Not admitting your age.....

  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Sep 14, 2010 6:06 AM GMT
    So I was talking to this guy today at lunch, and he admitted to me that sometimes he lies about his age in order to not to be filtered out and attract women...younger women. I didnt even know what to say. I thought only women did this on order to attract younger men, but I guess I was wrong! its really common these days, you know?
    Anyways...
    what do you do if someone you are very interested in does this? what if its well onto the relationship? How do you react? do you break it off, or do you just forgive them and move o from there? Whats the best way to handle it?
    Im really just kinda curious as to what other men think about this? I am not looking to date this guy...he is one of my closest friends and he's str8! but i wanna know if its ok to lie about your age for fear of rejection?
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Sep 14, 2010 8:33 AM GMT
    I personally couldn't care less how many years have passed since someone was born but the law and my upbringing and socialization does force me to confirm that they have spent at least the legally stipulated minimum amount of time here.

    That said, hiding one's age is no different to me than hiding a physical imperfection, a personal trauma, an unconventional tic, or anything else that might make a bad early impression. I wouldn't post a picture of me online that I found unflattering and if I determined that my picture was keeping people from expressing interest in me, I would change it to a more flattering one, i.e. one that didn't highlight my lack of washboard abs or that damn pimple that broke out yesterday on my temple.

    The same holds true of age. If someone thought their age was keeping away potential partners, I wouldn't expect them NOT to hide it. And if their date asked them outright on the first couple of dates, I wouldn't be surprised if they avoided the question or lied about it.

    We each have our own insecurities. (Okay, many of us do, anyway.) We dress and style ourselves to hide some of them. And we avoid mentioning others when we can help it. And if someone in their 50s claims to be in their 40s or 30s (kudos to them if they can pull that off!), I hardly think it will burst my bubble when the truth comes out. On the contrary, I might even look at my own behavior to see if I was sending some signal that said it was important to me that the guy was in his 30s or my age or younger or older or whatever.
  • nytro

    Posts: 5

    Sep 14, 2010 11:14 AM GMT
    When approached by a younger guy, if they are showing signs of wanting to get to know me better, then I make sure to tell them my age. I figure they will either like it or leave it. Either way, it should be their choice on whether or not to hang with someone my age. Most of them say "age is only a number", but get real... age is a lot more than a number. I earned my life's experience. I believe that any older guy who says that, either doesn't feel comfortable with growing older or wants to really get in the pants of that younger guy. icon_razz.gif
    IDK... I'll be hitting 42 in a couple of weeks... I might have to start lying soon. LOL! icon_lol.gif
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Sep 14, 2010 11:53 AM GMT
    I think the best policy is always to be real. While lying about one's age isn't a mortal sin, I think it stinks of weakness and insecurity.
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    Sep 14, 2010 12:27 PM GMT
    If I find out someone has lied about their age then my first thought is 'what else have they lied about?'... game over
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    Sep 14, 2010 2:01 PM GMT
    NC3athlete saidI think the best policy is always to be real. While lying about one's age isn't a mortal sin, I think it stinks of weakness and insecurity.


    i AGREE. isn't it better to be told that you are hot for your age then so so at a younger age?!
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    Sep 14, 2010 2:18 PM GMT
    its not okay. if they lie about something as trivial as that then who knows what else they are/will lie about in the future.

    if you're already in a relationship w/ him then it depends... there are a lot of things to consider and it would vary according to the situation.
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    Sep 14, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    Well, there's a guy in Ann Arbor who's actually 41 but tells people he's 27 and that he's looking for guys around his age.

    It's kind of sad because he would be a decent guy if he clearly didn't have some issues to work through. Of course, I wondered what else he lies about.

    And, frankly, how does he think he's going to get away with it? It's a small town. All the gays more or less know each other. Once I found out, I mentioned it to a few friends.

    The lie became worse that the reality of age.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Sep 14, 2010 2:29 PM GMT
    It's rare for me to fib on my age, but if no one asks, I won't tell.

    Since I do some modeling, most people assume I'm a lot younger than 33 and it helps to get gigs.
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    Sep 14, 2010 3:24 PM GMT
    76coopers saidIf I find out someone has lied about their age then my first thought is 'what else have they lied about?'... game over



    I truly agree with this statement!!!! One lie usually leads to another....
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Sep 14, 2010 3:33 PM GMT
    It's more sad than egregious. It's not much different than other fabrications about where one attended college or what kind of job one has. Kind of pathetic, because eventually the person you're trying to impress is going to find out and think you're a loser instead.
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Sep 14, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    I don't think it's ok to lie about one's age but people are deceptive in all kinds of other ways in order to be attractive; like by wearing makeup, fake hair, suits with padding in the shoulders, etc.
    Why are some forms of deception in attraction accepted as being ok but not others?
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Sep 14, 2010 3:46 PM GMT
    Silly game.

    It isn't the lie that bothers me, it's the vanity. If I like someone, I don't care what their age is.

    People who shop with a list for lovers [age, height, race, musculature, dick size, position of preference, etc.] are boring as hell.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 14, 2010 3:48 PM GMT
    I have no problem admitting my age, never have. I don't announce it unprompted, but when it comes up I'm honest.
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    Sep 14, 2010 3:54 PM GMT
    NC3athlete saidI think the best policy is always to be real. While lying about one's age isn't a mortal sin, I think it stinks of weakness and insecurity.



    I have to agree with this. When I first put myself out there after a LTR I was afraid no one would be interested in someone my age because everyone seemed so young. At first, I lied or just didn't say. I was certainly insecure.
    When I would meet someone I would tell them right away my true age but I hated having them know I lied.
    I ran into an childhood friend recently who is the same age and she said she loved telling people her age because they would say "wow, you look really good for your age". I then adopted that attitude.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19136

    Sep 14, 2010 3:57 PM GMT
    I have no problem with age and admit my age freely. But I think when I was younger and not as secure about getting older that I might not have been as forthcoming. I wouldn't exactly call it a LIE so much as not exactly telling the other person of the other years icon_wink.gif

    I don't find someone fibbing a bit about their age all that much more annoying than someone who says something like "I ONLY date guys between the ages of 25 and 37" --- as if someone 24 or 38 would simply be unworthy of consideration.
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Sep 14, 2010 4:00 PM GMT
    Why lie?? It is what it is. They either like you or they don't number shouldn't matter. I'm gonna be 41 on the 27th and I am damn proud of it. What really irks me is guys I personally know put on their various profiles the age that they have been "told" that they look like!! Not the one on their driver license!! WTF!!!
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    Sep 14, 2010 4:09 PM GMT
    I found it interesting that the majority of guys who responded [all but 1 at this point] were less than the half century mark, a common cutoff when guys are doing searches online. Being well over that point in my life, I freely admit to my age and often get the "you don't look that old comment" [probably dure more to my height, 5'6" than my youthful glow ;p].

    Having said this, genenerally speaking I have found that guys in their late 40s or early 50s are the "age shavers". As has been mentioned by other posters, you don't put unflattering photos up as your main profile shot.

    I can understand someone's desire not to be eliminated by their age in online searches, after all I doubt that the first question to pose to a guy when you meet them at a party or in a club is "How old are you?". Is it fair to use this as a screening criteria. You may be eliminating Mr. Right by his age alone [I won't even get into the physical attributes area and how that skews search results].

    Fortunately at RJ you can get a better sense of what guys are like by reading their posts on the forums and through IM so you may be more likely to say 'He belongs on my buddy list because he is a nice guy" and his age doesn't really enter into the equation. Full disclosure: I am willing to add all you 20 somethings or even 18 yr olds to my buddy list if you are nice guys, despite your age.
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    Sep 14, 2010 4:44 PM GMT
    when im told a lie its much as a deal breaker for me. with the means of any type of relationships. I only keep people in my life who I want in my life. Who in an end help to better myself and the quality of my life. Lieing about ones age is just flat out pitiful.

    Then again ive been lieing about my own the past few months. Ive been telling people when aksed that im 30, not 29. when in fact my 30th bday isnt for another week from now ;)
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    Sep 14, 2010 6:10 PM GMT
    It is extremely relevent to tell someone your age in context of a personal conversation when you are exploring interests, acquainting experience, etc.

    However, posting your age on a public website for all the world to read is an altogether different choice.

    Tact and discretion rule in all circumstances. Just "do you." icon_exclaim.gif

    PM8
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Sep 14, 2010 6:13 PM GMT
    I think it's more complicated than just lying about age verbally though. People lie about their age when they use makeup to make themselves look better or as I said before, wearing clothes that alter or 'enhance' the appearance of their bodies like suits with shoulder padding or even through cosmetic surgery.

    Why are those forms of deception acceptable but not others?
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    Sep 14, 2010 6:25 PM GMT
    I don't lie- I withhold information. icon_cool.gif
  • Akula

    Posts: 130

    Sep 14, 2010 7:20 PM GMT
    Usualy people who lie about their age have other issues, its a red flag to me.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Sep 14, 2010 10:25 PM GMT
    A2rower saidWell, there's a guy in Ann Arbor who's actually 41 but tells people he's 27 and that he's looking for guys around his age.

    It's kind of sad because he would be a decent guy if he clearly didn't have some issues to work through. Of course, I wondered what else he lies about.

    And, frankly, how does he think he's going to get away with it? It's a small town. All the gays more or less know each other. Once I found out, I mentioned it to a few friends.

    The lie became worse that the reality of age.


    Hmm, I think he should give every person a different age. That way, they won't have any idea which one is the truth (if any).
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    Sep 14, 2010 11:46 PM GMT
    unless your dating you r not required to reveal your true age in my book