Is it as difficult to make/keep gay friends as people say it is?

  • KnuxNole

    Posts: 219

    Sep 17, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    I don't like to believe in stereotypes, but something that seems to be consistent is the fact that gays are for the most part very shallow in terms of interacting with other people. I browsed a few other gay forums and someone would say that statement and got replies such as "Truer words have never been spoken!" or "This is the most accurate statement in this thread.". It seems I haven't really found anyone who doesn't think gay men are shallow.

    I currently know 0 gay people, and want to at least meet some. All my friends are mainly straight guys, and girls as well(1 is bisexual), and it normally isn't too hard to meet new people. I just strike up a conversation, ask them to hang out sometime, and that's that. However, considering the fact that people say that gays will judge you only on appearance, they wouldn't want to bother hang out because I'm not insanely attractive. I don't think I'm hideous looking, I do get compliments saying I'm a cute guy, but I'm not the overly attractive muscular guy. Just a regular slim guy. I can talk with a straight guy and ask if we wanna grab a few drinks, check out a movie, shoot hoops, etc, and it wouldn't be too much of a big deal. But I fear that if I do this with a gay guy, they wouldn't want to bother hanging out because I'm not overly attractive to be in their presence. I know straight guys don't base friends on looks, and I'm hoping gays don't either, but I keep hearing otherwise.

    The only place I know people say to meet gays at are in nightclubs, and that seems to be a breeding ground to act shallow, since it's a place where people want hookups, which is fine. But, I just wanna be myself, chill, and hang out with new people. Not being judged every 5 secs.

    I just needed to vent this out a little...I figured this forum seems to have a great mix of people with experience, both young and older, so just hoping to have at least some insight icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 17, 2010 2:53 PM GMT
    you have some interesting points and no one can answer all of them objectively. I choose my friends based on personality and whether i like that. I go across physical lines in order to do that and all my friends here would do that too. Maybe you have run into the wrong people who are shallow despite their orientation.

    Give it a chance and hit some guys up to meet here. That's how i did it, some replied some didn't but I took the bull by the horns and was proactive. Just remember, don't be shallow yourself.....look at the profile and choose those that appear adjusted and happy, nine times out of ten, you'll be pleased with your choice.....keithicon_cool.gif
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    Sep 17, 2010 3:02 PM GMT
    I'm sure you have some experiences to back up your viewpoint, but even so, you might be approaching gay guys with this perspective, which, in turn, tends to reinforce your opinion. Because you have met gays in clubs, that environment might be more indicative of the attitudes than the gayness, per se.

    Can you meet other gays in the context of sports leagues, fitness activities or something hobby-related? In those environments, you get a chance to meet guys and see more dimensions to them than their sexual preference.
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    Sep 17, 2010 3:12 PM GMT
    Yep, gays are shallow...and I'm fucking shallow as fuck.
    When making friends, I only go by looks, car, and money.
    For looks: Must look good enough to be in public without being taken away by animal control.
    For car: Well, motorcycles and airplanes are cooler...cars are overrated.
    For money: Must have something that resembles employment or income.
    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 17, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    For money: Must have something that resembles employment or income.
    icon_biggrin.gif


    I have a mostly full box of Ritz. Hey, they're round and yellow like gold coins.

    -Doug
  • KnuxNole

    Posts: 219

    Sep 17, 2010 4:45 PM GMT
    I guess I should have mentioned that I haven't really had any experience in gay clubs or gay people shunning me...those are just fears. Kinda like how some people might assume I'm overly feminine just because I don't look like a football player, even though that is far from true. I've never had a straight guy assume I'm feminine because of my size. It's just the comments I read on forums about other people make me realize that they could possibly say the same to me, and all that. I never really had any straight person shun me away because of apperances, sure we joke around that I'm a short dude or something, but guys joke around a lot, I pick on some things lightly as well. But seeing as there are multiple discussions on forums about things some gay people don't find appealing, it seems like hanging out with a gay person requires a huge checklist or someone.
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    Sep 17, 2010 5:15 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    paulflexes said
    For money: Must have something that resembles employment or income.
    icon_biggrin.gif


    I have a mostly full box of Ritz. Hey, they're round and yellow like gold coins.

    -Doug
    nom nom nom
    I <3 Ritz! icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 17, 2010 5:16 PM GMT
    you need to look at a broader scope of opinions, not just a select group of narrow minded bottom feeders. There are a lot of great guys on this site....it is up to YOU to jump in the deep end and find them. Every guy who answered you here is standup so you have a starting list.....keithicon_cool.gif
  • KnuxNole

    Posts: 219

    Sep 17, 2010 8:04 PM GMT
    Yeah there definitely seems to be a lot of cool guys on here.

    Which leads to a question that may sound stupid, but is bugging me a bit. Do gays seem to separate themselves into jocks, bears, etc for sex purposes or friend purposes? I know my straight friends have a mix of character traits and the "jocks" never excluded me in hanging out with them because I dont look like a jock. I know gay jocks say they arent into small guys sexually, but would they ignore/exclude a small guy who just wants to join the group of buddies? I guess that makes me hesitant to message people since I'm not as good as them lol.
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    Sep 17, 2010 8:13 PM GMT
    tryibng going to the local bar during Happy Hour the mentality is diffrent and the general gay public is there to socialize. That is how I met my current group friends since moving to Atlanta from Los Angeles four years ago. I didn't know anyone outside of my family and I have met some really cool people. You have to cast a wide net! There are shallow people in all works of life. Good LUCK!
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    Sep 17, 2010 8:31 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidYep, gays are shallow...and I'm fucking shallow as fuck.
    When making friends, I only go by looks, car, and money.
    For looks: Must look good enough to be in public without being taken away by animal control.
    For car: Well, motorcycles and airplanes are cooler...cars are overrated.
    For money: Must have something that resembles employment or income.
    icon_biggrin.gif


    Wow we have something in common!
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    Sep 17, 2010 8:47 PM GMT
    im kinda in the same boat, i dont know, the gay scene just didnt work for me, i tried it for few months, found a lot of queeny, bitchy types, you know the kind... sit on sidelines, slatting and sneering how you look, speak, your job, your car.. all the materialistic bullshit that has nothing to do with you as person... for me, it felt very like a return to school, cliquey/little gangs that go out of their way to make you feel unwelcome or an intruder in their little club... of course there are loads of greatgay guys and gals out there, just i havent found many yet... this site has been great tho!
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    Sep 17, 2010 9:48 PM GMT
    KnuxNole saidYeah there definitely seems to be a lot of cool guys on here.

    Which leads to a question that may sound stupid, but is bugging me a bit. Do gays seem to separate themselves into jocks, bears, etc for sex purposes or friend purposes? I know my straight friends have a mix of character traits and the "jocks" never excluded me in hanging out with them because I dont look like a jock. I know gay jocks say they arent into small guys sexually, but would they ignore/exclude a small guy who just wants to join the group of buddies? I guess that makes me hesitant to message people since I'm not as good as them lol.


    Well a quick lesson in SELF ESTEEM 101. As long as you carry that attitude of not being as good, that is exactly what you will be. Work on the complex, get to know guys here, this is the best testing ground a guy can have, and move forward. but, but but,,,,,it doesn't get the field plowed. NIKE SAY<<>>>>>keithicon_cool.gif
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    Sep 18, 2010 12:39 AM GMT
    only when they get a boyfriend. doesn't that happen with all guys though?
  • KnuxNole

    Posts: 219

    Sep 18, 2010 1:41 AM GMT
    maybe, but who would you hang with besides your BF? I guess straight people, but I wouldnt abandon my gay buddies if I got into a relationship. I guess some guys befriend other gays in hopes to sleep with them, even though thats not always true. It seems every gay has a huge network of gay friends, like on Facebook for example, while a newbie to the gay community like myself has 0 gays that I know.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Sep 18, 2010 2:04 AM GMT
    I love how guys will have "Say Hello" in their profile and when you do, all you get are crickets back. I think when guys put that in their profiles, they only want certain types of guys to say hello. This seems to be esp true here at RJ. I have tried on several different occasions to connect with the guys here on RJ in Chicago, no dice. I will keep trying though.
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    Sep 18, 2010 2:37 AM GMT
    You will be rejected. Everyone gets rejected. Everyone hates getting rejected.

    Stop worrying about something that is inevitably going to happen. You can focus on the inevitable rejections or you can focus on the inevitable "why yes, let us hang out" that you will receive.

    Stop worrying about your body type. Just because you get off on the muscular type doesn't mean there aren't lots of guys that find your type attractive. You are a self-described skinny guy. Take a look at gay porn on the internet. Twinks are everywhere. Everywhere. So, you will go out there and there will be people that find you attractive.

    It is Friday night. Get out there honey and have some fun.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 18, 2010 3:14 AM GMT
    Yes, there are homos who will judge and befriend you based solely on your appearance. But there are plenty more who are just a cool as your straight friends.
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    Sep 18, 2010 3:18 AM GMT
    I never have any luck with gay friends, or at least groups of gays. Usually one of them decides to like me, then I inadvertently do something to piss him off, and he tells all his friends to hate me. Gays are generally drama queens. Best of luck though.
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    Sep 18, 2010 3:27 AM GMT
    saillwithhmee saidGays are generally drama queens.

    I won't disagree....but we're not all bad.
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    Sep 18, 2010 6:55 AM GMT
    i once tried to keep a gay friend but he insisted that we should be together creating a huge drama.

    so my answer is no until somebody proves me wrong
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    Sep 18, 2010 7:15 AM GMT
    I was just nodding my head the entire time I was reading this thread. I've met so many great gay people online that I WISH were my friends IRL. Some are fem skinny guys that can make me laugh all day, others mature/serious that I can talk to about anything.. what I'm trying to say is not all gay guys are shallow douchers some of us actually judge by substance. I have very few gay friends in real life because for some reason I've just been unlucky and only met cool gays online?!? Dunno... it irritates me as well, but just gotta keep chuggin along, and yeah it does get hard when someone in a gay friendship starts getting feelings for the other person. Goes hand in hand with why so few straight guys are friends with straight girls, it can get complicated very easily. *insert mega SIGH*
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Sep 18, 2010 7:24 AM GMT
    I guess i know how you feel, some [gay] males can be shallow, truth be told most people in general lack the art of conversation.... I was hanging out during lunch in front of FAO SCHWARTZ and a seemingly homeless man started talking about the history of the area during the turn of the century.. This guy informed me of stuff i never imagined so i looked it up and he was truly on the money with his facts.....
    Just thought i'd share...
  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Sep 18, 2010 7:43 AM GMT
    LOL! Okay, sorry don't mean to laugh but I've never heard of what you posted. Very interesting...don't believe what you've heard. Is it just me or is it supposed to be hard to for Gay people to make friends with Gay people or any people? Wow, haha.
  • KnuxNole

    Posts: 219

    Sep 18, 2010 3:27 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou will be rejected. Everyone gets rejected. Everyone hates getting rejected.

    Stop worrying about something that is inevitably going to happen. You can focus on the inevitable rejections or you can focus on the inevitable "why yes, let us hang out" that you will receive.

    Stop worrying about your body type. Just because you get off on the muscular type doesn't mean there aren't lots of guys that find your type attractive. You are a self-described skinny guy. Take a look at gay porn on the internet. Twinks are everywhere. Everywhere. So, you will go out there and there will be people that find you attractive.

    It is Friday night. Get out there honey and have some fun.



    Awesome post, and I agree, its better to at least try and find out. I love my body type. People don't assume I'm fem because I'm slim, but those people probably aren't bright? There are tons of slim straight guys who act like guys haha.