratulations! I know how difficult it can be to do that but you'll be so much happier that you did. It sounds like you handled it very well. You must already feel like a weight is lifted off your shoulders.
  • ShanksE

    Posts: 263

    Sep 07, 2010 4:15 PM GMT
    Caesarea4 saidHey Jason,

    Congrats on having the courage to just blurt it out, so to speak.

    Keep in mind that it takes US a long time to ourselves accept being gay.
    No reason to expect that your parents will adjust, in real time, in a matter of minutes.

    You are right. They do love you... and they will come around.


    I second this.. It is not easy for many of us to come to terms with our being gay.. it is great that you have chosen to let your parents in.. But, like everyone has mentioned, do give them time.. do not be hasty to judge them, for they have been brought up in a different time, a different era, a different thought process.. Have faith and return their love..

    with warm regards,
    Dev..
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    Sep 07, 2010 4:28 PM GMT
    Big props to you, Jason. It's a good sign that both of your parents said that they loved you before you left. Means that their mind is working on the right paths, just having a difficult time then. Good for you for giving them their space.

    Feels like a load off your back, doesn't it? It's pretty neat about your brother, too.
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    Sep 07, 2010 4:32 PM GMT
    I still look forward to the day when we won't have to make such pronouncements. Straight folks don't have to announce their orientation. icon_evil.gif
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Sep 07, 2010 4:35 PM GMT
    Hey Jason,

    The best advice that I was given, and give out to guys just coming out... is to give your parents as much time as you needed to come to terms with being gay. Some of us forget how long it took us to come to terms with it, we should give them just as much time.
    When I came out, my father was cool with it, and my mother went nuts... forward quite a few years later, she walked me down the aisle at my wedding to my husband. It goes to show that people just need to get used to the idea, realize that it doesn't look bad on them, and that you are happy. Oh, and the cool thing about our wedding, not only were the parents there, but our grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins.....everybody.....
    Congrats on having the courage to come out, just keep up that courage and understanding.

    Cheers
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2010 4:54 PM GMT
    wvufan87 saidI still look forward to the day when we won't have to make such pronouncements. Straight folks don't have to announce their orientation. icon_evil.gif

    I can understand that position, and philosophically one might make that argument. In reality, being straight is the "default" orientation for the vast majority, the presumptive sexuality that most people have.

    Since gays are the exception to the rule, I can understand why that exception needs to be stated, while the rule does not. That may sound odd coming from me, of all people here, but I accept it as a logical & practical matter.

    At the same time, neither do I think anyone's sexual orientation needs to be announced in many situations, the workplace being the most obvious. This particular case involves family, and orientation is germane to parental expectations over future marriage and children.

    Therefore I think the OP volunteered to do the correct thing in telling his parents.
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Sep 07, 2010 5:00 PM GMT
    Congratulations Jason, dont worry about your dad...he will come around in time.

    The greatest part comes later, when you can settle in living your life the way it is, and not what you were pretending it was.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Sep 07, 2010 5:03 PM GMT
    From my own experience, parents take it hard, even if they've suspected the answer. They have pictured your future and it usually involves a family and kids. Needless to say, religion complicates things. Hopefully your father will come to realize you are the same person you've always been. At least he said he loves you.

    But, in case he doesn't come around, that is no reflection on you. Get support you need from the people in your life who love you unconditionally.

    I wasn't sure my mother would settle into my coming out. But within months she was outing me to neighbors and sending me articles from the local paper. It probably took you a few years to accept your sexuality. Give your parents a bit of time to do the same.

    But most of all congratulations on the big step!
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    Sep 07, 2010 5:12 PM GMT
    grats man!
    i still don't have enough courage to come out to my family members yet icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2010 5:28 PM GMT
    Congratulations. You are SO brave for doing what you have done. Be VERY proud of yourself.
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    Sep 07, 2010 5:28 PM GMT
    Congrats! Sounds like he'll come around, he just needs time to process. Good for you for giving them the space, and being so calm with them.
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    Sep 07, 2010 5:37 PM GMT
    Congratulations Jason!!!

    I wont go on and ramble too much,but you remember all the stuff I told you before.

    ahahah the Weird feeling with pass soon. icon_biggrin.gif