HOW IMPORTANT ARE SOCIAL GRACES AND MANNERS TO YOU

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    Sep 08, 2010 3:05 PM GMT
    Do you think that they are on a downhill slide? Do you practice simple courtesies like saying thankyou, opening a door for someone, smiling at strangers? Keithicon_cool.gif
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    Sep 08, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    Yes.
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    Sep 08, 2010 3:25 PM GMT
    I had to watch my one friends child for a weekend.

    By the end of the weekend I was soo ticked off that I wasen't even getting a thank you for ANYTHING. It really opened my eyes how a simple Please or Thank you really makes situations better.

    People without these skills would get on my nerves and quickly.
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    Sep 08, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    meninlove said Yes.


    Of course you would say yes because you set the standard for social grace and manners. I think Emily was a student of you two. icon_wink.gif

    This unruly class of RJ boys still needs some work so I suspect you will be around awhile!

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    Sep 08, 2010 3:30 PM GMT
    I think a lot of "social graces" have fallen since WE were kids... not sure why, just don't see the younger generation caring much about "manners".
    I still believe that the VERY basic gestures, such as "thank you" and holding a door for someone still exist, but do a slightly lesser degree.
    These are qualities that are taught at home..and should be part of your upbringing. Therefore, I would tend to think it should fall on the parents to instill these values in the children. It would then appear that the parents would be a little closer to OUR generation... which makes me wonder: Are we the generation that did NOT pass these qualities on to the next generation??
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    Sep 08, 2010 3:41 PM GMT
    Yes, basic social graces are very important to me. I have noticed a decline in basic social graces in society in general and it can be particularly problematic in the gay community at times.

    I don't know when the change occurred but things in the gay community seem different to me now. I like to smile at people, be polite and courteous.

    However it seems like smiles can be either unwelcome or misinterpreted.

    When did things change so that now a smile means "I want to sleep with you".

    I have noticed this behavior when I am around other gay guys in gay venues like the gym. I have smiled at guys, held the door for them, or proactively asked them if they are waiting for the piece of equipment I am using since they are hovering nearby.

    I do this for men and women regardless of what they look like. However I get some strange results.

    Guys who are, for want of a better word, "hot" sometimes scowl as if a simple smile means I am making a pass at them.

    Guys who again, for want of a better word are not "hot" seem truly shocked that someone is being nice to them and guys who may find me attractive seem to take this for something more than it is.

    I sometimes think that rudeness in the gay community is just armor against awkward social situations. Instead of figuring out a way to politely decline someone's advances guys think its easier and better to be rude. I think even if the person is interested in you, there is no reason to be rude. In addition, I think guys make mistakes and are rude to people who really are not making a pass at them.

    In my opinion a lot of guys spend a lot of time categorizing people based on their level of sexual interest and they are not open to just meeting people. In a sense, if you are not a potential dating candidate, you are not worth knowing.

    I have found that in some situations enlightened progressive straight men are more open to friendliness and conversation than gay men. At some of the gyms where I have been a member I found it easier to establish polite conversational relationships with straight guys. The kind where if you run into each other at the gym, you say hi and maybe chat for a few minutes. I found it was harder and less frequently established with other gay guys
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    Sep 08, 2010 3:53 PM GMT
    RJnewbie2010 said, "When did things change so that now a smile means "I want to sleep with you".

    Seriously? Back in the 1960s along with the sexual revolution...
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    Sep 08, 2010 3:55 PM GMT
    Yes indeed.

    The simplest gestures can have an amazing effect on people. Think of the stranger on the street who you just smiled at because you were in a joyous mood, which then puts them in a joyous mood. Letting someone know that they are appreciated for a gesture by saying 'thank you' can make a world of difference. Respectfully and politely turning someone down if you don't find them attractive or like them imparts an amount of respect and decency that reflects who you are as an individual and the way you like to be treated.

    Just my two cents.
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    Sep 08, 2010 3:58 PM GMT
    I think people who aren't mannerly and polite need to be spanked. icon_twisted.gif
  • radedd

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    Sep 08, 2010 4:14 PM GMT
    Most manners are simple enough and don't require much effort, although they usually make other people lives somewhat nicer just by extending basic courtesy. I eludes me why people are so shocked when I hold a door open for longer than I "should," or punctuate requests with "please" and "thank you." I've actually shocked people, who do double-take and comment on "how polite [I am]." Really? Are manners supposed to be THAT surprising?

    With regards to social graces, I truly feel that they have fallen to the wayside in this day and age. Younger generations of "text-heads" find it perfectly acceptable to avoid eye contact when talking to a person, and sometimes don't even finish their sentences as part of an ongoing conversation. I grant them that most will apologize; however, do any realize that sincerity is an integral part of the "I'm sorry" process. Another characteristic I've noticed is music so loud on headphones that it disturbs the quiet of ambient environment---Should people be so surprised that they suffer from poor hearing?

    There are many examples of manners and social graces on the decline in this country, but I guess it's just part of the evolution to successfully incorporate newer ideas, philosophies, and technologies into our society's life.

    Thanks for the topic.

    Mike

    P.S. The above-mentioned opinions are merely my own that I have formed by years of people-watching and reading anthropological and sociological studies and research. In no way do I wish to attack anyone for their choices of how they wish to enjoyably pursue their lives. Live well!
  • brycetippe

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    Sep 08, 2010 4:16 PM GMT
    All of that is very important to me.
    I try to have the best manners I can have, and I hold the door open etc.
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    Sep 08, 2010 4:57 PM GMT
    I make it a point to speak to strangers... just to say "HI" or "Good morning"..
    More often than not, it catches people off guard...but never do I see it fail to lighten up their faces. I pray that I will always remember to do this... who knows, it might someday brighten up MY day!!! .icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 08, 2010 5:03 PM GMT
    I put my foot up against the door so the person coming after me can't get thru. I like watching them get all pissed off and making faces if it's a glass door. And I tell strangers "get back! I've got a gun!"
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    Sep 08, 2010 9:05 PM GMT
    vetteset saidDo you think that they are on a downhill slide? Do you practice simple courtesies like saying thankyou, opening a door for someone, smiling at strangers? Keithicon_cool.gif


    I think propriety that benefits others physically and in a convenient way, such as opening the door for someone, should be reinforced. However, platitudes such as "How are you?" which have pretenses of value but are merely irritating, should go away. You shouldn't feel obligated to be nice to anyone or coerce a hackneyed conversation out of them if you don't know them.
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    Sep 08, 2010 9:43 PM GMT
    Very important!!! to me social graces are a must in every human interaction! and while I admit while dating someone the first impression of a physical/sexual attraction is very important, a potential date's manners and social graces are equally important to me! a guy without manners and common courtesy is a huge turn off for me I don't care how hot I may find him!


    Leandro ♥
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    Sep 08, 2010 9:51 PM GMT
    ALEZANDAR saidVery important!!! to me social graces are a must in every human interaction! and while I admit while dating someone the first impression of a physical/sexual attraction is very important, a potential date's manners and social graces are equally important to me! a guy without manners and common courtesy is a huge turn off for me I don't care how hot I may find him!


    Leandro ♥


    completely agree - can be hot and sexy but if you are a dullard in the manner's department it's a major turn off. - I might still fuck you but I wouldn't say thanks in return icon_twisted.gif
  • HndsmKansan

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    Sep 08, 2010 9:59 PM GMT
    I know I've had threads here that talk about the importance of good mannerisms. I notice when somebody has them... or doesn't. Interesting first impressions....or impressions in general. To lack them is to be at a disadvantage socially... or professionally.
  • metta

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    Sep 08, 2010 10:07 PM GMT
    vetteset saidDo you think that they are on a downhill slide? Do you practice simple courtesies like saying thankyou, opening a door for someone, smiling at strangers? Keithicon_cool.gif


    Yes to both questions. I find it frustrating at how so many people do not know/use the most basic manners. I also also find it to be an instant turn-off when they don't use them.
  • rioriz

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    Sep 08, 2010 10:21 PM GMT
    bonquiqui.jpg

    Very important! Nothing gets under my skin more than people who are just our right rude and show no manners whatsoever!
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    Sep 09, 2010 12:27 AM GMT
    JAKEBENSON said
    vetteset saidDo you think that they are on a downhill slide? Do you practice simple courtesies like saying thankyou, opening a door for someone, smiling at strangers? Keithicon_cool.gif


    I think propriety that benefits others physically and in a convenient way, such as opening the door for someone, should be reinforced. However, platitudes such as "How are you?" which have pretenses of value but are merely irritating, should go away. You shouldn't feel obligated to be nice to anyone or coerce a hackneyed conversation out of them if you don't know them.


    That is where we differ and probably the generational thing is the culprit. I was brought up, probably along with most of my generation to always look someone in the eye and always be polite and say hello, even if you don't know them. It is part of being in the human race and I do feel it is incumbent on us. I still practice it and although i receive some scowls they are few compared to the amount of smiles and hello's I receive back. I don't do it to patronize or send an empty greeting, i do it because of how i was raised and also because it is contagious. I see in restaurants patrons who treat the waiter or busboy like total shit or totally ignore them, and my blood boils that someone can't expend an ounce of breath and a couple of muscles to smile and thank someone. I know Tony Soprano don't put up with rudeness...neither to do I..keithicon_cool.gif
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    Sep 09, 2010 12:40 AM GMT
    Manners are indicative of various social traits--patience, consideration, discipline, self-control, and overall upbringing. Quite important. It easily distinguishes one person from another.
  • Geoedward

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    Sep 09, 2010 12:44 AM GMT
    Yes
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    Sep 09, 2010 12:46 AM GMT
    A little goes along way.
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    Sep 09, 2010 12:56 AM GMT
    basic courtesy and manners are VERY important to me. i get annoyed when people don't even say thank you, to me, or anyone else who was courteous to them.
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    Sep 09, 2010 12:58 AM GMT
    Nothing could be more important. I even stand when a woman walks up to a table until I'm asked to sit.