Am I falling in love? Need help to analyse this.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 2:05 PM GMT
    I don't really know what is going on, but I have met a guy randomly. I had absolutely no idea that he was gay and because of the setting I didn't even scan him on gayness, like I do with 9 out of 10 men I meet.

    He invited me for a dinner with his friends and there I found out he's gay, cause some of his friends were rather flamboyant. I didn't tell him I am though, cause I am not out (this is not the discussion here.)

    The dinner was great, we had so much fun all together and at the end we walked to his bus station together. Before I left, we really had a long chat and something really triggered in me. It wasn't horniness, cause I know that feeling. When I got home, I just couldn't get him out of my mind.

    He texted me the next day and the day after and we continued to text. We decided to meet again as friends together with two of our friends. Again I had so much fun, especially with him. He really made me laugh and whenever I caught his gaze, I just smiled like a little girl. At a certain point I really got the feeling that he was flirting with me, but I wasn't sure because he is very charismatic. I told him he was very charismatic and that he probably has many dates. He said he flirted a lot but he is not a slut.

    Yesterday, we just met the two of us. I invited him for lunch and after that we went to the cinema and had dinner and a long lasting walk. I got quite open and asked him many questions to find out how he stands in life, what he is looking for and if he is monogamous and everything. But still, I didn't tell him I am gay. But, he's not really stupid and on his turn he told me bluntly that he fancies me and that he told his friends that after the first dinner and that they told him to forget me cause he would just get hurt.

    So I really wanna tell him that I like him too, but I don't wanna hurt him and I don't wanna hurt myself either, cause I've never had a relationship before. Here's the deal:

    My feelings:

    I enjoy being around him, he makes me laugh, his smile dazzles me, his intelligence is amazing, his interests are varied and his looks are not perfect but soothing and great to withhold. When I am with him, I wish I could stop time when I am not with him I wish I was. I think about him all the time since we met.

    My concerns:

    Will I have time for a relationship? Will he actually still like me if I told him I am gay. Is he just looking for sex with a "straight guy"? Does he have high expectations sex wise? How does a relationship work?


    What should I do? Tell him or let him find someone better and more experienced? I dunno...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 2:17 PM GMT
    I think you should just tell him how you feel. Tell him you fancy him as well but you have concerns over never being in a relationship b4. IMO biggest hurdle could come from not being out, that can put a strain on a relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 2:20 PM GMT
    I think his gaydar is working.

    Just enjoy getting to know him and see what happens. You need to be upfront on your desire to not be "out" at this point. Some guys don't mind, others do.

    Maybe his friends picked up on your straight act and this is why they say he'll get hurt??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 2:44 PM GMT
    My advice, which may not be worth much is: take it slowly. Entering into a relationship without being 'ready' can bring a world of hurt and pain. I know this from experience. I say be comfortable with yourself first before doing something like this. And don't go based strictly on those love-high feelings, which are WONDERFUL by the way! Check this guy out, get to know him more and vice versa, and take it slowly.

    Just my two cents.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    you have all the signs of twitterpation+crush so let your heart lead you with a little common sense from the brain and TELL him. If you can't read the signs he is sending and see he is serious about you and caring, then you need to reassess yourself....GO FOR IT AND ENJOY...and remember to just be yourself....you'll be fine brother....keithicon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    lol, a fitting end to Ramadan!

    Just go with the flow and don't over-analyze. You live in London which is a huge city to get lost in, so there are places the two of you can be two gay men that like each other very much.

    Will you have time for a relationship? I don't know; are you busy? Tell you're gay - he said he fancies you, so if you are worried he's just looking to 'conquer a straight guy' you might as well clear that aside. Why save it for later when feelings are more intense?

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    Just be honest and up front with him!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 4:06 PM GMT
    southbeach1500 said
    meninlove said
    Just go with the flow and don't over-analyze.

    A-ha! A rare moment when I agree with the "meninlove" duo.


    Being Canadian they have a much more level approach to most situations. I think there's wisdom to be found in everyone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 4:06 PM GMT
    Dude, he knows you're gay and he knew from the get go. If you like him, ask him out on a date and at least make out with him at the end of it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 4:34 PM GMT
    Man, I can't believe how you're over-complicating this. He likes you. He's said so. You like him, but for whatever reason you're wanting to play this game that keeps him guessing about you. I think he's already figured you out so you might as well tell him your feelings for him are the same.

    As for all the what-if scenarios you're concocting in your mind, just stop. You can what-if even the most perfect situation to death, but why? What's the point? Do you want to date him or not?

    Do you have time for a relationship? That's a laugh. There are plenty of people who have a much busier life than you who manage to make relationships work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 4:45 PM GMT
    TOO MUCH THINKING, NOT ENOUGH ACTION!!! lol

    Follow what everyone said... you cant plan out the future.. you're too worried about how your going to deal with this later on.. you cant know, right now is what matters, and what is right now is how you and him feel ;)



  • gumbosolo

    Posts: 382

    Sep 11, 2010 4:45 PM GMT
    If you tell him you're gay and he turns you down, saying he just wanted sex with a straight man, you are well rid of him.

    You've never been in a relationship. It sounds like you want one, and the circumstances here seem like they couldn't be much better. Firsts are messy and wonderful, and whatever goes right or goes wrong, it would have happened eventually; better that it happen sooner. This is a chance to learn about yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 5:00 PM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 5:08 PM GMT
    Monir, my advice for you is this:

    Tell him with a very innocent voice that you are gay. Then you will talk bla bla and if he wants a relationship with you tell him on the same very innocent voice that you never had a relationship and you are worried not to make mistakes that could hurt him.
    I see he's masculine, masculine guys often like innocent guys icon_wink.gif so he will have no problem to initiate you in a relationship.
    I guess he's a romantic guy so he will say that is no reason to be worried, he will kiss you and he will say "everything will be fine" and kiss you again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 5:47 PM GMT
    The number one problem and solution in relationships is communication, so communicate. Our imagination will always concoct the worst possible scenario, so again communicate.
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Sep 11, 2010 5:54 PM GMT
    Akvavit saidThe number one problem and solution in relationships is communication, so communicate. Our imagination will always concoct the worst possible scenario, so again communicate.
    i second this, the core of any relationship first thing is communication.....tell him your gay, tell him what your feeling, although i think he probably already knows, but be open and on the level......and have fun
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Sep 11, 2010 5:55 PM GMT
    vetteset saidyou have all the signs of twitterpation+crush so let your heart lead you with a little common sense from the brain and TELL him. If you can't read the signs he is sending and see he is serious about you and caring, then you need to reassess yourself....GO FOR IT AND ENJOY...and remember to just be yourself....you'll be fine brother....keithicon_cool.gif
    this also makes all the sense in the world......follow this, follow your heart with a little brain in there......and like keith said, you will do fine
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 7:53 PM GMT
    ..."(this is not the discussion here.)"...

    Realy...shouldn't it be?
    Would you even be having this problem if you were out?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 7:59 PM GMT
    You, sir, are a grown ass man. You are 24 fucking years old. The time to pussyfoot with relationships ended in middle school.

    He has interest. You have interest. Log off RJ and do something about it. For the love of fuck, dude, it is Saturday. Take him out. Have a good time. Bring him home. And fuck like rabbits.

    Fate is not going to put you two on a tropical island alone where you have no choice but to love each other the way you want to. You have to grow up and take responsibility for your feelings and go get it. No one will do it for you.
  • Muscleluvinla

    Posts: 12

    Sep 11, 2010 8:01 PM GMT
    I agree with Dustin about your not being out.

    This all sounds like grade school crushes.

    If you aren't being honest with the people around you about who you are, you can't know or experience the HONESTY of a real relationship until this happens. Until you're a whole person...it's just going through the motions.

    I didn't see how old you are, or he is...but, this really sounds like young puppy love.

    And your heading "am i falling in love" sounds just like what a kid would say...and the answer to that is...IN the real sense of what love is...NO, you are definitely not in love. You have a crush, but none of this is real...it's just this silly game. Until you get serious about who you are, then how do you expect honest people to come into your life?

    Just never works that way.

  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Sep 11, 2010 8:05 PM GMT
    Monir, I can definitely understand where you are coming from buddy. I am not out as well. However, if a guy has told you that he likes you then I am sure he knows or has some idea that you are gay or something. ha ha ha I say, tell him about yourself completely. I mean even the part that you are not that experienced with dating or being in a relationship with guys. I think if you two really care for each other than none that will even matter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 8:37 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou, sir, are a grown ass man. You are 24 fucking years old. The time to pussyfoot with relationships ended in middle school.

    He has interest. You have interest. Log off RJ and do something about it. For the love of fuck, dude, it is Saturday. Take him out. Have a good time. Bring him home. And fuck like rabbits.

    On second thought, that's what I meant to say. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 9:59 PM GMT
    To me it sounds like the start of a really nice relationship.

    And the fact that you have friends in common probably makes it even stronger.

    Why would his friends say you would hurt him though? Have you hurt people in the past?

    Although dating him, you're going to have to eventually come out to people. Hopefully he'll understand how difficult it is for you, but I'm sure he'd expect something, because I doubt he'd want to be passed off as a "friend" when you are really something more.

    As far as being love. I think it can be. If you guys get along as well as you say, I say you should go for it! If it's meant to be, things will fall into place, and you will get along well, and learn even more about each other and grow. If for whatever reason he turns out to be a jerk, or you lose interest in him, on the plus side, you'll learn more about life, which is part of the growing process too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 10:04 PM GMT
    Awwww! This is SO sweet.

    Tell him when you feel comfortable. Do not rush yourself into something you are not comfortable with. If you are into him and your heart shows it (without physical affection), I am sure he sort of suspects it too.

    Either way, communication is king.

    Update us on how this goes. This is too darn cute!
    8zqv7s.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2010 10:20 PM GMT
    Hurry the fuck up! Life is too short. You know he likes you, so what the fuck are you waiting for?!