So my straight (?) friend just told me he's a transvestite...

  • eckilegs

    Posts: 223

    Sep 10, 2010 6:58 PM GMT
    Hey guys, I know this doesn't exactly fit with jock/fitness theme, so I hope I'll be forgiven for asking this here. I simply figured there might be some people on here who might have had a similar experience or possibly some expertise on the subject. I want to preface this story with the fact that I'm a very open-minded person in the sense that I don't write people off because they're different from me. And I do my best not to judge people, especially if they're my friends.

    Ok. So as the topic title suggests, my friend is (or may be) a transvestite. Last week, he was essentially without a ride at a bar after a botched attempt to go out and make some new friends with similar interests to his. He was really depressed and I got the feeling he might not want to be by himself and invited him to come over and hang out and crash (we have a non-sexual friendship). He got really quiet and stopped answering my questions. I asked him what was wrong, and after a lot of qualifying, he asked me if we could stop by his place and get his skirt that he apparently wears sometimes when he's alone.

    This came as a surprise to me because I didn't really know this was something he was into. However, it didn't phase me much. There have been Halloweens or Rocky Horror Picture Show nights where I've put on a skirt. He told me our mutual friend (and his former best friend) is the only person he's ever told. Apparently, she was not very supportive of it. So in an attempt to make him feel comfortable, I offered to drive to some stores that were still open to see if we could find him a skirt or two. Just to let him know that I wasn't freaked out and that if this was something that was deeply rooted in who he is, that he could be comfortable expressing it around me. Step has a history of depression (from what the former best friend who has told me) that apparently stemmed to thoughts of suicide, schizophrenia, split personalities, even violence.

    So I went out of town for a few days, texted him once to make sure that he's ok. Then 2 days ago, we went to the gym and I offered to take him to a few more stores in an attempt to find him a skirt. We found him one, and everything seemed cool. Afterwards, I treated him to lunch, and he started telling me how he used to think about gender reassignment surgery (apparently he's not interested anymore). But he's always thought about and has wanted to be a girl. He secretly wishes he could switch between genders at will. Then he expressed how he wants to get a wig at one point, shoes, the whole nine yards. And since I've been vigilant in helping him with this, it seems like the next few times we hang out, he'll want to devote the time to getting more women's clothes. I understand his mindset seeing as how I'm his first friend he's been able to express this too and now the floodgates are opening because it's all been pent up so long.

    Now I don't know if it's because he's my friend and I've known him for 2 years, but that's when I officially started to feel a little off about the situation.
    Now I'm a really open minded person, and I'm an even more open minded friend. If a stranger told me they were into this, I don't feel like it would have a big impact on me.



    The point of this post!

    So what I'm wondering from anyone with knowledge on the subject or who have been in a similar situation, is what exactly do I need to know about this sort of thing. How do I help him? Should I feel at least a little weirded out?I'm really confused about the psychology of the subject seeing as how I've only crossed dressed for fun (parties, halloween, once at Ren. Faire), but never for mental or physical pleasure. Do I need to be worried about my friend at all? Is this a telltale sign of something more serious being repressed that's trying to be let loose? Is Eddie Izzard right when he says that most male transvestites like girls? I'm not entirely sure what to even ask on the rest of this. I just really want to be there for my friend, and want to know what to expect so that I'm not caught off guard and make him feel bad if something makes me uncomfortable because I don't understand him.

    Thanks in advance guys! Sorry for the long post. Believe me, it was longer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2010 7:24 PM GMT
    Hi, I would suggest taking him to a drag show, where there are other guys who like to dress as women. Sure many do that for entertainment purposes, but there are others that do it for the lifestyle. He needs to be with other like minded guys to really explore this side of himself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2010 7:53 PM GMT
    The best thing you can do for your friend is to be there for him and to listen. I looked online and there are a couple of support groups in Las Vegas:

    Community Center TV/CD Meeting
    912 E Sahara Ave.,
    Las Vegas, NV 89125.
    Phone: (702) 733-9800
    Held at the Community Counseling Center 1120 Almond Tree Lane

    THETA UPSILON GAMMA
    P.O. Box 30353
    Las Vegas, NV 89173
    Phone (24 Hour Voice Mail): (702) 387-3891
    E-Mail (Chapter): lasvegastug@triesslasvegas.com
    E-Mail (Kimberly - T.U.G. President): kimberlykomp@cox.net
    E-Mail (Nora - T.U.G. Vice President & Outreach): cadnild@aol.com

    It might help to contact one of the groups and go to a meeting with him. I'm sure it would help him to be around other people who know how he's feeling.

    You can be open with him too and say you don't understand it well but that you would like to learn. I don't think you should be worried about your friend. Coming to accept who he is may help him with the other problems you described.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2010 8:23 PM GMT
    I had a similar situation. Youre doing a good job, just continue to be a good friend. It's ok to feel weird, but still be there for him however you can. Think about it in terms that you might have friends that are weirded out by you being gay, and how it matters more how they treat you than what they feel. Besides, once you get used to the idea that this is just a part of him, the weirdness will subside. Be the friend you'd want to have.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2010 8:49 PM GMT
    RudeMech saidI had a similar situation. Youre doing a good job, just continue to be a good friend. It's ok to feel weird, but still be there for him however you can. Think about it in terms that you might have friends that are weirded out by you being gay, and how it matters more how they treat you than what they feel. Besides, once you get used to the idea that this is just a part of him, the weirdness will subside. Be the friend you'd want to have.


    "Be the friend you'd want to have." Best advice ever! You could edit that many ways, too - such as "Be the boyfriend you'd want to have," etc.
  • eckilegs

    Posts: 223

    Sep 10, 2010 10:53 PM GMT
    Thanks for the input you guys. I'm honestly trying to be the best friend I can be for Step during this period. He's got a lot of emotional and personal issues, and I feel like if I can somehow alleviate the stress from those by helping him delve into this one aspect of his life that seems to bring him happiness, then that could definitely help him out mentally and with his self esteem.

    Thanks again!

    p.s. anyone know why this doesn't seem to show up on the homepage? Is it the content of the forum post?