Straight Drama

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 10, 2010 11:48 AM GMT
    Guys, I just have to vent. In the grand scheme of things it means little but I still have to write about it.

    Wednesday night a friend of mine had hit rock bottom. His various problems had come all together. He's unemployed; his girl friend told him to leave; his drinking is worse. I gave him comfort, hugged him, told him to quit drinking so he could be his own man; hugged him again and again. I thought to myself maybe this is a first step to recovery.

    So Thursday night a group of us got together at a friend's house for Wii bowling and conversation. My friend was there, holding court and talking nonstop. When I complimented a young friend on his picture of Batman and was just chatting with him, this friend exploded and started yelling at me. When I made to leave, his shouting and abuse increased in volume. It got so bad that the friend who rented the apartment told us all to leave.

    I went downstairs to my apartment but the angry friend followed. He again called all me sort of names (none pleasant) and challenged me to a fight. Being that he is six foot and hits like a mule and I'm about five foot four, I declined. He then stormed off and drove away.

    This has happened before but this time it was really bad. Advice and suggestions? Thanks for reading this rant guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 10, 2010 12:01 PM GMT
    I've seen this before. It sounds like your friend is an alcoholic and an angry alcoholic at that (the happy drunks are much easier to handle). You should sit down and talk to him when he is sober and say that you will not tolerate his abusive behavior and that you can't spend time with him until he gets help for his drinking. You may also want to go to an Al-Anon meeting to help you understand his alcoholic behavior.

    Right now, he is like someone drowning. If you jump into the water to save him, he will wind up drowning you as well. He needs the type of help you can't provide.

    How many times before has it happened?

    You should also go back to the friend who kicked you out of the apartment and apologize to him - maybe take him out to dinner or something. Tell him you won't bring this friend over again because of his behavior.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 10, 2010 12:11 PM GMT
    I would agree with lissenup.

    Good luck!

    lissenup saidI've seen this before. It sounds like your friend is an alcoholic and and angry alcoholic at that (the happy drunks are much easier to handle). You should sit down and talk to him when he is sober and say that you will not tolerate his abusive behavior and that you can't spend time with him until he gets help for his drinking. You may also want to go to an Al-Anon meeting to help you understand his alcoholic behavior.

    Right now, he is like someone drowning. If you jump into the water to save him, he will wind up drowning you as well. He needs the type of help you can't provide.

    How many times before has it happened?

    You should also go back to the friend who kicked you out of the apartment and apologize to him - maybe take him out to dinner or something. Tell him you won't bring this friend over again because of his behavior.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 10, 2010 12:49 PM GMT
    Incidents like this have happened about half a dozen of times over the years. He has quit drinking for periods of time and attended AA meetings but the bottle always calls him back. It's rough since all his friends drink; I drink about two glasses of wine a night. He's a good guy and I owe him a lot (he helped me come out) but his rages are scary things to behold. He's more than capable of physically harming me.

    As for the friend who kicked us out, I did call back and apologize to her for the drama. She's having her own set of problems (rotten job, money, and bad back pain) and doesn't need this. She's my upstairs neighbors and a good friend. We frequently have Golden Girl conversations.

    What a mess.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 10, 2010 1:31 PM GMT
    It's definitely a tough one, Scribbler. Even though he helped you out a lot, you don't need his abusive behavior. Have you tried going to Al-Anon? It would help give you perspective on the situation and determine your best course of action. I'm glad you apologized to your friend (even though it wasn't your fault). I've had people bring crazy-acting guests and never say a word about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 10, 2010 3:59 PM GMT
    I'm a recovering alcoholic, dry since 1989 and the recovery has to come from him when he hits HIS all time low. I think there is more to this. I see some sort of conflict going on inside him about you. Without getting into couch psychology, perhaps he is either blaming you for his problems, which is not unlike substance abusers, or there is some sexual conflict going on with him. You can be a friend, be loyal, love him, but NEVER enable him or become his door mat....best advice i can give....good luck....call AlAnon, they deal with codependents and can give you advice.....Keithicon_cool.gif