How do you know when a relationship is over?

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Feb 26, 2008 1:36 AM GMT
    When do you start to think "It's over".
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    Feb 26, 2008 2:08 AM GMT
    When you start doing things as "I" instead of "we". When you want to gain your independence again and you no longer want to invest the time to keep the relationship alive. Love is a crazy thing and I have been through a long term relationships where things just changed and we were no longer compatible.I was more happy thinking about being single then in the relationship. I think most people know when the relationship is over they are just scared to say it to the other half so it drags on.... Been there, done that! If it is over, accept it or it just makes matters worse in the long run.
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    Feb 26, 2008 2:27 AM GMT
    There could be several indications. Here are a few I thought of:

    - simple lack of emotion or feeling of affection for the other person aka "falling out of love".

    - lack of respect, criticism or emotional abuse in front of friends and no apology forthcoming.

    - he shys away from any physical intimacy, or you do not feel like being inimate with him. I am not necessarily talking about sex, but just the simple things like kissing each other in the morning, cuddling in front of the TV to watch a movie, etc..

    - special occasions like birthdays, christmas or anniversary are forgotten, or not celebrated.

    - when you are separated from each other for a long period of time (1 week or more) and you do not miss each other (I just got off the phone with my partner who is on business, I already miss him icon_cry.gif

    - physical violence.

    - one of the partners cheats on the other, and it is not an open relationship.

    - one partner is constantly lying to the other about his whereabouts or what he is doing.

    I am sure I could think of others but this is enough for now.
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    Feb 26, 2008 3:54 AM GMT
    when a substance or bottle of cheap wine becomes more important than you.
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Feb 26, 2008 3:58 AM GMT
    when i use the excuse of 'i will sleep in the other room' to avoid his snoring when he does not EVEN SNORE!!!
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    Feb 26, 2008 4:00 AM GMT
    when you have to remind yourself to think of him and what he'd want/think/feel in a scenario and it feels like a burden to "have" to do so.
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    Feb 26, 2008 4:03 AM GMT
    When they cheat on you or when you can't stand to see the bitch's face anymore!
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Feb 26, 2008 4:05 AM GMT
    When you get arrested. icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 26, 2008 4:12 AM GMT
    When you get back from a business trip and find out he's taken a trip...with all of his clothes and half of your furniture...
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    Feb 26, 2008 4:18 AM GMT
    OMG timber...dont tell me yours is...o v e r!?!?!?!?

    I told you not to mess with those adorable chhecks!!!!!

    icon_cry.gif
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    Feb 26, 2008 5:06 AM GMT
    Chi_tdh saidWhen you get back from a business trip and find out he's taken a trip...with all of his clothes and half of your furniture...


    OUCH THAT HURTS!
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Feb 26, 2008 5:17 AM GMT
    When you start asking people, "How do you know when it's over?"
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    Feb 26, 2008 5:48 AM GMT
    love really is a crazy thing. i loved my ex bf very much, and then i started to feel things change. i eventually stopped wanting to be intimate with him, found myself getting more irritated at little stupid things. he was a good guy, but i just stopped loving him. it was sad, but i couldn't help it.

    i think it had something to do with knowing i was about to leave for japan for 5 months and that he would be gone to law school by the time i got back.
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    Feb 26, 2008 5:55 AM GMT
    Hard to say for most people but there are always tell-tell signs if you pay attention.

    Some of them are more obvious then others. A sudden change in attitude, lack of interest, avoidance, less communication, less sex then normal and so on.

    If these things occur and you are lucky enough to catch them early then I would suggest discussing it with your partner and trying to patch things up. If a problem is left unchecked and unaddressed it begins to breed more problems. Nip it in the bud and talk it over unless you feel it's time to move on.
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    Feb 26, 2008 6:24 AM GMT
    Never confuse the signs that it is over for the signs that things need to change. You may miss out on an opportunity to be better for yourselves and each other. Experiencing this first hand after nine years. I am not sure what happens on the other side. i just know we will be better for it.

    Best of luck. Don't over think things.
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    Feb 26, 2008 7:22 AM GMT
    You just know.......and the question alone speaks volumes.

    The hottest love has the coldest end - Socrates


  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Feb 26, 2008 7:24 AM GMT

    ...God, I suck at figuring this out...mostly because I continue to want to work things out...

    ...mostly it starts with a gut feeling...which turns into thoughts about "Is this it? Is this being happy?"

    ...then the frequency with which I get annoyed increases...increases the tiffs I have with the boyfriend...and then our sex life starts to change...

    ...then it's over...

    - David

    If this is going on in your world, Timberoo, my thoughts are with you...I hate this process...
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    Feb 26, 2008 7:51 AM GMT
    When Love is not enough.
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    Feb 26, 2008 8:18 AM GMT

    When he start to give up his stubbornness ..you feel like a winner in this game... and everything seems to get fine ...

    this is when this relationship isn't important anymore for niether you nor him...
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    Feb 26, 2008 9:55 AM GMT
    when you find him online (not this site, am i allowed to name it?) and his online status states "looking for a date" when he's supposed to be out in the country where you know he has no internet access or computer.

    Then, he messages your profile, though he doesn't know it's you, and asks if you were interested in dinner, wine and conversation, and when asked what's he looking for, replies "I'll know it when I find it: relationship, friendship, or sex, all are possibilities."

    Then he goes on to say it's hard to meet nice guys and that he's never been in love, and maybe it's because he doesn't know what love is...

    But is it really over? Or is there still a chance of going on?
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    Feb 26, 2008 11:58 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidHard to say for most people but there are always tell-tell signs if you pay attention.

    Some of them are more obvious then others. A sudden change in attitude, lack of interest, avoidance, less communication, less sex then normal and so on.

    If these things occur and you are lucky enough to catch them early then I would suggest discussing it with your partner and trying to patch things up. If a problem is left unchecked and unaddressed it begins to breed more problems. Nip it in the bud and talk it over unless you feel it's time to move on.


    This is good advice. Even the best relationships go through rough patches. I always felt guys are at a disadvantage being in a relationship with other guys. We would rather not discuss our intimate emotions with another guy, it is easier to give up and think there is someone else out there that is better for us. Then we wake up one morning, we are in our 50's, and the other guy has not arrived yet (boy am I depressing myself)icon_cry.gificon_cry.gif

    Unless there is serious emotional or physical abuse, I believe a lot of couples give up too easily.
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    Feb 26, 2008 12:48 PM GMT
    When you find out he's been trying to hook up with guys off of RealJock!

    (Hence the wonderful irony of me now being a member of the site. icon_twisted.gif )
  • Paradigm_Shif...

    Posts: 251

    Feb 26, 2008 1:06 PM GMT
    Feeling like you want to strangle them more often than once every two weeks!

    Oh, and if they refuse to take responsibility for their life and make excuses about everything!! icon_mad.gif
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    Feb 26, 2008 1:12 PM GMT
    The answer is probably the same thing that precipitates your question.
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    Feb 26, 2008 1:26 PM GMT
    When you get an email saying, "Can we just be friends?"