Oh No!! Another breakup forum!!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2010 1:03 AM GMT
    Im sad, yet cant help the title. At least its funny right? Im into month 6 of a breakup. Yes I know how that sounds. Things went off a cliff in May, and now we're totally split, and I thought id resolved all my issues, but lo and behold, my ex decides to spill the beans about other indiscretions in our relathionship. im usually a sucker for wanting to know things like that when it might have been best for him to not mention anything. But he said his conscience was killing him. Basically it turns out that since we started going downhill, he found someone else, and is now happily with him. Great, I cudda dealt with that if he had told me when we first started splitting up. But over the past 6 months hes kinda tugged me along, and used me in a way, making me pity him to stay by him. He always made me feel like if he got over his physical injury, that our relationship cud get back on track and everything wud be fine, hence why i put up with it. I thought it was him going through a painful process. But it turns out that his injuries were not as severe as he made them out to be, hes well on the road to recovery and had shacked up with another guy. My ex has a young son who looked forward to me coming to live with them. Now this little boy thinks I hate him, and my ex will do nothing to explain that to him, other then his talk about how he has a new guy. BUT, the ex wants to be friends, watch baseball games and movies together, etc. WTF do i do? We've been through a lot together. I dated his best friend until he committed suicide, and we were there for each other through that long and painful process. He still has issues to deal with regarding that, so i kind of feel like cutting off all contact wud be abandoning him and cruel on my part, since this new guy isnt gonna be able to help him with his issues. Am i just a door mat or too kind for my own good or what? I need to get over this, its fucking up my work habits and everything.
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    Sep 09, 2010 2:03 AM GMT
    I personally could never be friends with an ex. I love deeply & hurt just as deeply. But know allot of guys that can move on and be great friends with their ex. However no way could I even try too be friends with someone who cheated on me. I do think he should explain things to his son in a proper manner.
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    Sep 09, 2010 3:02 AM GMT
    Sounds like he's a "pull me push me" guy. Pulls you in then finds a way to push you away. I watched a friend go through an nearly identical situation and they, against their better judgement, let themselves be strung along for nearly two years. My advice, as difficult as it may be, it to cut all ties. Otherwise he'll always find a reason to emotionally entangle you. As for his son goes, that is truly heartbreaking! However, he is the one doing the child a disservice and unfortunatly there's nothing you can do about it. I know you don't want the boy to think you hate him, but because you are obviously more adult than you ex in this regard, you have to stay away from the boy. If you don't you'll only drag him into the confusion of a "pull me push me" situation. Unfortunatly, as the adult you have to take the emotional hit.
    This is a terrible situation, and I'm sorry for your pain!
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    Sep 09, 2010 3:12 AM GMT
    i couldnt be friends with an ex.. there's always the possibility of those feelings coming back, and i dont need that, the way i moved on from my last mistake, i cut off all communications, went as far as changing numbers to prevent drunk texts and dials from him, sure i may have gone to extreme measures, but it sure as hell made it easier for me.
    wish you the best man icon_smile.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 09, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    If you are going to be friends with him, then your romantic feelings, the feelings you developed for him when you were a couple must evaporate.
    Easy to say and very difficult to do..... probably some separate times would be the best idea.

    When you can honestly approach him as a different person, then entertain friendship... but he might not be ready for it.
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    Sep 09, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    Dont ever talk to him again. Keep him where he belongs....your memories
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    Sep 09, 2010 3:31 AM GMT
    I was with my first boyfriend for just under 2 years. We broke up 5 years ago when he moved to San Fran. It took a long time for things to heal between us, and now we have a better relationship as friends than we ever did while dating. It takes time, rushing things will only make you resent him and the dwell on the reasons you broke up.
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    Sep 09, 2010 3:54 AM GMT
    collegekid2004 saidI was with my first boyfriend for just under 2 years. We broke up 5 years ago when he moved to San Fran. It took a long time for things to heal between us, and now we have a better relationship as friends than we ever did while dating. It takes time, rushing things will only make you resent him and the dwell on the reasons you broke up.


    but did u cut off ties completely or what? then drift back into each others lives, or did u just agree to be friends from the end of the relationship?