Really confused

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 15, 2010 10:50 PM GMT
    Maybe some of you have been through the same thing. I see women everyday that I find attractive, but not guys. However, when it comes to sexual fantasies, it changes.
    I NEVER EVER have sexual fantasies about women, but I have them regularly about men. I get turned on watching gay porn or just fantasizing about men. Just watching 2 men making out in a film, gets me going. Watching straight porn just doesn't do much for me. I do like watching lesbian porn. I always like it when women have flirted with me. I have only had sex with women, & had always enjoyed it, but admit that many times during sex, I start thinking about men. A few years ago, my marriage fell apart, and as I quit having sex with my wife, my gay fantasies have only increased. I find myself always drawn to any topics related to homiosexuality. THis is my mass confusion. I am not lying to myself.
    If I am straight, and this is just fantasy, why don't I ever have sexual fantasies about women?
    If I am bi, why don't I fantasize about both sexes?
    If I am homosexual, why is it the only people that I find attractive to me, are women?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2010 2:36 AM GMT
    Have you ever dated a guy, maybe you would feel different once you are WITH a guy?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2010 2:39 AM GMT
    Consider working through this with a therapist in addition to experimenting in real life.
  • awayfromtheci...

    Posts: 154

    Sep 16, 2010 2:43 AM GMT
    before the RUSH of responses floods in that all say...hey we have all been here or used this as a way of crawling "out", or it was a first step to understanding yourself. Your gay! Take your time and find your way into his pants and then those visuals you referenced will pale in comparison to what you find, feel and handle in those pants! Best

    Kind of like your screen name says...your a "newgaydude"....you answered your own question.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2010 2:48 AM GMT
    Social repression. Your mind wont allow your same-sex attractions to emerge in the presence of others lest they overwhelm you. It's internalized homophobia that you learned growing up. Recognize it for what it is. That may take care of it. Or maybe see a therapist, if necessary.

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    Sep 16, 2010 3:05 AM GMT
    You are normal...for your place in the sexual continuum. First of all, you are gay...since you only fantasize about men.

    All str8s begin around Jr. Hi with this confusion. We start later. Go out Get Laid a few times by tops and bottoms and you'll figure it out.

    I still find some women attractive, I still stop short when I see an attractive woman well dressed and in good shape. Am I confused? NOPE

    I suck dick and love the smell and taste and feel of a man

    brokeback_fullsize.jpg
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    Sep 16, 2010 3:07 AM GMT
    Bigsmiles saidYou are normal...for your place in the sexual continuum. First of all, you are gay...since you only fantasize about men.

    All str8s begin around Jr. Hi with this confusion. We start later. Go out Get Laid a few times by tops and bottoms and you'll figure it out.

    I still find some women attractive, I still stop short when I see an attractive woman well dressed and in good shape. Am I confused? NOPE

    I suck dick and love the smell and taste and feel of a man

    brokeback_fullsize.jpg
    ... *SWOON*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2010 6:34 AM GMT
    You are not straight.
    You are not gay.
    You are who you are at this particular moment and you will be someone else the next.

    Be honest with yourself.
    Be good to the people in your life.
    Follow your passions.

    That is the only way you will see clearly what you are.
  • notdonityet

    Posts: 6

    Sep 17, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    I know how you feel. Im married now 13 yrs and I love my wife very much. However I have found lately that men seem to be catching my eye more then ever before. i have played a little with my best married friend and like it. I still love being with my wife too. So am I going through a mid life thing or is something else happening to me? For me only time will tell. I live in a gay dry area so not much exploring to do. I dont do bars so I will just have to ride it out.
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    Sep 17, 2010 11:32 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidConsider working through this with a therapist in addition to experimenting in real life.


    I completely agree! Oh and because you are gay doesn't mean you don't find women attractive. Being attracted to men and desiring men is what homosexual means but that doesn't mean we are blind to other beautiful beings, such as women. Women are gorgeous, why do you think some guys want to become women lol
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Sep 17, 2010 11:36 PM GMT
    Your bi...man...BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 17, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
    Honestly, I was in the same exact state you were before I realized I was gay. I think I was desperately hoping that there was some middle ground...and for some people there certainly is but for me I realized I am only gay. I can crush on women sometimes, and when I see a beautiful women I can't stop looking, but there is nothing sexual about it. A woman's body can leave me breathless, but nothing is going on downstairs so to speak. A male's body certainly did turn me on though, but since I didn't feel any crushes on guys I thought I was maybe something other than gay.

    As soon as I admitted to myself that I was gay emotional attraction to men started flooding through (probably stuff I repressed). In a few weeks I went from unsure about if I could ever want to be with a man to crushing on guys left and right. I've just now begun to envision spending the rest of my life with a man, and for the first time it's pleasurable, exciting and satisfying. The more you open yourself up the more you'll be surprised at feelings you've been harboring but repressing.

    Good luck man! Acceptance isn't remotely easy (I went through some stages of depression, anger and self-hatred) but once you accept it a lifestyle that previously seemed like the last thing on Earth you'd want starts to sound pretty awesome.
  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Sep 17, 2010 11:50 PM GMT
    newgaydude saidMaybe some of you have been through the same thing. I see women everyday that I find attractive, but not guys. However, when it comes to sexual fantasies, it changes.
    I NEVER EVER have sexual fantasies about women, but I have them regularly about men. I get turned on watching gay porn or just fantasizing about men. Just watching 2 men making out in a film, gets me going. Watching straight porn just doesn't do much for me. I do like watching lesbian porn. I always like it when women have flirted with me. I have only had sex with women, & had always enjoyed it, but admit that many times during sex, I start thinking about men. A few years ago, my marriage fell apart, and as I quit having sex with my wife, my gay fantasies have only increased. I find myself always drawn to any topics related to homiosexuality. THis is my mass confusion. I am not lying to myself.
    If I am straight, and this is just fantasy, why don't I ever have sexual fantasies about women?
    If I am bi, why don't I fantasize about both sexes?
    If I am homosexual, why is it the only people that I find attractive to me, are women?


    Honestly...although it can sound confusing, it really is simple. It sounds like you're pretty much a Gay male but you're having inner conflict fully accepting who you are. You actually might not even know that. Based off everything you said. I guess the only other question you should ask yourself is: "What are you drawn to more physically, emotionally and mentally?" This is what ultimately identifies one's sexuality. Let's face it, it's perfectly natural for anyone Gay or Straight to have occasional fantasies or physical attractions to both sexes but this does not mean you're Bi. Most experts state TRUE bisexuality is very rare in men. If you're really concerned probably best to talk to an expert.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 17, 2010 11:54 PM GMT
    Labels labels labels... forget the labels that others (society) has set for you and live. It is awesome to fantasize about men and it is great to find women attractive. There is so much we don't yet know about the terms sexuality and orientation that makes it impossible for you and many many others like you who cannot squeeze within the terms "straight," "bi," and "gay." Please don't confuse yourself by trying hard to fit any or all of these labels. You are not lying to yourself. Enjoy the fantasies and enjoy that you are attracted to women. You will sort it out.

    Perhaps you can take classes at a college near you on sexuality and you'll get a bit more aware and will be able to do your own research on these topics... in the meantime there are great articles you can read about people who go through the same things as you do. icon_smile.gif

    There is a place for everyone. Keep your mind open and receptive.
  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Sep 18, 2010 12:05 AM GMT
    newgaydude saidMaybe some of you have been through the same thing. I see women everyday that I find attractive, but not guys. However, when it comes to sexual fantasies, it changes.
    I NEVER EVER have sexual fantasies about women, but I have them regularly about men. I get turned on watching gay porn or just fantasizing about men. Just watching 2 men making out in a film, gets me going. Watching straight porn just doesn't do much for me. I do like watching lesbian porn. I always like it when women have flirted with me. I have only had sex with women, & had always enjoyed it, but admit that many times during sex, I start thinking about men. A few years ago, my marriage fell apart, and as I quit having sex with my wife, my gay fantasies have only increased. I find myself always drawn to any topics related to homiosexuality. THis is my mass confusion. I am not lying to myself.
    If I am straight, and this is just fantasy, why don't I ever have sexual fantasies about women?
    If I am bi, why don't I fantasize about both sexes?
    If I am homosexual, why is it the only people that I find attractive to me, are women?


    Also, it sounds like you are desperate to 'fit' in somewhere and that can be okay. As the previous poster suggested be open and receptive but ultimately it can be more confusing to to say your sexuality is all over the place when more than likely it really is not. I've studies human sexuality and most experts agree what ultimately defines sexual orientation is the three components: physical, emotional and mental. From your post it sounds like men do it for you mostly with these three aspects. If this helps then great! Go with it and just know it's perfectly normal to be attracted occasionally to the opposite sex (woman). Quite frankly, I am too on occasion but this does not in any way downgrade my "Gayness" :-) Good luck man!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2010 4:16 AM GMT
    You don't need to put yourself in a bottle with some label like "gay," "straight," or "bi" or "cookie monster." Sexuality is complicated, fluid... and yeah can be pretty confusing. If you find a guy that is attractive and date-able... give it a try and see how a relationship with a dude feels for ya.