Am I in the wrong here? (warning, morally conflicted and LONG)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 13, 2010 5:14 PM GMT
    So about a week ago, I went out for drinks with a friend of mine...half way through he gets a text from a friend of his and soon after that his friend also joined us.

    Now I don't have a specific type, I have pretty open standards. This guy however physically would not someone I would go for, though he is very very good looking, just not what I have gone for in the past. But something about this guy, when I first saw him I was just kind of struck, it was insanity!

    Anyway, we are all having a good time, laughing chatting, and the night winds down and we all head home, my friend walking his friend home. When I talk my friend later I inform him that I thought his friend was really awesome, he then is quick to inform me that they have a date coming up in the next few days at which point I make a mental note to leave it at what it was, a harmless crush for me.

    Well I go out a couple days later and I see the guy out with some of his friends and we say hi and talk for a bit blah blah blah, thats not important. What is important is that I go out Sunday night (last night) with my friend that went on the date with the guy, he is in a foul mood because another friend of his (who we are also hanging out with that night) slept with someone that he went on one date with MONTHS ago and whom he never talked to again, I felt that was somewhat immature..but whatever I'm kind of iffy on those issues because I dont really sleep with anyone so...yea...anyway I ask him about the date he went on with he guy I thought was cute and awesome, he says it was good and that he was in the bar/club tonight but he saw him with some friends and texted him saying "oh looks like your busy". Oh, did I leave out my friend can be annoyingly jealous? He is also a wee bit hypocritical, he is on grindr and manhunt all the time, but if a guy he likes even looks like hes talking to another guy he gets butthurt.

    Anyway we all meet up talk, blah blah, my friend is being a total immature douche and just up and leaves, when I call him to see whats wrong he informs me that he's halfway home. So now its just me and the guy that I think is awesome/cute, we sit there drinking our drinks, learning more about eachother, and generally having a pretty decent time. The more I get to know the more I like and the harder it is for me to keep my feelings to myself, but I manage. We go over to the nearby pizza place and I see some friends of mine that I introduce him too at which point when he goes back inside for a soda they all inform me of how cute he is and that they are happy to see me out with a guy for once, I then inform them hes dating my friend and they tell me he's missing out....way to go guys, no really thanks for that.

    So its getting late, he is starting to head home and I just go for it, I ask him for his number...though in my own nerdy way "Hey...would you like...like to hang out sometime? I don't mean anything strange by it or anything I mean I know your dating my friend and what not but you know your cool and we have a lot in common and I think we could be pretty good friends" he agrees, exchange numbers and I see him off.

    So...I get a text later from my friend about "thanks for what ever you and (other friend) told (guy he went on a date with)" I can only assume he attempted to talk to the guy later and they argued about something...funny thing is, I didn't tell the guy ANYTHING, he already knew all the hypocritical shit my friend does. He is the one that brought up him being on manhunt/grindr all the time yet getting angry when he saw him out with friends (and continually told him hes not the jealous type).

    Anyway...the rest of the night was filled with good friends, good music, and a touchy feely straight (and disturbingly cute) marine out in support of his uncle who lost a loved one and thought it was cool how masculine I was, also he came up and talked to me because I apparently looked like I was having a bad day...I'm apparently more approachable when I look pissed...

    So yea, I get home, I go online check my facebook and what not, and see that my friend has removed me and has yet to return any of my texts.

    WTF!?


  • Craigsjourney

    Posts: 51

    Sep 13, 2010 5:20 PM GMT
    I think your friend is really no friend at all. He sounds like he is completely disrespectful and nobody needs to be around that. Just my two cents...
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    Sep 13, 2010 5:37 PM GMT
    Just fuck the cute dude and tell your friend to go fuck himself if he don't like it. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 13, 2010 6:13 PM GMT
    Craig you're probably right...I mean the guy as making it pretty obvious that he was done with my friend. My friend clearly cant be mature about his relationships.


    And LOL Paul I love your view on life but this is not a situation I would go dick first into.
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    Sep 13, 2010 6:18 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidJust fuck the cute dude and tell your friend to go fuck himself if he don't like it. icon_biggrin.gif


    You forget that the friend deleted him from FB.. How will he find out? MEH word travels fast.

    I will say I got confused fast, you have too many friends. It's not a bad thing, only when trying to follow a story. =).
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    Sep 13, 2010 6:37 PM GMT
    Phillybrat said
    paulflexes saidJust fuck the cute dude and tell your friend to go fuck himself if he don't like it. icon_biggrin.gif


    You forget that the friend deleted him from FB.. How will he find out? MEH word travels fast.

    I will say I got confused fast, you have too many friends. It's not a bad thing, only when trying to follow a story. =).


    Sorry, in retrospect using fake names would have been smarter.
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    Sep 14, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    Doesn't sound like a big loss. That guy is not really a friend IMO I'd consider him an aqaintance. Friends are people that would have your back, this guy is clearly out only for himself.
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    Sep 14, 2010 12:43 AM GMT
    Can I have the number for that cute Marine?
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    Sep 14, 2010 1:02 AM GMT
    some people are just strange or touchy. A friend of mine of 3 years went into the hospital recently. I couldn't get him on the phone I didn't know he was in the hospital. It wasn't like him to go a week without calling. His bf of 5 years finally came over and I told me he was in the hospital. Well soon as his ass got out of the hospital he changed his number and deleted me from his facebook. why? Because his bf came over too see me he was in the hospital. Hell he wasn't there but a few minutes to tell me about the hospital..
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    Sep 14, 2010 1:20 AM GMT
    Sounds like your "friend" has some issues. They clearly aren't worth your time or effort in trying to figure them out. Your friend is just insecure and a delusional confused person.

    If he wants to go all bitch about something that's trivial then let him have at it. Move on.
  • MrNomis

    Posts: 268

    Sep 14, 2010 1:31 AM GMT
    sometimes we have to just walk away from Toxic people.. listen to your heart and if that dude is a real friend then he will be around otherwise it is best for you to end ties now..
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    Sep 14, 2010 1:46 AM GMT
    good riddance babe
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 14, 2010 2:05 AM GMT
    Are you sure your friend isn't a 16 year old girl? Sure seems like it to me.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 14, 2010 2:08 AM GMT
    Your 'friend' sounds like a bit of an immature douche.

    Be better than him, don't talk about him with people you know and just let it go.

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    Sep 14, 2010 4:58 PM GMT
    OH WOW!

    Thanks guys for all the great advice! I'm one of those people who holds my friendships pretty high on my priorty list but you guys are right, anyone who acts like that is just serisouly being immature (which is hilarious because I'm 22 and hes 30 icon_rolleyes.gif )

    Also TropicalMark I only WISH I had gotten his number but some ho claiming to have been in the army tried to move in on my newly established drunken broship. In front of his date I might add.
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    Sep 14, 2010 5:17 PM GMT
    Here's a general rule you can apply to "friends": if they frustrate you, piss your off, keep you awake at night, then, GET RID OF THEM. It's not a fit.

    Life is way too short for folks with all the high drama. If you find that, with a "friend", you just don't have harmony with you, you need to do the smart thing; get rid of them. It doesn't matter about the what-ifs, the what-onlys, or any of that. If the quality of your life is suffering via the association, for whatever reason, and you don't like it, then, it's time for changes.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Sep 14, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    OK, so you have Friend Jealous and Friend Cute.

    Friend Jealous can't deal with you being around Friend Cute because he [Jealous] is seeing Cute.

    Cute seems to be able to handle hanging out and just dealing with good times.

    Jealous likes to have pissy fits as a matter of habit.

    Solution:

    Dump Jealous. He has already dumped you and saved you a lot of trouble so stick with it.

    At such time that you happen to hang with Cute and find that he is free, go for it.

    Spare yourself overthinking this. Jealous needs to sort out his own stuff.
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    Sep 14, 2010 5:57 PM GMT
    DoomsDayAlpaca saidOH WOW!

    Thanks guys for all the great advice! I'm one of those people who holds my friendships pretty high on my priorty list but you guys are right, anyone who acts like that is just serisouly being immature (which is hilarious because I'm 22 and hes 30 icon_rolleyes.gif )

    Also TropicalMark I only WISH I had gotten his number but some ho claiming to have been in the army tried to move in on my newly established drunken broship. In front of his date I might add.

    I'll tell you what caught my attention with your OP: you are more typically rather precise and meticulous in your posts, which I always enjoy. This one was a bit rambling and not as well focused, with spelling & grammatical errors I don't expect from you.

    What does that suggest to me? That you are more upset by this than you may be admitting. I'll leave out the possibility of alcohol, which would be presumptive on my part, and potentially insulting. But it didn't really sound like the usual Alpaca to me, OK?

    To the issue at hand, seems like you do indeed have an immature friend, whether 30 or not. Immaturity can strike at any age, and I'm not immune from attacks of it myself, even at more than twice that age. Your own apparent maturity is one of your admirable qualities here, if I may be permitted to say so.

    I've been harshly criticized here before for slamming 20-somethings, no doubt deserved, but at the same time there are some of you who absolutely dazzle me with your posts, and make me envious. I wonder if I could turn back the clock and look at myself at your age I would see me saying half the smart things you and others here your age do.

    In any case, follow your instincts. It may be that you have a poor friend, with the potential for developing a better one, if not a lover. I judge you to be a decent guy; therefore, it's up to others to want to know you, not for you to bend over backwards to accommodate their issues and personal demons, and to lower your own standards.

    My own personal strategy, which my partner also learned from his mother, as he tells me, is to always associate with people better than myself, in the hope that some of it will rub off on me. And I've never failed to encounter someone who is better than me, no matter how much I may think of myself. Never waste your time with losers.
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Sep 14, 2010 6:04 PM GMT
    Agree with most of these guys, a real friend wouldn't be so careless, immature, and disrespectful. Theres hundreds of thousands of cute guys out there, so to be callous with a friend (which aren't nearly as easy to find) doesn't really say too much for how they view you as a person...does it?
  • MrNomis

    Posts: 268

    Sep 14, 2010 8:34 PM GMT
    SanDiegoNewbie saidAgree with most of these guys, a real friend wouldn't be so careless, immature, and disrespectful. Theres hundreds of thousands of cute guys out there, so to be callous with a friend (which aren't nearly as easy to find) doesn't really say too much for how they view you as a person...does it?

    Amen!