Arrogance or Confidence?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2007 7:02 PM GMT
    Do you find that looking good is a help to you meeting people/men or that it serves as a barier, preventing men from approaching you? I ask because I think I'm a decent-looking man and I've had experiences where I can go to a club and have people check me out and all of that, but they say nothing. Eventually, I'll approach them and engage in conversation and surprised, they compliment my lack of arrogance and say they assumed I'd be stuck-up due to my looks. What sort of assumptions do we make about good looking people? Lastly (this is my un-PC question), why is it out of shape/fat men/conventionally unattractive men are often the least shy and most willing to make a move while the good lookers just stare?

    Any thoughts? Anybody here know what I'm sayin'?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2007 8:26 PM GMT
    Being physically attractive has it's pros and cons. It really depends upon who's looking. Some people look at an attractive person and are intimidated. They fear rejection or they think you won't even give them the time of day, so why try?

    Good looks can also get you into a club quicker, a nice table in a restaurant, better customer service and sometimes even a job or promotion.

    Not all good looking people are nice. Some are particular with whom they socialize, so when you take the time to apporach the average person, they are surprised.

    I also find that some attractive people indeed do have the looks but they don't have the confidence/social skills to approach people. The result is looking really good, but being very alone.

    With regards to average looking people being less shy and more agressive, I think if you don't have much luck in the looks department, your personality tends to be your strength.

    When I see someone that is physically fit, I automatically assume they have self control, decipline and a lot of respect for themselves. There is probably some ego in there too. The ego thing isn't bad, but I think you have to think somewhat highly of yourself to make the commitment it takes to stay fit.



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    Jun 07, 2007 9:25 PM GMT
    One of my favorite movies is, "I Remember Mama," and one of Irene Dunne's lines is, "I'd like to be rich as much as I'd like to be 8 feet tall...good for some things, bad for others." That's how I would answer your ?

    NICK
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    Jun 07, 2007 9:57 PM GMT
    I often had to live that situation, can you believe it ! Apparentely, I look like kind of a stuck-up. But I'm not !!!!! Really ! I'm just a bit shy among a lot of people, that's all !

    And also, I hate when a drunk guy decide to cruise me, it's like they got to be drunk to find me handsome or something. I'm not that ugly... well, I don't think so.

    I hope not lol !!!!!

    But I think that being goodlooking do help for a lot of things.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Jun 07, 2007 10:03 PM GMT
    What's really funny for myself is a LOT of gay guys find me intimidating and DON'T talk to me because they think I'm straight.

    Not 'quite' the same, but I find it very difficult to meet people when they all think I'm going to beat the crap out of them

    >
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Jun 07, 2007 10:29 PM GMT
    same here.... gay guys hide from me for some reason. "straight" guys love me. I mean the curious or closeted ones... but all they ever want is to "experiment," and I ain't down with that.



    About the drunk guy thing... it might not be that they have to be drunk to find you attractive, maybe they're just too shy when they still have control of their inhibitions..


    To the OP,
    Just remember not to change. Be yourself and talk to people as you're doing, people being shocked by it should be a compliment if anything. :o)

    About the unnatractive thing... I think some people get the attitude where even though they've been rejected before, there's always a chance. I dont blame them, personally. Confidence is sexier to me than pretty much anything else.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Jun 07, 2007 10:34 PM GMT
    we're born with what god gives us....
    and no matter how stunningly attractive you are
    ...there's always gonna be younger
    there's always gonna be prettier and there's always gonna be the next one out there that everyone's gonna die for

    if you're half way decent looking most guys are going to project that you're stuck up if you don't break the ice first...a protection mechanism

  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    Jun 07, 2007 10:57 PM GMT
    THAT MAY BE FOR SOME GQ...

    BUT... as I've said before, there are a lot of hotties in the gym, but not all are sexy. Sexy comes with personality and NOT age.

    As far as meeting a sexy guy, hottie or both in one.... You have to be true to self and love yourself first.

    I am very confidant because I know noone is better than me period and I no better than anyone else.

    Concerning the actual post... so sorry you're having so much trouble..... if your attitude doesn't need checking... then you may have to continue in making the first move.

    LANCE
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2007 11:18 PM GMT
    Just because a guy is good-looking and has a nice body doesn't mean he's necessarily confident and outgoing. It could be deep insecurity and feelings of inadequacy that drive him to create such a nice body in the first place.
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    Jun 08, 2007 12:40 AM GMT
    Of course if you are good looking you are going to get looked at in a bar. Haven't you noticed how EVERYONE turns their heads, as if on cue, to look at the hot piece of meat that just walked in. So yeah, if you have a hot bod you will get looked at a lot more than that troll who walked in next to you. Now of course, for whatever reason, most of those won't come up and say "hi" It also seems that often in bars there are a select few who talk to everyone, but a lot of people seem only to talk to the people they came with, or friends they run into, but not often people they don't know. But there are advantages to you being the one to initiate the conversation: 1 you decide who you want to talk to, 2 you control the conversation and the direction it goes.
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    Jun 08, 2007 1:08 AM GMT
    For me personally it serves as a barrier.

    Guys in clubs stare at me but very rarely approach me. They assume I'm either arrogant, an escort, player, etc., I've heard it all.

    It's always the guy that takes the time to talk to me that he realizes I'm nothing of the sort. However, those guys are few and far between.
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    Jun 08, 2007 1:19 AM GMT
    It's simply helped my self esteeem. Not that I necessarily look good, but I look as good as I can without plastic surgery. I look better than I did. Still don't have that modeling contract, but, I do look better.
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    Jun 08, 2007 1:04 PM GMT
    "if you're half way decent looking most guys are going to project that you're stuck up if you don't break the ice first...a protection mechanism."

    Ditto. The business about finding a person intimidating because of their looks, demeanor, etc., has become a virtual cliche -- a compliment by which men evade talking about their own shyness.

    I'm not saying it doesn't happen because someone really is of godlike status but I don't know anyone who doesn't say they've heard this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2007 1:40 PM GMT
    I find it rather interesting that so many gymbodies claim to be shy. Why is it they have no problem showing off their bodies one way or another, but can't screw up the courage to talk to someone? Why are they waiting for someone to approach them? Why don't they take the intiative themselves?

    If you're giving off the wrong vibe, then change it! Smile at people you find attractive. Go up & start a conversation. Be pro-active in changing people's opinion of you.

    Keep in mind that even if you are blatantly friendly, some people are still going to be intimidated by a gymbody...especially if they feel they don't "measure up" (forget that some muscle guys like chubby/skinny guys...they don't know that!!!)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2007 10:54 PM GMT
    Xana~~

    It's all misdirection. If someone is looking at my chest, they're not looking at ME. It's the same when I'm up on the stage performing - people are looking at the character (hopefully) so I'm free to do things as the character that I'd never do in real life.

    People assume I'm stuck up or arrogant - probably not because of my looks, which are hardly exceptional - but because I don't tend to engage strangers.

    But the real reason is I am, and always have been, shy, and because I have bad hearing on one side which makes conversation in a noisy environment (like my gym) really difficult.

    So I wear my gorilla suit, and I work on getting better about putting myself out there. And in the last few years, I've made progress - with my partner's help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 02, 2007 3:01 PM GMT
    I'm gonna bump this old topic back up.

    I've learned that it's all about approachability.

    Saturday night when I was in NYC, I went to a bar called Phoenix (great place!) with the married couple I was visiting.

    My friend Chris got hit on by 4 different guys while we were there. His wife noticed that a couple of guys kept checking me out from a distance, but never came up and said hi.

    Why? Because my shyness makes me seem unapproachable.

    What can I do about it? Learn how to be more approchable, and start being the one to make the first move.

    How? Well, for starters, I found some great tips here (no, i'm not a spammer, LOL):

    http://www.hellomynameisscott.com/landing.aspx

    Though it's directed towards business networking, a lot of the stuff you can find in the online library can be used for personal relations as well.