how important is a proper job in the gay world.

  • emailaddress

    Posts: 313

    Sep 08, 2010 10:12 AM GMT
    from what I gather, having a proper job is not so important in the gay world. Gay men just dont value wealth and power as much as straight women. Most of us care more about fame and look before anything else. A decent job is ok, but if you are a manual labourer with minimum pay, (Edited, OK, plumber with was a bad example) thats ok too for a hot guy. dumb jock who bums around all day long? Even better! The gay community just doesnt seem to judge people on what they do for a living as much.

    I dont know that many gay men socially, so I just want to ask how far is my impression from reality?
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    Sep 08, 2010 10:49 AM GMT
    In the US I've run into plenty of money snobs in the gay community. And in fact, when a blue-collar guy gets involved with a wealthy professional, there's often a lot of catty talk among the other gays about the "gold-digger" and the gullibility of the richer guy.

    I've dated some rich guys, and while I'm independent myself and comfortable regarding my own needs, I didn't have their money. And I could feel the tension, and indeed, one guy actually told me that while he liked dating me and wanted to continue, he couldn't consider me for an exclusive LTR because I wasn't a millionaire like him, and I was retired by then and unlikely to earn more.

    He actually told me that! And I always paid my own way, never asked him or anyone for a penny. In fact, I gave more gifts of value to him than he gave to me, so that if he wanted to have the "books" checked he'd have found he came out ahead on the deal. Not something I had previously thought about until he had the effrontery to say that to me.

    So yeah, there are pockets of the gay community in the US that are very focused on jobs and their consequences: money & prestige. And that you drive at least a BMW and preferably a Mercedes, and best of all down here a 6-figure Italian sports car or a Rolls-Royce, plus a yacht is also nice to have.

    Your Australia is a lot more egalitarian than the US. Here in the US we merely give lip service to the idea that everyone is created equal, but we actually know some people are created more equal than others. And among the great discriminators are position, power, and money. Which holds true as much in parts of the gay community as it does in the straight.
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    Sep 08, 2010 11:02 AM GMT
    I don't really know what to respond to this. I need to know though- $10 an hour for a plumber??? I would actually hire one for that. Up here they are paid $20 - $30. If I call a company I am looking at anywhere from $50 - 70 an hour for them to dispatch a licensed plummer. He does not have the "prestige" of a $20 an hour computer tech though when it comes to "bragging rights" for his career.
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    Sep 08, 2010 11:10 AM GMT
    Like with almost everything, there is no way to generalize across gay men in general. You can simply make statements about the people you know and the people you've met.

    The people I know all seem to be doing things even if those things don't bring in a lot of money. Publishing small magazines, making/writing/performing music, theatre, film. DJs, promoters, bloggers. Some people have ended up in lucrative jobs.

    Money is very rarely talked about and anyone who focussed on it would be considered pretty tedious.

    When I was younger and lived in Orange County, Ca, it was just the opposite. Who you are is how much you owned, how much you made, who you were connected with. I hated it and left.

    So I think that you can work to find a group of people who share your values no matter what they are.

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    Sep 08, 2010 11:22 AM GMT
    I find it the exact opposite. At least maybe on the east coast, which is classically more conservative and stuffy. Back in my single days and from conversations with my friends, finding out someone's career and education is a standard question when you first meet someone.

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    Sep 08, 2010 11:30 AM GMT
    danielryan saidI find it the exact opposite. At least maybe on the east coast, which is classically more conservative and stuffy.


    Yup, I noticed gays tend to have more prestigious and intellectual jobs in New York compared to Los Angeles. By far actually...
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    Sep 08, 2010 12:13 PM GMT
    emailaddress saidfrom what I gather, having a proper job is not so important in the gay world. Gay men just dont value wealth and power as much as straight women. Most of us care more about fame and look before anything else. A decent job is ok, but if you are a plumber and makes $10/hour, thats ok too for a hot guy. dumb jock who bums around all day long? Even better! The gay community just doesnt seem to judge people on what they do for a living as much.

    I dont know that many gay men socially, so I just want to ask how far is my impression from reality?


    Your plumbers make only $10 an hour. They should move to the UK. It´s more like $100 an hour there.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 08, 2010 12:20 PM GMT
    I don't think you have a grasp of reality at your e-mail address.

    I think a good job is important whatever the country, sector, group, race
    or gender.
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    Sep 08, 2010 12:24 PM GMT
    I think it really depends on where you live, as others have said.

    Living in DC, where almost everyone has a degree, or multiple degrees... sort of makes you expect that. It becomes sort of "odd" when you are told that people in other cities simply arent as likely to have high levels of education and high-powered jobs. My friend in Miami says that the vast majority of people he knows work in jobs that dont require any degree.

    Living here, I know a ton of people with government, security, legal and lobbying jobs. Legal jobs are huge in particular... I know a ton of attorneys. And I am 25! lol. Now if only I could find myself a cute, sweet, doctor to date ;-)

    Then he and I could be Dr. and Dr. _______.

    Haha. So obnoxious. I know icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 08, 2010 12:25 PM GMT
    danielryan said finding out someone's career and education is a standard question when you first meet someone.

    I think this is true just about anywhere for most people. It's not really about money or snobbery. Career and education are markers for traits like intelligence, stability, work ethic, etc., that would make someone a good prospect.
    And if you know a good plumber who only charges $10 an hour send him right over.
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    Sep 08, 2010 12:28 PM GMT
    danielryan saidI find it the exact opposite. At least maybe on the east coast, which is classically more conservative and stuffy. Back in my single days and from conversations with my friends, finding out someone's career and education is a standard question when you first meet someone.



    Really? Asking what someone does, maybe, but education? Maybe that's an age thing but after a few years, my experience is that no one cares.
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    Sep 08, 2010 12:28 PM GMT
    The type of job isn't as important as the fact that you HAVE a job and can hold on to it.
    Living in south FL, you see a lot of transient people who decide to move here after a few 'fun' visits. Finding and keeping a job here is a big problem and for decades south FL has been "scammer central"..so YES, it is important that you have and can keep a good job.
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    Sep 08, 2010 1:28 PM GMT
    I honestly can't afford college at the moment, so it really bothers me that people have the mind set of degree = smart.

    I work for a university, and know quite a few students who are barely passing their courses but are going to end up with the same degree as someone who pulls a 4.0.

    As far as a 'proper' job... where do you make the cut off? 50K a year? 80K?

    I'd rather be with someone who's happy and content, but striving to better themselves, then someone who's pulling 400K a year and absolutely miserable. (not to say I wouldn't gladly take the man who's completely happy with his life and pulling that 400K ;) )
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 08, 2010 1:35 PM GMT
    Bigsmiles saidThe type of job isn't as important as the fact that you HAVE a job and can hold on to it.
    Living in south FL, you see a lot of transient people who decide to move here after a few 'fun' visits. Finding and keeping a job here is a big problem and for decades south FL has been "scammer central"..so YES, it is important that you have and can keep a good job.


    this is also an issue in New Orleans. more than one "foot loose and fancy free" guy has landed here for mardi gras or decadence or haloween and deceided to stay here.....with NO visible means of support (other than dad's american express card) and no plans of how to pay for rent, food, medical care, a car...... icon_confused.gif
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    Sep 08, 2010 2:05 PM GMT
    A lawyer once hired a plumber. When the lawyer got the $350 bill for one hour of work, he called the plumber to complain about the price. The plumber simply said "well now you know why I gave up law to become a plumber."

    As for the gay community, yeah, there are lots of career snobs. I'm actually one of them, and developed that attitude after supporting a lazy bum for three years.
  • emailaddress

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    Sep 08, 2010 2:30 PM GMT
    GwgTrunks saidI honestly can't afford college at the moment, so it really bothers me that people have the mind set of degree = smart.

    I work for a university, and know quite a few students who are barely passing their courses but are going to end up with the same degree as someone who pulls a 4.0.

    As far as a 'proper' job... where do you make the cut off? 50K a year? 80K?

    I'd rather be with someone who's happy and content, but striving to better themselves, then someone who's pulling 400K a year and absolutely miserable. (not to say I wouldn't gladly take the man who's completely happy with his life and pulling that 400K ;) )


    OK, I need to be more specific. When I say proper job, i mean something you can say and people wont raise eyebrows over, so not like flipping burgers at 32 and a part time DJ.
  • emailaddress

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    Sep 08, 2010 2:31 PM GMT
    paulflexes said

    As for the gay community, yeah, there are lots of career snobs. I'm actually one of them, and developed that attitude after supporting a lazy bum for three years.



    thats what i wanted to know, why did you not care then but care now? when did the penny drop?
  • rnch

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    Sep 08, 2010 2:33 PM GMT
    you can always try being a bartender, like Kage (and others) tried... icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 08, 2010 2:34 PM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    danielryan saidI find it the exact opposite. At least maybe on the east coast, which is classically more conservative and stuffy.


    Yup, I noticed gays tend to have more prestigious and intellectual jobs in New York compared to Los Angeles. By far actually...



    do you find there are more hot bodies hanging around at LA beaches?
  • emailaddress

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    Sep 08, 2010 2:36 PM GMT
    rnch saidyou can always try being a bartender, like Kage (and others) tried... icon_lol.gif


    icon_smile.gif,


    this must be an american reference.
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    Sep 08, 2010 2:36 PM GMT
    I don't think it should matter too much, but having said that I wouldn't be too impressed with a guy who had no interest in any kind of gainful employment.

    You don't have to be super educated with a great-paying job, but it's not what I would consider snobby to reject someone who has little or no prospects and no interest in bettering themselves. I have a ton of respect for people working so-called menial jobs like cleaning etc - at least they are getting off their ass and doing an honest day's work.
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    Sep 08, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    danielryan saidI find it the exact opposite. At least maybe on the east coast, which is classically more conservative and stuffy.


    Yup, I noticed gays tend to have more prestigious and intellectual jobs in New York compared to Los Angeles. By far actually...


    Yea see I don't think that's a proper comparison, LA is just a magnet for untalented bozos. So sure lots of them are gay, but it blurs the statistics.
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    Sep 08, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    emailaddress saidfrom what I gather, having a proper job is not so important in the gay world. Gay men just dont value wealth and power as much as straight women. Most of us care more about fame and look before anything else. A decent job is ok, but if you are a manual labourer with minimum pay, (Edited, OK, plumber with was a bad example) thats ok too for a hot guy. dumb jock who bums around all day long? Even better! The gay community just doesnt seem to judge people on what they do for a living as much.

    I dont know that many gay men socially, so I just want to ask how far is my impression from reality?


    That's becaue you don't know us NYERs. Having a proper job is a must. The gay community does judge people on what they do for a living
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 08, 2010 2:42 PM GMT
    danielryan saidI find it the exact opposite. At least maybe on the east coast, which is classically more conservative and stuffy. Back in my single days and from conversations with my friends, finding out someone's career and education is a standard question when you first meet someone.



    When I had a good paying job I thought it was important, and one of the first questions asked was "what do you do?".....still is. Back then I thought they must have been impressed because the conversation and intrigue on their part would continue.

    Now that I don't have a great job I get asked the same question as one of the first questions. I tell him that I am unemployed or have a lousy job, and they seem completely unfazed and are still interested.

    I've had better luck with men since I don't have the well paying job and the nice house. But then again I now get enough rest and I work out more often so I'm in better shape and a better mood.
  • emailaddress

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    Sep 08, 2010 2:42 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you said
    emailaddress saidfrom what I gather, having a proper job is not so important in the gay world. Gay men just dont value wealth and power as much as straight women. Most of us care more about fame and look before anything else. A decent job is ok, but if you are a manual labourer with minimum pay, (Edited, OK, plumber with was a bad example) thats ok too for a hot guy. dumb jock who bums around all day long? Even better! The gay community just doesnt seem to judge people on what they do for a living as much.

    I dont know that many gay men socially, so I just want to ask how far is my impression from reality?


    That's becaue you don't know us NYERs. Having a proper job is a must. The gay community does judge people on what they do for a living



    yeh, i heard its ridiculous in Manhattan, 100K/pa, you are barely out of poverty, This is what i was told. I wonder how do those PTs at steel gym survive?