Frustrating indecisive flake...

  • manpit209

    Posts: 213

    Sep 12, 2010 7:56 PM GMT
    I met this guy online a little over a year ago. I actually met him in person back then and we've been trying to meet up again ever since then. I think he's ok but after we couldn't met about the first three attempts, I pretty much gave up. I used to ask him when he's free to see when we can meet up. He'd tell me the days and when I would follow up about a few days or maybe even a week before the date, he'd say he might have something to do but he'll let me know. ANNOYING. So I gave up on contacting him.

    The weird part of this whole thing, even though he's the one that's has last minute changes to his schedule, he's the one that gets back in touch with me asking when he's going to see me. It was probably two weeks ago that he did this. I told him that I have time today Sept. 12. At the time he's like, ok cool. I emailed him a few days ago and he's like, oh I might have something I have to do in the morning but I'll let you know as soon as I know. It's Sept 12 and again I have yet to hear from him....

    So at this point I kinda want to just tell him to fuck off. He's a nice guy and he's kinda attractive. I like him but I don't understand how someone can be notify of plans ahead of time and still not have the courtesy to tell the other person up front if plans change. I kept my schedule open today for him but I feel like an idiot waiting to hear from him.

    I've had to cancel on him a few times also which was not cool but after at least I told him ahead of time so he wouldn't be waiting. I just needed to vent. Anyway else enjoying the same annoying thing?
  • turbid2wenty

    Posts: 74

    Sep 13, 2010 11:51 PM GMT
    I'd probly keep it simple, and basically give him the reader's digest version of the below, should he contact you again: 'I think you're a nice guy, but I feel you aren't serious about meeting.'

    Been through this several times recently, and it stinks.
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    Sep 14, 2010 12:04 AM GMT
    Even though I would have stopped responding to him after the second or third time he did this..

    At this point, I would most probably tell him that you are annoyed at he is not taking things seriously when you both plan a day to meet and that I would stop trying very soon.. It might make him realise that he needs to try a little harder to make sure he is free.

    Nice guy or not, I can't stand really flakey people.. once or twice is Ok.. but never continuously.
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Sep 14, 2010 12:15 AM GMT
    I was with you until you said you have cancelled as well. He could be thinking the same thing of you that you think of him. Maybe you should put all your cards on the table, at least then it could move forward or just end.
  • manpit209

    Posts: 213

    Sep 14, 2010 5:13 AM GMT
    Thanks for the feedback. I'll give it one last attempt and if it doesn't work then I'm moving on.
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    Sep 14, 2010 5:35 AM GMT
    Yup, same thing happen to me, but at least you met him once.

    I had this guy- one email back and forth a couple of weeks, finally I advised this weekend to meet..set-up time, location, etc. He then says to send him my picture again because he has forgotten how I look and can not locate my picture..I send it. He even gives me his cell phone number to see if something changes,
    2 minutes later he emails back that 'we are not a match', icon_eek.gifand apologizes....total flake. So I hear you Manpit209.

    Just move on.
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    Sep 14, 2010 5:46 AM GMT
    A simple litmus test of worth: the infinitely small amount of desire to actually want to see someone face to face. For some reason he couldn't muster to that point, and at some point you couldn't either, so why are you even wasting another breath with this thought of trying "one more time."

    You can get more information from looking at the situation than from talking to him.


  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Sep 14, 2010 5:52 AM GMT
    Unfortunately, you have to get tough with him and tell him the situation. If he is serious he will listen to you and make it up to you. If not, then he is a loser icon_razz.gif

    Once a flake always a flake though icon_mad.gif
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    Sep 14, 2010 6:19 AM GMT
    nv7_ saidI was with you until you said you have cancelled as well. He could be thinking the same thing of you that you think of him. Maybe you should put all your cards on the table, at least then it could move forward or just end.


    Couldn't agree more. You categorize him as an indecisive flake for what he's done, yet you've done the same but own no accountability. Maybe he thinks you're the true flake in this situation. I think it's interesting how you took the opportunity to outline your POV of what he's done, yet don't add specifics on what you've done. And that your idea of "ahead of time" is better than his idea of "ahead of time".
    Sounds like a bad foreshadowing of how you maintain relationships: the finger is always pointing the other way.
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    Sep 14, 2010 6:26 AM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidUnfortunately, you have to get tough with him and tell him the situation. If he is serious he will listen to you and make it up to you. If not, then he is a loser icon_razz.gif

    Once a flake always a flake though icon_mad.gif
    It

    It must be a gay gene or something . It happens to me even after i chat wirh the dude about how annoying flakes are. Guys like this are just processing time and commitment different than a logical person and there is nothing you can do about it . Don't take them seriously or assume they are just a video game to toy with.
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    Sep 14, 2010 6:38 AM GMT
    EastCoastNAZ said
    nv7_ saidI was with you until you said you have cancelled as well. He could be thinking the same thing of you that you think of him. Maybe you should put all your cards on the table, at least then it could move forward or just end.


    Couldn't agree more. You categorize him as an indecisive flake for what he's done, yet you've done the same but own no accountability. Maybe he thinks you're the true flake in this situation. I think it's interesting how you took the opportunity to outline your POV of what he's done, yet don't add specifics on what you've done. And that your idea of "ahead of time" is better than his idea of "ahead of time".
    Sounds like a bad foreshadowing of how you maintain relationships: the finger is always pointing the other way.


    It's not the same thing. A flake is a person who never shows up and never calls or writes to let you know he's not coming. That's quite different from the OP, who TOLD the guy when he had to cancel.
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    Sep 14, 2010 6:43 AM GMT
    MenschPress said
    EastCoastNAZ said
    nv7_ saidI was with you until you said you have cancelled as well. He could be thinking the same thing of you that you think of him. Maybe you should put all your cards on the table, at least then it could move forward or just end.


    Couldn't agree more. You categorize him as an indecisive flake for what he's done, yet you've done the same but own no accountability. Maybe he thinks you're the true flake in this situation. I think it's interesting how you took the opportunity to outline your POV of what he's done, yet don't add specifics on what you've done. And that your idea of "ahead of time" is better than his idea of "ahead of time".
    Sounds like a bad foreshadowing of how you maintain relationships: the finger is always pointing the other way.


    It's not the same thing. A flake is a person who never shows up and never calls or writes to let you know he's not coming. That's quite different from the OP, who TOLD the guy when he had to cancel.


    Not every flake is exactly like the other. Didn't they teach that to you when you were making snowflakes in kindergarten? icon_wink.gif

  • manpit209

    Posts: 213

    Sep 15, 2010 5:44 AM GMT
    Yea I do my best to tell someone if I can't make it. I give ample time so that they are aware. For the most part, other people I've dated I can reschedule once and I would finally meet them. With this guy, it's gone back and forth MANY times. That's why I'm considering him a flake. He's one of the few people who have done this to me continuously. It's rather unfortunate.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 16, 2010 11:12 AM GMT
    Hmmm.....

    Sorry to have to tell you this but
    You're the "Oh Yeah, this guy" guy

    This this guy you're the one that gets the email or call when he has nothing to do and happens to see you on his cellphone list or online
    This might change if you meet up and you Wow him
    or it'll just stay that way .... and I'd suggest forgetting him altogether
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2010 11:40 AM GMT
    train the boy.. NO
    and smack him on the nose with a wet newspaper
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Sep 16, 2010 11:51 AM GMT
    nv7_ saidI was with you until you said you have cancelled as well. He could be thinking the same thing of you that you think of him. Maybe you should put all your cards on the table, at least then it could move forward or just end.
    i agree with nv7. i was with you too until you said you canceled on him. i mean personally i think you should just count this as a lost and move on. i am guessing he has done the same thing which is why he keeps blowing you off.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Sep 16, 2010 12:19 PM GMT
    I think it's pretty common, unfortunately. I've had it happen a few times where a guy will be all eager to meet, and then will reschedule at the last minute, and then the re-schedule gets re-re-scheduled.

    I don't lose any sleep about it: after the first re-schedule, I think ok, give the guy the benefit of the doubt. After the second one, I just say thanks, but no thanks. By that point, unless there's some legitimate reason for having to cancel plans, it's clear that I'm dealing with a major flake. Not the embodiment of evil, just a flake. I don't take it personally.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Sep 16, 2010 12:35 PM GMT
    Let him call you. If he wants to get together let him set the time. Then don't make a big deal of it. If he cancels, leave it up to him to deal with and feel free to move on.

    I used to have a friend who was a champ at being distracted. You couldn't even talk on the phone because he was carrying on with something else. At first I thought it was me and then I found out that he even did this to his sister. Most likely he was just afraid of simple concentration. Too bad.
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    Sep 16, 2010 12:39 PM GMT
    Well, I don't wanna make any one member here a bad guy about this, but merely mention that flakiness about making & keeping personal commitments & appointments is one of my pet peeves with the gay community in general. I see it as a chronic & common problem.

    My partner & I have some friends whose only reliability is that we can be certain that they'll be unreliable, when we all are trying to make plans to meet. The worst case is when it's for dinner at a restaurant, and we've already spent a week trying to get them to respond to our invite. And then when they finally do agree, either we've already been seated with reservations, but can't proceed with ordering until they arrive, or else we're wondering if we should wait for a bigger table for 6, or take one for 4 right now, since they're already 25 minutes late with no call.

    And it's not just us, they do it with everyone. We call it "GST" for gay standard time, meaning any old time they fucking get around to showing up, hours late, if at all. And they seldom give you a courtesy call to explain their lateness, or complete failure to appear.

    I can honestly say my partner & I don't have a double standard here, but a single one. We are known among our friends for absolute punctuality. If you ask us to be at your house at 6 PM, that is precisely when we will be at the door. And if your clocks say 6:05, you know they need resetting. LOL!

    Plus on the rare occasions when we are running late, most typically due to traffic snarls for major accidents, we're already phoning you as soon as we anticipate a delay, and understand if you need to begin without us. Fortunately many of these functions begin with a cocktail hour anyway, and the hosts are deliberately broad in the time window they give you, knowing the dreadful & unpredictable traffic we have in South Florida, and so everyone doesn't arrive all at once. Not to mention the gay inability to read a timepiece, as noted above.

    Why so many of us are like that might make a good behavioral psychology research topic, which is outside my own skill set. All I do know is that gay lateness and basic flakiness is much more prevalent than I've experienced with straights. And I don't think it's one of our more commendable traits.