Told my best friend (straight) i liked him

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2010 11:03 PM GMT
    So...

    My Best friend who is straight has always told me that no one understands him like I do and that I am the closest friend he has ever had. He isnt afraid being silly, and never feels shy around me.

    I came out to him several months back. Long story short he never had a problem with it. He was simply shocked. Of course, the next day at school was verrrry awkward. the first hour when i saw him, we just couldnt help but smile and people would ask what was so funny.

    The problem is (yes i know its very stereotypical) that I have bonded closer and have become attached to him. For the past year i have deeply liked him. We are both now in our senior year of high-school (yes im eighteen). Its ironic because I would have NEVER even thought about or considered liking him more than a year ago. However, over the course of a strange emotional month, I fought back feelings and finally at the end I simply accepted the fact that i really liked him.


    I then told him last night over facebook chat that i cared for him more than he thought. He was pretty shocked once again. And could not understand it. I said that it might be better to not hang out as often. He then asked... So i guess i dont have a best friend anymore? Of course at that moment, I was startled and I realized that any torture of feelings i have for him are worth the close friendship that he have created.

    I asked him if he would still be willing to be friends. He said yes. Of course he said that i would have to be able to not try and be anything more than friends.
    Today at school i thought would be extremely awkward. I was wrong. Instead, it was as if I never told him anything. He has accepted me for everything I am.

    I dont know the exact reason as to why I am writing this at the moment. I guess i jsut need to tell someone because ive had all these thoughts bottled up for a loong time. I know however, that I have one of the most INCREDIBLE friends in the world, and even though its sad because i probably will never stop liking him, I know i have one of the strongest friendships ever. He has helped me to come to terms with alot of emotions.

    P.S. He is still the ONLY person I have ever come out to.
  • Stin7

    Posts: 33

    Sep 07, 2010 11:13 PM GMT
    wow sounds like a novel.

    all I can say, try to not getting involved that much. for example.... stop watching his pictures, stop watching him that much if you have the opportunity, do not check his facebook, you will still think about him, but these little things will help in the long term... it's hard but it is possible stop liking someone by doing that.
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    Sep 08, 2010 12:06 AM GMT
    Just continue being his friend. He's straight. There's nothing to it. I am still great friends with all my straight friends from high school. I make it very clear I have no interest in them. That would destroy your friendship. Crushes come and go. Relax and be buds.
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Sep 08, 2010 12:32 AM GMT
    I had something similar happen, though it was a gay friend of mine. I could have cut the friendship off had I chosen to, but I did not. In fact, he was very gracious about it, and said that he was flattered, but he was not interested, as he was beginning to get serious with his now partner.

    I didn't want to see him for a while, but I'm glad that I went to the program he helped run. The feelings eventually passed into friendship fully, and a lot faster than I thought would happen. Once I know someone isn't interested, I usually drop my feelings as well, no point in holding on longer than I need to, right?

    I'd say hang out etc, but know that he's not going to fall in love with you. He's just a good friend.
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    Sep 08, 2010 12:34 AM GMT
    KENYCITY saidJust continue being his friend. He's straight. There's nothing to it. I am still great friends with all my straight friends from high school. I make it very clear I have no interest in them. That would destroy your friendship. Crushes come and go. Relax and be buds.


    Agreed.
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    Sep 08, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    aww I'm so glad to read this and find out it was a sad ending!
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    Sep 08, 2010 12:43 AM GMT
    Its not sad. It really worked out well. He is taking it very well. He even joked with me today saying " so what is your favorite feature about me" lol.

    It could have been worse. I could have lost a friend. Instead, I only strengthened my current one. Ill get over it. At least it was closure for me to tell him. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 08, 2010 12:44 AM GMT
    -Breathes in- Awwwww High school Love fail -Breathes out-
  • worley

    Posts: 41

    Sep 08, 2010 12:53 AM GMT
    There's a lot of advice in this thread that I will immediately apply to myself and my current straight crush. I specially liked the "relax and be buds" one, this is going to be my new mantra until the crush vanishes. Thanks guys.
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    Sep 08, 2010 12:59 AM GMT
    Adrenalinejunkie saidIts not sad. It really worked out well. He is taking it very well. He even joked with me today saying " so what is your favorite feature about me" lol.

    It could have been worse. I could have lost a friend. Instead, I only strengthened my current one. Ill get over it. At least it was closure for me to tell him. icon_biggrin.gif


    icon_eek.gif I totally meant to say it Wasnt a sad ending! and I'm glad it worked out well, I'm dealin with this kinda stuff now so I know how stressin it can be
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Sep 08, 2010 1:01 AM GMT
    He is not str8. Bi-curious, at least.
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    Sep 08, 2010 1:08 AM GMT
    How tremendously wonderful to have such an understanding friend. Everyone should be so lucky. Hang out with him and see him as another human. In time you will be able to de-sexualize your feelings for him. You may have a friend for life.
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    Sep 08, 2010 1:17 AM GMT
    I cant thank you guys enough for the replies.
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    Sep 08, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    Good for you for having the courage to come out to your friend and good for him for being a true friend even though he could have turned tail. Now that the lines of your friendship are clear, respect them and keep it on a friend level. It's natural to get feelings for a guy that you e opened up to, but keep yourself in check. To have straight guy friends that know about you and are supportive is an amazing thing, so respect it and don't let a crush mess it up. You've now got a strong ally to help you as you come out and that is not a small thing. Congrats!
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    Sep 08, 2010 2:16 AM GMT
    I went through the same thing in school, and at the time I was in love with my straight best friend and had hoped it would have turned sexual.

    I never told him that I wanted him but did tell him I loved him like a brother, which was funny, because he was closer to me than my brothers actually were. Ok, before I turn into Rambling Rose, there's nothing wrong with telling him you love him, as he seems ok with it. But just realise that it's not a sexual love for him, and you'll feel the same way soon.


    Hope I haven't confused you even more....there's a message in there I swear.icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 08, 2010 2:23 AM GMT
    Am glad that you have a friend who knows the truth and still is there for you. Also hats off to you for being honest with him, I don't about others but am not sure if I have the guts to do such a thing.
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    Sep 08, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    This happened to me, an I don't talk to him anymore... So I'm glad that it worked out for you
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    Sep 08, 2010 2:38 AM GMT
    I had a similar thing where I told my best friend I was gay (he was the only one who knew for five years) and then also decided I had a crush on him and tried to sleep with him.

    He handled it pretty gracefully but things definitely changed and we eventually ended the friendship or I guess more accurately let it go.

    Good friends are the hardest thing in the world to find and are the best thing to work on. The old saying is "relationships come and go but friends are (or can) be forever." I believe that even more now. That's not a negative statement about relationships, but a positive one about the power of friendship over time.

    Glad to hear that your friend drew the line. Now it's your job to respect it if you want to maintain that friendship.

    Assuming he's a good guy, it will be worth it in the long run.

    Congrats for making it through this!

  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Sep 08, 2010 2:51 AM GMT
    You are going to have conflicting feelings for sure, but believe me, a close friend is worth staying platonic. Having a friend who really knows you is worth it all.
  • LUVH2O

    Posts: 99

    Sep 08, 2010 2:59 AM GMT
    I'm glad it turned out well for you. Kudos for having the courage to express your feelings towards your buddy. I know it wasn't easy. And kudos to your super cool best friend for accepting you and not turning against you. It will probably be hard for awhile to get rid of the romantic feelings towards him but it will eventually fade. Good friends are hard to find and it sounds like you've found a great one.
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    Sep 08, 2010 3:05 AM GMT
    i liked this story. thanks for it. i have a straight friend (well maybe more of an acquaintance) at work who is a really cool guy. but i've started developing a crush on him. so i took the opposite approach you did and have been avoiding him (avoiding his phone calls, sitting on a floor he isn't on, running in the opposite direction when i see him down the hallway). but now you made me realize that i could be losing out on a potentially good friendship. i think i'll call him up tomorrow and see if he is free for lunch. icon_biggrin.gif .
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Sep 08, 2010 3:05 AM GMT
    I'm happy for you! I told my best bud I was gay and he's still my best bud, although I never had feeling for him b/c he's a dick but I'd hit it if he were gay.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Sep 08, 2010 3:14 AM GMT
    Sounds like you have a really great friend. You're very lucky. Congrats on the honesty too!
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    Sep 08, 2010 4:01 AM GMT
    Allathlete saidThis happened to me, an I don't talk to him anymore... So I'm glad that it worked out for you


    i can relate to this, and it actually is a very painful memory for me. i am glad it is apparently working out for you, adrenalinjunkie.
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    Sep 08, 2010 6:09 AM GMT
    That's awesome! Keep being friends! I had a friend like that and I pretty much totally messed it up... We're just now becoming friends again. People like your friend are super rare- gay or straight, someone that will just ignore all the stupid stuff and be a true friend!

    Best of luck!