The Gay Bar: "The Scene" WTF???

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    Sep 07, 2010 7:48 AM GMT
    sooo...one question I hate being asked is..."are you scene or non-scene?", first of all, what the hell do you mean by that? and what is the scene? I understand that when guys ask this they refer to whether I go to gay bars or not, but what does that have to do with me being "part of the scene?" and why is this "scene" looked at so negatively by some??

    I have my own scene! which is going out and socializing with my friends. To me going out to gay bars is fun and a great way to socialize with a bunch of friends all within one night! its fun, efficient and a great way to stay in touch with friends/aquaintences, and hey, eye candy is always fun to check out aswell. I feel more comfortable at a gay bar vs. a straight bar when drunk as well, more free and able to express myself in any way.

    What I don't like is when a guy finds out I go to gay bars with friends and thinks of me negatively, prob into drugs and orgies, not able to commit or date seriously. So right away its a turn off and they want nothing to do with me. HOW RUDE!!! aaaanyways, i just feel that you should get to know someone before you pass judgement so quick! not everyone that goes to gay bars is into drugs, just there to hookup or pick up guys as their main priority.

    I want a boyfriend and a commited relationship, I only go to gay bars cause its fun socializing with friends, NOT to go find my next trick or just to check out hot guys.

    anyways, what do you guys think about going out to gay bars? and do you view it as a negative quality in someone that does?
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    Sep 07, 2010 7:52 AM GMT
    crazycool saidsooo...one question I hate being asked is..."are you scene or non-scene?"


    This is another nebulous way to distinguish stereotypes from non-stereotypes, and it fails because stereotypes fuck it up. Just like "VGL," "masc," "chill" and "down to earth," "scene vs non-scene" is something that if someone even brings up, it automatically means they're a fucking loser for trying to stereotype you into something so trivial.

    Anyway, when I get asked that question, I usually respond along the lines of, "wtf what scene? Yeah I go to gay bars sometimes, but I don't have a posse. I just stand there, talk to ugly old men, make out with the occasional stray Latino, and then film cocaine-induced faggots fighting on the streets at 2:15am."
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    Sep 07, 2010 7:53 AM GMT
    I'm looked upon, but not scene. icon_cry.gif
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    Sep 07, 2010 8:01 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    crazycool saidsooo...one question I hate being asked is..."are you scene or non-scene?"


    This is another nebulous way to distinguish stereotypes from non-stereotypes, and it fails because stereotypes fuck it up. Just like "VGL," "masc," "chill" and "down to earth," "scene vs non-scene" is something that if someone even brings up, it automatically means they're a fucking loser for trying to stereotype you into something so trivial.

    Anyway, when I get asked that question, I usually respond along the lines of, "wtf what scene? Yeah I go to gay bars sometimes, but I don't have a posse. I just stand there, talk to ugly old men, make out with the occasional stray Latino, and then film cocaine-induced faggots fighting on the streets at 2:15am."


    LOL exactly!
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    Sep 07, 2010 11:15 AM GMT
    crazycool saidHOW RUDE!!!


    Lol, these 7 capitalised letters gave me my first out-loud laugh of this tuesday morning over breakfast!! Cheers, luv icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 07, 2010 11:20 AM GMT


    I think it refers to someone who exclusively socialises in gay clubs, parties, bars etc.


    It's very definitely a type of lifestyle, and shouldn't be dismissed., Over here we have 'scene queens' that you can spot a mile away.

    If we're all on a site called "realJOCK" can we afford to throw stones at stereotyping?
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    Sep 07, 2010 1:15 PM GMT
    I thought it referred to the same clique of guys that you see at the club or bar no matter what day, and they seem to know everybody because they are always there.

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    Sep 07, 2010 1:29 PM GMT


    Yerah it does, it's not someone who goes occasionally, it's someone who gets themsleves involved in every facet of gay life in the clubs
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    Sep 07, 2010 1:36 PM GMT
    Balljunkie saidI thought it referred to the same clique of guys that you see at the club or bar no matter what day, and they seem to know everybody because they are always there.



    Exactly, and in that scene, usually it's a circle jerk of dudes. Most have all fooled around with each other, and the drama is pretty thick, and their looked upon as pretty much an easy lay. I know a few guys in the "scene", and of course I'm friendly and supportive of them, but to actually hang with them like the others do, is pretty much not a reputation that I want to develop..
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    Sep 07, 2010 1:40 PM GMT
    Thisuserexists said

    Yerah it does, it's not someone who goes occasionally, it's someone who gets themsleves involved in every facet of gay life in the clubs


    Too true. I love going to the clubs if I get a chance. It is fun to hang with friends and dance and get my buzz on, but being gay is just a small facet of who I am. So to actually saturate myself into the whole gay world, or the "scene", where it's all eat, breath, and be gay, just seems empty and trivial.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Sep 07, 2010 1:43 PM GMT
    If somebody tihinks they can ask a single question and then evaluate you in toto, it is not you who are messed up.

    Be who you are. Sounds like you have a reasonable outlook about bars and your interrogators are not likely to look beyond their preconceptions.

    In the long run you will come off as genuine and they will will still be wandering in the forest of platitudes.
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    Sep 07, 2010 2:16 PM GMT
    I think "the scene" is an ambiguous term that can equally apply to the people in it, to the places where it happens, and to the things that go on there. Perhaps the reason it has a stronger sense with gays is because our "scene" can be kinda closed and semi-exclusive. It can be a sort of "members only" situation, many straights not choosing to participate (or in the old days, not even knowing about it).

    Which introduces a second element to the gay scene concept, that of being ourselves inside, and leaving our "public" selves outside. Straights really don't often do that, a straight man being about the same in a sports bar as he is at work. Whereas a gay man may be closeted at work or other public places, or at least very subdued, but in a gay bar or club he can indulge his gay side without fear of criticism, reprisals & penalties.

    Younger gays here may reply that they don't have any idea what I'm talking about. Good, that's the way it ought to be, and that I personally want to be. But for many of us that's still not true, and older gays will remember and continue to behave as they did in the more repressive past.

    When gay places were an oasis & refuge for gays in a very hostile world. And vestiges of that time are partly what you see in the so-called gay scene today, what helped to form it.
  • d_1M

    Posts: 598

    Sep 07, 2010 2:25 PM GMT
    unfortunately there's so many guys that use that to get laid so if thats what is giving it a bad reputation and you go and blend in they might think you that same now don't worry to prove the contrary, do what you like and thats all.

    and i though that means that you do all things on gay places only.
    scene as you only expose yourself to gay people but i find that difficult, now im not sure what that really means.

    so now you help me know what that really means hahaha

    and you are so husband material i think your real cute.
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    Sep 07, 2010 9:51 PM GMT
    If you're not "scene", how do you expect to get seen?
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    Sep 07, 2010 10:16 PM GMT
    I refer to "the scene" in my profile, but mostly to say that I am not into it. I don't see it as just going to gay bars. I'll make an appearance every once and a while in a gay bar. I categorize someone as being in the scene when they go out multiple days in a week every week, abuse drugs and alcohol, go to after hours, go to circuit parties, have multiple casual sexual encounters, flirts with every guy, knows every bartender/bouncer, is hungover at work every Monday, and can't possibly socialize without a drink in their hands.

    I don't ever specifically ask if someone is into "the scene," but I do make a point after a few dates to socialize with him in that environment to see how he behaves. I've been dating for over a decade in Los Angeles now and have learned that it is a big red flag if someone shows any of the traits of being in "the scene." They just won't be relationship material and I've learned the hard way to avoid trying to get into a romantic relationship with someone like that.

    But, no, just going to a bar every now and then or even every weekend to have a good time out with your core group of friends does not qualify in my mind as "the scene."
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    Sep 07, 2010 10:21 PM GMT
    sbp9470 saidI refer to "the scene" in my profile, but mostly to say that I am not into it. I don't see it as just going to gay bars. I'll make an appearance every once and a while in a gay bar. I categorize someone as being in the scene when they go out multiple days in a week every week, abuse drugs and alcohol, go to after hours, go to circuit parties, have multiple casual sexual encounters, flirts with every guy, knows every bartender/bouncer, is hungover at work every Monday, and can't possibly socialize without a drink in their hands.

    I don't ever specifically ask if someone is into "the scene," but I do make a point after a few dates to socialize with him in that environment to see how he behaves. I've been dating for over a decade in Los Angeles now and have learned that it is a big red flag if someone shows any of the traits of being in "the scene." They just won't be relationship material and I've learned the hard way to avoid trying to get into a romantic relationship with someone like that.

    But, no, just going to a bar every now and then or even every weekend to have a good time out with your core group of friends does not qualify in my mind as "the scene."



    I agree
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    Sep 07, 2010 10:25 PM GMT
    A gay bar is what you make of it. Some are more fun than others, but none are fun if you go with with the preconceived notion that it's going to be shitty. You don't have to be in "the scene" to have fun.
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    Sep 07, 2010 10:26 PM GMT
    I'd say that "scene" depends upon context and venue.

    There's definitely a "gym scene" at the gym I pop into from time to time, mostly muscleheads (gay and straight) whose conversation seldom drifts from whatever creatine powder or supplement goo or sports drink or lifting form bla bla bla...

    Then a subset of the above is the "steamroom scene" which is what it is...

    Then there's the arty-farty scene, which is populated by some nice folks, but also attracts some pretentious queens who think themselves above the hoi-polloi who don't much care for the differences between Matisse and Manet...

    I'm sure there are other specific scenes... but when not used with any context, as far as I've heard it used, "scene" kind of captures the gamut of club-kids and circuit party boys who dance until the bats and owls come home to roost.

    It's just another way to help define ourselves and sort ourselves into our respective tribes and clans.

    Humans have a peculiar talent for this kind of tribal sorting, regardless of whether one craves the peen, vag~ or any other bodily orifice/protuberance...

    That said, popping into a bar every once in a while and making out with a stray Latino or watching the cocaine induced fights can be entertaining icon_biggrin.gif
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Sep 07, 2010 10:30 PM GMT
    I go to have fun and dance and get drink with my friends.
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    Sep 08, 2010 6:55 AM GMT
    Thisuserexists said

    Yerah it does, it's not someone who goes occasionally, it's someone who gets themsleves involved in every facet of gay life in the clubs


    I agree! this would definitely equal a SCENE queen! haha but part of the scene? does that apply when you only go out maybe twice a month? i don't think so!
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    Sep 08, 2010 7:05 AM GMT
    sbp9470 saidI refer to "the scene" in my profile, but mostly to say that I am not into it. I don't see it as just going to gay bars. I'll make an appearance every once and a while in a gay bar. I categorize someone as being in the scene when they go out multiple days in a week every week, abuse drugs and alcohol, go to after hours, go to circuit parties, have multiple casual sexual encounters, flirts with every guy, knows every bartender/bouncer, is hungover at work every Monday, and can't possibly socialize without a drink in their hands.

    I don't ever specifically ask if someone is into "the scene," but I do make a point after a few dates to socialize with him in that environment to see how he behaves. I've been dating for over a decade in Los Angeles now and have learned that it is a big red flag if someone shows any of the traits of being in "the scene." They just won't be relationship material and I've learned the hard way to avoid trying to get into a romantic relationship with someone like that.

    But, no, just going to a bar every now and then or even every weekend to have a good time out with your core group of friends does not qualify in my mind as "the scene."


    I agree with you and feel the same way, i mean sure if the guy is out at the gay bars or any bar every week, multiple times doing the things you described, it would be a red flag to me too and not a quality I'd be looking for in a man I wanna date.
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    Sep 08, 2010 7:35 AM GMT
    Art_Deco saidI think "the scene" is an ambiguous term that can equally apply to the people in it, to the places where it happens, and to the things that go on there. Perhaps the reason it has a stronger sense with gays is because our "scene" can be kinda closed and semi-exclusive. It can be a sort of "members only" situation, many straights not choosing to participate (or in the old days, not even knowing about it).

    Which introduces a second element to the gay scene concept, that of being ourselves inside, and leaving our "public" selves outside. Straights really don't often do that, a straight man being about the same in a sports bar as he is at work. Whereas a gay man may be closeted at work or other public places, or at least very subdued, but in a gay bar or club he can indulge his gay side without fear of criticism, reprisals & penalties.

    Younger gays here may reply that they don't have any idea what I'm talking about. Good, that's the way it ought to be, and that I personally want to be. But for many of us that's still not true, and older gays will remember and continue to behave as they did in the more repressive past.

    When gay places were an oasis & refuge for gays in a very hostile world. And vestiges of that time are partly what you see in the so-called gay scene today, what helped to form it.


    Hear, hear! So true. Unfortunately the gay scene is still a safe haven for many.