A2rower saidI, too, have this problem. I've only been out for a couple of years, not building a group of gay guys in college. As a result, I wish I had guys just hang out with and learn from.
Unfortunately, that doesn't seem be the case.
I thought I made a good friend out of someone that I went on three dates with about a year ago. Throughout the year, I stressed that I valued his friendship and checked in periodically to discuss if he was okay being friends. Just two weeks ago, we had a hard conversation where he confessed his love to me and I had to once again turn him down because I felt nothing for him. It was rough and brutal.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to make better gay friends, I'm all ears.
My suggestion is to meet guys offline in a place that's sexually neutral. Online, guys often say that they are looking for friends. But what they do is look for guys that they are attracted to and can be friendly with... attraction first, friends later. I think everyone falls prey to that mentality in varying degrees... even those of us with the best of intentions.
In a public setting, where people are drawn together by mutual interest that "attraction filter" disappears (at least for those genuinely looking for friends). I think it seems
harder to met gay guys in public. Though, I recently realized that it's much easier because I immediately know if he's interested in talking more, once I man up and approach him. Online, there's so much waiting and guessing... 'Did I say the right thing?' 'Am I being too direct?' 'Does he like my pics?' 'Oh no, we were chatting back and forth and he suddenly stopped responding!'
Try that (and let me know how it goes). I'm still struggling with it myself